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{{Darth Wiki}}
{{
'''Useless Notes''' on a variety of subjects.▼
▲Useless Notes on a variety of subjects.
The purpose of these is [[Blatant Lies|three-fold]]:
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Contrast [[Useful Notes]].
'''Categories:'''▼
▲{{examples|'''Categories:'''}}
* [[Only a Flesh Wound|It's perfectly safe to shoot people in the arms or legs. In fact, it's safe to shoot them anywhere so long as you don't really mean it.]]
* Dreams follow everyday logic, just without all the denial and stuff. When you dream about the past, it's all going to be in a chronological, rational, and accurate
* [[Kirby|Tomatoes cure all wounds]]. [[Sonic the Hedgehog|And injuries can be prevented]] [[Screw the Rules, I Have Money|by gold]].
* [[Portal (
* [[
* [[Freud Was Right]]. So was Jung.
* All psychologists have German accents, smoke a pipe, and want to know how everything makes you feel.
** [[Sigmund Freud|Also, you were sexually abused and repressed those memeories. I'm going to relax with some cocaine, now.]]
* If you die, [[Everything Fades|your body will disappear in the matter of seconds]].
** Otherwise, your body will [[Ludicrous Gibs|detonate itself]] [[High
* [[Disney Death|It is possible to revive someone who has just died by weeping and letting your tears drop on their face.]]
** [[Magical Defibrillator|Or by electrocuting them.]]
* Dreams never include content which would be banned when shown in public.
* Concussion causes one of the eyes to spin clockwise and the other eye counter-clockwise. It [[Concussions Get You High|can get you high]].
* If your friend has amnesia, just give them a [[Tap
* People can always speak even in moments before dying.
* It's easy to [[Choke Holds|strangle anyone]], even [[Vorpal Pillow|to death]], in less than 5 seconds.
* Landing a large fall is harmful or nearly fatal. However, hitting your head or slamming into a wall is perfectly safe even at very high speeds.
* [[The Bible]], Genesis 1:3: "And God [[Konami Code|pressed up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, and Start]], and there was light."
** Then he pressed Down, Down/Right, Right punch and declared the light with a hadouken.
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** John 1:1: In the beginning was the Word, because God always [[Calling Your Attacks|calls his attacks]]. (But for Him, [[Talking Is a Free Action]].)
*** Then [[Made of Explodium|everything exploded]] because it [[Rule of Cool|looks cool]].
**** And then [[Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies|everything fell on everybody.]]
** In the beginning, there was the Word. And 'the Bird' was the Word.
*** Yea, the Word was beholden unto Him, and Grease was the Word, was the Time, was the Place, was the Way He was feeling.
* [[Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory|Angel is Jesus, Spike is St. Peter, Buffy and/or Cordelia may be Mary Magdalene, Lorne is St. Thomas, and Marcus Hamilton is either Caiaphas the High Priest or Pontius Pilate.]]
** And Brian from ''[[Life of Brian]]'' is Jesus. Also, Chu-Chu from ''[[
* Neither Good nor Evil will ever triumph over one another, as the forces of good [[Crazy Prepared|have a plan]] [[Memetic Mutation|in place to defeat any plan the villains could put into play]], while the [[Xanatos Gambit|forces of evil plan to be defeated in order to advance their evil goals]].
* [[Christianity Is Catholic|Roman Catholicism is the only Christian denomination in the world.]] Anyone who tells you otherwise is a heretic and shall be [[Burn the Witch|burned at the stake]].
** And [[Jack Chick]] is actually part of the Catholic [[Ancient Conspiracy]] which he writes about (how else would he know so much about it?), sowing discord and confusion among... well, everyone.
* God is a jealous god, and is [[
** Actually, He might make you cry, and [[God Is Evil|is all but certainly going to hurt you]].
* God was one of us. Just a slob like one of us. Just a stranger on the bus trying to make His way home.
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* The Old Testament does not exist, unless we're talking about homosexuality.
* [[Our Vampires Are Different|Keith Richards is a daywalker.]]
