Domestic Abuser: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

As the name indicates, this is a person who inflicts [[Domestic Abuse]]. This trope covers abusive partners of both genders, and the [[Domestic Abuse|abuse]] they may dish out can be either mental, [[Marital Rape License|sexual]], verbal, [[Would Hit a Girl|physical]], [[Financial Abuse|financial]], or emotional. The abuser puts the "destructive" in [[Destructive Romance]].

 

 

{{examples}}

* Some of the relationships in ''[[Fruits Basket]]'' are pretty damn nasty.

** Example - Akito and Kureno. Akito doesn't let him out of the main house without permission[slapping him when he does], and unloads Akito's trademark verbal abuse on him constantly. {{spoiler|She also stabs him.}}

* Chiaki from ''[[Nodame Cantabile]]'' frequently uses physical violence against Nodame, his eventual girlfriend, and it's played for laughs in the manner of a [[Boke and Tsukkomi Routine]]. In the live-action version especially, however, it comes across as less slapstick and a bit more disturbing...

** OTOH, in paris Nodame goes [[Yandere]] and brutally beats Chiaki up, even ''kicking him on the head.'' [[Double Standard Abuse (Female on Male)|And then the same fans "horrified" by Chiaki's behavior... bend over to justify Nodame's.]]

* Naru towards Keitarou in ''[[Love Hina]]'', ''specially'' in the anime which makes her a borderline [[Jerk Sue]]. Again, the fandom ''loves'' it.

* ''[[Reimei no Arcana]]'': Though they're technically married, Caesar starts off as this towards Nakaba, yanking on her braid and pulling forced kisses on her in the first chapter. Needless to say, once Caesar begins to genuinely fall for Nakaba, he stops doing these childish and insensitive antics for the most part and treats her gently and with respect.

 

* Two examples in ''[[V for Vendetta]]'': Derek Almond batters and abuses is faithful and gentle wife whenever he can. On the other hand, the equally abusive Helen Heyer treats her kind husband like shit and uses him as a means to an end.

* [[Supergirl]]'s boyfriend Powerboy.

** And the worse part? Janet actually went back to Hank after the fire ant incident despite the fact that the poison (mind you she was the size of an ant at the time) left her in the hospital for days. Classic battered person syndrome, unfortunately.

* [[Superman]]'s debut in 1938 [https://web.archive.org/web/20120902072033/http://xroads.virginia.edu/~UG02/yeung/actioncomics/page5.html features] (among other things) the Man of Steel [https://web.archive.org/web/20120902072033/http://xroads.virginia.edu/~UG02/yeung/actioncomics/page5.html administering] [[Curb Stomp Battle|an epic beat-down]] to a domestic abuser after Clark Kent is assigned to cover a police call about a wife-beater and [[Wife-Basher Basher|beats him up]]. A [[Crowning Moment of Awesome]] in the very first issue!

 

* Common in certain [[Fanfic]]s that make one character look like an abusive [[Jerkass]] so as to allow the [[Fan-Preferred Couple]] to get together. This is particularly ridiculous when it requires [[Ron the Death Eater|dramatic personality rewrites]] on everyone involved to make it sound reasonable.

** Also common in [[Slash Fic]] where canon characters get made into this. For example, Sasuke to ''[[Naruto]]''.

* Non-[[Die for Our Ship]] example in the truly epic ''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]'' fic ''[[Guide Me Home]].'' Canonically, Firelord Ozai is already a [[Complete Monster|genocidal, child-abusing fascist dictator,]] but Ursa's [[Flashback Nightmare]]s reveal him to be horribly abusive towards her as well.

 

* ''[[Sleeping with the Enemy]]''

* Ray in ''Nil by Mouth''

* Stu's girlfriend Melissa in ''[[The Hangover]]''. She reportedly slept around on him on a cruise, called him "Doctor Fag" and is an emotional shrew. She gets her comeuppance when he ditches her for a single mom stripper he married during the binge the group went on in the movie.

* [[Tyler Perry]] is particularly fond of this, with Carlos in ''[[Madea's Family Reunion]]'' and Charles in ''[[Diary of a Mad Black Woman]]'' both abusing their wives.

* A mild case with Leroy and Destiny's relationship in ''[[Mystery Team]]''; they seem more mutually emotionally abusive than anything.

* Earl in [[Waitress]]

* ''[[Suicide Kings]]'' includes a [[Non Sequitur Scene]] in which Dennis Leary's character reveals that his family has a history of spousal abuse and beats up an unrepentant wife beater.

 

* Tom Buchanan, Daisy's husband in ''[[The Great Gatsby]]''.

* Beverly's husband from [[Stephen King]]'s ''[[IT]]''.

