The Nostalgia Chick/Quotes: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|''"I'm not racist, I have a black friend."''|'''Chick''' in her ''TLC'' retrospective, before the screen goes to Nella}}
{{quote|''"Disneyland? Nintendo 64? Teddy bears? Pajamas. Man, little girl, you must have had a really horrible life if pajamas take top slot in enjoyability."''|'''Chick'''
{{quote|''"He's [Lou Pearlman] in jail now. But not for the little boy touching or the money schemes, I mean who doesn't do that?"''|'''Chick''', ''A Very N*Sync Christmas''}}
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{{quote|''"Entertainment is the only product in our kids' lives where parents will go "So what if it's crappy? It's just for my children." You don't say that about anything else in their lives. "What? It's just a car seat! So what if the belt barely works?" "What? It's just food." And do you know why that is? Is it because you want your kids or yourself to be enriched? No. It's because kids are stupid, and you don't care what they watch, you just want them to shut up. So you can blame Disney for going crazy with direct-to-video shit but you know what? It's your fault, parents, for buying shitty awful movies for your kids based on the standards your company used to uphold. Oh wait! You don't care, because kids are stupid, and they want the same shit over and over, and you're okay with them watching shitty movies."''|'''Chick''' (in rare [[Mama Bear]] mode), ''Top Ten Worst Disney Sequels''}}
{{quote|''"So this week we're going to try and be n- ni... less mean, and give you a less awful list to balance out the last one."''
{{quote|''"We get to watch Andy Dick ''die''. Mmm, I like that, yeah. Watch that again. Oh yeah, that feels nice, I don't know, like getting a back massage. Again? Yeah, I remember really digging this!"''|'''Chick''', ''Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels''}}
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|'''[[Sister Act]]'''}}
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Latest revision as of 16:19, 30 April 2024
"I, like most of the world, am an American. And what's more American than sanitizing your own history to the point where it's no longer recognizable? PUPPIES!!!"
—Chick, her very first line in Pocahontas.
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"Dayum!"
—Chick, in a Running Gag reaction to Pocahontas.
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Didn't this movie win an academy award for its songs? ...ooh, puppies!
—Chick, Pocahontas
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"And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. The eighties and your teenage years..."
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Oh my God! You like boys? I like boys!
—Chick, Teen Witch
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Louise's favorite teacher gives her a necklace. It also has no relevance to anything, but... it's pretty! Girls like shiny things. SHINY!
—Chick, Teen Witch
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Getting a boyfriend! Okay... she's a girl, what else did you expect?
—Chick, on Louise wanting to use her powers to get love.
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Sorry, I think I accidentally changed it to skinemax.
—Chick, on the "sex" scene in Teen Witch.
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Louise: I want to be the most popular girl in school. |
"Rasputin": I had nothing to do with flames of unhappiness! |
Chick: Ah, animosity! It must be love!
—Anastasia review.
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"Yaaay!"
—Chick and anonymous children
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[After the "Ambiguously Gay Duo" music pops up]. "Yeah, I realize some of us are a little bit hyper-focused on that aspect of the series. But you know, some of us are a little more sensitive and progressive than that. Besides how gay could it be?" —Chick, in the She-Ra: Princess of Power review.
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"No, excuse me, I still need a year or so to recover from my massive trauma of seeing a cat die again."
—Chick, Hocus Pocus.
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"It's always nice when the dead can come back to allay your regrets." *sadface*
—Chick, Hocus Pocus.
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"Why don't they [virgins] lose it when they come out of the womb? ...bleeding and screaming."
—Chick, Hocus Pocus.
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"Not that there's pictures of me dressed as Mystique one year for Halloween in college floating around the internet or anything." *scream* [a picture's shown]
—Chick, The Top 11 Villainesses.
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"Not that there's pictures of me dressed as Maleficent one year for Halloween in college floating around the internet or anything." *scream* [a picture's shown]
—Chick, The Top 11 Villainesses.