** So is [[David Bowie]].
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*** It will also cause you to perform a Columbine-style attack against you're classmates, ''especially'' if you listen to [[Marilyn Manson]].
* [[Running Gag|FREE BIRD!!]]
* [[Batman|Punk is nothing but death]] [[Atop the Fourth Wall
* Nothing made before [[The Sixties]] is good, and that's being generous.
** And [[The Beatles (band)|The Beatles]] was the only band around back then. They were totally original, and they invented rock.
** Everything made in [[The Sixties]] was extremely high-quality and original, and all of it topped the charts back then.
* Elvis was a fat dude who did nothing but dance like [[Forrest Gump]] and end every phrase with "[[Verbal Tic|Uh-huh huh, thankyouverymuch!]]".
** And then he [[Elvis Has Left the Planet|went home]].
* [[Rule of Three|FREE BIRD!!]]
* [[Wangst
* Jazz and classical music? It's the same thing.
* The older a music genre gets the more dignified it becomes. After it's been around for about forty years it stops being the devil's music and becomes a respectable style to be taught in schools.
* [[Nirvana]] was the only grunge band ever.
* [[
* [[Overly Long Gag|FREE B--]]ow ow OW! Okay, okay, I'll stop, I swear!
* Anything recorded [[Seinfeld Is Unfunny|more than five years before your birth]] or [[Nostalgia Filter|after you've turned 25]] is crap not worth listening to.
** Yes, ''all'' past music was [[Nothing but Hits|nothing but classic hits]] that you hear today! There were never any bad bands that got lots of unwarranted attention, no gimmicky technology or instruments used, and [[Ear Worm|no annoyingly catchy yet stupid songs]]. [[The Magic Goes Away|Sucks for your generation]].
* Majority of people listen to only one genre of music.
* [[Backmasking|!luaP deirub I]]
* [[Weird Al]] [[Misattributed Song|made every funny song ever, especially the really raunchy sexual ones.]]
* As time goes on music becomes more and more corrupt, and all about sex and drugs. Music was much more wholesome and drug-free back in the days of [[The Beatles (band)|The Beatles]] and [[Jimi Hendrix]], or back even further to [[Louis Armstrong]] and [[Cab Calloway]]. They ''never'' sang about drugs like singers today do.
* [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy|Soldiers can't actually hit anyone---anyone who matters, at least.]]
** Averted if what they're aiming for is actually something that can defeat whatever needs to be defeated.
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* [[Hollywood Silencer|Attaching a small tube to the barrel of any gun will make it completely silent.]] This includes, but is not limited to, rocket launchers.
* [[Instant Death Bullet|If a bullet makes contact with a human body, the body will instantly cease to function, even if the bullet only grazed its little toe.]].. unless it hits the shoulder, as mentioned above.
* Under [[
* [[Talking Is a Free Action|It takes less time to tell your life story than it takes to throw a jab.]]
* On the other end of the spectrum, Japanese martial artists fight by telling their life stories, explaining how each and every one of their attacks work, and describing [[The Wheel of Time|their clothing]] [[Padding|at great length]]. Well, they do throw a punch or two, but in the end, victory usually goes to the first one to [[Inaction Sequence|bore his opponent to death]].
* In hand-to-hand unarmed combat, [[Kung Foley|your ears are an important asset]] for gauging whether you are winning. A whoosh means you missed, a deep thud means it didn't hit hard enough to matter (unless your opponent then retches; then [[Blood From the Mouth|you have killed]]), and a crunch, whip-crack, or other noticeably loud noise means it did. [[Kiai|The louder you yell, the harder you will hit.]] However, unless you happen to be [[Bruce Lee]] or [[Bruce Lee Clone|one of his 50,000+ government-authorized clones]], [[Funny Bruce Lee Noises|exaggerated high-pitched yells will only telegraph that you are not a good fighter]].
* [[Humongous Mecha|Giant, bipedal robots]] are the most effective weapon in any situation, time, or universe. Likewise, a bigger robot is ''always'' better, [[Square
** [[Spider Tank|Vehicles with more than two legs]] are even better.
* When in doubt, just punch, slash or cast kickass magic (depending on the genre) with incredible anger and will. The power of [[Hot
* If one red military vehicle takes on one hundred differently-colored vehicles of the same model, [[Law of Chromatic Superiority|the red one will win.]]
