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{{Wikiquote quotes}} |
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== Season 3 == |
== Season 3 == |
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=== ''Super Car'' === |
=== ''Super Car'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Mother, Darrin's off today. |
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'''Endora''': I think you're just noticing it for the first time. |
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:'''Samantha''': Mother, Darrin's off today. |
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|''Endora 'pops' in while Darrin has a day off from work.''}} |
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=== ''The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye'' === |
=== ''The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye'' === |
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{{quote|Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one. |
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:''[Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.]'' |
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|Samantha ''is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.''}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': You see, everything turns out for the best. |
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:'''Darrin''': Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': You see, everything turns out for the best. |
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'''Darrin''': Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does.}} |
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=== ''The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara'' === |
=== ''The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': I know why you don't want to let me in there. |
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:''[Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': You do? |
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:'''Darrin''': I know why you don't want to let me in there. |
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'''Darrin''': Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right? |
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:'''Samantha''': You do? |
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'''Samantha''': Sort of. |
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:'''Darrin''': Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right? |
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'''Darrin''': Is it the committee for the bazaar? |
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:'''Samantha''': Sort of. |
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'''Samantha''': Oh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee. |
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:'''Darrin''': Is it the committee for the bazaar? |
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|''Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Oh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee. |
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=== ''Three Wishes'' === |
=== ''Three Wishes'' === |
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{{quote|That was no lady, that was my mother-in-law! |
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|Darrin}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
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:'''Darrin''': Sam! |
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:'''Samantha''': I'm going home to mother. |
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:'''Darrin''': What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
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'''Darrin''': Sam! |
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'''Samantha''': I'm going home to mother. |
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'''Darrin''': What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here.}} |
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=== ''Cousin Serena Strikes Again'' === |
=== ''Cousin Serena Strikes Again'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. |
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:''[Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.]'' |
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'''Darrin''': What for? |
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:'''Samantha''': Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. |
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'''Samantha''': To have her nose lowered. |
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|''Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': To have her nose lowered. |
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=== ''Charlie Harper, Winner'' === |
=== ''Charlie Harper, Winner'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. |
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:''[After losing to Charlie all day.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': You said you lost by 12 strokes. |
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:'''Darrin''': Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. |
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'''Darrin''': 11. |
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:'''Samantha''': You said you lost by 12 strokes. |
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'''Samantha''': Oh, pardon me. |
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'''Darrin''': But we flipped a coin to see who'd tip the caddy and I won. It cost me ten bucks, but I won. |
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:'''Samantha''': Oh, pardon me. |
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|''After losing to Charlie all day.''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': But we flipped a coin to see who'd tip the caddy and I won. It cost me ten bucks, but I won. |
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=== ''The Crone of Cawdor'' === |
=== ''The Crone of Cawdor'' === |
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{{quote|When the earth turns once around the sun, let the crone go forth til the day is done. Another's form she'll take and her form leave, from 6 in the morn til 6 in the eve. And in this guise if she can secure, a willing kiss from a mortal pure. To her will pass the mortal's youth, to him will pass her age forsooth. |
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|Samantha|''Legend of the Crone of Cawdor''}} |
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== Season 4== |
== Season 4== |
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=== ''My What Big Ears You Have''=== |
=== ''My What Big Ears You Have''=== |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding! |
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'''Samantha''': It's not for me. I trust you implicitly, in spite of my doubts. Mother will not take off that spell until you explain. |
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'''Darrin''': Suppose you explain to me what gives your mother the right to bug my telephone calls. |
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'''Samantha''': Darrin, how can I explain my mother? |
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'''Darrin''' ''(realizing Samantha's point)'': That's true.}} |
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== Season 5 == |
== Season 5 == |
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=== ''Darrin, Gone and Forgotten'' === |
=== ''Darrin, Gone and Forgotten'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Happy sweetheart? |
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'''Darrin''': Let's see. I've got a beautiful wife. Lovely daughter. Comfortable home. Good job. I guess I'm reasonably happy. |
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'''Samantha''': Why only 'reasonably'? |
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'''Darrin''': I would be ecstatically happy if you were an orphan! |
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'''Samantha''': Another remark like that and I'll be a widow.}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
