Useless Notes (Darth Wiki)

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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Useless Notes on a variety of subjects.

The purpose of these is three-fold:

  1. To enforce, or even top, common media stereotypes.
  2. To base silly facts from tropes on this site.
  3. There is no three.
  4. To play around with Hollywood History, Hollywood Science, and other such Did Not Do the Research tropes.
  5. To just have fun.

This doesn't mean you just post any random fact. Since this is a site about tropes, please try to keep any of these notes related to a trope or established page here. Also, unless it's based on Refuge in Vulgarity or any related trope, let's keep the vulgarity to a minimum, please.

Compare Things We Have Learnt From Media, only that is what media has taught us, while this is things we are trying to teach others, sort of.

Contrast Useful Notes.

Categories:

Medicine & Psychology

Religion

Music

Military & Warfare

Science

Astronomy


Meteorology

Paleontology

  • Dinosaurs are not extinct and are, oddly enough, often found on remote tropical islands or hidden tropical lands found only in the most remote parts of the South Pole.
    • They also hang around in swamps near volcanoes a lot.
    • As well as in great subterranean lands, deep underneath the earth.
  • Dragons and dinosaurs are the same thing. Some dinosaurs were actually able to breathe fire.
  • Dinosaurs were alive at the same time as Woolly Mammoths, Sabre-tooth Tigers, and of course, humans. Though this does go without saying, since they're still not extinct everywhere in the world. This makes The Flintstones much more scientifically accurate than scientists want you to believe.
  • Cavemen hunted dinosaurs, during the age of the dinosaurs the world was covered in deserts, jungles and swamps, pterosaurs are actually all flying dinosaurs called pterodactyls and were all a cross between a Pteranodon and Rhamphorhynchus, Velociraptors were six feet tall with no feathers, and the dinosaurs lived one million years ago.
  • Many dinosaurs survived extinction by migrating into The Great Valley.
  • Evolution occurs when an animal reaches a new Power Level, causing it to instantly morph into a completely different species.
  • If you were to go back in time to the dinosaur age, you would only see famous dinosaurs. You wouldn't see anything that hasn't been discovered as a fossil yet.
  • Human meat is apparently like cat nip to Tyrannosaurs. Whenever they meet time traveling humans or are cloned in modern times, they're likely to pass up even a Triceratops carcass just to chase and devour a human.
  • Mammals survived the asteroid impact 65 million years ago by hiding inside Tyrannosaur skulls, so that millions of years later their descendants could depict them dramatically climbing out at the end of their dinosaur documentaries.

