Bum Reviews/Funny: Difference between revisions

*** And later... "And they all live happily ever after...ALL of them. The bird (CAW!), Carl (Meh), the boy (Wow!), the dog (Squirrel!), the chipmunk dog (''indeed.''), Muntz (BIIIIIIIIIIIIR- No,no, not Muntz. He's dead."

** "OF COURSE! [[Hilarious in Hindsight|That's what all people should do! We should send all the old people in the sky.]] Than everybody would complain how slow they fly! 'Hey Grandpa, can your house can move any slower?!?!?!?!? Come on, step on the hellium.'"

{{quote| "And there's this atomic guy, who looks like he's trying out for the naked Blue Man Group! I was in the Naked Blue Man Group once! Apparently, I wasn't Jewish enough, whatever that means. And this blue guy, he can defeat anybody he wants, because everyone is distracted by his giganto penis! Seriously! Doesn't the guy put on any pants? My penis is blue too, but you don't see me flaunting it around! Okay, once or twice. Every Tuesday."}}

** Later, when discussing Russians:

{{quote| ''He defeats people by putting them up other people's asses! That better happen in the new Dark Knight movie! The Joker will be like "I am going to kill everyone!" and Batman will be like "You are going inside an ass!" Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-splut! THE END!''}}

* Chester arguing with his penis.

* Chester voted for Barack Obama. Why? Because he's got '''''change'''''.

{{quote| ''"Live long, and SUCK IT!"''}}

** Then there's the bit where, in a parody of the controversy surrounding [[Family Guy]] as a result of a joke that targets Sarah Palin and her Down's Syndrome striken child, he accused [[Family Guy]] of stealing his joke and tries to sue Fox for a furbished box.

** "You're an idiot."

** Just his impersonation of Edward Cullen sounding as bland and monotone as possible is pure hilarity.

** "...And one of the leaders is DAKOTA FANNING! I always knew she was a vampire! She acted like she was 30 years old when she was only 5!" [holds up 4 fingers]

** "I'm a good-looking teenaged girl. I love it when boys treat me like crap." "Dude, you can have her!"

{{quote| "....I am most perpleximated."}}

* In the ''[[Terminator Salvation]]'' review, Chester shows off his computer which turns out to be a cardboard box with the word 'comput-tem-uter' on it. All he can get are emails on how to get his penius enlarged.

*** [[Hypocritical Humor|"Get a job!"]]

{{quote| '''Chester Cosplayer''': ''He stole my chaaaange..!''}}

*** "Whoever can get the dude off each other first, wins! I'll be the dude!"

** Chester breaking up a fight between Shredder and a Ninja Turtle. "Don't fight! I'll marry both of you!"

{{quote| GIVE ME BACK MY SOUL! GIMME...wow, feet!}}

** This exchange.

'''Chester''': NOOOOOOOOO! IT'S THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! ...wait, is that the book?<br />

'''Harley''': Yeah.<br />

** [to a pair of [[Star Wars|Stormtroopers]]]"Are you [[Acceptable Targets|Jehovah's Witnesses]]?"

** [[Non Sequitur Thud|"I like cheese!"]]

** Chester's reaction upon seeing an elevator filled with cosplayers.

{{quote| "I think this [LSD] is too strong."}}

* "What's with all these movies showing their titles twice? First ''[[Terminator Salvation]]'', now this. Do they really think we're gonna forget the title in five seconds? Actually, considering what I just smoked, that's not a bad idea."

** Tis the season to be {{spoiler|[[Spoiler|SPOILERS!!!!!]]}}

{{quote| '''Chester''': "What's with all the loopholes? Seriously, was this a fairy tale written by a lawyer?"}}

** "Let's see if we can find Alan Menken in this forest! PLEASE find Alan Menken in this forest!"

** "But then the dad is like, 'I'm a parent who's married in a Disney film! I'm DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!' And then he dies! Huh, what a shocker."

*** "But before he dies, he tells Tiana something very important! 'If you really want what your heart desires, just wish upon a star!' Heehee! That's the traditional Disney way! '[[Subverted Trope|But that's only part of it]]! You have to work hard and save up all your money!' ...[[Big "What?"|HUUUUWHAT]]?! You have to '''work''' in order to make your dreams come true?! ALL THESE YEARS I've been doing nothing but wishing upon a star and thinking that was gonna help me! But it turns out I have to '''WORK?!''' Disney ''lied'' to me! They lied to my childhood!!"