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:'''Darrin''': Let's hope it stays 'almost'. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.]'' |
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:'''Maurice''': Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. |
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:'''Endora''': Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
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'''Darrin''': Let's hope it stays 'almost'.}} |
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{{quote|Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. |
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=== ''It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House'' === |
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|Samantha}} |
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:''[After Darrin yells out loud.]'' |
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:'''Endora''': I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. |
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{{quote|'''Maurice''': Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. |
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'''Endora''': Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke. |
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|''Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.''}} |
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=== ''It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House'' === |
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{{quote|I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. |
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|Endora, ''after Darrin yells out loud.''}} |
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=== ''Mirror, Mirror On The Wall'' === |
=== ''Mirror, Mirror On The Wall'' === |
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{{quote|'''Endora''': Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily. |
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:''[After Darrin insults Endora] |
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'''Darrin''': Let me try a little harder. |
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|''After Darrin insults Endora''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': Let me try a little harder. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
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:'''Larry Tate''': And his foot on the unemployment line of tomorrow. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
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'''Larry Tate''': And his foot on the unemployment line of tomorrow.}} |
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=== ''Samantha's French Pastry'' === |
=== ''Samantha's French Pastry'' === |
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{{quote|When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should have faced 'yeast'. |
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:''[Joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake] |
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|Uncle Arthur, ''joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake''}} |
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:'''Uncle Arthur''': When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should of faced 'yeast'. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Darrin''': I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
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:'''Samantha''': Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic. |
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:'''Darrin''': Ironic? |
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:'''Samantha''': Yes. Who can you say it to? |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
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'''Samantha''': Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic. |
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'''Darrin''': [[Irony|Ironic?]] |
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'''Samantha''': Yes. Who can you say it to?}} |
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=== ''Is It Magic Or Imagination?'' === |
=== ''Is It Magic Or Imagination?'' === |
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{{quote|The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! |
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:''[Darrin is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition]. |
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|Darrin ''is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! |
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=== ''Samantha Fights City Hall'' === |
=== ''Samantha Fights City Hall'' === |
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{{quote|'''Larry Tate''': [Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece. |
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'''Darrin''': Just don't hog all the credit this time, huh, Larry. Let's make it 50-50 right down the line. |
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'''Larry Tate''': Done. I'll even go you one better, Darrin. If HB doesn't like it, it's all yours.}} |
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=== ''Samantha Loses Her Voice'' === |
=== ''Samantha Loses Her Voice'' === |
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{{quote|Have you ever seen Louise play volleyball? Her best shot is ducking. |
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:''[Larry explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team]. |
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|Larry Tate, ''explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team''}} |
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=== ''I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly'' === |
=== ''I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly'' === |
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{{quote|'''Tabitha''': Is this one of those things that's called a problem? |
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:''[After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly]. |
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'''Samantha''': Not exactly, sweetheart. This is one of those things that's called a catastrophe. |
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|''After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Not exactly, sweetheart. This is one of those things that's called a catastrophe. |
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=== ''Weep No More My Willow'' === |
=== ''Weep No More My Willow'' === |
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{{quote|'''Mrs Kravitz''': Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman. |
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'''Mr Kravitz''': So what? I'm listening to one.}} |
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== Season 8 == |
== Season 8 == |
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=== ''A Plague on Maurice and Samantha'' === |
=== ''A Plague on Maurice and Samantha'' === |
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{{quote|Endora, you have all the charm of a tse-tse fly. |
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|Maurice}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Maurice dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.]'' |
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:'''Maurice''': Alas, poor Yorick. He isn't well. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Darrin's client''': And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
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:'''Samantha''': Ooh, I do too. And, uh, I never know when he might explode. |
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{{quote|Alas, poor Yorick. He isn't well. |
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=== ''Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland'' === |
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|Maurice ''dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.''}} |
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:'''Larry Tate''': Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb? |