** [[
* [[Godzilla|Nuclear bombs are the the main cause of giant radioactive dinosaurs.]]
** And throwing them into the sun is the main cause of evil supermen.
* [[Custom Uniform|The more your clothing resembles that of any of your allies, the more likely you are to die in battle.]] [[Redshirt Army|If you're wearing a uniform with no customisation, it's probably quicker to just stay at home and shoot yourself.]]
* [[Armor Is Useless|When heading to battle, you're quite fine not wearing any protective armor.]] In fact, wearing it gets you killed ''faster''. If you lose while wearing said armor, it's not because you might have failed to choose your battles and the opponent resulted being [[Crazy Prepared]] or a better planner, and it's not because you got [[The Law of Diminishing Defensive Effort|overconfident in your gear]], it's clearly the fault of the armor ''itself''. The solution is 'wear less of it' or [[Full
** If you're female, armour may be worn, [[Chainmail Bikini|but only if it's shaped specifically to parade your considerable curves and fails to protect your forearms, thighs, midriff or any other easy target]]. [[Combat Stilettos|Also make sure to wear the highest heels you can find]].
* [[Katanas Are Better|it makes perfect sense to bring a katana or some kind of sword into battle even though your enemies are equipped with rocket launchers, heavy machine guns, and assault rifles]].
* As a general rule, all combat can be avoided by hiding oneself inside a [[Mobile Shrubbery|small bush, cardboard box or similar article which shouldn't move without assistance]]. If you avoid being directly in someone's path or moving while being observed, [[The Guards Must Be Crazy|this is foolproof]].
* Being arbitrarily designated [[Contractual Boss Immunity|a 'boss' is a superior form of protection to any armour]].
* [[Right Makes Might|When the good guy gets into a fight with a bad guy, the good guy will always win.]] Don't worry if the bad guy appears to have 30
* Battlefields are divided into squares. Soldiers, depending on specialty, can move in an arbitrary pattern along the battlefield. Religious figures also get involved and move diagonally. Women are the most powerful soldiers on Earth.
* Face-covering helmets pose a [[Faceless Goons|dire combat risk]] to the wearer.
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* Many battles can [[Press X to Not Die|be won easily]] with a game controller.
* One of the more common space fighter formations a small group of fighters following each other in a sine-wave like pattern.
* Any psychopath can join the military, and they are often rewarded for their psychopathic tendencies.
* [[Bullet Hell|The more projectiles someone can fire]], the less noise they make.
* Most monsters and mythical beasts have the decency to [[Turn
* Always assume that [[Authority Equals Asskicking|the leader in any military force is the strongest soldier]]. In fact, to be promoted, a soldier must be able to at least eliminate an army or [[Klingon Promotion|defeat his commanding officer]].
* Every war has good guys and bad guys. The good guys always win.
=== Astronomy ===
* A ray of sunlight is made up of many atoms.
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* As you get closer to the sun, it becomes dimmer and it gets easier to see its features without being blinded like you would be on Earth.
** [[The Face of the Sun|The sun also has a face, which most of the time smiles.]]
* Space travel is rather easy and fun because [[Conveniently
* The planets orbit along visible white lines going around the sun. They keep the planets from falling down into space.
* The moon is made of cheese and was formed by the curdling of milk coming from the Milky Way, and like the sun, [[The Man in
** When the moon goes through it's phases and becomes a crescent, it actually physically changes shape. Scientists sometimes attribute this phenomenon to it's cheese-covered surface being eaten by space mice.
* The rings on Saturn are solid, and you would be able to walk on them.
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=== Meteorology ===
* Snowflakes are always larger than
** When magnified 1000 times under a microscope you will be able to find tiny civilizations living on every snowflake.
* [[When It Rains, It Pours|The minimum rain intensity is at least 1 millimeter per minute]].
