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[[File:Dummy 4330.jpg|frame|[[Epic Fail|N00BS can't ever get anything right!]]]]
{{quote|''"I did '''not''' rob a bank; if I had robbed a bank, everything would have been great... I '''tried''' to rob a bank is what happened, and they got me... I misspelled a note."''
|'''[[Woody Allen|Virgil Starkwell]]''', ''[[Take the Money and Run]]''}}
When it comes to committing crime, unfortunately, not everyone is an expert... or even a professional. A good caper usually takes the talent and skill of the likes of a [[Classy Cat Burglar]] or even a [[Phantom Thief]] to pull off, and you either have a good knack for it or you don't. Those that don't have a knack for anything on that scale may think smaller, plan a less rewarding crime with fewer risks involved, and some people fail even at that.
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When a [[Jerkass]] fails at something, it's funny. When a Jerkass is also an idiot, it's still funny... but only '''more''' so.
Most commonly,
On most occasions, [[Failure Is the Only Option]] with the crook(s) either bungling a job that has low-risk and is extremely petty (like taking candy from a baby) or one that comes with greater risk in a criminal field that they have no experience with.
The few times when a crook manages to get away with anything, the matter usually comes down to a [[Contrived Coincidence]] or two and a hefty dose of [[Subverted Trope|subversion]] that allows the crook to slip by when everyone else is preoccupied with a much larger mess that was made, especially true if the character isn't actually after any plot-crucial [[MacGuffin]]s and the character [[Bit Part Badguys|only serves to advance other circumstances of a story]]; in the very rare event that a Stupid Crook ''does'' get away with a plot-crucial [[MacGuffin]] by the end of the story, expect this to feel like a [[Shocking Swerve]].
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Is not related to [[Stupid Evil]].
{{examples}}▼
▲{{examples}}
== Comic Books ==
* "Rocket Scientist" in ''[[Batman|Detective Comics]]'' #704. The story details the career of one of Gotham City's most incompetent crooks. His actions included once disguising himself by painting his face red (following an earlier mishap due to his choice of masks) only to collapse because the paint was toxic.
* ''[[Judge Dredd]]''
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* ''[[Sin City]]'' rarely has comic relief but when it does, it usually comes in the form of Shlubb and Klump who are bumbling criminals who do "dirty jobs" for the mob. A lot of their humor comes from their dialogue which inspired the trope [[Delusions of Eloquence]].
* The year-long ''[[Batman: No Man's Land]]'' story arc had a series of interludes focusing on a character named "The Punk", who tried to steal supplies with an empty gun when EVERYONE knew that nobody had any ammo and his gun had to be empty. The last interlude was titled "The Punk and The Stranger", where The Punk tried to rob [[The Joker]] [[Too Dumb to Live|with his empty gun]] after failing many robberies because everyone knew he had an empty gun. Three guesses on why this was the last "The Punk" story.
== Film ==
* [[Guy Ritchie]] was a fan of this trope in his two earliest movies
** Just about every character in ''[[Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels]]'' qualifies one way or another. The film's tagline is even "A Disgrace to Criminals Everywhere." However, special note has got to be given to Dean and Gary, who are instructed by John the Baptist to retrieve antique shotguns from an estate home and keep anything else they can carry for themselves. Even in a mansion decorated with numerous expensive antiques, they rationalize that "old" must mean "worthless". {{spoiler|And that's not to say nothing about how they sold the guns John the Baptist wanted them to get for quick cash, thinking they were too old for him to want anything to do with. The rest of their adventure follows them attempting to get the guns back, which do end up in the hands of the man who wants them without their help, but Dean and Gary don't know that...}}
*** Even the way they are introduced lets you know they are stupid. Harry claims he doesn't care who John hires to steal the guns, "as long as they're not complete fucking moppets." Cue [[Gilligan Cut]].
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* ''[[Four Lions]]'' centers around a group of five moronic Islamic Terrorists with less than five brain cells to share between themselves.
