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Derek the Bard is the keeper of the greatest library in the world. Here, he shares his findings from the bottom of the stacks, reviewing strange, odd, and awful novels.
Can be found [https://web.archive.org/web/20110414054821/http://chasingthemuse.blip.tv/ here] on [[Reviewtopia]], and on [[Geekvision]].
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** Stuart from Wolf. Rather than finishing an epic werewolf battle with Jack Nicholson, Michelle Pfeiffer shoots him.
* [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking]]: "I let you have porn! Why is The Omega here? WHAT'S THIS LOBSTER DOING HERE?"
* [[
** The writer of G-8.
** Apparently being bitten by nuclear snakes means the venom from the snakes bonds to one's T-cells and alters their genetics so they turn into snakes with whole brains and scales and everything. Oh, Curse II.
* [[
* [[Audio Erotica]]: The Toxic Avenger's voice, post-transformation.
{{quote|"I'm not gay... but I'd fuck that voice."}}
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* [[Author Filibuster]]: Monsters. The plot is blah blah blah US foreign policy blah blah immigration blah blah blah. Oh, and somewhere in the background, there are Cthulhu elephants wrecking Mexico, but that's not important.
* [[Awesome McCoolname]]: DEATH HAWKINS, one of the Spider's undercover aliases.
* [[The "B" Grade]]: The central plot of The Bumble Beast, and source of Billy's neuroses.▼
* [[Bacon Addiction]]: [[Jesus|Joshua]], of all people, in Lamb.
* [[Badass Bookworm]]
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** Episode 27: Did We Just Review a Movie with Cthulhu?
* [[Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?]]: {{spoiler|Averted! The Bard's not crazy enough to try it.}}
* [[Dissimile]]: In describing the concept of the ''Clerks'' cartoon, he starts off talking about a movie, then feeding the movie meth, because the movie is a person now for some reason, and...
* [[The Ditz]]: Yvonne from Toxic Crusaders. FULL STOP.{{context}}<!-- MOD: No fair stopping before the trope is explained. -->▼
* [[Doomed Hometown]]: Buenos Aires in the Starship Troopers movie.
* [[Doomsday Device]]: The steampunk robot dragon and dinosaurs from The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
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* [[Medal of Dishonor]]: His praise for the giant war-fireballs being the best actors in Troy.
* [[Message in a Bottle]]: Randal sends one out to Dante in the Clerks cartoon. {{spoiler|Dante never gets it, but coincidentally manages to rescue Randal anyway.}}
* [[The Messiah]]: Jesus Himself in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.▼
* [[Most Definitely Not a Villain]]: The Central Empire in Operator #5 has a flag with a decapitated head and two crossed bloody swords. And people are surprised they're an evil empire!
* [[Multiple Head Case]]: Headbanger in Toxic Crusaders.
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* [[Techno Babble]]: There's a lot in Galactic Patrol, and the Bard gamely tries to explain it to everyone.
** There's a scene in Trollhunter where a troll doctor tries to explain why trolls turn into stone when hit with sunlight. It's an incoherent explanation involving vitamin D in their veins.
* [[
* [[Tempting Fate]]:
{{quote|'''"Looks like I have nothing to do today! :D"'''
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'''"WHY DO I HAVE THIS INSTALLED? Nothing good ever comes of it!"''' }}
* [[Timey-Wimey Ball]]: Stuff that happened during GI Joe and the Golden Fleece.
▲* [[The "B" Grade]]: The central plot of The Bumble Beast, and source of Billy's neuroses.
▲* [[The Ditz]]: Yvonne from Toxic Crusaders. FULL STOP.
▲* [[The Messiah]]: Jesus Himself in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
* [[Those Two Guys]]: Jay and Silent Bob in the Clerks cartoon, though they're also almost antagonists sometimes.
* [[Those Wacky Nazis]]: The Central/Purple Empire in Operator 5.
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