* It is always either rain or snow. Neither of the things known as sleet exist.
** Nor does hail, unless it's relevant to the plot.
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* Wind often produces visible white lines.
* [[Stock Sound Effects|Strong winds can be recognized by a howling sound.]] Foliage rubbing against itself never creates any sounds during windy times.
* [[Lightning Can Do Anything]], such as [[Short Circuit
* The chances of it raining increases exponentially [[Gray Rain of Depression|whenever someone is sad]]. It's even more likely to start raining [[It Always Rains At Funerals|if there's a funeral]].
** [[Battle in
** [[Rock Bottom|People wondering how things can get any worse]] are the leading cause of sudden downpours.
* Tornadoes are living entities that prey on trailer parks and mobile homes, and [[Twister|have the ability to roar.]] You'll be fine as long as you [[Do Not Touch the Funnel Cloud]]. If you do you'll be [[The Wizard of Oz|teleported to Oz]].
=== Paleontology ===
* Dinosaurs are not extinct and are, oddly enough, often found on remote tropical islands or hidden tropical lands found only in the most remote parts of the South Pole.
** They also hang around in swamps near volcanoes a lot.
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* Mammals survived the asteroid impact 65 million years ago by hiding inside Tyrannosaur skulls, so that millions of years later their descendants could depict them dramatically climbing out at the end of their dinosaur documentaries.
=== Other biology ===
* There are many types of jellyfish that produce [[Electric Jellyfish|electricity]]. Jellyfish do not have polyp and planula forms.
* [[I Love Nuclear Power|Exposing any sort of creature to radiation will not kill it, but rather mutate it into a larger and more powerful form.]] [[Godzilla|This is especially true for dinosaurs living near Japan.]]
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* A single gene is more than enough to identify exactly who the DNA came from.
* [[Funny Animal|Animals who talk, wear clothes, and generally act like people]] [[Unusually Uninteresting Sight|are perfectly normal.]]
** [[Rule
* "Soldier Genes" can be [[Metal Gear|taken from a sample to create a superior clone of a soldier]], while the inferior genes leave the other twin clone with blond hair and a British accent. The DNA can also be used to enhance supersoldiers. An upper skull and spine can survive being removed from a body and grafted to an exoskeleton.
* The bones in the human body are made of an as of yet undiscovered yet incredible durable material. Except for the head, so you can hit someone as hard as you want anywhere else because the worst they'll suffer is maybe a broken bone and most likely they'll just get a sprain.
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* Whales use blowholes just to produce fountain of water.
=== Other ===
* Though the [[Government Conspiracy]] (and [[
** Unfortunately, it is [[Million
* Erupting volcanoes cannot harm you with contact or exposure to the resulting rocks and ashes, because those rarely actually appear. The lava flow, as well, [[Convection Shmonvection|cannot hurt you unless you touch it.]] The exception to this rule is the partially molten rocks that hit the ground starting from a one-half-mile radius of the volcano.
* [[Superhero|Exposure to radiation and other allegedly dangerous conditions will in fact lead to the development of various sweet new abilities. Want to stand out from the crowd? Then get irradiated!]]
** These superpowers [[Lovecraftian Superpower|almost never come with a drawback]].
* [[Blown Across the Room|An example from ballsitics: bullet impacts generate enough energy to propel targets backwards. The distance the victim is propelled increases in proportion to their level of seniority in any evil organisation they may belong to, which floor of the building they are on, proximity to plate glass windows and sassiness of the shooter's preceding one-liner.]]
* Science works better when you [[For Science!|shout]].
* The majority of gemstones found weigh about 100 to 2000 carats. The largest gemstones often exceed [[Treasure Is Bigger in Fiction|a size of a car]].
* It is possible to get propelled 20 meters into air by jumping on a board with [[Springs Springs Everywhere|a short spring underneath it]].
* The Theory of Relativity can be [[Faster
* Drops of water or any liquid are shaped like a hemisphere from the lower side and [
* Large chimneys next to nuclear power plants emit poisonous acidic gases.
* To pick up an item, one should just touch or walk or over it and being inside a vehicle doesn't cause any problems either.