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:'''Darrin''': Well, in the condition it's in, it couldn't very well walk by itself. |
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{{quote|'''Darrin's client''': And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
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'''Samantha''': Ooh, I do too. And, uh, I never know when he might explode.}} |
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=== '' |
=== ''Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland'' === |
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{{quote|'''Larry Tate''': Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb? |
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:''[After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.]'' |
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'''Darrin''': [[Comically Missing the Point|Well, in the condition it's in, it couldn't very well walk by itself.]]}} |
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:'''Samantha''': One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law. |
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:'''Darrin''': The one thing ''I'' can say about your mother is censorable. |
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=== ''The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law. |
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'''Darrin''': The one thing ''I'' can say about your mother is censorable. |
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|''After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.''}} |
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=== ''The Eight-Year Witch'' === |
=== ''The Eight-Year Witch'' === |
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{{quote|'''Endora''': Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. |
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:''[After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for ''eight'' years. |
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:'''Endora''': Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. |
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'''Endora''': You see, Derwood can't do anything right. |
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:'''Samantha''': In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for ''eight'' years. |
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|''After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.''}} |
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:'''Endora''': You see, Derwood can't do anything right. |
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=== ''Three Men And A Witch On a Horse'' === |
=== ''Three Men And A Witch On a Horse'' === |
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{{quote|Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". |
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:''[Samantha is reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.]'' |
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|Samantha, ''reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.]'' |
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:'''Darrin''': Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. |
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:'''Samantha''': And so's your horse. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.]'' |
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:'''Samantha''': He'll catch up. |
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:'''Larry Tate''': Only if they race to Albany. |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. |
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'''Samantha''': And so's your horse. |
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|''Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.''}} |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': He'll catch up. |
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'''Larry Tate''': Only if they race to Albany. |
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|''When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.''}} |
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=== ''Adam, Warlock or Washout?'' === |
=== ''Adam, Warlock or Washout?'' === |
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{{quote|'''Maurice''': She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. |
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:''[Maurice is greeting Samantha.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': Aw, thank you, Daddy. [[Small Reference Pools|You and Byron]] say the cutest things.}} |
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:'''Maurice''': She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. |
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:'''Samantha''': Aw, thank you, Daddy. You and Byron say the cutest things. |
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{{quote|'''Endora''': Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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'''Maurice''': Thank you, Endora, your charm is ageless. So sad about the rest of you. |
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:'''Endora''': Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical. |
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|''Maurice is greeting Samantha.''}} |
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:'''Maurice''': Thank you, Endora, your charm is ageless. So sad about the rest of you. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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{{quote|'''Tabitha''': Hello, Grandpapa. |
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:''[Maurice is greeting Tabitha.]'' |
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'''Maurice''': Tabitha! How is my little princess? |
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:'''Tabitha''': Hello, Grandpapa. |
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'''Tabitha''': Fine. I can always tell your voice, Grandpapa. |
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'''Maurice''': Yes, people say it has a unique quality. |
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'''Tabitha''': And it's so loud, too. |
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|''Maurice is greeting Tabitha.''}} |
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:'''Tabitha''': And it's so loud, too. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Explaining why Adam has not shown any signs of being a warlock.]'' |
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:'''Maurice''': Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft. |
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:'''Endora''': You see, Samantha's husband - that mortal lamebrain - absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house. |
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:'''Witches Council Representative #1''': No. |
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:'''Endora''': Yes. |
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:'''Witches Council Representative #2''': No! |
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:'''Endora''': Yes! |
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:'''Witches Council Representative #1''': No!!! |
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:'''Endora''': Why do you keep saying 'No' when I keep saying 'Yes'!!! |
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{{quote|'''Maurice''': Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft. |
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'''Endora''': You see, Samantha's husband - that mortal lamebrain - absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house. |
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'''Witches Council Representative #1''': No. |
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'''Endora''': Yes. |
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'''Witches Council Representative #2''': No! |
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'''Endora''': Yes! |
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'''Witches Council Representative #1''': No!!! |
