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{{trope}}
[[File:starwars-xmas.jpg|link=Star Wars|frame|WARNING: [[Schmuck Bait|Never, ever]] listen to this.]]
{{quote|''"All of a sudden there comes Christmas, and there is an absolute tidal wave of darling little girls and sweet little boys making millions of dollars on records singing enchanting little Christmas songs that are perfectly nauseating."''|'''Anna Russell'''}}
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If you're looking for the story by [[Charles Dickens]], that's ''[[A Christmas Carol]]''. (Except when it's [[Yet Another Christmas Carol]].)
{{examples}}
== Straight ==
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIuElVFKfAM Jingle Bells]".
** Also known for the parody lyrics "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg...", which came full circle when, in ''[[Batman: The Animated Series]]'', [[The Joker]] [[Fourth Wall Observer|himself]] [[Ascended Meme|sang them]].
** There's also a Japanese version, minus the phrase "Jingle Bells", sung by Japanese pro wrestlers.
** "Jingle Bells" is probably the single best-known and most widely-performed Christmas song of them all... which is rather ironic, given that it doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas specifically, secular ''or'' religious... it's actually a song about young guys in 1850s Medford, Massachusetts, who used to drag-race their one-horse sleighs in the town square. There's a small, hard to find plaque in said town square to commemorate it.
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wtuhjivzxE "Bjällerklang"], the Swedish version, is about getting out of the house to avoid getting [[Cabin Fever]], not drag racing. The verses have a slightly altered melody. The first part of the chorus has the same melody as the American version. However, a second chorus with a melody not used in the American version is sung after the original chorus.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls Do They Know It's Christmas?]", first done by BandAid in 1984 to raise money for the victims of the Ethiopian famine. The subsequent Live Aid concert and charity appeal raised about £150m. Sadly, it may have actually made the situation worse- some journalists have claimed the money ended up in the hands of the military junta, who used for an enforced resettlement program. Up to 100,000 people may have been killed as a result. The earlier civil war had actually made the famine worse.
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** Insert sexual innuendo here.
** And the [[Chorus-Only Song|practically unknown]] verse places the dreamer in Beverly Hills.
** [
*** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeUMfZzdiEc And the Frank Sinatra version.]{{Dead link}}
*** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5owUdvwcQ0 The Otis Redding version]{{Dead link}}, which may very well me the most emotionally heart-breaking version. (Contemplated putting in the glurge section.
**** [[Running Gag|And for you Anime fans,]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PhREBUJ5zs there is a Sailor Mars version.]
* [[Sufjan Stevens]] put out a 5-CD box set of Christmas songs, both old and new. His original songs include "Get Behind Me, Santa!", "Sister Winter", "We're Goin' To The Country", "Put The Lights on the Tree", "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!" and "Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!"
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* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPG3zSgm_Qo Christmastime is Here]" by Vince Guaraldi, from ''[[A Charlie Brown Christmas]]''.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTOyX10Zv-w&ob=av2n The Christmas Song]" ([[Refrain From Assuming|often known by]] its opening line 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'), written by Mel Tormé and Bob Wells, performed by Nat King Cole and various others.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hzN3Xrv47M Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas]", which was written for ''[[Meet Me in St. Louis]]'' and has something of an [http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,1569872,00.html interesting history].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OATi34PKNPw Sleigh Ride]. Ignore the stupid, tacked-on lyrics that were added later. The original version by Leroy Anderson features a nifty tempo shift halfway through.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCEZEOYdfwo&feature=related Santa Claus Is Coming To Town]
* "[[Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]]" - America's favorite bit of Christmas "folklore" that was originally created as a marketing gimmick for Montgomery Ward. [http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/rudolph.asp Really].
** After Gene Autry's version of "Rudolph" became a big hit, a couple of songwriters realized [
* The band Low recorded a mini-album of Christmas songs, some original ("Just Like Christmas"), some cover versions ("Blue Christmas") and some traditional ("Silent Night", "The Little Drummer Boy").
* "I Believe in Father Christmas", by [[Emerson, Lake & Palmer|Greg Lake]]. Some folk who don't listen closely to the lyrics have mistaken this song for being anti-religious; however, [[Word of God]] says it's really about growing up and growing out of some childhood illusions. [[Sarah Brightman]]'s cover of this seems to underline it, since she sang it in this oddly childlike voice.