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* A cubic meter of glass is much more fragile than a cubic meter of sandstone or limestone.
* Dark matter is visible and colored black.
* [[Frickin' Laser Beams|Lasers]] fired from guns can be dodged. Similarly, it can be used as [[Laser Blade|cutting tools]] of various shapes and sizes.
* [[Nominal Importance|Only the most important people in the world have names.]] Anyone who tells you otherwise is a terrorist.
* [[Beware the Nice Ones|The more kind and friendly a person is, the more they will kill you if you push them too hard.]]
* If you can think of a problem, [[Crazy Prepared|Batman has already come up with a solution for it.]]
* [[Heroic Sociopath|Sometimes, it's okay to root for a likable killer.]]
* [[Hello, Nurse!|Nurses are always sexy, no matter what.]] [[Nightmare Fuel|Unless they're the Joker in drag.]] [[Fetish Fuel|Even then, some people may still find it sexy.]]
* If anyone sounds like they have a really convincing American accent, [[Fake American|they're probably faking it.]]
* Native people are either magic or cruel. Sometimes both. There's no such thing as a Native person who lives in a city and has a job. Native Americans, who all live in tipis, may be distinguished by their dramatic feathered war-bonnets, which everyone wears constantly, even while indoors. When not attacking the tribe next door (warpaint and uluating war cries obligatory), they carve totem poles, care for their scalp collections, and hold rain dances. Fortunately for them, all of tribes across the vast North American continent share a single language,<ref>This is also true of Australia</ref>
** Warrior or magic man, every single word they say will be [[Noble Savage|simple yet honest wisdom]]. So much their mere presence provokes hallucinations involving magic animals.
** Also, every native man [[Fan Service|wears only a loincloth, in every climate from the Canadian winter to the Amazon]]. Native women wear either a [[Fur Bikini]] or, more often, a buckskin dress. Native men regard pants as unmanly.
* When in doubt in an argument, [[
** Remember, people whose political affiliations are different from yours are [[Commie Nazis]] .
* [[Five
** Or [[Trilogy Creep|a trio of five]]?
** [[Die Hard
* [[Everybody Is Jesus in Purgatory|Elvis lives. He is the President. He will always be the President.]]
* [[All Germans Are Nazis]] even to this day, and if they say they aren't, they're lying.
* All [[Canada, Eh?|Canadians]] live in igloos and live on only donuts, poutine, maple syrup, and the flesh of Mooses. Most Canadians are ice fishers (they export the fish, they don't consider it nearly as tasty or nutritious as Moose). Particularly rich and successful Canadians reinforce their igloos with copious numbers of Celine Dion cds.
* All Africans are beautiful refugees who are stuck living in displaced persons camps despite having deceased millionaire fathers who were in the oil business. They're willing to share these millions with the first naive, lovesick American they find on a dating website (or email out of the blue, without ever having met the person they're emailing), as long as the American first gives them their name, address, phone number, credit card number and social security number.
** Also, everyone has a distant millionaire relative in Africa too. When they die someone will randomly email you telling you that you're inheriting all their wealth.
** ''[[The Book of Mormon (
* All Britons [[I Am Very British|strive to imitate a toff every time they speak]]. Their diet consists solely of [[Spot of Tea|tea, crumpets]] and foreigners, they have poor [[British Teeth|oral hygiene]] and consider [[British Brevity|three television episodes a complete series]]. With the exception of their young women and the occasional [[Quintessential British Gentleman|man]], they're [[Evil Brit|all evil]], but at least they're not as evil as their [[The Patriot|Nazi-like ancestors]].
* Everyone living south of the US / Mexico border, even as far south as Argentina, is Mexican. They all speak Spanish and have brown skin, so they must be all the same nationality, right?
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* [[We All Live in America|There is one basic culture]], and a culture which is not your own is basically the same except for a few differences in food and television.
** There are exceptions, such as [[Animeland|Japan]], but [[Macekre|America is more culture-neutral than any other country]].
