The Coroner Doth Protest Too Much: Difference between revisions

'''Ambassador Vorob'yev''': In an involuntary sort of way. These Cetagandan political suicides can get awfully messy when the principal won't cooperate.

'''Ivan Vorpatril''': Thirty-two stab wounds in the back, worst case of suicide they ever saw?

 

While disguising a murder is a common occurrence in crime fiction, sometimes—especially when the murderer is a corrupt government or similarly powerful body—the death is simply reported as something ''other'' than murder. This can also occur when criminals who are too desperate to care give an account of their actions. When played for black comedy, the report describes such an implausible set of circumstances that the true cause is obvious.

{{examples}}

== Accidents ==

* In one ''Medieval: [[Total War]]'' [[After Action Report]], the first time the author's faction assassinated another faction's leader, the cause of death was reported as a fall down a flight of stairs, with various outlandish and improbable explanations being given for the more suspicious injuries (such as impaling himself on the spiked banister for the various stab wounds). Saying that a character had "fallen down the stairs" became an euphemism for every assassination performed thereafter.

* In a [[Let's Play]] of ''[[Ultima VI]]: The False Prophet'', the party concludes, after some intimidation from the Avatar, that "Chuckles fell down some stairs. And into a cannon."

* In [[Mercedes Lackey]]'s ''[[Heralds of Valdemar]]'' series, the Prince Consort attempts to assassinate the queen, and is killed by her bodyguard. They tell his brother, the king of a neighboring country, that he was killed in a "hunting" accident. One of the characters remarks that it is nominally true: he ''was'' hunting the queen.

** Later on, it's indicated that the late Prince's brother knew what really happened and didn't mind much, since his brother was a budding [[Evil Prince]] who was bundled off to Valdemar partly to get him out of the line of succession.

** Had Voldemort killed Harry as planned, his death could have been staged as an accident as well, giving Voldemort time to build his strength in secret before eliminating Dumbledore and taking over the Ministry. {{spoiler|This was the reason for the elaborate scheme involving Harry entering and winning the Tri-Wizard tournament.}}

* ''[[Anansi Boys]]'' mentions the fate of the former dictator of the Caribbean island where the second half of the novel is set. After ruling with an iron fist for decades, he died by "falling out of bed". His fall was apparently hard enough to break a number of bones, and he didn't survive despite all of his [[Bodyguard Betrayal|bodyguards]] being in his room during this time, who did everything they could to "help" him.

* SOP in ''[[The Unit]]''. Unit deaths in action are publicly reported as accidents. The families are told that they were killed, but not where or how.

* In the "Bicycle Tour" episode of ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'', a "Chinese" man (John Cleese with a horrible accent) claims to be the replacement British Ambassador to the Soviet Union. He says his predecessor "have heart attack and fell out of window onto an exploding bomb, and was killed in a shooting accident."

* Inverted in ''[[Life]]'', when a man is found with a bullet hole through the back of his head, but no bullet. Turns out it was a bizarre accident involving an icicle in a vegetable freezer.

* A very odd version in ''[[Pushing Daisies]]'', where a man actually did die from accidentally falling on a very sharp letter opener about 5 times. Of course, it happened because he'd been poisoned and was losing muscle control.

=== [[Radio]] ===

* The use of this by the South African police is parodied in an episode of the British radio series ''[[The Very World of Milton Jones]]'', in which Milton, whilst in prison in apartheid South Africa, slips on some soap in the shower, gets a towel wrapped around his neck and the light fitting, and then falls down some stairs, much to the bemusement of his guard - "What? But they'll never believe that. I mean, they have, they will." [[Nigh Invulnerable|He doesn't die]].

 

=== [[Tabletop Games]] ===

=== [[Theater]] ===

* In ''The Accidental Death of An Anarchist'', the aforementioned Anarchist died after "falling" out of the window of the police station where he was being interrogated. Interestingly enough, it was based on Real Life.

* ''[[Chicago]]''. "Cell Block Tango" has several of these, being claimed by the actual murderesses. "I fired two warning shots. Into his head." "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ''ten times''."

 

** The implication is that Archibald Ironfist, the [[Evil Prince|not-so-good brother]] did the Royal Seers in. He apparently realizes how unlikely the rash of deaths were, since he accuses his brother of murdering the officials.

* In the game ''Series 7: The Contenders'', a man fleeing from the police tragically shoots himself in the back while resisting arrest.

* Encouraged in the Lotus Assassin fortress in [[Jade Empire]]. And it's a good thing, too, or they might get suspicious after the 7th or 8th "training accident".

** When you first meet Kang the Mad (an inventor), he'll offer you his services if you arrange some unfortunate accident to befall his employer Gao, such as "falling down a flight of punches".

 

=== [[Web Comics]] ===

* The coroner from ''[[Scary Go Round]]'' repeatedly blames deaths on snake bites, carrying around a staple-remover for the purpose of simulating fang wounds on the bodies. [[General Ripper|In his opinion]], [[Reptiles Are Abhorrent|snakes]] have had it too good for too long.