** Also covered by [[Vertical Horizon]] for a Christmas compilation album.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTTvBWb0QYw Celebrate Me Home] by Kenny Loggins
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ink52QZNgrA Niño Lindo]" and "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DddD7Ighjg Si la Virgen fuera Andina]", two popular Venezuelan Christmas songs who, rare in the genre, actually remember why ''Christ''mas is called that. Popularized by the versions of several child chorus and the ones by Nancy Ramos; the latter musical career has essentially reduced to singing those.
* "Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus" is an English-Spanish song involving a kid waiting up for Santa.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARq6uYSsUq0 Christmas Wrapping]" by The Waitresses is a cute story about a woman trying to get together with a guy. Various mishaps result in [[Stood Up|one or the other of them]] not making the date, until on Christmas Eve, their individual decisions to just sit out Christmas as a result of a hectic year gets them together.
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* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1aguHjgd8g We Wish You A Merry Christmas]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11GlNvi7hPY Good King Wenceslas]
** Used in ''[[The Dark Is Rising]]'' as a favorite carol of the Old Ones. Also mocked in [[Terry Pratchett]]'s ''[[
*** [[Crowning Moment of Funny|Also used memorably]] in ''[[Love Actually]]''.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwi-gfMiAeg The First Noel]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT-6yjT4oFo The Holly and the Ivy].
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Was a letter from Santa that said the dough was for me! }}
* Anyone else have a soft spot for [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5yUk4-vSBw Twinkle Twinkle Little Me]? It's beautiful.
* "[[Dance Dance Revolution|Silent Hill]]", by Thomas Howard. No relation to the actual [[Silent Hill]].
* Oddly enough, "[[Pinocchio (Disney film)|When You Wish Upon A Star]]" is considered a Christmas song in Japan, Finland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark. The star referred to is probably the star that led the Magi.
** In Scandinavia it's possibly tied to Disney's tv special "From All of Us to All of You", a perennial must-see.
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* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFGfCn5rKIM I'll Be Home for Christmas]", which debuted during the height of [[World War II]].
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s49gEmTlOTk Some Children See Him]", one of a number of carols written by Alfred Burt. Can be [[Glurge]]-ified because of its [[Anvilicious]] socio-political message.
* [[Coldplay]]'s "Christmas Lights" provides us with yet another example of heartbreak at Christmas.
* [[Angels and Airwaves]]' "Star of Bethlehem". In the album's final release, it was split into two songs: "Star of Bethlehem" and "True Love".
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb9OVjlEZho We Need a Little Christmas]", written for [[The Musical]] version of ''[[Auntie Mame]]''.
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* "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas"
* "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"
* * "All I Want For Christmas Is You". [[Mariah Carey|"I don't want a lot for
** Mariah Carey has become too keenly aware of the omnipresence of her song during the holidays, and has posted videos where she portrays herself as the (sightly creepy) Christmas Harbinger.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFEQvd0kJxM Guanaguanare]", by Jesus Avila.
== Parody/Humorous ==
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** A parody of a parody: "Grandpa Got Runned Over by a John Deere" by Cledus T. Judd. And yes, it's still a Christmas song... sorta.
** There was also (during the height of their career) a parody song called [[New Kids on the Block|"New Kids Got Run Over By A Reindeer"]] ...
* The many, many [[Bob Rivers]] "Twisted Christmas" songs. (Not all of which are strictly parodies or even humorous -- his version of "O Little Town of Bethlehem" sung to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun" is played remarkably straight.)
**
**
** There's also "Grabbe Yahbalz" ("Grab your balls like Michael Jackson! Fa-la-la-la-la...) and "The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen".
* Bob Dylan [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus "Must Be Santa"]. Nothing like a good old-fashioned Hanukkah themed Christmas song!
* Jethro Tull with their whole Christmas Album (though a few ''almost'' play it straight, at least in spirit).
** Also, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h90JVJmPmt0 'A Christmas Song'] one of their earlier songs (reworked on the Christmas Album). Starts off as a traditional carol and then changes theme.
{{quote|''Once in Royal David’s City
''Stood a lowly cattle shed,
''Where a mother laid her baby.
''You’d do well to remember the things He later said.
''When you’re stuffing yourselves at the Christmas parties,
''You’ll laugh when I tell you to take a running jump.