* All Africans and Middle Easterners [[No
* All bigots are white, and are also anti-semites, even if they've never even heard of Jews.
* "Semite" means just Jews. Jews cannot be anti-Semitic, and are always Zionist Commies.
* Your current government leader is evil and [[Ruined FOREVER|desecrating everything your country stands for]]. Or, they're the [[Fixer Sue|the best leader EVER]]. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just [[Moral Myopia|mistaken]] and just needs [[Author Filibuster|convincing]].
** Likewise, the title of "[[Anti Christ]]" has been passed down from president to president in the U.S. since George Washington, though only people with different political views than the president in office can see it.
** Similarly, [[
* [[Animeland|Japan]] is still bitter towards the US over losing [[World War Two]], and are retaliating by turning innocent white American children into rice-munching, cosplaying, Pokemon-playing otakus so that when they bomb Pearl Harbor again every American under the age of 25 will join in the overthrow of the US government. The [[Gratuitous Japanese]] trope names on [[This Very Wiki]] is evidence of their scheme.
* Prior to [[The VJ Day Kiss]] of August 14, 1945, [[All Asians Are Alike|all Asian people]] were evil. All Chinese people were [[Yellow Peril|monstrous]], [[Good Hair, Evil Hair|evil-moustached]], if [[Affably Evil|gentlemanly]], [[Diabolical Mastermind
* [[Defeat Means Friendship|Kicking other people's *sses]] always ensures a healthy social life.
* [[You Suck|YOU SUCK.]]
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* [[Parasol Parachute|Umbrellas save the lives of thousands of falling victims per year.]]
* If you're trapped in a burning building and not promptly rescued, you will inevitably [[Man On Fire|burst into flames]]. Neither smoke inhalation nor [[Convection Shmonvection|hot air]] will be your undoing, because fire obeys the [[Rule of Cool]].
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* [[Mercy Invincibility|If you get hurt, even if it's something as severe as a gunshot wound, you'll be invincible for a second or two.]]
* [[The Mountains of Illinois|Mountains are everywhere.]]
* The vast, frozen [[Commie Land]] called [[Lzherusskie|Russia]] is a mysterious [[Geographic Flexibility|geographic anomaly]], simultaneously visible from Alaska (would [[Tina Fey|Sarah Palin]] lie to you?) and bordering the [[Deep South]] of the United States ([[Global Ignorance|how else could they invade Georgia?]]). [[Where the Hell Is Springfield?|It might also be near Europe or Asia or something]], according to [[That Other Wiki|less-than-reliable accounts]].
* Most of the [[Eagle Land|United States]] [[California Doubling|has palm trees, except for the Midwest, which looks exactly like Vancouver and New York City and Chicago, which look exactly like Toronto]].
** [[Big Applesauce|And if anything interesting or supernatural happens, it always happens in New York.]]
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** Brazil (the only country in South America), is a primitive [[Banana Republic]] [[The Capital of Brazil Is Buenos Aires|whose capital is Buenos Aires]]. Like all Mexicans, they speak Spanish and all have brown skin. They live in jungles villages full of monkeys, snakes and drug dealers. Men wear big sombreros and ponchos, take long naps in the middle of the street and drink tequila. Women walk around naked showing their well-trimmed pubic hair and dance flamenco. ''Olé!''
* Asia is just China and Japan. [[All Asians Are Alike|Though there isn't that big of a difference between them.]] Japan makes electronics and anime, China makes toys tainted with lead paint. It's covered in jungle and bamboo, and populated by pandas, tigers, and people in those funny flat round hats with the point in the middle of them. [[Digging to China|If you were to dig straight down through the Earth you would end up in China, no matter where you start digging.]] Everyone knows karate there, and rarely does a day go by where some karate riot doesn't break out in a city where there are two rival martial arts schools. At least until [[Godzilla]] arrives and destroys everyone.
** Vietnam (a Chinese country) was destroyed by [[First Blood|Rambo]], [[Chuck Norris]] and [[Watchmen (comics)|Dr Manhattan]] in the Seventies, so it doesn't exist anymore.