* In the Italian movie ''Fantozzi in Paradiso'', the eponymous protagonist and his friend Filini try to rob the internal bank of the 'Mega-Company' they used to work for before retiring. Not only they need the help of the bank's director to pull it off in spite of their own imbecility, but they're later robbed of the loot by the Mega-Director of the Mega-Company, who noticed them prepare and ordered to let them pull it off to take the money himself (with the bank being refunded by the insurance).
* In ''[[Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2]]'', it becomes clear that [[Space Pirate]] Yondu has more brains than his entire crew combined. Their initial attempts to catch Rocket result in the slapstick equivalent of a [[Mook Horror Show]] until Yondu manages to nab him. Then they argue about whether to turn him in for a million credits or sell the batteries he has (worth a quarter of a million), and prove to be pretty poor at mathematics, one of them claiming that a quarter is "only" a third of a whole while another thinking a quarter of a million is the equivalent of 25 units. This turns into [[Too Dumb to Live]] later, when their reaction to him getting his weapon back (the one he used to ''defeat an army by himself'' in the first film) is to charge at him en masse. They fare no better than the army did.
== Literature ==
* The two robbers in ''[[The Apple Dumpling Gang]]'' who are after the gold the children found certainly count, later [[The Film of the Book|turned into a movie]], starring [[Don Knotts]] and [[Tim Conway]] as the robbers.
* The kidnappers in [[O. Henry]]'s short story "The Ransom of Red Chief". They're dumb enough to kidnap an obviously evil child, and he's such a terror that they end up having to pay his father to take him back.
* [[Discworld]] has a number of examples, like Done-It-Duncan from ''[[
** The unlicensed crooks from ''[[Feet of Clay (novel)|Feet of Clay]]'' are an even better example; at one point they try to rob ''a bar full of watchmen'', and then they try to take one of the officers ([[Our Werewolves Are Different|Sergeant Angua]]) hostage.
** Played with in ''[[Interesting Times]]'', when Rincewind becomes the object of a Thieves' Guild instructor's lecture on mugging techniques. The bumbling students can't even ''bop Rincewind on the head'' to their teacher's satisfaction, despite several tries and repeated demonstrations of the proper technique.
* An old [[Mother Goose|nursey rhyme]]:
{{quote|"Taffy was a Welshman; Taffy was a thief;
"Taffy went to my house, and stole a piece of beef.}}
:* And even though I quickly figured out he was the one who stole it ''and knew where he lived'', he came back to rob my house again [[Depending on the Writer| at least twice]], the idiot.
== Live-Action TV ==
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** Not to mention the guy who tries to hold up an off license with a gun hidden in his stomach which he fires... out through his own spine, killing himself and the man behind him in the queue.
** Or ''another'' bungled convenience store hold up where the would-be robber forgets to bring the axe he was meant to be threatening people with.
* An episode of ''[[Knight Rider]]'' dealing with car theft has a "false alarm" as two crooks attempt to steal the pimped-out K.I.T.T., and quickly prove not to be the professionals Michael is looking for: They're trying to break in using a Philips-head screwdriver instead of a flat one, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20120504211008/http://www.atylia.com/images/catalogue/porte-manteau-design-nova-noir-450.jpg this kind] of coat hanger.
** In many other episodes as well, KITT confused and scared the crap out of random bumbling petty criminals who tried to steal/sabotage/damage him, more for the entertainment value than for anything related to the plot.
* 'Liability' Finch from the ''[[Hustle]]'' episode "The Thieving Mistake".
* The pilot episode of ''[[Turks]]'' opened with two crooks attempting to rob a cop bar. Leads to a [[Crowning Moment of Funny]] when, as they are about to leave, someone calls out to them. They turn around and discover everyone in the bar, except for the bartender and the waitress, is holding a badge and a gun.
* Similar to the Monty Python example above, a scene on ''[[The Sketch Show]]'' has a group of counterfeiters who realize it's costing them more than 12 pounds to produce a usable 10 pound note. After a few suggestions for rectifying this, they decide to just start circulating actual 10 pound notes.
* Given the setting, ''[[Barney Miller]]'' had ''lots'' of them, way too many to list. Among those that stand out:
** A flasher who is arrested in the middle of December when it's below zero; he cleans up his act and becomes a councilor in a later season.