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"Again, I think they're trying to be funny. I'm not sure, they are British."
—Chick, Spice World
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"I'll miss you, New York." |
"Santa Baby, I need a hundred and sixty grand. Grad school's kinda expensive. Santa Baby, I actually think fat guys are kinda hot." |
"If you grew up in the South like I did, then you probably know this song, and you also know that southerners find nothing more hilarious than alcoholism, especially paired with domestic abuse." |
[southern accent] "Y'mean there's life outside the Walmart?" |
"Stop filming me!"
—Elisa, The Top 11 Disturbing Christmas Songs.
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David Bowie: "...I will be your slave." |
"Hi, I'm Lindsay, star of such internet phenomena as the Nostalgia Chick." |
"When have I even displayed even the slightest of attractions to the Critic? He's all [mumbling] beardy and ew." |
Nella: "Well you two have a lot in common." |
Chick: "Oh My God! You and I haven't watched the MLP movie in like three days!" |
Chick: "Wanna get something to eat?" |
"She only gets hit on by frogs, moles, beetles and fairies... I think I kinda relate to this girl."
—Chick, Thumbelina
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"Oh God, not again."
—Chick, Spooning With Spoony
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"I'm so ashamed of my body!"
—Chick, Spooning With Spoony
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"I have no self-respect!"
—Chick, Spooning With Spoony
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"My Daddy didn't love me!"
—Chick, Spooning With Spoony
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"I'd have to get up... and go dance... which I don't really want to do... at least by myself."
—Chick, The Top 11 Embarrassing Dance Crazes
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"Dance, monkey!"
—Chick, The Top 11 Embarrassing Dance Crazes
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"Nella!"
—Chick, constantly.
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"Electric Light Orchestra, Olivia Newton John, Gene Kelly and aliens, c'mon, how can this not be the greatest thing ever?" |
"Why are you obstructing your robot with a shitty fog machine? It's a robot! Let us see the robot!"
—Chick, Xanadu
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"Let me posit this idea: aliens... awesome, robots... also awesome, cars... pretty awesome, if a little planet-destroying. Put them together and what do you get? Hell yeah!
—Chick, Transformers.
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"I don't think I have enough irony in me."
—Chick, Transformers.
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[giggling and stroking the Critic] "You're not gonna take this one away from me."
—Chick, Transformers.
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"Uh, Nella, do you think there are two ostensibly straight doing this exact same thing as this exact same moment?"
—Chick, Armageddon
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[after waking up from getting her head exploded] "God, where am I? Happy pills... [takes a few and gets perky again] Hi! I'm your Nostalgia Chick!"
—Chick, Armageddon
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"Reviewing dude stuff is fun! You know what? I like it! I like it a lot! I like it so much I'm gonna go frolic in a meadow."
—Chick, Armageddon
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"Why do I keep being rendered unconscious by my many male nemeses?"
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"I hate the world."
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"And she has a nightmare which less pertains to aliens as it does to hairy guys, which is totally understandable, let's face it."
—Chick, Earth Girls Are Easy.
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"How does going with the hotter guy with the amazing orgasm touch, can pick up any talent instantly, bows to your beck and call and can take you to other planets... okay point taken, I'm going to see what's going on by the pool, see if anything... develops." *runs*
—Chick, Earth Girls Are Easy.
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"Little girls are waiting on bated breath for their wedding day. I know I was... when I was six." |
"Here's the thing about dreams: they may provide escape from the real world, but they set expectations for the real world too."
—Chick, Disney Princesses
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"This movie is worse than seven holocausts! This is worse than Nixon rubbing his taint all over the camera for ninety minutes!"
—Chick, after suffering through Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas
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"So if you do decide to watch a Disney sequel, just make sure it's not to a movie you actually like, unless of course [trails off] you enjoy the feel of hands belonging to a clammy uncle groping you in places you'd rather not be touched right now."
