Bad Movie Beatdown/Funny: Difference between revisions

 

* From his ''[[Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li|Street Fighter the Legend of Chun Li]]'' review:

** "[[Standard Female Grab Area|OH NO! HE'S MILDLY GRIPPED ME BY THE ARM!]]"

** This exchange:

'''Film Brain:''' [[Sound Effect Bleep|F*ck]] [[Cliché Storm|me this is trite.]] }}

* ''[[Darkness Falls]]'': "My director gives me a cookie whenever I say my lines creepily!" *Noms a cookie* And later...

'''Film Brain:''' COOKIE! * Nom* }}

* In his review of ''Meteor'', where he points out the [[Informed Wrongness]] of the film's [[Strawman Political|Strawman]].

'''Film Brain:''' "He ''[[Straw Man Has a Point|has]]'' [[Straw Man Has a Point|actually got a point there]] considering this is the [[Cold War]], but hey, [[Anvilicious|that might get in the way of the message]], so he's actually an intolerant bigot for saying that. INTOLERANT! INTOLERANT!" }}

* In his ''Ratatoing'' review:

** It starts with Professor Celluloid after a successful [[Hostile Show Takeover]]. He then tries to review ''[[Die Hard]].'' About a minute in, Celluloid gets punched from offscreen, and then it [[Smash Cut|smash cuts]] to Film Brain starting his intro as normal while nursing his sore hand.

** His [[Heroic BSOD]] after a long bit culminating in "The button is a switch!"

** After a particularly horrendous bit of animation:

* Plenty of these in his review of ''The Ugly Truth''

'''Film Brain:''' Boy, he's just like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. }}

** "I'm ashamed of having a penis now. I hope you're happy."

* From ''[[Men in Black (film)|Men in Black]] II'':

'''Sock:''' [[Dude, Not Funny|VERY VERY WRONG!]] }}

* His review of Stallone's ''Cobra'' has Phelous-esque cartoon noises for the cars leaping up from speed bumps, over and over...

* From his review of ''[[Driven]]'':

** "So the film starts in Long Beach, no it starts in Miami, no it's in Mexico, HOLY CRAP WHERE ARE WE?"

** When Stallone easily head-dodges a [[Special Effect Failure|manhole cover]] "Mmmm, fake."

** After an especially stupid moment:

* From ''[[Paul Blart: Mall Cop]]'' [[Pulp Fiction|"HUMOR MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?"]]

* From ''[[D-War]]'', after a character runs from a giant snake (the [[Big Bad]]), and then runs back out after encountering [[The Dragon]] (who, in spite of the trope and the movie, is ''not'' a dragon):

** His "impersonation" of the little boy in the flashback

* From the review of ''[[Bride Wars]]'':

** Welshy's cameos, including him dancing to the original Oompa-Loompa song.

* The review of [[Seltzer and Friedberg|Epic Movie]]. When a part in the Narnia 'Cribs' parody skips itself repeatedly, he comments:

*** [[Hypocritical Humor|O_O]]

** At one point, he gets sick of how childish the movie is and states "I'm too old for this shit."

** (Seeing random nudity) "I'm guessing ''that'' wasn't in the PG-13 version" and eventually wrapping that bit with "And by the way, ''[[The Internet Is for Porn|porn can be found on the internet]]!''"

** Pointing out that the film just seems to end up taking jokes and things from other films, and when he sees a joke 'taken' from Borat -

** "Look guys, there's a difference between parody and plagiarism! THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING!"

* This gem from ''Evan Almighty'' "Quick! Steve Carell is going to do another Jim Carrey sequel, The Number 614! Four sixes, minus one six *gasp* that's 666! Sign of the devil!

* From his ''[[Transmorphers]]'' review:

'''Film Brain:''' [[Sound Effect Bleep|F*ck]]... }}

** Or the bit shortly afterwards, when the opening [[Info Dump]] says that humanity found alien life in 2009. It being 2009, Professor Celluloid appears and announces that he's done just that. Cue dramatic music and a shot of space as... the [[That Guy With The Glasses]] logo comes into view. It then goes to telescope view and shows [[Atop the Fourth Wall|Linkara]] waving.