''You’re missing the point I’m sure does not need making;
''The Christmas spirit is not what you drink... }}
{{quote|...[outro] Hey, Santa, pass that bottle will you?}}
* "Rusty Chevrolet", an ode to [[The Alleged Car]], again by [[Da Yoopers]].
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyDc1s9imvI Christmas at Ground Zero]" and "The Night Santa Went Crazy", both by [["Weird Al" Yankovic]].
** His song "Weasel Stomping Day", sung in typical [[Glurge|Glurgical]] Christmas style, concerns a fictitious holiday in which people wear Viking helmets, spread mayonnaise on their lawns, and [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|squish weasels under their boots]].
* [[Jonathan Coulton]]'s "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3DyxaCYlfg&eurl=http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/Chiron%20Beta%20Prime&feature= Chiron Beta Prime]"
** Don't forget "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50UhOdBHsQg Podsafe Christmas Song]" and "[http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/Christmas%20Is%20Interesting# Christmas is Interesting]{{Dead link}}".
* "Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas", album credited to ''Tales From the Crypt'' and the Cryptkeeper.
* "Leroy the Redneck Reindeer," by Joe Diffie.
* "Redneck 12 Days of Christmas," [[Jeff Foxworthy]].
* "Here's Your Sign Christmas," [[Bill Engvall]] (not really parody, but comedy if you like the performer).
* "[https://web.archive.org/web/20060404102611/http://www.cthulhulives.org/solsticecarol.html The Carol of the Old Ones]"
** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptP0OR-e7rI Death to the World]
** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaI4d2Yg-sY Silent Night, Blasphemous Night]
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* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9Bf2H59cLM I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus]"
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKTj02cmHI Father Christmas]", by [[The Kinks]], in which a man playing Father Christmas outside a (presumably British) department store is mugged by street thugs. "Father Christmas, give us your money! Don't mess around with those silly toys!" Punkest Christmas song ever!
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_VhHqK6yoQ All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth]" by [[Spike Jones]].
** And "I'm The Angel In The Christmas Play" by the same, which is about an unrepentant delinquent cheerfully admitting to all the mischief he's been up to, ending each verse with an announcement that he's playing the angel in the school Christmas play.
* "I Won't Be Home For Christmas" by Blink 182, with a chorus that goes "It's Christmas time again/It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand."
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* ''Merry F** king Christmas'' and ''A Lonely Jew On Christmas'', both from ''[[South Park]]''.
* Denis Leary has a Christmas special as well as a song by the title ''Merry F** king Chistmas'', complete with overly cynical lyrics such as "Old St. Nick's got bourbon breath / It's so cold you could catch your death / A cop just sold me crystal meth / It's a merry f** king Christmas"
* Sort of borderline, but ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN2NNwZ1op8 Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)]'' by
* "Ohhhh, Santa Claus, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSilUOS4Ph8 Santa Claus, You are much too fat..."] The highlight of many an Elementary School Christmas performance.
* ''Jingle Bell Metal'' by Psychostick contains parodies of several Christmas songs.
* "Ho Ho [BEEP] Ho", "Hey Santa!" (and no doubt a few more) by [[Kevin Bloody Wilson]].
* [[They Might Be Giants]] have a few, most of which involve Santa Claus acting like a dick to the narrator.
* In ''[[The Colbert Report|A Colbert Christmas]]: [http://www.colbertnation.com/video?keywords=A+Colbert+Christmas The Greatest Gift of All]'', Stephen performs the cheery, extremely unsubtle "[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/211035/november-23-2008/a-colbert-christmas--another-christmas-song Another Christmas Song]", which is all about people buying "Another Christmas Song" and hopefully making it a yearly Christmas standard so that Stephen can get rich. Multiple levels of metafiction at once coupled with multiple levels of [[Special Effect Failure]].
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* Tiny Tim released the jaw-dropping "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year."
* Disturbingly, there are ''two'' novelty Christmas songs about fisting: "XXXMas Song" by Vinnie and the Stardusters and "Fist Me This Christmas" by the Wet Spots.
* "The Twelve Days ''After'' Christmas" focuses on the downsides of owning all the gifts from its namesake song, and the nasty breakup between the "true loves" that results. The title works only because many people don't realize that the actual "Twelve Days of Christmas" ''are'' after Christmas; they are the twelve days from Christmas to Epiphany.
{{quote|''The four calling birds were a big mistake / for their language was obscene / the five golden rings were completely fake / and they turned my fingers green!''}}
* Thrash band Whiplash has a song called I Hate Christmas, with arguably one of the greatest lines in all of music: "Jingle Bells, I'll see you in Hell!"
