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== First Date ==
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Heather Anne: [[Mathematician's Answer|In between one and ten.]] (Ding!) }}
== Forward/Reverse ==
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== Freeze ==
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Jeff: "Dale, check out what I bought - one of those huge office ball-clacker things, this is so cool, just watch..."
(Jeff pulls Colin aside, then lets go as Colin 'rebounds' into Drew and Greg, 'making' Ryan bounce off)
Jeff: "I just wanted to say [[Buffy-Speak|'huge office ball-clacker']]!" }}
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Greg: "[[Take That|I am so]] ''[[Visual Pun|tired]]'' [[Stealth Insult|of carrying you, Drew!]]" }}
== Hits Compilation ==
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Jeff: ([[Sarcasm Mode]] on) "''18''80s..."
Colin: (shoots them a look) "I'm also a big fan of [[Pat Boone]] music..."
Chip: "[[Anything But That|No no, '80s is good.]]" }}
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Ryan: "Should you really be technically called a band if you don't play an instrument?... Or should you really be called a boy when you're 52?"
Greg: "Well [[
Ryan: "Say his name again."<br />
Greg: "[[Inherently Funny Words|Justin Bieber!]]"<br />
Ryan: "Aaaahahahaha... He's Canadian." }}
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== Moving People ==
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Ryan: (arms raised as if tree-climbing) "I see a big ripe coconut... You know how they're ripe?"
Jonathan: (face up Ryan's armpit) "''You're'' ripe!" }}
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Chip: "I'm going to walk over to my tennis bag and get it. (Jen turns him around using his arms.) With my leeeeegs."
(After Chip gets his "racket," Jen again struggles to turn him around using his wrists, resulting in Chip starting to tip backwards. Trying to keep her balance, she spreads his arms wider.)
Chip, leaning backwards, arms outstretched: "WHASSUP, TOM?! I'M 'BOUT TO GET MY TENNIS ON!" }}
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Greg: (to Sara) "Easy - we need him..."
Ryan: "[[Too Kinky to Torture|Don't stop her, Greg.]]" }}
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Chip: "Where's the wedding ring gone, Ryan? What happened to the..."
Ryan: "I dunno what you're talking about!"
Chip: (still laughing) [[Damned By Faint Praise|"I think it's so funny that you think you have a shot."]] }}
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Ryan: "...when you want them to move forward, tap the back of the leg... want them to move backward, tap the front of the leg... if you want him to go back to your room, (indicating Chip's groin) just tap him around there. ([[Beat]]) [[Take That|With Drew you'll have to search for a bit.]]" }}
== New Choice ==
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Colin: "You've gotta hide the fact that you only have one eye."
Ryan: "You're right!"
Colin: "Why don't you paint another eye beside it?"
Brad: "New choice."
Colin: "Why don't you make the nose even bigger?"
Brad: "New choice."
Colin: "Why..."
(Ryan is clearly ''trying not to laugh'' for a while while Colin realize he accidentaly say something he shouldn't say)
Ryan: "[[Berserk Button|Are we really going to start?! 'Cos I will...]]"<br />
Colin: (Saying repeatedly) No. No. No. No. No. }}
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Chip: "The first thing you gotta learn about being me is, you gotta be tough as nails."
Ryan: "New choice."
Chip: "The first thing you need to learn about being me is, you gotta be... a little hard of hearing."
Ryan: "New choice."
Chip: "[[Breaking the Fourth Wall|Whut?]]"<br />
Ryan: "New choice."<br />
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== Options ==
{{quote|Jeff: "What's your favourite section in the video store?"
Drew: "Yeah, remember video stores?..."
Jeff: "'Horror'..."
Drew: (Igor voice) "[[Foreshadowing|I will take your peanut...]] The peanut is the key..."<br />
Jonathan: "I gotta get outta here!"<br />
(Jon [[Broken Heel|runs but trips and falls a couple of times]], then Drew catches up and shoves his arm "through" Jonathan [[A Nightmare
Jeff: "Freeze. Your favorite kind of book, sir... (listens) [[Sarcasm Mode|Sports book.]] (mobster voice) Guy wants to see this take place in a sports book."<br />
Jonathan: (grabbing Drew's hand) "[[Tempting Fate|Lemme just put my cup on before we start hittin' some balls...]]"<br />
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Jeff: "Freeze. I also heard [[Dr. Seuss]]..."|Jonathan: "I do not like you, you you you, don't put your hand on [[Unusual Euphemism|Thing 1 or 2!]]"}}
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(listens)
Colin: "A toilet. ''[[Take That, Audience!|What friends do you hang out with, sir?]]''"<br />
(another pause)<br />
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Greg: "I'll just set up a curtain..."<br />
Colin: "Freeze. A style of movie (listens) [[Film Noir]]."<br />
Greg: (sounding like [[
(later)<br />
Colin: "Freeze. How about a style of theater... (listens) [[Jersey Boys]]."<br />
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== Question This ==
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Chip: (to the audience) "'Scientific names for body parts'..." (pause to listen) "You guys heard it, 'Medulla Oblongata'!"
