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== [[Stargate Atlantis]] ==
'''[[Stargate Atlantis]]'''
* In "Letters from Pegasus", McKay records a video to send to Earth containing his thoughts on the mission so far, and keeps getting wildly sidetracked from his topic before wandering back to it with "Where was I... oh yes... ''leadership''." [[Better Than It Sounds|All in the delivery]].
** Another from that episode, when Zelenka records a video message enthusiastically recapping the rising of Atlantis in unsubtitled Czech. When he's finished, the cameraman asks, "You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?" [[Oh Crap|"Security clearance?"]]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAIigNcwYLc Ronon and his gun.] Sheppard's reaction is simply priceless.
* The [[Running Gag]] with McKay's observations that Sheppard frequently has good chemistry going with [[Green-Skinned Space Babe|Ascended and alien women]] is sometimes a floor-roller.
{{quote|'''McKay:''' Oh my God, he ''is'' [[Star Trek: The Original Series|Kirk]]!}}
** Also, "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yDmPwP26SA You shot me!]"
{{quote|'''Sheppard:''' Yes, and I said I was sorry.
'''Ronon:''' He shot me too.
'''Sheppard:''' I'm sorry for shooting everyone! }}
** Or when they're experimenting with the personal shield in season one.
{{quote|'''Weir:''' I can't understand why you thought it as a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
'''McKay:''' Believe me, it wasn't the first thing we tried.
'''Sheppard:''' ''(proudly)'' I shot him!
''(Weir makes a [[Flat What]] face)''
'''Sheppard:''' In the leg! ''(shrugs)'' }}
* The dialogue between Sheppard, McKay, and passive-aggressive Asgard Hermiod in the episode "Intruder". Sheppard's clear unease around Hermiod, and especially the delivery of "Is he supposed to be naked like that?!" are especially lol-worthy.
** Hermiod, by virtue of sharing most of his scenes with McKay, is CMOF incarnate. He's basically the Asgard McKay.
** He has several hilarious lines like "yay" in perfect deadpan, the famous "Crap, indeed." or his sassing of Kavanaugh: "Stop talking, please. Thank you."
* McKay levels a gun at the two Wraith that stunned his escorts and have him cornered, and yells "You want some of this, huh?!" Then hits the magazine release...
* When Sheppard is talking to the Wraith they've captured, early on in the first season:
{{quote|'''Sheppard:''' I don't even know your name. That's assuming you people even have names. ''(pause)'' Wait. Let me guess. Is it... Steve?
'''"Steve" the Wraith:''' I am your death. That is all you ever need know.
''(long pause)''
'''Sheppard:''' I liked Steve better. }}
* Almost every time Todd is on screen. Here's his first encounter with Carter:
{{quote|'''Todd:''' ''("feeding" hand extended and talking to Carter)'' I believe it is customary on your planet to shake hands as a sign of greeting.
''(every marine raises his rifle)''
'''Todd:''' ''(laughing)'' Just a little bit of Wraith humor. }}
* In "The Storm" Sheppard has to disconnect two inconveniently placed grounding stations.
{{quote|'''Sheppard:''' Wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?
'''McKay:''' Elizabeth's is.
'''Sheppard:''' And mine?
'''McKay:''' It's a...brisk walk away.
'''Sheppard:''' And by "brisk" you mean "far"?
'''McKay:''' And by "walk" I mean "run."
* "Meredith?" }}
* From "Sateda":
{{quote|'''McKay:''' ''(very very doped up on drugs and slightly slurring)'' Excuse me -- why am I lying here?
'''Carson:''' You have an arrow, Rodney. In your gluteous maximus.
'''McKay:''' Oh. Well, that sounds painful. ''(dopily muttering to himself)'' Gluteous... maximus. Glooteeous, maxi-- ''(with mild, drowsy surprise)'' Oh my god! That's my ass, isn't it?
'''Carson:''' ''(resignedly)'' Aye. }}
* This exchange:
{{quote|'''Woolsey:''' That sounded like an explosion!
'''O'Neill:''' Yes. Yes it did.
'''Woolsey:''' What does that mean?
'''O'Neill:''' Something exploded. }}
** Same episode, after Woolsey asks another string of questions, and Jack finally points out that he's been sitting right ''next to'' Woolsey the whole time, so how does Woolsey expect ''him'' to know any more than he does?
* The episode "Brain Storm", where Rodney attends a scientific conference -- and is bullied by Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson ("from TV"). Also, the running gag of people assuming Keller is Rodney's sister.