* In ''[[Megatokyo]]'', Pedobear wanted to show something to his cellmate Piro, but fell of his bunk. [http://megatokyo.com/strip/1270 Several times.] {{spoiler|What bunk?}}

'''Jack:''' ...uh, that one jumped onto a knife. }}

* ''[[Oglaf]]'' uses this as a new ending to the [http://oglaf.com/wolf/ Boy Who Cried Wolf] fable.

 

 

== Natural Causes ==

* In [[Diane Duane]]'s ''[[Star Trek]]'' [[Expanded Universe|novel]] ''My Enemy, My Ally'', Kirk reads intelligence reports from the Romulan Empire, which state among other things that several senators have died of natural causes. He reflects that an inability to live after being poisoned is natural enough.

* In [[Robert A. Heinlein]]'s ''[[Between Planets]]'', a family friend of the protagonist is [[Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique|interrogated]] by the brutal government officers. They tell the protagonist the cause of death was "heart failure". He then realizes that no matter how you die (or are killed), your heart is still going to stop...

** Assassination is also considered natural causes for [[Discworld]] wizards, thanks to [[Klingon Promotion]] tactics. At least, until Archchancellor Ridcully went and ruined it by being pretty much completely unkillable.

** It should probably be noted that the old patrician in question really did die of a heart attack. The assassin in question scared him to death.

* The hilarious parody guide book ''Phaic Tan'' said that a famous president of the country eventually died of natural causes; "he was assassinated."

* In R.A. Salvatore's ''Homeland'', three drow trainees from Drizzt's class die over their [[The Spartan Way|nine years of training at the Melee-Magthere]]. One is killed in the training arena, one is [[Assassin Outclassin'|executed after his failed assassination attempt]], and a third in his bed of natural causes. As in, "when one wakes up with a dagger in one's chest, death quite naturally follows."

* In a similar vein to [[Tom Clancy]], ''[[Burn Notice]]'s'' resident [[Deadpan Snarker]] Michael Westen has been known to refer to death by gunshot as "dying of acute lead poisoning".

* A wrinkle was added in ''[[The Vampire Diaries]]'' when the local coroner and member of the secret council - his main responsibility is this trope, ruling that mysterious deaths are 'animal attacks' and most certainly not vampires - is himself murdered, in what may well be the first non-vampire-related murder Mystic Falls has had in ''years''.

 

=== [[Tabletop Games]] ===

 

=== [[Theater]] ===

 

=== [[Video Games]] ===

* ''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]].'' The circumstances surrounding [[Evil Old Folks|Firelord Azulon's]] death are very, very suspicious. Sure, a 95-year-old man dying quietly in his sleep is not particularly remarkable. However, he was last seen loudly rejecting his [[The Evil Prince|younger son]] [[Complete Monster|Ozai's]] bid for the throne and [[Moral Event Horizon|ordering his defenseless ten-year-old grandson's death]]. The next morning, Azulon is dead, Ozai is the Firelord, and the kid's mother has mysteriously disappeared...

 

 

== Suicide ==

* In ''[[End of Days]]'' when a man is found crucified against a ceiling with hospital scalpels, one ''[[Police Are Useless|police officer]]'' suggests that he did it himself. The main character asks how he got the last scalpel in which is... certainly ''a'' problem with this theory.

* In ''[[Series 7: The Contenders|Series 7 The Contenders]]'' an uncooperative contestant named Anthony is left seriously injured, incapacitated and vulnerable to attack after what the [[Unreliable Narrator|voiceover]] describes as a "self-inflicted knife wound to the back."

 

=== [[Literature]] ===

* In Dave Duncan's ''King's Blades'' books, there is a group of highly skilled bodyguards known as Blades. Attacking a Blade defending his ward is classed as suicide.

* The ''[[Discworld]]'' novels feature a running gag where any death in Ankh-Morpork that results from [[Too Dumb to Live|stupid]] or [[Tempting Fate|reckless]] behavior is ruled as a "suicide." Examples of such behavior include but are not limited to: wandering around in [[Wretched Hive|the Shades]], the toughest and most lawless neighborhood in Anhk-Morpork, at night; going into a dwarf bar and asking for a "short" beer; or going into the Mended Drum, a particularly (and deliberately) disreputable tavern, and calling yourself something like "Vincent The Invulnerable." As mentioned in the page quote, one can commit suicide very easily in Ankh-Morpork if you are not careful.