** "[[Dull Surprise|Damn. I burnt the damn muffins.]]"

** The "Err" counter.

** This exchange:

'''Film Brain:''' Welcome to England! :D }}

* The ''Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus'' review.

** Once the two giant monsters finally encounter each other, the characters can't tell what they're doing.

** From the same review, Film Brain's growing anger every time the movie inexplicably went to an establishing shot without changing location.

** "...So [[Star Trek|Mr. Sulu]] needs to go back to the 22nd century- I mean, Tokyo. Which if you think about it is the same thing."

* ''[[Hudson Hawk]]'' has multiple:

** Him envisioning what the writing process for a particularly choppy scene:

** "This couple from hell are the Mayflowers, Darwin and Menova, played by Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard, whose grotesque performances may have set acting back a couple of ''decades''."

** And because random equals funny to filmmakers Fred [[Stuff Blowing Up|explodes]].

** This:

Film Brain: No kidding. }}

** Film Brain demonstrates mugging: By flailing about with a [[Slasher Smile]] on his face and shouting "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I DID ALL MY REVIEWS LIKE THIS? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"

** "You see Darwin has his sights set on world domination. That is if there's any world left after Richard E.Grant's monstrous [[Chewing the Scenery|scenery chomping]]."

** The ''[[CSI: Miami]]'' reference when Eddie and KitKat (David Caruso) take off their glasses.

** And This:

Film Brain: [[Dude, Not Funny|Wow, that was spectacularly unfunny. Go home and think about what you did]]. }}

** "With all the rewrites I'm sure the fact that this makes no sense was completely unintentional."

** [[Hypocritical Humor|"Why are we saying words twice twice? It's not funny funny!"]]

** This exchange:

Film Brain: I expect the people making the films sympathize. }}

** "Oh I'm sorry did I say paralyzation darts? I meant idiotic grinning darts."

** "Yikes! Even the [[Tri Star]] horse has turned on Bruce!"

** This exchange:

'''Film Brain:'''"No shit." }}

* From the ''Mega Piranha'' review:

** When Paul explains the situation to his boss.

'''Film Brain:''' "Sir, those theories were ''ludicrous.'' Of course they were killed by giant mutated killer fish!" *[[Beat]]* "Stop laughing!" }}

** The video game sequence involving Jason kicking the piranhas for one ups. Oddly enough, there's no comparison to Guile from ''[[Street Fighter]]''.

* The end of his review of ''[[Equilibrium]]'' where he summarizes the film in the style of Bum Reviews.

** "Not my manly balls! Heeeeeee...."

** After Forrest sets a bunch of traps in the woods for the mercenaries after him:

'''Film Brain:''' ...[[Boring Invincible Hero|a much shorter movie]]. }}

** "Besides, [[Tempting Fate|do we really need to picture Seagal in a bikin]]- [[Brain Bleach|OH GOD! It hurts! It hurts!]]"

** [[The Stinger]].

{{spoiler|'''[[Atop the Fourth Wall|Linkara]]:''' I AM A MAN! *PUNCH*}} }}

** When the Eskimo dressed as a raven starts cawing (no, I'm not making this up), the look on Film Brain's face is ''priceless''. And it gets even better when he asks if someone spiked his tea.

** "What next, nuclear weapons? Well, that might actually make the film entertaining."

* His rebuttal to a scene in [[The Adventures of Pluto Nash]] in which a speaker is heard playing from an oncoming car:

** This echoes, zooming out progressively and progressively further, until we get a full picture of Earth, at which point the audio goes completely mute.

** At one point, he goes on an [[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?|EPIC QUEST]] to try to understand a stupid joke about Salt Lake City.<ref>It had to do with the city's reputation of being ridiculously uptight, which probably wouldn't be familiar to almost anyone outside [[Eagle Land]] and some Americans to boot.</ref> After his computer freezes up, he runs halfway across town, threatens someone into letting him use their computer, looks the city up on Wikipedia, laughs... then says the joke wasn't funny and it wasn't worth it. All accompanied by the ''[[Indiana Jones]]'' theme.