** Pretty much that entire episode counts.
{{quote|'''[[Stephen Hawking]]:''' We get it. It works. Shut it down. I'm starting to freeze to my chair. }}
** McKay to [[Pluto Is Expendable|Neil deGrasse Tyson]]: "Hey, at least I didn't declassify Pluto from planet status. Way to make all the little kids cry, Neil. That make you feel like a big man?" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me3-r5rsUSI SO. GOOD.]
* Harmony steals Shephard's chocolate, blames Rodney and pretends to cry.
* Sheppard: "Operation This Will Most Likely End Badly is a go."
* The team are stranded on a prison island so they're stuck fighting off the prisoners. Teyla improvises eskrima sticks by breaking a sturdy branch in half across her knee. Sheppard tries the same thing, except his branch is much thicker and he just ends up badly bruising his knee. So he uses it to knock the wind out of an ambushing prisoner.
* It's a small one, but after Sam calls a end to the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxgpYP2RHkM Ronon and Teal'c fight], Sheppard is glowering as he takes his part of the betting pool and then hands one of the random money notes back to Chuck the technician, who just looks baffled.
== Stargate Universe ==
'''[[Stargate Universe]]'''
* Eli's running commentary of the [[Apocalyptic Log]] in "Time", but particularly:
{{quote|''(in the video, Rush runs off during a fire fight with alien creatures)''
'''Video!Eli:''' Where are you going! You're crazy! He's crazy!
''(cut back to the crew watching the video)''
'''Eli''': ''(turns to Rush)'' You are!
'''Rush:''' ''(shrugs)'' }}
* Also in the episode "Earth", in the first glitch with the communication stones. Colonel Young is having sex with his wife, when suddenly he and Telford switch consciousness for a few seconds, right at *ahem* a very important part in the action. When they switch back again, it goes something like this:
{{quote|'''Scott''': Telford? Sir?
'''Telford''': O__O
'''Scott''': Sir? Sir?
'''Telford''': *blink* }}
* In "Divided", the communication stones are used to bring a doctor from Earth. She becomes increasingly mortified by the weird conditions on the ship (alien venom as an anesthetic, a makeshift fiber optic camera made from a hovering camera ball, and the fact that the ship is being attacked). TJ simply responds, "Welcome to ''Destiny''." Hmm, that has a [[Everworld|certain ring to it]].
* Chloe tries to justify having picked up archeology to Colonel Young, with Eli's help.
{{quote|'''Eli:''' Say something archaeological.
'''Chloe:''' Stratification!
'''Eli:''' That's good.
'''Chloe:''' Thank you. }}
** Counts as an ''in-universe'' CMOF, as their rather long and awkward string of justifications ends with Young chuckling to himself once they leave the room.
** Later on, Eli claims that he called Greer out for being afraid as a joke. Because he thought that they were on that level in their relationship.
{{quote|'''Greer:''' I'm going to stay up here and cover your backs.
'''Eli:''' What are you, scared? ''(Greer gives him a stare)'' That was a joke. I'm sorry, I must have mistakenly thought we were on that level now. You know, friends who can kid each other like that? ''(Greer removes shades and switches to a full blown death stare)'' Please don't kill me? }}
** Same episode, when the away team have to call in a rescue team due to the aftermath of {{spoiler|a spider attack}}, and having to explain it to Young.
{{quote|'''Scott:''' {{spoiler|It was a sizable spider, sir.}}}}
* O'Neill is good for these.
{{quote|'''Telford:''' What makes us so special?
'''O'Neill:''' I know what makes ''me'' special. }}
* Greer vs. Alien Fruit. Both times ("Justice" and "Faith"). The first time, he pretends the "alien sweet potato" tastes delicious (which was a little too generous). The second time, he eats a completely random fruit to the horror of the rest of the off-world team.
{{quote|'''TJ:''' We don't even know if it's poisonous!
'''Greer:''' ''(deadpan)'' We will. }}
* Greer vs. Alien Wildlife. "Is it something we can barbecue?"
** Then again, in "The Hunt": Greer and Varro are carrying a wounded corporal back to the gate. They suddenly see a "space deer". Next scene: "Becker's Barbecue" on Destiny.
* Eli and Young's exchange about the returning crew members' explanation in "Visitation".