* A ''mild'' example in Kristin Cashore's ''Fire'' is Archer, who is the protagonist's childhood friend and lover. Fire is a 'monster', an incredibly beautiful human with the ability to control people's minds. People tend to either love her or hate her, often trying to kill her just because of who she is. The understandable insecurity leads him to be very jealous and controlling. She breaks up with him because of it, but she still cares about him and he is generally portrayed sympathetically.

* Kelly's husband in John Grisham's ''[[The Rainmaker]]''

* One of the many sins of [[Complete Monster|Councilor Hardcastle]] in ''[[Simon R. Green|Winner Takes All]]'', and one for which {{spoiler|he pays with his life, as his beaten-down wife goes into a frenzy and stabs him to death once his political schemes crumble and he's left unprotected}}.

 

* ''[[Adam-12]]'': Malloy and Reed frequently were called to domestic abuse calls throughout the series' run. Many were played straight (i.e., someone beating up his wife, or both of them getting into a scuffle), some were part of a larger plot, and a few had unexpected twists. The latter example had our two heroes trying to take a large man-mountain of a professional wrestler into custody after getting into a scuffle with his wife ... and the wrestler wins. In another episode, Malloy and Reed let a traffic offender go (not yet having the NCIC check completed) to respond to a disturbance that turns out to be two people rehearsing a little too loudly and enthusiastically for a community theater play ... and the traffic offender happens to be a wanted bank robber!!! (In the latter instance, Malloy gets the riot act read to him by the desk lieutenant, since he violated procedure on NCIC checks and that there were other units available to handle the "domestic call." In the former, Malloy and Reed are forced to admit they lost as they nurse their wounds. )

* ''The Burning Bed'', the landmark 1984 made-for-TV movie starring Farrah Fawcett as Francine Hughes, who endures 13 years of vicious physical abuse at the hands of her husband, Mickey ... abuse that ends only after he is killed in a house fire that she sets (she douses his bed with gasoline and sets the house on fire, hence the movie's name based on Francine Hughes' real-life story).

* Debra Barone from ''[[Everybody Loves Raymond]]'' generally behaves like this, and is arguably the character that ushered in the modern age of [[Double Standard Abuse (Female on Male)]] sitcoms in the US. Some of the things Debra did to her husband Ray bordered on abuse. Things such as shoving Ray into bookshelves, physically beating him on multiple occasions, being a total hypocrite, calling Ray an idiot in basically every episode, making bets with the kids that Ray would screw up, and on one occasion even faking plastic surgery on herself just to trap Ray into admitting he liked the fake changes.

* George from the first two seasons of ''[[Desperate Housewives]]''. Carlos also had his moments.

** Just about every guy that Claire Howell had gotten with or was interested in, she either raped, physically assaulted, or harassed on a regular basis.

** Ryan O'Reilly is extremely abusive towards Dr. Nathan, who he is trying to woo, though they aren't actually in a relationship for the most part.

* ''The Bill'' has had many storylines involving abusive husbands and boyfriends and it was revealed that the character Jim Carver was being beaten by his wife Marie.

* Barry Pierce in ''Bad Girls''.

* ''[[Titus]]'' was based on the actual history of the comic: his previous girlfriend was an abuser, whose abuse was bad enough they went to the funeral to make sure she was actually dead.

* Played quite straight on ''[[Dexter]]'' with Paul, Rita's ex-husband, who raped Rita, and on at least one occasion, threatened to take her kids away from her. During one particularly nasty baiting of Dexter, the titular character finally loses his cool and hits Paul in the face with a frying pan.

** {{spoiler|The Trinity Killer}} also subjects his family to severe physical and psychological abuse, to the point where all they are all terrified into absolute obedience to him. He uses this to make [[Stepford Smiler|himself and them appear as a wholesome family]].

* Kate Gosselin, of ''[[Jon and Kate Plus Eight]]'' persistently yells at her husband Jon, belittles him, and repeatedly hits him. On camera. In addition, people who know the Gosselin family says she keeps him on a $5 a week budget, has invaded his office to scream at him in front of colleagues at work, and prevented him from attending his own family's funerals. Despite this history of abuse, Jon is the one villified for their breakup, and for the fact that he's now seeing other women. [[The Unfair Sex|Make of this what you will]]. According to Jon, she even pulled a [[Wounded Gazelle Gambit]] on the cops when she was having a tantrum and he wouldn't let her in the house.

** It's probably worth mentioning that the abuse pretty much made the show, as evidenced by the fact that the ratings dropped after Jon left. Without her normal outlet for her bitchiness, she has to inflict it on her kids, which is less funny.

** Carmela once threw a phone at Tony, but low-level violence by women is rarely considered an issue.

** Tony's mother is a pretty good example.

* Many, many a [[Lifetime]] movie has this as the plot.

