- While any dialogue concerning the Unseen U's senior faculty can be considered, this one stands out. It starts out with the Dean saying the Librarian isn't a proper orangutan, not having the huge cheek pads a dominant male should. Later on, it is pointed out that while the Librarian is the only orangutan at UU, he's only the librarian, and doesn't dominate the University.
One by one, as the thought sank in, they [the faculty] grinned at the Archchancellor.
Ridcully: Don't look at my cheeks like that! I don't dominate anybody!
- Ridcully's attempt to send The Dean to the counterweight continent:
The Dean: But I hate foreigners!
Ridcully: So do they. You'll get along famously.
- Every staff member claiming to have visited their aunts in distant towns during the events of Sourcery...except Ridcully, who really had been in a distant area at the time.
- A fact illustrating the unreliability of magic armour: the last words of many of the Disc's ancient lords were "You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh."
- Rincewind getting comfortable with the Red Army controls.
He touched his nose. They touched their noses. He made, with terrible glee, the traditional gesture for the dismissal of demons. Seven thousand terracotta middle fingers stabbed toward the ceiling.
- There are not 2,300,009 invisible bloodsucking vampire ghosts.
- The wizards kill Hong by teleporting a lit cannon right next to him. Accidentally.
- And thinking they were doing the Agateans a favor by lighting it first, mistaking it for a harmless firework. Well, they were doing them a favor, just not the one they thought...
- "'Ere wot a toff! 'Eave arf a brick at 'im!"