** [[Big Lipped Alligator Moment|A Big Lipped ''Trumpet Playing'' Alligator Moment!]]

** [[It Makes Sense in Context|Ray the lightning bug to save the day-ah!]]

'''Facilier!Chester''': Too late!<br />

'''Naveen!Chester''': [poofs out of existance, a croak is heard] }}

** "And the military is like '[[Stuff Blowing Up|BLOW STUFF UP! BLOW STUFF UP]]!'"

* "It's Hannibal Lecter, you morons! He ate his liver with some father beans and a nice candy!"

** "There's this actor, called Benicio Del Toro, and he's playing this actor, whose name is ''not'' Benicio Del Toro! Woah, I just blew my mind!"

* Chester gets a lawyer. [[Hilarity Ensues]] . "We will get...A BOX!"

** Also, Rob (as the lawyer) reciting Willy Wonka's legal mumbo-jumbo from the end of [[Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory]].

** And "And he's like [[I Have No Son|'You're not my son!']] 'Technically I am.' 'Well, metaphorically, you're not! 'Nooo-'"

** "And then the evil father tries to kill the [[Big Bad]] Dragon! But he's like..!"

{{quote| "WHOA, I DIDN'T KNOW THE DRAGON WAS THAT BIG! OR BAD! OR [[Shaped Like Itself|DRAGON]]!"}}

* Chester A. Bum breaking into the pledge drive. "It's the wall again!".

** "AAAAHHH! A BEAVER!!!"

** "Can I see if it turns on? Can I see if it turns on? [[Running Gag|Can I see if it turns on?]] Can I see if it turns on? Can I see if it turns on? [[Overly Long Gag|Can I see if it turns on? Can I see if it turns on?"]]

* From his review of ''[[Iron Man 2]]'':

** (to Iron Man by Black Sabbath) "I am Iron Man, like a super hero in a garbage can."

** "Iron Man is on a big metal donut. I'm high."

** "I LEARN KUNG FU THAT WAY ONCE! Or was that pole dancing? EITHER WAY I ENDED IT UP NAKED!!"

** "I'm controoooling you, noooow watch my Matrix move!" * whack*

{{quote| I was a zombie once! [[Take That|I was a member of the Oprah Book Club.]]}}

* From his review of Toy Story 3:

** Andy's mid-life crisis [[It Makes Sense in Context|(at 17)]]. That is all.

*** The line that ALWAYS slays This Troper? "''NO! I'M HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS AT SEVENTEEN, AND I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT!''"

** "Marry me." "No." "Marry me." "No." And so forth.

** "I WAS A ROLE MODEL ONCE! BUT unfortunately I have real issues. I slept in a box of pudding! She's a middle-class suburbanite with two boyfriends after her! [[Sarcasm Mode|Ohhh, the pain!]]"

** "I ONCE PINNED THE TAIL ON A DONKEY ONCE! ...it died of cancer."

* In his review of ''Paranormal Activity 2'', three words : mexican super nanny. {{spoiler|Chester strolls across the screen, [[Up, Up, and Away|his fist risen]] and singing the Mexican Hat Dance.}}

** [[Running Gag|RUN!!!]]

** Abraca''HEIL!!!''

'''Chester:''' They don't know!<br />

'''Actor!Dad:''' We just like to keep photos of blank walls. }}

** "''I'' went into a video game once! Mario's actually Scottish!"

** "Wait a minute...A movie with Jeff Bridges and two mistaken identities? OH MY GOD IT'S [[The Big Lebowski]] 2!!!"

{{quote| You are ''horrible'' people!}}

** [[Fridge Brilliance]] here: His 'review' is a [[Stealth Insult]] and [[Take That]] to all the local Chicago reporters who went outside to comment on the obvious...It's. Snowing. HARD. Duh...