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'''Endora''': Why do you keep saying 'No' when I keep saying 'Yes'!!! |
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|''Explaining why Adam has not shown any signs of being a warlock.''}} |
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=== ''Samantha is Earthbound'' === |
=== ''Samantha is Earthbound'' === |
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{{quote|'''Mr. Prescott''': That's a pretty squirrely couple |
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:''[After witnessing Samantha and Darrin walking along while hugging each other closely (to prevent Samantha from being lifted into the air!)]'' |
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'''Mrs. Prescott''': It's called love, Wilbur. |
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'''Mr. Prescott''': Why's he holding her like that? |
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'''Mrs. Prescott''': That is also called love, Wilbur. |
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'''Mr. Prescott''': He's gonna help her dress? |
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'''Mrs. Prescott''': Love, Wilbur! |
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'''Mr. Prescott''': Sick, Selma. |
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|''After witnessing Samantha and Darrin walking along while hugging each other closely (to prevent Samantha from being lifted into the air!)''}} |
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:'''Mr. Prescott''': Sick, Selma. |
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=== ''Samantha on Thin Ice'' === |
=== ''Samantha on Thin Ice'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft? |
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'''Samantha''': Why would I want to do that? |
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'''Darrin''': Could you or couldn't you? |
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'''Samantha''': Darrin, why is it you think that witches need witchcraft for everything? |
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'''Darrin''': Not everything. Just everything difficult. |
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''[Samantha turns around in a huff!)]'' |
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'''Samantha''': Well! |
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'''Darrin''': Can you learn to skate the mortal way? |
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'''Samantha''': Are you challenging me? |
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'''Darrin''': Yes |
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'''Samantha''': I accept. And if I can't, I will be more careful in the future about accepting challenges.}} |
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=== ''Serena's Youth Pill'' === |
=== ''Serena's Youth Pill'' === |
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{{quote|In gay Paree it's s'il vous plaît, in Germany it's bitte. Please, Serena, come this way, I need a baby sitter.|Samantha}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Larry doesn't understand what Louise is getting at!] |
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:'''Larry Tate''': Do me a favour, call Berlitz and get me a translator |
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{{quote|Do me a favour, call Berlitz and get me a translator |
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|Larry Tate ''doesn't understand what Louise is getting at!''}} |
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=== ''Tabitha's First Day at School'' === |
=== ''Tabitha's First Day at School'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Is Tabitha ready for school? |
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'''Samantha''': Of course she's ready for school! [pause] The question is, is school ready for Tabitha?}} |
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<hr width="50%"> |
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{{quote|'''Charlton, the bully''': What kind of dumb name is Tabitha? |
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'''Tabitha''': It's not a dumb name. |
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'''Charlton, the bully''': How come I've never heard it before? |
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'''Tabitha''': Because you never met anyone named Tabitha!}} |
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<hr width="50%"> |
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:''[After Charlton keeps insisting that Tabitha turned him into a bullfrog.] |
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:'''Charlton's mom''': Why does he keep saying that? |
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:'''Samantha''': Well, maybe it's a case of ego identification. |
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:'''Charlton's mom''': Yeah. [She thinks for a second.] What's that? |
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:'''Samantha''': Well, a bullfrog suggests bully, doesn't it? |
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:'''Charlton's mom''': Yes. |
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:'''Samantha''': Do you follow me? |
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:'''Charlton's mom''': No. |
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:'''Samantha''': Children need love and understanding. Without it, they sometimes become overly aggressive and turn into bullies. |
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:'''Charlton's mom''': Oh. Charlton, did you really think you were a bullfrog? |
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:'''Charlton, the bully''': I WAS a bullfrog. |
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:'''Samantha''': Love and understanding, Mrs Rollnick. |
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{{quote|'''Charlton's mom''': Why does he keep saying that? |
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'''Samantha''': Well, maybe it's a case of ego identification. |
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'''Charlton's mom''': Yeah. [She thinks for a second.] What's that? |
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'''Samantha''': Well, a bullfrog suggests bully, doesn't it? |
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'''Charlton's mom''': Yes. |
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'''Samantha''': Do you follow me? |
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'''Charlton's mom''': No. |
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'''Samantha''': Children need love and understanding. Without it, they sometimes become overly aggressive and turn into bullies. |
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'''Charlton's mom''': Oh. Charlton, did you really think you were a bullfrog? |
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'''Charlton, the bully''': I WAS a bullfrog. |
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'''Samantha''': Love and understanding, Mrs Rollnick. |
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|''After Charlton keeps insisting that Tabitha turned him into a bullfrog.''}} |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Young lady! You have nothing to laugh about, you started this whole mess. Now, how are we gonna deal with you? |
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:''[After Samantha has convinced the bully's mother that he only imagined himself as a bullfrog] |
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'''Tabitha''': I have an idea. |
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:'''Tabitha''': Young lady! You have nothing to laugh about, you started this whole mess. Now, how are we gonna deal with you? |
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'''Samantha''': What's that? |
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'''Tabitha''': How about a little love and understanding? |
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'''Samantha''': Why is it that I feel like the fox thats been cornered by the chicken!? |
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:'''Tabitha''': How about a little love and understanding? |
