Remer: You think Jenna's got the hots for you? Shit, Squeak has a better shot at it than you do! Squeak: You think? Coop: That's low, you son of a bitch. Squeak: Why is that low?
Remer: That's easy for you to say! You got the team, we got jack-shit! Even Squeak is pissed off! Squeak: I don't really mind- Remer:SHUT UP, BITCH!!
Jenna: Come on, Joey. Search your heart. What's the one thing you want more than anything else in the world? Joey: .....Chelsea Clinton? Coop: That's a pretty tall order, dude. Remer: You'd have a better shot at Bill.
Cain: Do you think Shaq got rich playing in Orlando? Hardly. He made his fortune moving to L.A. You know how much he makes now? Remer: As much as he made playing in college? Cain: What? No, a lot more! Big money, and you can too. Remer: Would I have to quit baseketball? Cain: What!? No! I need you to get Coop to go along! Remer: He had to quit baseketball too!? Cain:(makes a face of disbelief and walks away with a headache) ...Ungh. Remer: Did I just fart? Cain:(holding his head together) AAAAAAAHHH!!! Remer: All right, dude, listen to me carefully. Do you think Shaq got rich playing in Orlando? Coop: No, he got rich playing in college. Everyone knows that. Yvette:(taken a burned autograph Ty Cobb bat out of the fireplace) Baxter, who's Ty Cobb? Cain: Oh my God... Yvette: Did I just fart? Cain:(gets a headache again) OGH!!