* In [[Land Down Under|Australia]], the land is populated by aborigines, [[Kangaroos Represent Australia|kangaroos]], koalas, alligators, [[Looney Tunes|Tasmanian Devils]], poisonous tarantulas and scorpions, maybe the occasional [[The Rescuers|giant bird]], and plenty of other creatures [[Everything Is Trying to Kill You|that can't wait to kill you]]. Besides the aborigines you've got rugged outback men who [[Crocodile Dundee|don't call anything less than a 12-inch dagger a knife]], say "G'day mate" a lot, eat <s>shrimp</s> off the barbie, and [[Crocodile Hunter|enjoy harassing the deadly creatures that populate the continent.]] The terrain consists of the barren outback, maybe a rainforest here and there, but watch out [[Fern Gully|for any evil pollution spirits trapped in the trees]]. And apparently the word for 'beer' in the local tongue is 'Foster's'. Fosters is a delightful and refreshing drink and not brewed from powered aluminium.
* Antarctica is that really long white strip of land you see at the bottom of the map, with ice, snow, [[
* Greenland is ''at'' the North Pole, and Santa lives there.
** Despite having a Canadian post code.
* The American Midwest is incredibly cold, all the time. Even at low altitudes in the summer. Everyone in the Midwest is a white supremacist, and the poorest people in the Midwest vote Republican while the richest people vote Democrat.
* [[Deep South|The American South]] is full of racist, banjo picking, inbred hillbillies who either rape or shoot foreigners that they "don't take too kindly to 'round these parts". ''[[Deliverance]]'' might as well be a documentary.
* [[Canada, Eh?|Canada]] is that northern piece of [[Ghibli Hills|wilderness]] somewhere above America, eh, where it's always cold and snowing and the trees bleed maple syrup. The locals, where the country is populated at all, consist of Natives, people who are oddly polite and a couple of strange French guys. It's main exports are the aforementioned syrup, flannel (mostly in plaid), small Mountie figurines and hokey sticks (which are harvested annually from the same trees that the syrup comes from), and its main industries are various kinds of woodwork and igloo-craft. The sole religion practiced is also Hokey, which all young children are given a thorough education in, beginning at birth (or earlier, if parents can manage it). The country [[Actual Pacifist|has no military forces to speak of]], nor has it ever had them, or even weapons, except for snowballs (and icicles, but you need a license for those).
* Half of the mountains have a spiral path going up the mountain.
* All deserted islands can only be found in tropical regions.
* Between the dawn of time to about 1492, nothing really interesting happened. And even then, things were still pretty boring until the 20th century.
** Except for when dinosaurs existed. They're awesome.
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** Also, every day there was a dramatic showdown between two samurai. On days when there ''weren't'' samurai fights there were awesome ninja fights.
* [[Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure|Napoleon was a short, dead dude. Ceasar was a salad dressing dude. And Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.]]
* History stops being interesting, noteworthy or worth studying once you get past [[World War
** [[World War
* [[World War
** The [[Soviet Union]] may have had a brief scuffle with Germany too, [[Or So
* [[Would Be Rude to Say Genocide|The Holocaust was the only genocide ever, in all of history.]] Any other group that claims to have suffered genocide actually just one day decided to peacefully leave the area where they lived for hundreds of years without a complaint, and now their descendants just want money.
* [[George Washington]] never told a lie, and Thanksgiving was a wonderful moment of friendship between whites and Native Americans. How could thousands of 1st grade plays be wrong?
* Segregation started up very suddenly in the
* The Americas were visited by all sorts of visitors, from ancient Greece and Rome to the Middle East to West Africa to China to Atlantis to extraterrestrials. These people gave the locals their culture.
* [[Titanic:
** [[The Legend of the Titanic|According to other eyewitness accounts]], the Titanic and everyone on board were saved thanks to the efforts of talking mice and a giant octopus. And it was deliberately run into an ice berg by evil whale poachers.
