Suspect Is Hatless: Difference between revisions

 

May result from watching [[The Nondescript]] commit a crime, since they're naturally unmemorable.

{{examples}}

* In one issue of ''[[Groo the Wanderer]]'', Groo asks a passerby whether he has seen the man who was standing next to where Groo was standing a while back.

* Subverted in the third [[Valhalla]] album, when Thor tries to describe his encounter with a myserious stranger. Loki asks "How many eyes did he have?", and it occurs to Thor that the stranger was, in fact, ''one-eyed'', which means it was probably Odin (who has been missing for a while).

 

* ''[[James Bond (film)|James Bond]]'' examples:

** In ''[[Octopussy]]'', as Bond speeds through the American Air Base's security checkpoint to stop a bomb from detonating, the Security Guard has only this to say:

{{quote|'''Security Guard:''' Captain, some nut drove through here in a stolen car. Wants the base commander, and he's wearing a red shirt!}}

*** (To be fair, it's a pretty fancy red shirt.)

{{quote|'''Bond:''' How will I recognize him?

'''Anders:''' Tall, slim and dark.

'''Bond:''' So's my aunt.

'''Bond:''' Fascinating anatomical tidbit. But probably the most useless piece of information I've ever heard. Unless, of course, the "Bottoms Up" is a strip club and Scaramanga is performing. }}

* In ''[[Desperado]]'', the first description Bucho gets of Navajas is that he has brown hair and eyes, which Bucho points out, is not exactly distinctive in Mexico. The description then goes on to list some actually useful information.

''(beat)''

'''Detective Mastrionotti:''' You know, ordinarily we say anything you might remember could be helpful. But I'll be frank with you, Fink. That is not helpful. }}

* In ''[[Se7en]]'', Detective Mills interviews John Doe's neighbors, and gets descriptions of a man between ages 30 and 40, between 150 and 200 pounds, and between 5'6" and 6'3" in height.

* ''[[No Country for Old Men]]'': "What do you suggest that we circulate, 'looking for a man who has recently drunk milk'?"

* Played with in Martin Lawrence vehicle ''[[Blue Streak]]''. In one scene, an inexperienced cop tracking a suspect tries to give a description over the radio, but is hung up on the suspect's greasy, dirty hair. After he spends too long being fixated on that, Lawrence's character angrily butts in and starts pointing out more useful things to be noting.

{{quote|Man, are you a cop or a barber? Stop staring at his hair and take a look at his arm. That's a prison tat. Your boy has done some time.}}

 

== Literature ==

* In the first ''[[Sammy Keyes]]'' book, the heroine sees a murderer but can only tell police that the man is of average height and weight, looking about thirty.

* A variation in ''[[Clear and Present Danger]]''. The FBI actually have a detailed description of Felix Cortez. The problem is that since his appearance is [[The Nondescript|so generic]] (Latino male in his mid-30s to early 40s, average height and build, no Visual Distinguishing Marks) that a description is totally useless.

* ''[[Without Remorse]]'', also by Tom Clancy, made use of this trope as a plot point. [[Retired Badass|retired Navy SEAL]] turned [[Vigilante Man]] John Kelly hit on a nearly perfect disguise early on; on the rare occasions when the presence of an innocent bystander meant he couldn't simply [[Leave No Witnesses]], the best description the police ever got was "a homeless guy". He did have one near-miss towards the end of the book, but even a trained police officer has trouble providing a detailed description of the suspect when a) it's the middle of the night on a poorly-lit street and b) he's being held at gunpoint.

* Several of the crime novels of PD James describe female characters as "hatless", which sounds an odd thing to remark on in a novel with a modern setting. However, James was born in 1920 and has been writing since the days when it was more remarkable for a woman's outfit ''not'' to include a hat.

 

== Live-Action TV ==

* In ''[[The X-Files]]'' episode "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose", a police force has The Stupendous Yappi, a psychic detective on the payroll:

{{quote|'''Cop:''' Look, all I know is that so far, Yappi has provided more solid, concrete leads on this case than you have. Now, if you don't mind, I have to get an A.P.B. out on a white male, age 17 to 34, with or without a beard, maybe a tattoo...}}

* This also applies to direction giving. In ''[[Cheers]]'', Carla complains that Woody's directions to his house are useless because he told her he's in an apartment over a shop with dead ducks in the window. Because he lives in Chinatown, ''all'' of the shops have dead ducks in the windows, mutters Carla.