—Chick, after suffering through Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas
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"It seems like every girl goes through a dragon phase, or at least I know I did, partly fueled by this movie. I was eleven, and he was just so honorable, and he was voiced by Sean Connery!"
—Chick, Dragonheart
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"I'm your Nostalgia Chick and I am a Distaff Counterpart. Eh, it pays the bills."
—Chick, The Smurfette Principle
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"Women are just doomed. Innocent and childlike yet curious and destructive. I don't know how we stand us."
—Chick, The Smurfette Principle
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"We all still have that notebook of Leo pictures under our bed."
—Chick, Titanic.
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"I probably sold my ponies for tweezers and lipstick and stuff."
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"You put a camera, in my room, at my parents house."
—Nella, My Little Pony
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"Now look, during the summer and winter break, I am perfectly fine with being your beleaguered bitch. However, during your semesters, I am a free. Autonomous. Nella."
—Nella, My Little Pony
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"And then the mom sings an entire song about how disappointed she is in her daughters for being inadequate. ...not that I know how that feels or anything."
—Nella, My Little Pony
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"This might explain why I keep dating alcoholics."
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"I knew it! I knew this is what women did when they were alone! ...wait, I am female."
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Nella: "I learned I like nice tits."
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"At the time, I hate those bitches. And I called Britney Titney because I thought I was clever and was wildly jealous of her fame and success and wealth."
—Blonde Girls Now And Then
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"As you may know, I like to spy on my BFF Nella because she entertains me. I do this by installing cameras in her bedroom, and what I found may not shock you, but she sometimes likes to pretend she's a princess."
—Chick, Ever After
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"No, Lisa, we're progressive here! We're here to make Nella desirable to men, not paperbag our problems away!"
—Chick, Grease
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"I remember how crappy my life was back when I had hot friends. See, I'm not the prettiest person, or the thinnest, or the tallest."
—Chick, Grease
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Nella: "Low self esteem?" —Thanks For The Feedback II
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"And to everyone who wants to bitch about it not being accurate to Greek Mythology, I kindly request you go stuff a ballgag in your mouth and sit in the corner."
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"Or in my case, it's creating a walking, dish-doing, intelligent, fuckable coffee-pot."
—Chick, Playing God
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Chickbot: "Hypocrite!" |
Chickbot: "Why did she program me with a soul of a poet?"
—Playing God
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"You've just been eating cheetos and drinking beer, haven't you? What else have you been doing the last four months?"
—Nella, The Man in the Iron Mask
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"An arrogant prick with just a hint of redemption. Girls love that, because that means they can fix him, and women love men they can fix."
—Chick, The Man in the Iron Mask
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"Leave my dreams, Will Smith fish!"
—Chick, Dreamworks vs. Disney
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Chick: "Begone, minion!" —Dreamworks vs. Disney
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Chick: "Nobody likes puns, Disney, come on..." —Dreamworks vs. Disney
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"So while Nella and I were at Disney, her childlike wonder unshakable and my nonchalance unsubtle as ever."
—Chick, Dreamworks vs. Disney
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"Ugh, I'm getting angry, I need to stop."
—Chick, Dreamworks vs. Disney
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"You know what? I'm j-just gonna not dance. I-I'm gonna curl up into a ball and cry."
—Nella, Dreamworks vs. Disney
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[arguing with Douchey] "Well I get my MacGuffin definition from that bastion of credibility and dignity, Mr. George Lucas. He has the same dignified, totally worthwhile degree that I have!"
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Alien lady: "She's more fragile than she seems." |
"Leeloo looks up war and she loses the will to live because she's a woman."
—Chick, The Fifth Element
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"The only thing that fuels me is my sadness."
—Chickbot, Kirk vs. Picard
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Chick: "Robot!" —Kirk vs. Picard
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"Why was I programmed against suicide?"
—Chickbot, Kirk vs. Picard
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Chick: "...you live in such squalor." —Kirk vs. Picard
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Nella: "I-I never thought a ladder would be my doom." —Kirk vs. Picard
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"So I heard you were in need of a sidekick, and this review has gotten really boring and analytical, so I figured I'd come help."