** The scene where he rummages through a briefcase:

* Pretty much any of his fanboying before backtracking over how awesome Ryan Reynolds is in Wolverine.

** Also, his reaction to {{spoiler|Wolverine blocking an eyebeam-blast from [[In Name Only|Dudepeel]] with his claws}}.

* From the review of ''[[Final Destination]] 3'', after fluid starts leaking from the mechanism keeping the safety restraints in place on a rollercoaster:

* ''Hollywood Homicide'': "I think the sight of Harrison Ford chowing down on a donut mid-coitus has put me off sex for life."

* His impression of [[Laurence Olivier]]'s ridiculous overacting in ''[[The Jazz Singer]]'', wherein he runs around the house flailing his arms and moaning until Professor Celluloid slaps him.

* When ''[[Christmas with the Kranks]]'' starts giving him flashbacks to ''[[Jingle All the Way]]'', he narrates over the scene in an [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|Ahnold]] voice.

* When there's a random sex scene in ''Live Wire'', he first wonders if he accidentally changed the TV to a porno channel. [[Covert Pervert|Then he gets out binoculars]].

* A shocking revelation in ''[[Ultraviolet (film)|Ultraviolet]]'' is followed by the ''[[Eastenders]]'' riff. Perfect fit.

** Another perfect fit: Brain putting a bowling ball through pins sound effect when Violet ploughs through a group of henchmen with her car.

* From ''[[Moon 44]]''

* ''[[Ironclad]]'': "The battle scenes are so fierce that [[Rated "M" for Manly|I think I grew an extra set of testicles!]]"

* From ''[[The Unborn]]'' "Look out, it's Jumby! Stop laughing, he's coming!"

** When a male lead tells the lead's friend "you're retarded!" FB responds "Apparently David S. Goyer went to the [[Eli Roth]] school of writing"

** Sofi's final note contains...

'''FB''': WOOOW! It's a good thing there isn't a 20 year old on the internet to take that line horribly out of context. [[Unfortunate Implications|Did you not realize how that sounded?]] }}

** Film Brain lampshading how unsubtle the film is.

'''Film Brain:''' SYMBOLIS-- I'm already overdoing it. }}

* From ''[[Fat Slags]]'' after witnessing the Fat Slags having sex with the waiters- "That's it, I'm asexual."

** Upon seeing that the film begins "on Shit Street"

** Responding to the title cards like so in Mega Piranha...

(Closet Masochist) }}

** "Oh my god, there's so much stupid in the same place! I can feel my sanity starting to crack."

** Upon seeing the Fat Slags' boyfriends in Afghanistan bonking the local women: "I'd tell them to get [[Sound Effect Bleep|f*cked]], but they already are."

** His reaction to the exploding dog scene:

** "Holy shit! She just killed [[Ratatoing]]!"

* From ''Pentathalon''

* From ''[[Grown Ups]]''

* ''[[Two Fast Two Furious]]'': His constant comments on the ludicrous amount of Ho Yay between two of the main characters.

** "''2 Fast 2 Furious'' is the most unintentionally homoerotic film since ''[[Top Gun]]''"

** "You're like an old married couple! Now kiss and make-up!"

'''Bryan''': Now put your blouse back on. }}

*** '''Film Brain''': Do I even have to write jokes about this? The film makes it so easy!

** Pointless CGI is Kewl

* From his review of ''Fast 5''

'''Mathew''': What he said. }}

* The video of Mathew, Braedon, and Chris trying Mountain Dew (and apparently the only flavor that exists in the UK).

** "You know its good when it warns you to drink it in moderation."

** Then they pour it into a cup to see what color it is.

'''Braedon''': I jumped up and down a lot. }}

** Chris trying to decide what Mountain Dew tastes like.

'''Mathew''': But did you like it?<br />

'''Chris''': I don't know! It tastes like sugar with a bit of something that I can't pinpoint. It says it's citrus but I don't really know what it tastes like. It tastes like...it tastes like what I imagined carpets tasted like before I actually tried to eat the carpet.<br />

** The cameo by {{spoiler|[[Todd in the Shadows]]. [[Stalker with a Crush|He had to show up as Lupa was in it!]]}}

* [[Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen]]: Film Brain remarks that as a child of the nineties, he missed the initial Transformers craze by a few years & can only judge the [[Michael Bay]] films on their own merits, before acknowledging he knows people who feel differently. Cut to [[The Spoony Experiment|Spoony]].