{{quote|'''Eli:''' "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke
'''Young:''' "Turn the mic back on." -- Winston Churchill }}
* Apparently, Young starts to get how to make Eli understand what he wants (from "Resurgence"):
{{quote|'''Young:''' ''(about how Eli should send a signal to an alien ship)'' Ancient, English, Bat-Signal, and whatever else you've got.}}
* Volker on seeing the alien ship in "The Greater Good":
{{quote|'''Volker:''' ''(deadpan)'' New friends. Yay.}}
* In a later episode, when Rush dryly comments on their status, Brody joins in:
{{quote|'''Rush:''' Well at least we have a full tank of gas.
'''Volker & Brody:''' ''(sarcastically, in unison)'' Yaaaay. }}
* The Kino mini-episodes can be full of funny:
** "We... turned him purple."
** Eli taking a Kino on a tour of the ship and getting lost.
{{quote|'''Eli:''' And this room is... ''(looks around in confusion)'' I don't think I've been in here before... ''(wanders off camera)''}}
** Scott catching people watching ''[[South Park]]'' when they should be exercising, and how they get him to go away:
{{quote|'''Scott:''' ''(about running two miles)'' I can do it under 23 minutes.
'''Eli:''' Really? Funny, because there's a protein bar here that says you can't.
''(Scott runs off, everyone goes back to watching'' [[South Park]]'')'' }}
* When Brody attempts to turn off [[Also Sprach Zarathustra]] in "Hope", the Numa Numa song comes on.
* This:
{{quote|'''Rush:''' You've come a long way from the slacker gamer I met one year ago.
'''Eli:''' ... You've been pretty consistent. }}
* Pretty much the entirety of "Common Descent" and "Epilogue," at least the parts that weren't [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|Crowning Moments Of Heartwarming]].
{{quote|'''Volker:''' What's Rush's country called? ''Rushia?''
'''Eli:''' ... Futura.
'''Volker:''' ...what the hell kind of name is Futura?
'''Brody:''' What's wrong with Futura?
'''Eli:''' Well, they say that you ''(indicates Brody)'' came up with it. }}
** When everyone realizes where Yaozu's little words of wisdom come from.
{{quote|'''Yaozu:''' "It is easier to know where you are going if you know where you have been." Eli Wallace.
'''Everyone Else:''' ''(awkward silence)'' }}
** More Futura humor.
{{quote|'''Volker:''' Maybe ''Futura'' helped.
'''Park:''' Isn't that a font?
'''Brody:''' Will you shut up about the name? }}
** The [[Pair the Spares]] moment.
{{quote|'''Eli:''' Me and... Private Barnes?
'''Chloe:''' You know... if you want to pursue that? }}
** One of the last Kino recordings is of Brody... complaining.
{{quote|'''Brody:''' [[Grumpy Old Man|All these kids... running around, dancing. Always dancing. Tearing up my lawn! When I was a kid, people had respect--]] ''(recording shuts off)''}}
The Films
== Stargate: The Movie ==
'''[[Stargate (film)|Stargate]] (1994)'''
* Daniel, trying to tell the villagers that their food [[Tastes Like Chicken]] over the language barrier, actually imitating a chicken. ''Bawk bawk bawk''...
* Colonel O'Neil trying to use pantomime gestures to ask the kids where Daniel Jackson is, while the kids, not understanding what he's trying to do, instead repeat all the gestures back as a game. To top it all off, when they finally understand him, they show that they know who he's talking about by ''bawking like chickens''.
{{quote|'''O'Neil:''' I don't suppose the word "dweeb" means anything to you people...}}
* "He's inviting us to go with him." "How do you know that?" "Because he's *gestures* inviting us to go with him."
== Stargate: Continuum ==
'''[[Stargate: Continuum]]'''
* Despite being reduced to a minor cameo role, O'Neill is still as funny as ever.
{{quote|'''Jack:''' That is why we've come all this way. Why we had to endure all that "singing". Get rid of the last bad guy, then there's... cake.}}
** Three hours into the extraction ceremony...
{{quote|'''Jack:''' Never, in the history of boredom, has anyone been as bored as I am, right now.}}
** Then discussing Vala's disappearance.
{{quote|'''Jack:''' Oh for cryin' out loud. She prob'ly just went to the bathroom. I'm next in line, by the way.}}
* Alternate Teal'c and Ba'al are very funny.
{{quote|'''Teal'c:''' My Lord! Shall I enact your final instructions?
'''Ba'al:''' No, you idiot, save me! }}
* Daniel speaks desperately in Russian over the radio.
{{quote|'''Mitchell''': What the hell did you just say?
'''Daniel''': We're Americans, please shoot the people chasing us! }}
{{reflist}}
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