"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Fan Works: Difference between revisions

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{{quote|'''Tango/ {{spoiler|Vivi}}:''' What we did together, was it so courageous? Zidane walked among us as an angel of death, down in the dark places, his heart a crippled worm of blackness worse than Kuja's. Worse than Garland. He danced the dance of death and everything he touched turned to dust, linden-bloom. We walked in Alexandria and it exploded. We walked in Lindblum and it exploded. We walked in Burmecia and it exploded. We walked in Cleyra and it exploded. We walked in Terra, the dead planet, and it died. Do you truly know the things Zidane did, down, down, in the dark, with his hands and feet and mouth?

'''Tango/ {{spoiler|Vivi}}:''' Zidane was a ''liar!'' }}

* In Chapter Three of the novel-length ''[[Daria]]'' [[Fanfic]] ''It's All About Respect'', Sandi Griffin delivers a blistering [[Colony Drop]] version of one of these to Daria, in front of a lunch-room crowd:

{{quote|'''Terra''': Thought you mighta been one of the smart ones. Dick had something to prove. Kory was an airhead. Donna was all 'whatever ya say, Dick.' Tincan was stuck in moping mode. An' let's not go there with Raven. But you mighta been something.

'''Beast Boy''': I am! I ditched my lying, deceptive user of a power hungry lunatic, and found someone the complete opposite to share my life with! (''laughs'') And you were so pathetic, after getting out of your slavery in Hell with a sliver of honor, to fall right back to where you DIED. A worthless shell, used to bribe assassins with, among others no doubt, to con with, and scheme with. And now you tried to con yourself a life. With your ex no less. As a martyr to the Titans yourself, back from the dead honorably, when you really died crushing yourself by accident in the murderous rage you created from your insanity. You're pathetic Markov....See, that's your main trouble. You hate the truth Tara. You love lies. Lies are your best friend. You can shape lies. You can't shape truth. You can adjust lies by adding more lies. Adding a lie to a truth just makes it look worse. And you know what you'll end up dying with Tara? You and your lies. What a life that was. From nothing to something to nothing again. Hope you like this path, because on this planet, on the road you're on, you're pretty much screwed. Here lies Lying Manipulator. Died alone. }}

* Link gives one to Mido in ''[[Awesomeness of the Ocarina]]''. It is also played with, because it is more of a [[Badass Boast]].

{{quote|"Why yes, young Mido. I wield [the Kokiri Sword] tightly so that I may smite any enemy that stands in my way. And most importantly is the symbol that these two items make when they are placed together. It is the symbol of your defeat by my hands once again. It proves that your status as my rival is but a joke delivered by a sad clown and is dismissed just as quickly. It tells the depressing story of how a young man, you, constantly tries to face the invincible giant, me, in a battle of wits, yet even though you keep trying and keep trying, your sheer suckatude always causes you to be crushed by my sheer awesomeness. I weep for you, young Mido. I weep for others like you, who feel as though you could possibly defeat awesome main characters such as myself. In fact, maybe I can consider myself as a Mary Sue compared to you. Your shittiness as a character, no… as a soul in this universe, is only useful for one thing, and that is to glorify my existence. Lastly, this sword and shield is a reminder that no matter what you accomplish in your life, compared to me, you will always and forever be shit."}}

* In the ''[[Family Guy]]'' fic [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5961606/1/ Payback from a Pipe] Following Quagmire's brutal beating of Brian in Quagmire's Dad Stewie takes Quagmire, beats him up some and gives Glenn a RYSS in response to the one he gave Brian.