** "With each sex and groin joke, [[Michael Bay|Bay]] brings society closer to the days of ''[[Idiocracy|Ow, My Balls!]]''."

** "Careful there guys, I think that might also be [[Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade|the home of the Holy Grail.]]"

** Brain getting excited that one of the twins is going to get eaten...only to be disappointed that it was a subversion.

** Brain's reaction to Deverstator's infamous Brass Balls. Complete with a cameo from Spoony mocking him.

** "Sam, what have I told you about machine gun fire in the house?!"

* From Out Of Reach:

** His growing confusion over the incomprehensible plot.

** Another title card joke:

'''(Nerd)''' }}

** After Seagal's edited escape from the back seat of a car:

** "Ugh, how am I going to write about this?"

** The closing cameo {{spoiler|from Benzaie's voice.}}

** Going "WEEE!" as Seagal and a terrorist are swinging on cables.

** His glee at the prospect of Seagal [[Boring Invincible Hero|actually dying...]] only to realize that this is why the movie was called "Half Past Dead."

** When the first Body Double Count appears:

** "The editing in the PG-13 version is really fu[silence]ng obvious."

* From ''[[Half Past Dead 2]]'':

** Any time Film Brain makes a reference to Bill Goldberg's wrestling career.

** This bit, after some bad dubbing:

** After a scene in which Twitch won't shut up:

** After a gratuitous [[Precision F-Strike]]:

* His livestream reaction to the Youtube video of the woman with the [[Up to Eleven|world's largest breasts]]. [[Heroic BSOD|He had to log off temporarily]]

** Similarly on the stream, his reactions to [[Diamanda Hagan]] reading aloud from a book on the history of castration. [http://devillo.deviantart.com/art/Film-Brain-and-Castration-257036571 A quick look at some of them.]

* From ''[[Spy Kids]] 3D''

** On a related note, Celluloid [[Blatant Lies|already sees in 3D.]]

** Later on he dumps those glasses and grabs a pair of cool-looking 3D glasses.

Caption: [[Memetic Mutation|Deal with It]] }}

** Matthew's reaction to Floop telling the kids to spend $35 on concessions if they feel eye-strain.

** The "Gratuitous 3D Counter" reaching 18 in ONE scene before exploding.

** A clip of [[The Basil Brush Show|Basil Brush]] laughing is played after an [[Incredibly Lame Pun]].

** "That's right folks, Castle has turned into a complete Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain who wants to take over the world." *cut to [[Big Trouble in Little China|Lo Pan saying "Indeed"]]* "Unlike this Movie, I don't like to be cliche.*

* From ''[[Good Luck Chuck]]''

** "[[The Room|I got the results of the test back!]]"

* From ''[[Ghost Rider]]''

** I don't think the director was trying to reference ''[[Manos: The Hands of Fate|Manos]]'' here.

** A bear approaches the car, not acting particularly threatening...and then "[[Jerkass|Prick]]" whips out a handgun and blasts the crap out of it.

** The bear knows! THE BEAR KNOWS!

** "Congratulations, Prick! You've just pissed off [[Yogi Bear]], who's come for Boo-Boo, and now he thinks you're a threat!"

** The ominous clouds are only ominous because of the string music - as Brain demonstrates by switching the music to the theme from ''[[The Magic Roundabout]]''.

** The film's mention of Colony Collapse Disorder for [[Ripped from the Headlines]] points fails to connect with Mark Walberg's characters' students:

'''Nicholas Cage:''' [in the ''[[The Wicker Man]]'' remake] NOT THE BEES! AUGGHH! }}

** When the review is almost done, he starts a counter of how many times the word "happening" is being said, and even includes all the times it's been previously said.

** "RUN AWAY!"

** Making fun of the poorly-edited [[Dustin Hoffman]] scenes.

* When the bum (secretly {{spoiler|an immortal Charles Dickens}} appears in ''The Riddle'', his first line is overdubbed with [[Bum Reviews|"Change! Ya got change?!]]