** A man in a wheelchair who shoplifts and ''twice'' tries to flee the station in "Wojo's Problem".
** Mr. Clark, a blind man who tries to shoplift, becomes a recurring character later.
** A convict who is given unsupervised prison furloughs for work release uses them to commit armed robberies.
* While one of the main draws of ''[[Breaking Bad]]'' and ''[[Better Call Saul]]'' is the intricate mind games played by [[Magnificent Bastard]] [[The Chessmaster|Chessmasters]], make no mistake: stupid criminals are ''not'' in short supply.
** [[Corrupt Corporate Executive|Ted Beneke]] is probably the dumbest white collar criminal ever portrayed in fiction. When the IRS catches on to him fudging his taxes, his secretary/mistress Skyler tries to bail his dumb ass out of trouble by giving him exactly the amount of money he needs to get them off his tail. So what does he do? Naturally, he [[What an Idiot!|blows it all on stupidly expensive things that he doesn't even need]], and [[Stupid Evil|blackmails her into silence when she yells at him for his stupidity]]. This man seems genuinely unable to comprehend that he's going to get himself, Skyler, and quite possibly Walt (by association) arrested due to his borderline suicidal refusal to pay his taxes, so Skyler's forced to send some hired thugs to his house to force him to do it. {{spoiler|When he signs the check he ''immediately'' tries to rush off to the bank and cancel it, only to trip, fall, and hit his head so hard that he's crippled for life.}}
** [[Unholy Matrimony|Craig and Betsy Kettleman]] from ''[[Better Call Saul]]'' are cut from the same moronic cloth as Ted Beneke, with Craig leaving a hilariously obvious paper trail behind in the wake of embezzling county funds while Betsy fires every single lawyer she approaches for being unable to get him off the hook for his crimes. While Craig seems to be hopelessly naive more than anything, Betsy's a [[Ax Crazy|delusional nutjob]] whose poorly hidden sociopathy keeps her from seeing the bigger picture. {{spoiler|When Craig is released from prison, he and Betsy are immediately back to their old tricks, and Kim Wexler barely has to try to find enough damning evidence of fraud to get Craig thrown into prison for life. Lucky for him and Betsy, she'd rather blackmail them into compliance than get him thrown back in the hole.}}
** Daniel Wormald, aka "Pryce" is a schlubby baseball-obsessed geek who fancies himself a drug kingpin, but he's so out of his depth that it's hilarious. He drives around in a massive, garish, overpriced hummer that ''very clearly'' couldn't have been bought by a law-abiding citizen of his income, and he's so bad at hiding sensitive info from his rivals that all it takes for Nacho Varga to find his home address is to simply see the registration papers he left laying around inside his car. When Nacho breaks into his house and steals his baseball card collection, he calls the police [[Sarcasm Mode|and to everyone's surprise]], they have suspicions about him almost immediately. {{spoiler|Mike Ehrmantraut and Jimmy McGill manage to keep him out of jail, but it takes a ''lot'' of arguing and [[It Makes Sense In Context|an improvised fetish video]] to save him from rotting behind bars.}}
*** Amusingly, {{spoiler|[[Word of God]] has confirmed that he's the owner of the laser tag business Saul talks about in ''[[Breaking Bad]]''. Since he not only becomes a successful money launderer, but manages to avoid getting caught up in the downfall of Walter White and Saul Goodman, it seems that he actually learned his lesson from all the way back then.}}
== New Media ==
* Several websites exist for the sole purpose of cataloging unusual crimes and stupid criminals.
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20131028065138/http://www.dumbcriminals.com/ Dumb Criminals], "Humiliating Dumb Crooks Since 1999"
** [http://www.clumsycrooks.com/ Clumsy Crooks]
** [http://www.dumbcrooks.com/old-dumbcrooks-site/ Dumb Crooks] (Last Update: June 2005)
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* [[(The Customer is) Not Always Right]] has a few stories about stupid criminals in its database.
* The [[Darwin Awards]] also includes some. This being the Darwin Awards, most of the Stupid Crooks mentioned there manage to kill or injure themselves in the process of proving themselves worthy of that site and this trope.