* From the [[Honor Harrington]] series, ''Mission of Honor'':

{{quote|"Most people who decide to shoot themselves in the head, don't shoot themselves in the ''back'' of the head."}}

* In Sergey Suhinov's ''Shadows on Mercury'', the main character's boss is talking to a police detective on Mercury. He brings up a case of a dead body that was found in the middle of nowhere not far from a cliff with an obvious blaster wound. The detective brushes it off as a likely suicide and mentions that it is a fairly common occurrence on Mercury due to the extreme heat causing people to eventually go crazy. The other guy sarcastically points out that the man must have tossed his gun off the cliff after shooting himself in the head, as no weapon was found in the vicinity. The detective admits that it is an unusual circumstance but doesn't bother to investigate. Since most of the settlements on the planet are private and corporate owned mines, the population lives by [[The Wild West]] rules. While there is a token police presence, they can hardly be expected to maintain law and order through the settlements.

** This gets even more ridiculous on Venus, where it is extremely easy to get away with murder due to most of the killing occurring outside the dome, where the "pleasant" Venusian atmosphere quickly gets rid of any evidence.

 

=== [[Newspaper Comics]] ===

 

=== [[Real Life]] ===

{{quote|According to the NCIS documents, each prisoner had fashioned a noose from torn sheets and T-shirts and tied it to the top of his cell’s eight-foot-high steel-mesh wall. Each prisoner was able somehow to bind his own hands, and, in at least one case, his own feet, then stuff more rags deep down into his own throat. We are then asked to believe that each prisoner, even as he was choking on those rags, climbed up on his washbasin, slipped his head through the noose, tightened it, and leapt from the washbasin to hang until he asphyxiated. The NCIS report also proposes that the three prisoners, who were held in non-adjoining cells, carried out each of these actions almost simultaneously...Although rigor mortis had already set in--indicating that the men had been dead for at least two hours--the NCIS report claims that an unnamed medical officer attempted to resuscitate one of the men, and, in attempting to pry open his jaw, broke his teeth. The fact that at least two of the prisoners also had cloth masks affixed to their faces, presumably to prevent the expulsion of the rags from their mouths, went unremarked by the NCIS, as did the fact that standard operating procedure at Camp Delta required the Navy guards on duty after midnight to “conduct a visual search” of each cell and detainee every ten minutes.}}

* Bobby Fuller (of [[Covered Up|"I Fought the Law" fame]]) was found dead in his car shortly after "I Fought the Law" was a hit. The police initially ruled Fuller's death a suicide, but various circumstances of his death, such as multiple wounds in the body (which itself was covered in gasoline) led to people suspecting Fuller's death as murder. The police, however, changed Fuller's cause of death from "suicide" to "accidental asphyxiation."

* Officer Terence Yeakey did commit suicide, [[Conspiracy Theorist|have ye no doubts]]. He managed to slash his hands and throat, then crawl a mile or so of rough terrain and shoot himself in the head. With a revolver aimed downwards, from a distance enough to get no powder burns. Or maybe he shot himself ''before'' crawling there? 'Cause he lost this weapon somewhere.

* An early 20th century French scandal involving a crook making deals with government officials (never gets old, does it?). The man's body was later found, this satirical newspaper headline says it best: "Stavisky committed suicide by a bullet which was shot from a 3 meter range. That's what you get when you have a long arm." ("Having a long arm" is a french idiom meaning that you wield a lot of influence).

* A young girl in Alleghe, Italy, committed suicide by cutting her throat. The strange thing? She chose to slash her throat, leave the razor neatly on a nightstand, walk for some meters, lie in the centre of the room and die. Yes, it was a murder. The first of a series, actually.

* Roberto Calvi hanged himself. Under the Blackfriars Bridge. With bricks in his pockets. Because he ''really'' wanted to kill himself. Not unusual, though he did supposedly manage it without touching the scaffolding from which he hung or causing noticeable damage his neck.

* British Scientist and UN Weapons Inspector Dr David Kelly caused much controversy by anonymously leaking his opinion that the dossier of evidence showing evidence for Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction and the risk they posed to Britain had been "sexed up" to back up the case for war. After his identity was discovered he was called to a Parliamentary inquiry into the issue, and a few days later was found dead in a field near his home. A public inquiry was set up into his death the entire affair, and ruled that he had committed suicide. There is a large body in the public, the media and also the medical community who disputes this.

* As an inversion, it is generally quite likely to find the bodies of those who committed suicide by asphyxiation (e.g. by hanging) with their hands bound or otherwise restrained. They do this to prevent themselves from unintentionally saving their lives when the unsuppressable survival instincts kick in with the lack of oxygen. Unsurprisingly that situation will make many a [[Did Not Do the Research|lay person]] certain it is murder.

* One man in South Korea apparently committed [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1388715/South-Korean-man-crucified-abandoned-stone-quarry-committed-suicide.html self-crucification]. If you say so.

* In an aversion, a thirty-nine year old Canberra man committed suicide in 1995 by shooting himself with a pump-action shotgun... ''[http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/173_11_041200/herdson/herdson.html three times]''. The aversion comes in simply because it took him that many tries to hit a vital organ.

* During the Brazilian dictatorship, journalist Vladimir "Vlado" Herzog was "found" hanging from the bars of a prison cell. The bars were clearly too low for it to be a real suicide.

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Murder Tropes]]