Other biology

Other

Culture & People


Safety

Geography

  • Mountains are everywhere.
  • The vast, frozen Commie Land called Russia is a mysterious geographic anomaly, simultaneously visible from Alaska (would Sarah Palin lie to you?) and bordering the Deep South of the United States (how else could they invade Georgia?). It might also be near Europe or Asia or something, according to less-than-reliable accounts.
  • Most of the United States has palm trees, except for the Midwest, which looks exactly like Vancouver and New York City and Chicago, which look exactly like Toronto.
  • There is a country to the north of Europe which can be known as Britain, the UK or England. The capital city is London, where Stonehenge is. The only other city in this country is Cardiff, which is where everyone speaks with a weird version of an English accent and all the aliens are. Except the ones that are from London.
    • London consists entirely of Big Ben and Buckingham Palace. There's nothing else there. Also, everyone in the city dresses and acts like it's still the 1890's.
  • Greenland is almost as big as South America. Just look at any world map. Also, land tends to look more stretched out the further north you go.
  • Texas is the largest state in the US. Some people claim it's Alaska, but if you look at any map of the US you can clearly see that Alaska is actually about half the size of California, and right next to Hawaii (which is right off the coast of California, by the way). Both states are surrounded by an odd box-like landmass.
  • You can see the Eiffel Tower out of every window in France no matter where you are or which way you are facing. And France is basically just Paris.
    • In fact, it's a little known fact that the majority of France's population lives within 100 yards of the Eiffel Tower. The only people allowed to live elsewhere are wine-makers and owners of small, romantic inns in the country-side.
  • Africa is all one country, except for Egypt, and possibly South Africa, that evil country where apartheid happened. Geographically, Africa has two climates. There's the vast Sahara desert, made up of endless sand dunes, pyramids, sphinxes, cacti, and the random oasis, consisting of a small pond and some palm trees (though these will rarely not be a mirage). The second climate is a dense jungle, consisting of gorillas, lions, elephants, hippos, dinosaurs, cannibal natives, and European jungle men who were raised by apes. Besides them, everyone in Africa is black, and their clothing is optional.
  • Everyone in the Middle East is Islamic, except in Israel. Everyone's a terrorist suicide bomber in the Middle East too. And there's lots of oil everywhere, just laying around in huge black lakes. The terrain is otherwise pretty much the same as the desert part of Africa including sand dunes and pyramids and cacti, just with oil.
  • South America (no not that South America) is a big rain forest, where people make coffee beans and cocaine. There aren't really any independent countries there, at least if there are they aren't very important. Environmentalists like to whine about trees being cut down there, or something.
    • Brazil (the only country in South America), is a primitive Banana Republic whose capital is Buenos Aires. Like all Mexicans, they speak Spanish and all have brown skin. They live in jungles villages full of monkeys, snakes and drug dealers. Men wear big sombreros and ponchos, take long naps in the middle of the street and drink tequila. Women walk around naked showing their well-trimmed pubic hair and dance flamenco. Olé!
  • Asia is just China and Japan. Though there isn't that big of a difference between them. Japan makes electronics and anime, China makes toys tainted with lead paint. It's covered in jungle and bamboo, and populated by pandas, tigers, and people in those funny flat round hats with the point in the middle of them. If you were to dig straight down through the Earth you would end up in China, no matter where you start digging. Everyone knows karate there, and rarely does a day go by where some karate riot doesn't break out in a city where there are two rival martial arts schools. At least until Godzilla arrives and destroys everyone.
  • In Australia, the land is populated by aborigines, kangaroos, koalas, alligators, Tasmanian Devils, poisonous tarantulas and scorpions, maybe the occasional giant bird, and plenty of other creatures that can't wait to kill you. Besides the aborigines you've got rugged outback men who don't call anything less than a 12-inch dagger a knife, say "G'day mate" a lot, eat shrimp off the barbie, and enjoy harassing the deadly creatures that populate the continent. The terrain consists of the barren outback, maybe a rainforest here and there, but watch out for any evil pollution spirits trapped in the trees. And apparently the word for 'beer' in the local tongue is 'Foster's'. Fosters is a delightful and refreshing drink and not brewed from powered aluminium.
  • Antarctica is that really long white strip of land you see at the bottom of the map, with ice, snow, penguins and polar bears. Otherwise it's not too interesting, a lot of maps don't even show it, and it's not surprising. Its main landmark is a big red and white striped pole sticking out of the ground with a sign on it that says "The South Pole". It matches The North Pole, except that Santa doesn't live there.
  • Greenland is at the North Pole, and Santa lives there.
    • Despite having a Canadian post code.
  • The American Midwest is incredibly cold, all the time. Even at low altitudes in the summer. Everyone in the Midwest is a white supremacist, and the poorest people in the Midwest vote Republican while the richest people vote Democrat.
  • The American South is full of racist, banjo picking, inbred hillbillies who either rape or shoot foreigners that they "don't take too kindly to 'round these parts". Deliverance might as well be a documentary.
  • Canada is that northern piece of wilderness somewhere above America, eh, where it's always cold and snowing and the trees bleed maple syrup. The locals, where the country is populated at all, consist of Natives, people who are oddly polite and a couple of strange French guys. It's main exports are the aforementioned syrup, flannel (mostly in plaid), small Mountie figurines and hokey sticks (which are harvested annually from the same trees that the syrup comes from), and its main industries are various kinds of woodwork and igloo-craft. The sole religion practiced is also Hokey, which all young children are given a thorough education in, beginning at birth (or earlier, if parents can manage it). The country has no military forces to speak of, nor has it ever had them, or even weapons, except for snowballs (and icicles, but you need a license for those).
  • Half of the mountains have a spiral path going up the mountain.
  • All deserted islands can only be found in tropical regions.


History

Philosophy

Sexuality

Other

  1. This is also true of Australia
  2. In fact, that'd be closer to Chinese
  3. As long as you give them your name, address, phone number, credit card number and social security number.
  4. (snowballs, of course)