* From the ''[[Sucker Punch]]'' review:

** Linkara bursting into the hotel room thinking it was [[Frank Miller|"Miller Time"]], due to Brain's brief chant of "virgins and whores".

*** Given that Bennett has trapped them in the room, they briefly wonder how Linkara managed to do that. [[Lampshade Hanging|Then they go back to the review]].

** Poké-Nash!

'''Nash''': [[Hulk Speak|Nash Smash!]]<br />

*Is subsequently vaporized by Bennett* }}

** Shortly after...

'''Jesu''': *Simply stares at Film Brain before giving him a Dope Slap* }}

** Speaking of puns:

'''Jesu''': Alright, in that case here's a pound! ''(delivers an uppercut)'' }}

** '''SYMBOLISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!!''' being replaced with '''FEMINISM!!!11!!OMGWTFGENIUS!!'''

*** And it gets to the point where the two of them just mumble it because they've used it so much.

'''Caption''': femisughgouabuuuh }}

** The nonsensical nature of the film's [[Recursive Reality]]:

'''JO:''' [[Inception|We need to go]] derper. <br />

''[Camera zooms in on the wallpaper between them.]'' }}

** JO [[Chekhov's Gag|keeps her promise to beat Film Brain with the coffee maker.]] (Which happens [[Discretion Shot|entirely in voiceover]].)

** [[The Stinger]], which follows Film Brain and Jesu Otaku abusing the power of Feminism to defeat Bennett and {{spoiler|Film Brain turning into a woman}}.

** Where did Nash go after Bennett zapped him? {{spoiler|[[Adventure Time|The Ice King's]] lair}}.

** Film Brain commenting on the dream sequences:

* From the crossover review of ''Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son'' with [[The Rap Critic]]:

** Film Brain trying to impress the Rap Critic with gangsta talk.

** When the Rap Critic says he has not seen the previous films, because he has better things to do:

'''Rap Critic''': [looks closely at wall] I don't even think this is paint. }}

** Todd's cameo, especially when the Rap Critic dives out of frame.

** FB notes that the film is a ripoff of ''[[Glee]]'':

'''Film Brain''': Ah, but I want to inflict ''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks|Alvinandthe Chipmunks]]: The Squeakquel'' on him someday!<br />

'''Rap Critic''': That poor fool... }}

** The Rap Critic's response to Trent's constant use of "Damn!" whenever he sees a hot girl:

** "Synthetic. Vagina."

** At the end, when Big Momma starts rapping:

'''Rap Critic''': I would just like to personally apologize for letting anyone know that this happened. }}

* During the ''Universal Soldier: the Return'' review, [[The Spoony Experiment|Dr. Insano]] shows up with a shot glass full of what he claims is a Jean Claude Van Damme sperm sample, which he'll use to clone an army of Van Dammes that will fight his army of Bruce Lees solely for his own amusement.

** All the jokes about the main character's situation and how it seems to keep getting worse with every new development, as well as the [[Alternate Character Interpretation]] of Dr. Blake.

*** To elaborate: the main character is forever trapped against his will in a metal suit without knowing beforehand it's impossible to remove, and must constantly listen to the AI Dr. Blake. Later on, his parents are murdered, he must forever subsist on a foul-tasting liquid (which will eventually run out, as Film Brain points out), having the suit damaged makes him prone to heart attacks and strokes and the AI Dr. Blake can view his dreams.

** The reviewers pointing out the film's high [[Special Effect Failure]] (especially considering it was made by a special effects expert), such as the screwed-up invisibility effect that causes the background to double up.

** The completely random part of the climax in which Metal Man deflects a missile, sending it skyward and hitting a plane.

* From the crossover with [[Brows Held High|Oancitizen]] in ''[[The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (film)|The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen]]'':

** Elisa suddenly popping up when the film makes a ''[[Phantom of the Opera]]'' joke.

** Parodying Quatermain's death scene.

Film Brain: [[Big No|NOOOOOOOOOO!]] }}

 

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[[Category:Web Original/Funny]]

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