—Dr. Tease, X-Men
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"I only like X-Men in an intellectual, analytical, culturally relevant way- [Dr. Tease jabs her with Truth Serum] oh my god this was the best show ever, you guys!"
—Chick, X-Men
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Dr. Tease: "Why would Nella leave her Star Trek shirt there?" |
"Oh hug me beast! You're so blue! I love blue things!"
—Chick, X-Men
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"Ahh, God's domain. I have a timeshare there."
—Dr. Tease, X-Men
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"Nella is gone and now I don't have anyone to sit here and make me look good and smart by comparison."
—Chick, X-Men
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"Oh my GOD, it's adorable! Oh my god, lookit the baby Christian Bale! Lookit the poonum! Look at the face! OMIGOD! Just tie him up!"
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"I mean, it's not that I - of all people - would be obsessed with a guy who's face I've never seen!"
—Chick, Grease II
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"I'm not racist, I have a black friend."
—Chick in her TLC retrospective, before the screen goes to Nella
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"Disneyland? Nintendo 64? Teddy bears? Pajamas. Man, little girl, you must have had a really horrible life if pajamas take top slot in enjoyability."
—Chick, City of Angels
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"He's [Lou Pearlman] in jail now. But not for the little boy touching or the money schemes, I mean who doesn't do that?"
—Chick, A Very N*Sync Christmas
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"Maybe my heart is a cold, withered, shriveled thing battered from years of repression and alcoholism."
—Chick, The Christmas Shoes
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"Leave me alone, Mom, I'm busy! This fanfic ain't gonna write itself." *types* "And then Aragorn took Legolas into his masculine—"
—Teenage!Lindsay, The Christmas Shoes
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"We wanted to be as witty and dry and untouchable as Daria, but we related to her vulnerability, whether you were an outsider or not. And Daria helped you laugh it off, snark it off and keep a perspective on what actually mattered."
—Chick, Daria
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"Entertainment is the only product in our kids' lives where parents will go "So what if it's crappy? It's just for my children." You don't say that about anything else in their lives. "What? It's just a car seat! So what if the belt barely works?" "What? It's just food." And do you know why that is? Is it because you want your kids or yourself to be enriched? No. It's because kids are stupid, and you don't care what they watch, you just want them to shut up. So you can blame Disney for going crazy with direct-to-video shit but you know what? It's your fault, parents, for buying shitty awful movies for your kids based on the standards your company used to uphold. Oh wait! You don't care, because kids are stupid, and they want the same shit over and over, and you're okay with them watching shitty movies."
—Chick (in rare Mama Bear mode), Top Ten Worst Disney Sequels
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"So this week we're going to try and be n- ni... less mean, and give you a less awful list to balance out the last one." —Chick, Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels
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"It is the revenge fantasy where you show up to your high school reunion in a white limo and forty pounds lighter wearing fur, all under the guise of innocence and martyrdom, and is totally inapplicable in real life."
—Chick, Cinderella III, Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels
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"You know I'm a total bigot who's all about generalizations, but even I don't buy this."
—Chick, on a Sassy Black Woman scene in What Women Want
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"What do we like more than a big masculine crusader for justice? A project!"
—Chick, Top Ten Hottest Animated Guys
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"Basically, we're all adult children of alcoholics and want to change you."
—Chick, Top Ten Hottest Animated Guys
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"Alright, nothing I love better than being offended by movies Disney made sixty years ago. Thank you, Disney. Thank you for making yourselves such an easy target."
—Chick, Song of the South
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"And, as it's February, it seemed appropriate that I do Song Of The South right now as, here in America, February is National Pet Dental Health Awareness month, and a dog features heavily in this movie."
—Chick, Song of the South
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"Like Uncle Charlie used to say, you run around in the bullpen, you get fucking killed."
—Chick, Song of the South
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