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|''After Samantha has convinced the bully's mother that he only imagined himself as a bullfrog''}} |
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:'''Tabitha''': Why is it that I feel like the fox thats been cornered by the chicken!? |
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=== ''George Washington Zapped Here'' === |
=== ''George Washington Zapped Here'' === |
||
{{quote|'''George Washington''': And who is this bearded fellow? |
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'''Samantha''': That's Abraham Lincoln. The 16th president. |
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:'''George Washington''': And who is this bearded fellow? |
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'''George Washington''': He must have been a very fine president to have his name honored on a $5 bill. |
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:'''Samantha''': That's Abraham Lincoln. The 16th president. |
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'''Samantha''': He was an excellent president, Sir. |
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'''George Washington''': Better than me? |
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:'''Samantha''': He was an excellent president, Sir. |
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'''Darrin''': Oh, I wouldn't say that. |
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:'''George Washington''': Better than me? |
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'''George Washington''': Then why is President Lincoln's name on a $5 bill while the father of his country is only on a $1 bill? |
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:'''Darrin''': Oh, I wouldn't say that. |
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'''Samantha''': Well, you see, more people can afford $1 bills than $5 bills which means more people see your picture than Abraham Lincoln's. |
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:'''George Washington''': Then why is President Lincoln's name on a $5 bill while the father of his country is only on a $1 bill? |
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|''After George Washington sees Abraham Lincoln's face on the $5 bill and his on the $1 bill''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Well, you see, more people can afford $1 bills than $5 bills which means more people see your picture than Abraham Lincoln's. |
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<hr width="50%"> |
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:'''Samantha''': Sometimes, it's easier to be led than to lead. And a great many of our citizens prefer to stand on the sidelines and ignore their rights instead of defend them. They're called "The Silent Majority". |
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:'''George Washington''': Experience has shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer evils while those evils are sufferable, than to right themselves and abolish those abuses. |
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<hr width="50%"> |
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:''[Referring to Esmerelda]'' |
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:'''Darrin''': How come you witches can do anything, but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her! |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Sometimes, it's easier to be led than to lead. And a great many of our citizens prefer to stand on the sidelines and ignore their rights instead of defend them. They're called "The Silent Majority". |
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=== ''School Days, School Daze'' === |
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'''George Washington''': Experience has shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer evils while those evils are sufferable, than to right themselves and abolish those abuses.}} |
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:'''Samantha''': How would you like a drink? |
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:'''Darrin''': Sam, just give me the news, without the anaestethic. |
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{{quote|How come you witches can do anything, but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her! |
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|Darrin, ''referring to Esmerelda''}} |
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=== ''School Days, School Daze'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': How would you like a drink? |
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'''Darrin''': Sam, just give me the news, without the anaesthetic.}} |
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=== '' A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished'' === |
=== '' A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished'' === |
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{{quote|Just because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know?|Samantha}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Did Larry like it? |
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:'''Darrin''': He hated it. Right up until the time that Benson loved it. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Did Larry like it? |
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'''Darrin''': He hated it. Right up until the time that Benson loved it.}} |
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=== ''Samantha's Witchcraft Blows a Fuse'' === |
=== ''Samantha's Witchcraft Blows a Fuse'' === |
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{{quote|There goes one of the great quackpots of all time. |
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:''[Referring to Dr. Bombay].'' |
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|Samantha, ''referring to Dr. Bombay''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': There goes one of the great quackpots of all time. |
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=== ''The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam'' === |
=== ''The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry. |
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'''Darrin''': Since when does she have to be angry to be difficult? |
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'''Endora''': Your right, Derweed. I don't have to be angry to be difficult. ''[pause]'' But it helps. |
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'''Samantha''': Oh, Darrin. When are you going to learn that mother knows best. And what mother knows best - is how to be difficult.}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Honey. You're beautiful, sweet, clever, adorable and I love you madly. ''[referring to the spell]'' It works. |
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:''[The last lines spoken in the series. Darrin is testing the truth spell Endora has cast]'' |
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'''Samantha''': Well, it doesn't work on me. But I love you. And that is the truth, the whole truth and etcetera. |
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|''The last lines spoken in the series. Darrin is testing the truth spell Endora has cast''}} |
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== [[Catch Phrase]]s == |
== [[Catch Phrase]]s == |
Latest revision as of 20:44, 19 June 2024
Season 3
Super Car
Samantha: Mother, Darrin's off today. —Endora 'pops' in while Darrin has a day off from work.
|
The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye
Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one. —Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.
|
Samantha: You see, everything turns out for the best. |
The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara
Darrin: I know why you don't want to let me in there. —Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.
|
Three Wishes
That was no lady, that was my mother-in-law! —Darrin
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Samantha: Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
Cousin Serena Strikes Again
Samantha: Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. —Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.