{{quote|"You, Glenn, are the worst type of person on this planet... You are nothing but a hypocrite... You accuse Brian of lusting after Lois, but you fucking got caught spying on her in the can... you tried to hook up with her after Peter lost his memory, you used my pacifier as a sex toy, you're a convicted sex offender, pedophile, AND necrophiliac... and you accuse Brian of being a tool... but look at you! Brian at least TRIES to better himself with college and careers, but you... we RARELY see you working and I wouldn't be surprised if you just got into the pilot business just so you could fuck every stewardess into the mile-high club! So what if Brian craps on the fat guy's lawn, HE'S A FUCKING DOG! DOGS DO THAT YOU IMBECILE! You've fuckin' hit on Meg, Connie... you destroyed Cleveland's marriage and fucked Loretta's corpse... you treat women as if they're nothing more than objects... you act like you're some well-read snob, but in reality the closest thing to a novel you've probably ever read is the Private Parts book! But you know what... I could possibly, POSSIBLY forgive you for all this... but for one small fact. You're a shithead... a hypocritical, perverted, sexist, violent little shithead!"}}

* Isolde gets a pretty heavy one in [[Dragon Age: The Crown of Thorns]] when she makes the mistake of accusing the protagonist of being someone who has no problem with killing children. This is one of the ''very'' few things that can really rile the dwarven [[Wise Prince]] up. It didn't help that Isolde was constantly throwing blame around.

 

{{quote|Oh, I know you love your son, and that only makes it worse, because it means your selfishness overpowered that love. And that is one of the worst kinds of betrayal. You betrayed your own child and now he has become an abomination that killed hundreds.}}

 

 

{{quote|'''Iruel:''' I am the Fear of God. I am the Angel of Terror. I will wipe this world clean of your organic sludge and remake it into my own!

 

* In the [[Neon Genesis Evangelion]] fanfic ''[[Ascension]]'', Asuka delivers a hard rebuttal to Kaworu's treatment of his piloting job, instantly driving him into a [[Heroic BSOD]].

'''Asuka:''' Like hell you aren’t! You treat all this [[Jumped At the Call|the way I would expect that idiot Aida to do]]! You’re not a soldier, not a warrior, ''[[Falling Into the Cockpit|nothing]]''! The only thing that carried you this far is [[Beginner's Luck|just sheer luck]], nothing more! You refuse to see it but you’re '''NOT''' cut out for this! Are you going to keep up this charade until someone else like Ikari dies from YOUR fault?! Are you prepared to have that kind of blood on your hands?! If not, do us a favor and ''leave this job to the [[Action Girl|professionals]], you pathetic excuse of a man!!!'' }}

* In the ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic|My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic]]'' fic "The Blueblood Conspiracy", Rarity [[Sanity Slippage|goes crazy]] after being asked to help hook up Prince Blueblood and the Great and Powerful Trixie, and becomes obsessed with getting revenge on Blueblood for both his behavior at the Grand Galloping Gala in the episode "The Best Night Ever" and for trying to ruin her reputation in the prequel fic "Blueblood Returns". She crashes the wedding disguised as "the Phantom Mare" and tries to force Blueblood to apologize for both events. While Blueblood is [[Character Development|quick to apologize for plotting against Rarity]], he refuses to apologize for his behavior at the Gala, shooting back that ''Rarity'' [[What the Hell, Hero?|should be ashamed]] and accusing her of being just another shallow suitor who only saw Blueblood as an idealized [[Prince Charming]] and trophy husband and wasn't interested at all in the person behind his royal facade.

