Deadpool/Self Demonstrating: Difference between revisions
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OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single -- albeit snappily-suited -- mercenary become so ''incredibly awesome'' in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing ''every single one'' of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja [[Spider-Man (Comic Book)|Spider-Man]]" meme. Caption ''this'', suckers! On the other hand, my own [[Memetic Mutation|memetic monologues]] led to me becoming '''''THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER'''''. That and the fact that [[Breaking the Fourth Wall|I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans]]. [[Self-Demonstrating Article|Like now, for instance]]. You lucky, lucky nerds!
Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[X-Men|Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[Accidental Innuendo|Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old [[Six Million Dollar Man]] thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[Healing Factor|the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[
Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became [[Body Horror|so goddamn handsome]] that '''[[Go Mad from the Revelation|my brain exploded]]'''. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that [[Medium Awareness|I'm a comic book character]]. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and [[Stan Lee]]. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a '''pool''' to figure out which one of us would be '''dead''' first, so I naturally named myself [[Awesome McCoolname|Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman]]. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with [[Meaningful Name|Deadpool]] instead.
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{{quote|'''Me''': [[Sarcasm Mode|Astute observation]], [[Captain Obvious]].<br />
'''Me''': Wait, [[Take That Us|did I just diss myself?]]<br />
'''Me''': [[
* [[Blessed with Suck]]: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.
* [[Blood Knight]]: I love fighting and killing.
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* [[Downer Ending]]: {{spoiler|Wade Wilson's War all took place in my head and Dom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation. [[Gainax Ending|GUH! MY BRAIN!]]}}
* [[Dream Sequence]]: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire—which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
* [[Duct Tape for Everything]]: Check [https://web.archive.org/web/20160309212944/http://lafinjack.net/images/comicz/deadpool/deadpool_ducttape.jpg this] out. Oh, there was also that time when Cable, [[Captain America (comics)]] and a few others frickin' ''cocooned'' me with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse... [[Crowning Moment of Funny|I had to pee]].
* [[Dude, Where's My Respect?]]: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get close to no respect from anyone.
* [[Did I Just Say That Out Loud?]]: I do this a ''lot'' (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.
{{quote|'''Me''': No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, '''very''', wrong... -- Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything '''too''' embarrassing, wasn't I?
'''Irene''' (''staring''): No... Not by your standards, no. }}
* [[Even Evil Has Standards]]: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, [[
* [[Faux Affably Evil]]: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."
* [[Embarrassing Nickname]]: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names!
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* [[Hit Me Dammit|Snikt Me, Dammit!]]: I spent the better part of an issue trying to get [[Wolverine]] to stab me. But he was being a wuss, so I [[Street Fighter|Shoryuken'd]] Kitty Pryde instead. That worked.
** Also, for me to unleash the fury of [[Power Level|my Level 3 special]] in [[Marvel vs. Capcom]] 3, people have to hit me whilst I am doing a [[Sexy Walk]].
* [[Super Speed]]: Okay, so maybe it isn't one of my [[No Fourth Wall|official powers]], but it darn well oughta be. I mean, I can outrun a friggin' ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20100706002009/http://i082.radikal.ru/0909/d5/77f59eab6e86.jpg jetliner]'' fer Bea Arthur's sake!
* [[The Starscream]]: Occasionally Weasel.
* [[Stalker with a Crush]]: Dr. Ella Whitby, she's obsessed with me and she even has a fridge full of all the body parts i've lost over the years. She's creepy, even by my standards.
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