* In ''[[Monk]]'', Randy notes a streaker is "Not Jewish".

* The recurring ''[[Mad TV]]'' character Miss Swan started out this way, driving cops insane by repeatedly describing a suspect as "He look-a like a man."

* In ''[[Warehouse 13]]'', "Implosion", Artie asks Pete to describe a thief he saw walk past immediately after having been basically knocked out by an implosion grenade. All Pete can up with is, "not... female?"

** A murder victim is asked who shot him shortly before dying was said to have only told a police officer it was "[[Captain Obvious|a guy with a gun.]]"

** In another episode, a wealthy white developer witnesses a murder. The homicide detective who interviewed him summarized his testimony as "BNBG" - "Big Negro Big Gun." This was especially ironic because the shooter in question was Omar Little, who not only had a distinctive outfit (duster, do-rag and flak jacket) but also a ''huge'' facial scar.

* Subverted ''yet'' played straight in ''[[Everybody Hates Chris]]'' where a cookie truck is held up by a man leading a group of scouts. The driver gives a through description of the man in question right down to having a limp, however since he started off by saying that the guy was black the police didn't hear anything else.

* In ''[[The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret]]'', Todd suspects that his subordinate Dave has stolen his entire inventory. When he gives a description to the police, he's completely unable to give any helpful information about him. The cop issues a sarcastic APB to lampshade Todd's useless description.

{{quote|'''Buffy''': So you saw their faces but you can't describe them?

'''Spike''': Well, they were human. Two eyes each, Kind of in the middle. }}

* Subverted in an episode of ''[[Justified (TV series)|Justified]]'' Boyd is trying to find out who killed two drug dealers under his protection but the only witness is a big dog person and describes people by comparing them to dog breeds. The fact that the man she saw looked like a husky does not help Boyd much. However, when she mentions that like a husky the man had blue eyes, he realizes that it was Robert Quarles.

 

* Parodied in the opening scenes of [[Agatha Christie]]'s play ''[[The Mousetrap]]''. A radio broadcast gives what seems to be a fairly detailed description of the serial killer on the loose, but every single character happens to match that description.

 

== Video Games ==

* ''[[Mafia II]]'': "Suspect is about 6 feet tall, average size!"

* Trying to describe spies in [[Team Fortress 2]] to team-mates can fall into this. Shouting the spy's disguise might work if he's in the heart of battle, but if he's just changed (which good players do often) or has the knife "Your Eternal Reward", its likely he's someone completely different. Or invisible.

 

== Web Comics ==

'''Haley:''' He worships Thor.

'''Cleric:''' Can you tell me anything about him that differentiates him [[Our Dwarves Are All the Same|from every other dwarf]]? }}

{{quote|'''Cleo:''' ''You have a rabbi?'' What's he ''like''?

'''Marlene:''' Eastern European male, aged 50-70, bearded. Why, you've seen him around?

''[Cleo is not amused.]''

'''Marlene:''' Hee hee. [[Don't Explain the Joke|Because... because that's what a stereotypical rabbi looks like.]] I'm on fire today! }}

 

== Western Animation ==

{{quote|'''Pinky:''' Ooh. Well, he had two eyes and--and... oh, a mouth right below his nose.

'''Brain:''' ''(disappointed)'' [[Deadpan Snarker|How very descriptive.]] }}

 

== Real Life ==

* AMBER alerts are always sent out when certain criteria are met after a child goes missing or is abducted. Understandably, sometimes the person they were last seen with has a description like: "Last seen with a white male, 5'11 to 6'1, wearing a beige jacket and blue jeans".

* Until his confirmed death in 2011, [[Osama Bin Laden]]'s official status was either dead, not dead, or [[Take a Third Option|none of the above]].

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Crime and Punishment Tropes]]