{{quote| "Wait a minute! Iron Man, the Hulk, all the Marvel characters...OH MY GOD, Marvel is putting together a baseball team! Spider-Man can be the shortstop, Wolverine can be the pitcher, and the Hulk will be the umpire, because you do not want to piss off that umpire. He will eat you...I hear Howard the Duck has promise!"}}

* From his ''[[Rango]]'' review:

{{quote| "Aiii-aii-ai-ai! We're building up to a letdown!"<br />

"Aiii-aii-ai-ai! {{spoiler|We ripped you off big time!}}" }}

** "If there's one thing I've learned, it's {{spoiler|never trust a turtle!}} Good advice."

** "This is Raoul Puke, father of Fozzie journalism, saying..." [looks around, grabs Chester's cup] "I have a cup!" [music plays] "I still have a cup!"

** Correcting the narrator who thought this was Twilight 4, then arguing with him all throughout the review.

** "Tween girl porn".

** "So I guess if he says he's religious, it's like all the evil he does is okay. It's like the S.S. [[Fox News]]."

** [[Added Alliterative Appeal|"Blackbeard's Big Bad Bitchin' Boat! Barbecue."]]

** His nickname for Hawkeye's bow? "The Cocktease."

{{quote| Coulson: He's depressed. Call it off!<br />

** --> '''Xavier''': To control your power, you must first control your anger. Just like I control my hairloss.

{{quote| '''Magneto''': Why is it that I don't trust you?}}

** "I was a British a-hole once!" -sad- "MY FATHER'S SIMON COWELL! PLEASE DADDY, STOP CRITIQUING MY MESSAGES TO TAKE ME BACK!"

** His [[Large Ham|extremely hammy]] impression of Voldemort.

{{quote| "Brrring me Harry Pottaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh."<br />

"Oh! Somebody injured my [[It Makes Sense in Context|little snake]]. *[[Beat]]* I'm dead now. *dies* }}

** Calling the trio nuts for sending their kids to Hogwarts: "If I thought back to the most traumatic experience where all my friends died, I wouldn't be like, 'Yeah... I want my kid to go through that.' "

* [[Captain America]]:

And then Mister Rogers becomes "Who'd Like to Roger Me?" }}

{{quote| '''Chester''': (''looking over a tiny coffin'') What tiny little people do you think have to die to fit in this? <br />

'''Insano''': (''bleakly'') I buried my first test subject rat in one of those... }}

** While shuffling through a giant box of video games, Bum goes: "Do you have that one game that the Spoony One really likes – uh, ''[[Final Fantasy]] 26''!"

{{quote| '''Insano''': Almost like the Japanese don't know what the word "Final" means.}}

{{quote| '''Insano''': I have used science and ingenuity to defeat all who oppose me… (''Watches the Bum flail around with a sword.'') …whereas he is simply stupid.}}

** Dr. Insano vs. Dr. Holocaust.

{{quote| '''Bum''': That's how I got where I am!}}

** Each get their opportunity to engage in some [[Hypocritical Humor]].

'''Bum''': Role-playing? You mean where people dress up in different costumes and pretend they're someone else? That's stupid! }}

** Dr. Insano is [[Sexy Schoolwoman|distracted twice by girls in uniforms]], and Bum attempts to hit on a girl with a very flattering top only to be scared off by her rather muscular boyfriend.

{{quote| '''Chester-as-the-baby''' : I WANT OUT OF THIS PRETENTIOUSNESS!!!}}

** "And so the baby is born but it kills Bella in the process. All the girls start crying and all the boys break out the champagne."

** "It's time to Muppet show show! This is the Muppet Show! Muppet Muppet Muppet Muppet! Well you know the words."

** This conversation...

'''Chester!Sho''': Yes. But he is awesome!<br />

'''Chester!Arrietty''': Awesome! }}

** When Sho tells Arrietty he is dying:

{{quote| '''Chester!Arrietty''': You're dying?!<br />

'''Chester''': Oh. I guess that's it. }}

** "Arrietty is still a great movie. It teaches us some much like...If you see little people you're not necessary on drugs. And that something I really need to hear!"

** Chester has the people from Helium talk like, well, they're on helium!

** Doing the entire review in [[Jittercam]]

** At the end of the review:

''(Chester turns around and walks into the wall)''<br />

'''Chester!Guy in Charge''': "...Ow." }}

** ''The Avengers'' is so good, Doug has to break character by taking of the hat and wig while telling everyone to see the movie. Twice.

*** The two appearances of Chester in the guise of comic book nerds that provide exposition on the bits of the movie only die-hard comic fans would know.