{{quote|'''Light:''' Mr. Raye Penber is very annoying and doesn't know when to LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. I realize it is his job to follow me around like a lost puppy but could he at least put a small amount of effort into not being so bloody noticeable? It's almost embarrassing having to look behind me every day and see him there standing oh so inconspicuously behind me with that newspaper shielding his pasty face. [[Newspaper-Thin Disguise|Yes, I can see him behind that newspaper]] the eyes in my face indicate that I am not blind. Your fiancé should note this fact next time he comes tapping along behind me, which should be any moment now I might add. [["The Reason You Suck" Speech|Here are a few tips I wish to convey to your lover boy, please feel free to tell him for me as I think it's counterproductive for me to tell him. Besides it would just point out how inept he truly is:]] 1) when following someone try not to walk so loudly and when they stop walking you stop walking 2) when following someone do not literally follow them at every single moment of the day this includes lurking outside their room in the dead of night 3) [[Limited Wardrobe|do not wear the same clothes every day especially when on a high school campus not only are you noticeable you look completely ridiculous]] 4) when on a bus that is being high-jacked by a man with a gun do not show your victim your ID with your real name, if you have to use a pseudonym it's not unheard of 5) [[With Catlike Tread|everyone can see you whispering in the back of the bus your voice is louder than you think]] 6) don't tell your victim what day your shift ends; you never know when they might have been paying attention. 7) when wearing the same clothes every day do not wear a [[Conspicuous Trenchcoat|blue trench coat]], you want to be mistaken for a drug dealer every time you take a stroll? 8) when glaring at your victim and their date try not to look so completely bored, if you are going for the 'pedophilic-stalker' look be sure to complete it otherwise you look stupid 9) walk at a distance far enough away that your victim can't instantly grasp the fact that he is being stalked 10) try to look like you're doing something besides following your victim people might start to notice. I could go on but I think this should suffice, once again I leave with the statement THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC USELESS BEAU WHO CAN'T EVEN STALK HIS VICTIMS PROPERLY!!! Thank you for your time.}}

* In ''[[Naruto Veangance Revelaitons]]'', during Benji's ending, {{spoiler|[[Crowning Moment of Awesome|Sakura gives this to Ronan while killing him]].}}

{{quote|'''DJ-P0n3''': "I believe you are a bland, unintelligent, cowardly, prissy, stuck-up, laughable excuse for a stallion with a silver spoon shoved so, SO very far up his flank that you cannot possibly relate to anypony, anywhere, ever....My listeners like Octavia, Mr. Blueblood. They don’t like you. Nopony likes you. Heck, I have to wonder if ''Celestia'' even likes you. Or if your own mother does. Assuming, you know, you actually have a mother and didn’t just slither out of a pile of filth one day." }}

* At the finale of the Princess {{spoiler|Gaia}} Arc of the ''[[Pony POV Series]]'', {{spoiler|Princess Luna lets Fluttershy and Fluttercruel have it for the whole mess the Fluttershy caused as [[Big Bad|Princess Gaia/Nightmare Whisper]] (which was [[Nice Job Breaking It, Hero|Fluttercruel's fault in the first place]]), telling them, in detail, how they messed up in every possible way. This is such an epic [[What the Hell, Hero?]] that it's considered a fitting punishment for what Fluttershy did!}}

{{quote|'''Jeremy''': Why are you only thinking about yourself?

'''Caroline''':I'm not even thinking about myself here. I am thinking about you. Have you even thought about how you're going to get blood? Plus you need human blood to turn. The only reason that Vicki was able to turn was because she killed Logan. You're just a kid, Jeremy. Maybe you should try to live your life a little before you try to join the afterlife. You know what, I'm breaking up with you because you have this sense of entitlement right now and you need to grow up. }}

{{quote|''Good Morning Near,''

''I hope that you are well this morning, and my impromptu greeting has not interrupted any important investigation work this man was pursuing. I would not wish to deprive you of your important information, but when I realised that you were attempting to find me I knew I it would be remiss of me not to greet you.''

''As is my way, I shall prove to you my identity, as if this were not enough already. I believe you have an Ellickson Thomas and a Larry Conners working for you, yes? I also know that if you had been more thorough in your investigation you would have realised they were perhaps not quite as virtuous as you were led to believe. I shall say no more on that.''

''I must say that taking on L's persona in front of the American President really was quite rude. L was a far more [[Worthy Opponent]] to my righteous justice than you could ever hope to achieve. I suggest you admit your real identity to him soon, as well as to those who are blindingly following you in the hope that you are L, or I will tell him who you are. I assure you the president will escape retribution for his transgression, I believe in second chances.''