* [[ET Gave Us Wi
* [[The Great Video Game Crash of 1983|The global video game industry was utterly destroyed in 1983]], and nothing was developed until ''[[Super Mario Bros.]]''. But that doesn't matter, because there were no games before that apart from ''[[Pong]]'', ''[[
* The first pirates were a bunch of [[Pirate Parrot|parrot fanciers]] from [[Talk Like a Pirate|the West Country]].
* Everyone thought the world was flat and consisted only of Europe for a long time. Then came Columbus, who sailed off specifically to prove the world was round. The whole "trade route to India" thing was nonsense.
* Likewise, everyone was a geocentrist until Galileo [[Queen|Figaro Magnificooooooooo]].
* Ponce De Leon really wanted to find the Fountain of Youth in Florida. He totally wasn't trying to find natives to enslave or anything.
* Everyone used to be able to fly. Then Sir Issac Newton invented gravity and ruined all the fun.
* In [[The Fifties]], no matter where you were you could always hear "[["Mister Sandman" Sequence|Mr. Sandman]]" playing in the background.
** In [[The Sixties]], psychedelic rock was playing in the background, except for in Vietnam, where it was CCR's ''Fortunate Son''.
** In [[The Seventies]] disco was playing 24/7. And everybody loved it.
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* Before the late sixties, everything was in black and white.
* [[MST3K Mantra|Relax, it's just fiction.]]
* Good always wins, Evil always returns, and rule one is not always true.
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* [[Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure|All we are, is dust in the wind, dude.]]
* Women are [[Ms. Fanservice|all 90-60-90 cm]] unless they're old, and [[Foxy Grandma|even then]]... Also, [[Panty Shot|there's going to be upward wind every time you wear a skirt]]. Expect your shirt to rip very often and your cleavage to show accidentally in many situations. By all means, wear a skirt (preferably a sailor fuku) to beat up a villain with karate or kung-fu.
** Corollary: [[Dirty Old Man|Dirty Old Men]] are everywhere and [[Lovable Sex Maniac|likable though perverted]]. Sexual harassment is [[Accidental Pervert|funny and endearing]] and totally not a criminal offense.
** Also, if a woman isn't a blond chick with ginormous boobs and a tiny waist, she's ugly. If you have sex with her, you're pathetic.
* [[Sexophone|Smooth jazz]] is played in the background
* [[Freud Was Right|When you grow up, you'll marry your mom]].
* [[Tsundere|That horrible girl who keeps bullying you is secretly in love with you]].
** [[Yandere|The girl who's chopping off your fingers too]].
* [[The Unfair Sex|Only men are capable of sexual discrimination]].
** Similarly, only whites are capable of racism.
* [[Everyone Is Bi|Bisexuals only occur in large herds]].
** If one is isolated, then he or she will <s>al</s>most certainly be [[Depraved Bisexual|psycho and/or evil]].
** [[No Bisexuals|Male bisexuals don't exist.]] [[Girl
* [[Schoolgirl Lesbians|It's just a phase.]] Experimenting in highschool is [[Girl
** [[The Unfair Sex|Note that all that only applies to women.]] If you have sex with a man even once, you're a [[Flamboyant Gay]]. Even if you were [[Seme|on top]].
*** Also, if you so much as look at another man in a way that someone arbitrarily deems "gay", you're a flaming queer forever.
* Gay men only have sex anally. Also, you can get AIDS even from masturbating with another guy. But if you both claim to be straight and have sex, then you cannot transfer AIDS to your partner.
** Then again, sometimes it's possible to get AIDS simply by standing too close to someone who has it.
* Men being raped is perfectly acceptable. First off, [[Double Standard Rape (Female
** Or they got arrested, in which case, [[Prison Rape|they deserve it]].
* Of course you won't get pregnant if it's your first time. That's impossible.
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* Masturbation will make you blind and crippled.
* Large amounts of money are stored inside sacks with a $ sign on it.
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* The only way to win the game is to kill everyone else, while not thinking about it.
* When switching between TV channels, a static is briefly seen.
* [[Pac
* All factories have zigzag roofs and at least one big chimney.
* Throwing something makes a 'whoosh' sound.
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{{reflist}}
[[Category:Just for Fun]]
[[Category:This Index Is Useless]]
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