* Rhan Wilson's [http://www.altared.com/ Altared Christmas] series. The gimmick? What if you played Christmas songs in a [[Darker and Edgier]] minor key? It's a lot better than it sounds, that's what.
* "You Ain't Getting S*** for Christmas". The song is hilarious when ma "Takes the two fruitcakes and the turkey and throws them out the front window."
* Ray Stevens has several, including "Xerox Xmas Letter," (an over-the-top Christmas letter for "Nightmare Before Christmas" (where he dreams that a bunch of lawyers take Santa to court for wearing fur, smoking, working only one day a year, etc.).
* The Jingle Bell Barking Dogs.
** And their feline counterparts.
▲* There is a disturbingly hilarious parody of "Walkin' In A Winter Wonderland" called "Walkin' Round In Women's Underwear", about crossdressing.
* And let's not forget "Monster Holiday", the Christmas-themed sequel to "The Monster Mash".
* [[ACDC]] gives us "Mistress for Christmas", which (as one might have guessed from an AC/DC song) is [[Bawdy Song|less about the "Christmas" part and more about the "Mistress" part]].
* "Please Santa Claus" by Anna Russell.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aogz162O5pE "The 12 Guido Days of Christmas"].
* "No More Christmas Singles", the ''[[Spitting Image]]''... er... [[Hypocritical Humour|Christmas Single]].
''{{quote|''No more Christmas singles
''They're worse than any war
''If we hear Aled Jones again
''[[Glurge|We'll throw up on the floor]] }}
* The entire ''Oi to the World'' album by the Vandals, but especially "My First Christmas As a Woman".
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IX97wkmM0n0 Elf's Lament]" by Barenaked Ladies and featuring Michael Buble.
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20110219232107/http://www.svse.net/holidays2010/ This] commercial for (the fake) "The Sharks A Capella Holiday Album". It manages not only to make fun of and lampshade holiday songs and albums, but also the commercials that are used to peddle them as well.
{{quote|'''Announcer:''' Yes, vocal tones so unique and distinctive, only your dog can truly appreciate them!}}
* ''The Twelve Days of Christmas with Doug and Bob McKenzie'', aka ''The Canadian Twelve Days of Christmas''.
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...and a beer.
...in a treeeeee... }}
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCeDqmgg9ec "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus"], by Stand Still.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ1386ytTjU Make A Daft Noise For Christmas] and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OrfFof-SN4&feature=related Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me] (about "a most immoral Santa") by [[The Goodies]].
* {{color|purple|Hark, how the}} [[Verbal Tic|WAA]] {{color|purple|all seem to}} [[Verbal Tic|WAA,]] {{color|purple|joining in rhyme.}} [[Brawl in the Family|WALUIGI TIME!]]
* 1960s garage-rock band The Sonics did [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7XJUeHWePw "Don't Believe in Christmas"], airing typical holiday disappointments to the tune of Chuck Berry's "Too Much Monkey Business".
* [[How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (animation)|"You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch"]], originally sung by the inimitable [[Thurl Ravenscroft]], and since covered by numerous artists.
* Kip Addotta's
* The Venezuelan song' "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIT1gSc4in4 Tun-tun]", about a grouchy Scrooge type complaining about all the people celebrating outside and disrupting his sleep. It includes the verse (translated) "If the Kid<ref>Baby Jesus, the traditional gift bringer in Venezuela</ref> has born/ then you go to Bethelem/ and me, from my bed/I'll give you my bless".
* Comedy Choral group Folie Vergue Takititá have a very funny set of parodies of popular Christmas songs that gets updated every year. It includes an [https://youtu.be/zbdDaM47z0E awesomely dirty version] of the "Rudolph the Red-noised Reindeer" song, where turns out that Rudolphs's problem is [[Teeny Weenie|very tiny]].
* The comedy group Medioevo have "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P24uZRDQeVE Mi Alegre Parrandón]", a parody of the typical cutesy spunky carol by Los Tucusitos and similar children groups, where the "kid" singing ask for such gifts as anticonceptives for her sister (also a second hand bike "so her boss don't have to bring her in the early morning"), a battery radio and a number of personal effects for "[her] brother who is so innocent]" who is now in the Model Prison, and a grill and a big jar of Adobo for her mom to help her with her skewers-selling stall near the Universitary Stadium. It ends with the "kid" having to be forcibly shut up while giving her Long List of wanted Christmas gifts, so the chorus can wrap up the song. Have a [[Vocaloid]] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yg9MCKq3TI version]!