''Kira.'' }}

* Near the end of "Thunderstorm", the Season 3 finale of [[Script Fic]] ''[[Calvin and Hobbes: The Series|Calvin and Hobbes The Series]]'', Hobbes mocks the recently deceased MTM as being useless, and Calvin replies as follows:

{{quote|"All MTM ever did was try to help us. He always fired [[Frickin' Laser Beams|his lasers]] on time, and he always tried to lighten the mood. And what did you do during all those adventures? [[Screw This, I'm Outta Here|You were always running off. You were always hiding. You never helped us.]] [[Continuity Nod|What happened when we were attacked by a monster under my bed? You ran off. What happened when Socrates and I were attacked by a mountain lion? You ignored us. What happened when we were all trapped by that ghost? You deserted us. What happened when Socrates was lost and cornered by two bears? You feigned injury and made me do all the work,]] [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE SOCRATES!]] YOU STAND HERE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW USELESS MY INVENTIONS ARE, WHEN IN REALITY, [[Hypocrite|YOU'RE THE USELESS ONE!]] I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER WITH YOU! I SHOULD'VE KICKED YOU OUT ON SORRY FURRY BUTT YEARS AGO!"}}

* In [[How I Became Yours]], Zuko and Mai exchange these speeches after Zuko finds out that Mai concealed the letters about Katara's pregnancy from him. Each accuses the other of being selfish and endangering the Fire Nation, and while Zuko is supposed to be the sympathetic one, Mai's arguments are more convincing.

'''Zuko''': '''i'm going to pretend you didn't say chard... monster...''' Regarless of what you think you saw, at that point in my life, I wasn't with '''you'''... your sins are way darker, and your demons more desirable than mine could ever be. '''I can't trust you anymore'''. You have made loving you impossible now. You '''will not''' talk to me like you now me. You will be stripped of your title. Tonight you will leave the palace... I am not '''Zuko''' to you anymore... and you are not my Queen... }}

* In ''[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/22463/1/Round-Two/ Round Two]'', Princess Celestia confronts [[God Save Us From the Queen|Queen]] [[Complete Monster|Chrysalis]] in her hive, to get Chrysalis' terms of surrender. When Chrysalis tries to give a [[Hannibal Lecture]], Celestia [[Shut UP, Hannibal|responds with one of these]]:

'''Chrysalis''': You won’t get out of here alive. Do you really think my minions won’t take you down? How can you think that they won’t stop you?

'''Celestia''': The real question is: how do you think that they will? [[Implied Death Threat|Pray you don’t see me again, Chrysalis.]] (Leaves as the drones give her a very wide berth out of fear) }}

* From ''War of the Biju: The Fourth Shinobi World War'' we have this tidbit from [[Well-Intentioned Extremist|Danzo]] to [[Revenge Before Reason|Sasuke]]:

{{quote|'''Danzo''': What do you want to know?

'''Azula''': Don't I? You've been nothing but cruel to Zuko, Uncle. How am I supposed to interpret that?

'''Iroh''': Cruel?

'''Azula''': And even assuming your nonsense holds any water, you 'guided' him so well that no one was more surprised than Zuko when you turned on us! [[Sarcasm Mode|Excellent work, Uncle.]] You were so incompetent you couldn't even corrupt him properly. You know what, Uncle? As far as I'm concerned, you're no better towards Zuko than Father ever was. At least he was straightforward about things. }}

* The ''Futurama'' fanfic "A Second Chance" has Leela dream about meeting a clone of hers. Said clone then lays into her about her relationship with Fry.

{{quote|"Struck a raw nerve, did I?” the copy continued. “Do you honestly believe that you actually care about him? From the way you treated him, I'm surprised that he stayed close to as long as he did; although I have no idea [[What Does She See in Him?|what he saw in you in the first place]]. You are a bitter, violent, and often inconsiderate woman who has built emotional walls around herself and blocks people who actually care about her from getting too close while letting [[Jerkass|complete lowlifes]] through. Honestly, I fail to see the attraction.”}}