(Ryan buzzes in)
Chip: "Who buzzed there? Was that you Phil?"
Ryan: "What is the big showstopping number from [[The Lion King]]?"
(later)
Heather Anne: "I'll take 'Tastes like the color Orange' for $100..."
Chip: "...'Dreamsicle'! The answer is 'Dreamsicle'..."
(Drew buzzes in)
Chip: "Yes, Bob?"
Drew: "What is my stripper name?..."
Chip: "...uhh, yeah... We also would have accepted Medulla Oblongata..." }}
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Drew: Yeah, foreign capitals for 200.
Chip: Foreign capitals...
(audience member suggests [[You Fail Geography Forever|Albania]])<br />
Chip: Albania. Of course, being the capital of Eastern Europe.<br />
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Heather: [[Southern Belle|What did I say to the judge]] [[The Ditz|I would do to get points?]] [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|"Albania".]] }}
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Jeff: (with German accent) My name is Klaus.
Ryan: What do you do for a living, Klaus?
Jeff: I'm a ski instructor.
Ryan: You are?
Jeff: Yes, I'm an evil ski instructor.
Ryan: Really? What makes you so evil?
Jeff: [[Badass Boast|Because I win and you lose]]. }}
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Drew: "[[Running Gag|What is my stripper name?...]]"<br />
Ryan: "Correct!... We hear you also performed under the name [[Take That|Baby Dill]]." }}
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== Sentences ==
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Jonathan: "The tribe came and spoke of you, we decided the following... 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman'."
(Next line for Jonathan in the same scene)
Jonathan: "We know what your last girlfriend used to say..."
Ryan: "Hmm."
Jonathan: "She'd stand on top of cliff and yell... 'I can't believe my man is cougar material'!" (tries hard not to laugh)
(Chip comes in with a [[You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!]] look on his face and sees the piece of paper Jonathan has. He shows it to the audience with a [[My God, You Are Serious|"He WASN'T making that one up, folks"]] look on his face.) }}
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Jeff: (to Colin) "We have a lot in common, you and I... I'm... having sex with your wife. ([[Beat]]) [[Ambiguous Syntax|Not right now, I mean earlier I was...]]" }}
== Song for a Lady ==
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Jeff: "[[Hilarious in Hindsight|THE Christopher Webster?]]"<br />
Ryan: "...Your boyfriend Chris, what does he do for a living? ([[Beat]]) Are you all right?"<br />
Belinda: "...He's a movie producer."<br />
Ryan: "A 'movie producer', is that what he says he is?... So what movies has he produced?"<br />
Belinda: "[[
Chip: "Ohh..."<br />
Ryan: "''If'' [[Parallel Porn Titles|it's the same Hellraiser we're thinking...]] What's his favorite drink?"<br />
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Jeff: "[[In a World]]..." }}
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Debbie: "He works with the FBI. ''He's not an agent''... he's with Security and Intelligence."
Greg: "Ah, security and intelligence, [[Take That|two things our country is in sore need of.]]" }}
== Sound Effects ==
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Jeff: "Look, it's that coyote again..." (woman from audience does a howl) "It's a gay coyote!"
Chip: ([[Camp Gay]] mode) "''Hayy!...''"
Jeff: "No!... That's what gay horses eat!" }}
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== Storytelling ==
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Colin: "And something to attach her hair to her head. She looked out the window and saw nothing-"
Greg: "Except a man, riding far far away on a gallant white steed. He was wearing-"
Chip: "Chaps. And a big ten-gallon hat. This was the man of her dreams."
Drew: "His name was Manuel. Manuel was a rancher from Argentina."
Charlie: "...CharlieSheen [[I Love the Dead|f---ed a]] [[Disposable Sex Worker|dead hooker.]]"<br />
(Long pause as everyone loses it)<br />
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Charlie: "[[Refuge in Audacity|...Charlie Sheen still f---ed a dead hooker.]]"<br />
Drew: "He knew this because he met it on TMZ."<br />
Jeff: "Now when I say 'f---ed this dead hooker' ''
Chip: "Soooo..."<br />
Greg: "[[Crosses the Line Twice|The best thing about dead hookers is, you don't have to pay afterwards.]]"<br />
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== Two-Headed Expert ==
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Heather/Drew: Wait. Hold that thought. According to my books, the Eiffel Tower was invented by the French. So what are you trying to feed me, pal?
Chip/Jonathan: Books are for people that read. We'll tell you everything you want to know!
Heather/Drew: Okay, then who is Mr. Premier of France?
Chip/Jonathan: Hmm, good question. Mr. Premier of France is [[Jerry Lewis]].
Heather/Drew: [[Jerry Lewis]] is the premier of France?
Chip/Jonathan: Si, Señor. ...Look! It's... uh... Puff Daddy! Hey, Puff Daddy and your wife! }}
== Miscellaneous ==
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Jim: It was fun for me, I...<br />
Jonathan: (interrupting) You guys, we got a hot tub ready, if you wanna go, I'll slip into a bathing suit and meet you there, ok? (leaves)<br />
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