* Most issues of [https://web.archive.org/web/20131227085557/http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/ News of the Weird] have two or three entries under Least Competent Criminals.
* ''[[Cracked.com]]'''s [https://web.archive.org/web/20131107002640/http://www.cracked.com/megalist_11_2320.-matrix-defense
== Video Games ==
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* ''[[Fallout: New Vegas]]'' gives us the Freeside Thugs, they seemingly do not understand the stupidity of luring someone in Power Armor and carrying a Machine Gun into a "trap" they set, when all they have are pool cues and meat cleavers.
** There are also Vicky and Vance, a pre-war petty-crime duo styling themselves as Bonny and Clyde-like duo, except not nearly as competent or famous (at least before their deaths, when they drove through a completely unrelated shootout). And then there are Pauline and Sammy, two extremely small-time crooks styling themselves after Vicky and Vance (thus copying two copies) who want to gain infamy by robbing all the casinos on The Strip. With Vance's never-fired gun. Against all of The Strip's combined security.
== Web Comics ==
* ''[[The Good Crook]]'': Jackie always had aspirations of being a gangster. His first (and only) attempted robbery involves him threatening a diner with a gun, then changing his mind mere seconds later. He proceeds to apologize and try to explain himself, at which point an over-eager police officer tackles and arrests him.
== Western Animation ==
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** It's even better than that. When Homer first goes to steal the car, he finds that Snake is already on the job. So Homer pulls Snake from the car, throws him to the ground, and steals the car himself.
* ''[[The Powerpuff Girls]]'' has the Amoeba Boys. You can tell that these single-celled organisms aren't neurons.
** The Gangrene Gang too, especially in the episode "Telephonies". They break into the mayor's office and use the hotline to make false alarms, sending the Girls to fight Mojo, Fuzzy, and Him, all of whom are just minding their business at home. THEN they decide to order pizza and ''take a nap'' in the same office. Worst of all, when Him calls the office to complain about the unprovoked attack, Billy pretty much gives the three angry villains a full confession, and well, it kind of gets nasty from there...
* The Mooninites from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' once stole their uncle's "check from the government for being crazy" so they can cash it on Earth and go on a shopping spree... except the "check" was actually a payment bill for home care which emits radiation when it's overdue, and it's two months overdue. When this is revealed, Err claims that kept telling Ignignokt that the check was actually a bill on the way down to Earth, Err thought Ignignokt knew something about the bill he didn't.
** That same episode begins with Igignokt spray-painting graffiti on a school, which Err quickly points out is just a rock.
** Their first appearance saw them stealing whole assortments of electronics equipment. They also encouraged Meatwad to swallow an entire rack of DVDs, believing he could then walk out of the store with it; Meatwad couldn't do this and tried to carry it instead, which sees him immediately trip the store's alarms while the Mooninites take the opportunity to escape.
* In a ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' cartoon, SpongeBob and Patrick deliberately attempt to rob a bank in order to try and break Mrs. Puff out of jail from the inside. For masks, both characters wore socks over their heads, which covered their eyes and didn't allow them to see where they were going, and the bank teller treats the entire ordeal as a normal exchange, asking SpongeBob for his name and ID (which he gladly hands over), pulling up his checking and savings accounts, and bluntly informing SpongeBob that he has no money in either account.
* In ''[[Family Guy]]'', Peter is stupid when he does anything, so when he's a crook, doing things like sell Meth or con his neighbors, he fits this Trope. Stewie and Brian, not so much. In fact, when they turn their bed and breakfast into a brothel, the rather stupid prostitutes decide they could steal it and kick him out; being pragmatic, Stewie simply reports the brothel to the police and watch the raid as [[Pass the Popcorn|they eat slightly-mangled raisin bread.]]
** Indeed, Stupid Crooks appear on the show so often, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvGb5rsuEUo at least one YouTuber put together a compilation.
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Steal This Index]]
[[Category:Index of Exact Trope Titles]]
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[[Category:Criminals]]
[[Category:Stupidity Tropes]]
▲[[Category:Stupid Crooks]]
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