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Charlie Harper, Winner
Darrin: Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. —After losing to Charlie all day.
|
The Crone of Cawdor
When the earth turns once around the sun, let the crone go forth til the day is done. Another's form she'll take and her form leave, from 6 in the morn til 6 in the eve. And in this guise if she can secure, a willing kiss from a mortal pure. To her will pass the mortal's youth, to him will pass her age forsooth. —Samantha, Legend of the Crone of Cawdor
|
Season 4
My What Big Ears You Have
Darrin: A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding! |
Season 5
Darrin, Gone and Forgotten
Samantha: Happy sweetheart? |
Samantha: I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. —Samantha
|
Maurice: Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. —Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.
|
It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House
I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. —Endora, after Darrin yells out loud.
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Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Endora: Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily. —After Darrin insults Endora
|
Samantha: Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
Samantha's French Pastry
When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should have faced 'yeast'. —Uncle Arthur, joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake
|
Darrin: I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
Is It Magic Or Imagination?
The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! —Darrin is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition
|
Samantha Fights City Hall
Larry Tate: [Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece. |
Samantha Loses Her Voice
Have you ever seen Louise play volleyball? Her best shot is ducking. —Larry Tate, explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team
|
I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly
Tabitha: Is this one of those things that's called a problem? —After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly.
|
Weep No More My Willow
Mrs Kravitz: Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman. |
Season 8
A Plague on Maurice and Samantha
Endora, you have all the charm of a tse-tse fly. —Maurice
|
Alas, poor Yorick. He isn't well. —Maurice dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.
|
Darrin's client: And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland
Larry Tate: Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb? |
The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit
Samantha: One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law. —After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.
|
The Eight-Year Witch
Endora: Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. —After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.
|
Three Men And A Witch On a Horse
Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". —Samantha, reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.
|
Darrin: Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. —Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.
|
Samantha: He'll catch up. —When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.
|
Adam, Warlock or Washout?
Maurice: She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. |
Endora: Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical. —Maurice is greeting Samantha.
|
Tabitha: Hello, Grandpapa. —Maurice is greeting Tabitha.
|
Maurice: Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft. —Explaining why Adam has not shown any signs of being a warlock.
|
Samantha is Earthbound
Mr. Prescott: That's a pretty squirrely couple —After witnessing Samantha and Darrin walking along while hugging each other closely (to prevent Samantha from being lifted into the air!)
|
Samantha on Thin Ice
Darrin: Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft? |
Serena's Youth Pill
In gay Paree it's s'il vous plaît, in Germany it's bitte. Please, Serena, come this way, I need a baby sitter.
—Samantha
|
Do me a favour, call Berlitz and get me a translator —Larry Tate doesn't understand what Louise is getting at!
|
Tabitha's First Day at School
Darrin: Is Tabitha ready for school? |
Charlton, the bully: What kind of dumb name is Tabitha? |
Charlton's mom: Why does he keep saying that? —After Charlton keeps insisting that Tabitha turned him into a bullfrog.
|
Samantha: Young lady! You have nothing to laugh about, you started this whole mess. Now, how are we gonna deal with you? —After Samantha has convinced the bully's mother that he only imagined himself as a bullfrog
|
George Washington Zapped Here
George Washington: And who is this bearded fellow? —After George Washington sees Abraham Lincoln's face on the $5 bill and his on the $1 bill
|
Samantha: Sometimes, it's easier to be led than to lead. And a great many of our citizens prefer to stand on the sidelines and ignore their rights instead of defend them. They're called "The Silent Majority". |
How come you witches can do anything, but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her! —Darrin, referring to Esmerelda
|
School Days, School Daze
Samantha: How would you like a drink? |
A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished
Just because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know?
—Samantha
|
Samantha: Did Larry like it? |
Samantha's Witchcraft Blows a Fuse
There goes one of the great quackpots of all time. —Samantha, referring to Dr. Bombay
|
The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam
Samantha: Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry. |
Darrin: Honey. You're beautiful, sweet, clever, adorable and I love you madly. [referring to the spell] It works. —The last lines spoken in the series. Darrin is testing the truth spell Endora has cast
|
Catch Phrases
Oh my stars!
—Samantha
|
Weeell?
—Samantha
|
SAMANTHA!
—Darrin
|
- Back to Bewitched