 

* ''[[Lady Gaga]]'': The boyfriend of the protagonist of "Dance in the Dark". It seems to be nothing physical and limited to emotional abuse, but it's hurt her horribly all the same.

* ''[[Linkin Park]]'': The music video for "Crawling" portrays a young woman's inner conflict at dealing with an abusive boyfriend. The woman (portrayed by Katelyn Rosaasen) closes off to the rest of the world, represented with the special effects of crystals forming around her. By the end, the crystals recede, symbolizing her success in fighting the relationship.

* ''[[Eminem]]'': Though this theme is found in many of his songs, the song "Kim" particularly is about Em verbally and physically abusing his wife, {{spoiler|before killing her}}. "Love The Way You Lie" has extremely similar themes.

 

 

* During his initial heel run in the World Wrestling Federation, Randy "Macho Man" Savage would often publicly belittle or demean his valet, Miss Elizabeth, often for minor mistakes (such as not holding the ropes wide enough, not taking proper care of his robe and sunglasses, etc.). This was abandoned during the summer of 1987, as Savage was being primed for his run as a good guy wrestler.

 

* ''[[A Streetcar Named Desire]]'': Stanley towards Stella.

* ''[[The Taming of the Shrew]]'' can be considered "humorous" domestic violence, although contemporary interpretations most often lean toward [[Belligerent Sexual Tension]]. Katharine indulges in verbal abuse towards the men, Petrucchio in mental abuse towards Katharine.

{{quote|'''Louise Bigelow''': But is it possible, Mother, for someone to hit you hard like that - real loud and hard, and it not hurt you at all?

'''Julie Jordan''': It is possible dear, for someone to hit you, hit you hard, and it not hurt at all. }}

'''Julie''': Yes, my child. Someone can beat you, and beat you, without hurting you at all. }}

* In the classic Danish play, ''Jeppe på Bjerget'' (''Jeppe on the Hill''), the titular character is not only regularly beaten by his wife, but she also openly cheats on him with the deacon of the town. Is it any mystery why [[The Alcoholic|he drinks so much]]?

 

* A female-on-male example is in ''[[Silent Hill: Shattered Memories]]''. {{spoiler|Poor Harry.}}

 

* In later episodes of ''[[Kate Modern]]'', {{spoiler|Rupert}} was revealed to be one of these.

* In [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMoGj9QtZts&feature=relmfu ''Psycho Girlfriend''] Brandi subverts the norm '''hard''' and not only is incredibly manipulative of Seth, but verbally abuses him frequently, {{spoiler|lies about being pregnant, threatens to tell the police that he raped her, and then '''SHOOTS''' him.}}

* [[The Nostalgia Chick]] has these tendencies towards Nella, even paying her to put up with the abuse.

 

* In ''[[Suicide for Hire]]'', {{spoiler|Tybalt Montlet}} is an absolutely classical, textbook example.

 

* Luanne's mother on ''[[King of the Hill]]'' is another dramatic female example. The whole reason Luanne lives with her aunt and uncle is because her mom stabbed her dad with a fork. Only appeared on screen in one episode where she gets released from prison, but it's clear she hasn't changed a bit.

* ''[[Family Guy]]'': Peter openly mocks and belittles his wife Lois in both public and private, ignores her wishes at every conceivable opportunity, and wastes family funds on whatever little whim strikes him.

* ''[[American Dad]]'' plays a similar two way example, Stan is a chauvanistic [[Control Freak]] who frequently belittles or ignores Francine. However Francine herself has [[Bitch in Sheep's Clothing|a fairly]] [[Cloudcuckoolander|unstable streak]], one that Stan is actually shown to be terrified of the odd occasion he pushes her too far (perhaps most notably [[Double Standard Abuse (Female on Male)|the violent beating]] he earned for forgetting their wedding anniversary). In later episodes this is downplayed a little, and while conflicts are still very frequent they are more frequently shown to love each other, in their own twisted manner.

* Him in ''[[We Are the Strange]]''. In the opening of the film, he repeatedly punches and backhands Blue. He then compares her unfavorably to the pictures of other women he has plastered on his wall. The final capper: he tells her that she becomes unbearable to look at whenever she smiles or speaks. In his later appearances, he's less vile, if only because of his hamminess. In this scene, however he's...well...[[Complete Monster|you probably get the idea]].

 

* Sadly, of course, this is [[Truth in Television]] and should be taken very seriously. [https://web.archive.org/web/20131001145820/http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/are-you-abusing-2/ This post] gives some suggestions of how to confront abuse if you see the signs in your friends, your family, or yourself. [[And Now You Know]].