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTx-sdR6Yzk "The Season's Upon Us"] by [[Dropkick Murphys]].
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-ThguxihuQ "You Ain't Getting Didddly Squat"] by [[Heywood Banks]].
* ''[[The Bob and Tom Show]]''{{'}}s tribute to [[Dudley Moore]] as ''[[Arthur (film)|Arthur]]'', [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cQdd1z3uIg "It's Christmas and I Wonder Where I Am"].
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b05_B6Me6-s "Damn It, I'm Vixen"] by the Brian Beathard Orchestra, in which one of Santa's "original eight" complains about a certain red-nosed upstart.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNDri18-eQ0 "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"] by Gayla Peevey.
== Glurge-laden ==
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* "Granddad" with Clive Dunn likewise.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY River]" by [[Joni Mitchell]].
*
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a_Y1wAJ2MU Christmas Shoes]", the [[One-Hit Wonder|only mainstream radio hit]] by Christian pop group Newsong, is a story told by a man who was griping about the shopping crunch, reminded of the [[True Meaning of Christmas]] by an extremely poor little boy trying to gather enough <s> change</s> ''pennies'' to buy shoes for his mother who might very well die on Christmas Eve. Not only glurgy, but also highly manipulative and depressing.
{{quote|'''Little boy:''' ''Daddy says there's not much time / You see, she's been sick for quite a while
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* "Christmastime in Arkansas Again". A syrupy-sweet reflection about Christmas and an unashamed tribute to the state of Arkansas, with a locally famous ''weatherman'' named Ned Perme on piano.
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clePvNtJWpw The Cat Carol]". Sweet Jesus, "The Cat Carol".
* "[http://youtu.be/QTdzjSPZv8g Ven a mi casa esta Navidad]" by Luis Aguile, about the singer offering a friend away from their family to spend Christmas with him and his family, fits somewhere between [[Glurge]] and [[Tear Jerker]]. Most singers covering this song go with glurgey.
== Other ==
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* "Santa Stole My Girlfriend" by The Maine. The title is pretty self-explanatory. Chorus calls Santa an obscene name.
* [http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000570.php O Holy Crap]. Good lord, good lord.
** Not to be confused with [[Homestar Runner|that one wrestleman's]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20131112121146/http://www.homestarrunner.com/xmas.html "O Holy Crap."]
*** Speaking of Homestar Runner, [https://web.archive.org/web/20131104154147/http://www.homestarrunner.com/xmas08_album.html Hooked on Decemberween] features a collection of [[You Mean "Xmas"|Decemberween]] songs form previous 'toons, along with some new ones.
* [[Jackson Browne]]'s "The Rebel Jesus", originally recorded with Irish folk group The Chieftains for their Christmas album ''The Bells of Dublin'', and then again as a solo version. Listen to the original [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA4YW6RdoVU here] and the remake [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEC7d5jbAbo here].
** Speaking of that Chieftains album, it also includes a hilarious collaboration with [[Elvis Costello]] called "St. Stephan's Day Murders". Christmas is over, and a few members of the family have ''had it'' with holiday cheer.
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* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCNvZqpa-7Q "White Wine in the Sun"] by [[Tim Minchin]] is not exactly a parody, and not entirely straight, and not at all religious Christmas song. It's also an absolute tearjerker.
* Dar Williams' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_KiHRHwaAs "The Christians and the Pagans"] depicts a pair of neo-pagan (and quite possibly lesbian) women spending Christmas Eve with one's devoutly Christian uncle and his family, and how they're able to overcome their respective cultural differences and enjoy the season together. It leavens its [[An Aesop|moral message]] with gentle humor, and is a genuinely great song.
* In Venezuela, [[Gaita Zuliana|Gaitas Zulianas]] are often lumped with other Christmas songs, despite most of the songs that are not about [[Ode to Intoxication|partying]], how great singing Gaita is or [[Protest Song|current issues]] are about either Our Lady of Chinquinquirá (November 18), San Benito de Palermo (December 27), and New Year's Eve.
{{reflist}}
[[Category:
[[Category:Christmas Tropes]]
[[Category:
[[Category:Pop]]
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