Evil Lawyer Joke: Difference between revisions
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{{trope}}
{{quote|''We're both called [[Name's the Same|Phoenix]], but I'm a [[Person of Mass Destruction|destroyer of worlds]] and you're a lawyer. I wonder which one of us is more hated.''
|[[X-Men (Comic Book)|Jean Grey]] to [[Phoenix Wright]] in ''[[Marvel vs. Capcom 3]]''}}
Lawyers, who often defend people or practices that are considered unpopular or wrong, are an infamous [[Acceptable Targets|Acceptable Target]]. Note that this refers to an explicit or implicit suggestion that all or most lawyers are evil, by:
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Tends to be associated with America (especially in [[The Nineties]]) although it's a global trope to some extent.
See also [[Amoral Attorney]]
For actual lawyer jokes, see [[Evil Lawyer Joke/Quotes|the quotes page]].
{{examples}}
▲== [[Comics]] ==
* In ''[[Top Ten]]'', one lawyer is an anthropomorphic shark. When one character makes a disparaging [[Ambulance Chaser]]-type comment, he thinks they're talking about his being a shark, when it's about his job.
* ''[[Pearls Before Swine]]'' does this every once in awhile, considering the cartoonist is an ex-lawyer.▼
** "I heard you used to be a lawyer. Do you ever miss those days?". Cue hysterical laughter.▼
* In ''[[Sandman]]'', one minor character makes the "not enough catshit" joke.
* Used frequently regarding Steve Dallas in ''[[Bloom County]]''. In one of the collections, Breathed remarked about how frequently lawyers would respond positively (often asking to buy a print) to the jokes.▼
== [[Film]] ==
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{{quote|'''Cow:''' You're a lawyer?
'''Mosquito:''' Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite. I just needed a suitcase. }}
* ''[[Blade (film)|Blade 2]]'' has Blade meet a representative of his enemies, and sees he's got the mark of a Familiar, starting this exchange.
{{quote|'''Blade''': You're human.
'''Man''': Barely. I'm a lawyer. }}
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* ''[[Osmosis Jones]]'': "We'll go down to the haemorrhoids and get you a good lawyer."
* In the [[Affectionate Parody|western-spoof]] ''Rustler's Rhapsody'', good-guy gunfighter Rex O'Herlihan faces off against good-guy gunfighter and lawyer Bob Barber. When Barber shoots O'Herlihan in the arm (rather than shooting the gun out of O'Herlihan's hand, as good guys are supposed to do), O'Herlihan's shocked that Barber isn't really a good guy. Barber's response: "I'm a lawyer, you idiot!"
* In ''[[Deconstructing Harry]]'', the sixth floor of Hell is for right-wing extremists, serial killers, and [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking| lawyers who appear on television]].
== [[Literature]] ==▼
== Music ==▼
* [[Tool]]'s song "The Pot" says: ''Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me. What's the difference?''.▼
* [[Tom Waits]], "God's Away on Business":▼
{{quote|Who are the ones that we kept in charge?▼
Killers, thieves, and lawyers! }}▼
▲== Literature ==
* ''Homeward Bound'', the final book in [[Harry Turtledove]]'s ''Worldwar'' series, has Johnathan Yeager discover, to his amusement, that the Race has the same attitude towards lawyers as humans, and spends some time exchanging jokes with appropriate cultural alterations.
* [[Satan]] appears in ''[[The Bible]]'' as a prosecutor in [[God]]'s court. In Jewish theology, this is in fact the extent of his villainy, and his entire narrative role. Insert joke about how the Christians made him less evil here.
* In ''[[The General (series)|The General]]'' series by [[David Drake]] and [[S.M. Stirling]], there's a species of fish called Advocati. Advocati are invertebrate, foul-smelling, slimy bottom-feeders, that only are useful as dog-fodder, and only that if the dogs haven't been fed for a few days.
* This quote from [[Harry Potter|''Deathly Hallows'']] - and [[Word of God]] points out that, ironically, Hermione did become the magical equivalent of a lawyer and used her position to improve the lot of [[Fantastic Racism|House-elves, Muggles and Muggle-Borns]].
{{quote|'''Scrimegour''': Are you planning to follow a career in Magical Law, Miss Granger?
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* In ''[[The Devil's Dictionary]]'', [[Ambrose Bierce]] defines "liar" as "A lawyer with a roving commission."
** He does at least give lawyers the credit of being discriminate....
* In ''[[
** Whenever Mr. Slant appears, expect at least one such joke to come.
== [[Live
* In ''[[The Mentalist]]'', one [[Victim of the Week]], a lawyer, is killed when his speedboat is destroyed in an explosion. Lisbon and Jane, who were already on the scene when the bomb went off, rush over, only to see the man's severed arm suddenly get tugged underwater by what is almost certainly a shark.
{{quote|'''Jane''': So much for professional courtesy.}}
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* Sebastian Stark is nicknamed [[Shark]].
* In an episode of the ''[[Honey I Shrunk the Kids (TV series)|Honey I Shrunk the Kids]]'' series, it's revealed that Wayne keeps embarrassing Diane every time they go to her law firm's picnics together since he keeps making these jokes.
* In an episode of ''[[The Golden Girls]]'', Sophia is having a near-death-experience where she's in Heaven:
{{quote|'''Angel:''' Just make yourself comfortable. I'm really anxious to meet this next guy. He's a lawyer.
'''Sophia:''' Why is that special?
'''Angel:''' He's the first one we've had here!}}
▲== [[Music]] ==
▲* [[Tool]]'s song "The Pot" says: ''Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me. What's the difference?''.
▲* [[Tom Waits]], "God's Away on Business":
▲{{quote|Who are the ones that we kept in charge?
▲Killers, thieves, and lawyers! }}
* The [[Capitol Steps]] song "'Atsa Lawyer", from their 1991 album ''76 Bad Loans'' (sung to the tune of "That's Amore"):
{{quote|''When you see your ex-spouse with a low form of louse''
''{{'}}Atsa lawyer!''
''Whose diploma is through some place called Cheat'Em U?''
''{{'}}Atsa lawyer...''}}
==
▲* ''[[Pearls Before Swine]]'' does this every once in awhile, considering the cartoonist is an ex-lawyer.
▲** "I heard you used to be a lawyer. Do you ever miss those days?". Cue hysterical laughter.
* In an ''[[Andy Capp]]'' strip, Andy is arrested and demands to see his lawyer, [https://www.gocomics.com/andycapp/2013/06/04 but his lawyer is already there, in the next cell.]
▲* Used frequently regarding Steve Dallas in ''[[Bloom County]]''. In one of the collections, Breathed remarked about [[Actually Pretty Funny| how frequently lawyers would respond positively]] (often asking to buy a print) to the jokes.
== [[Tabletop Games]] ==
* The ''[[Munchkin]]'' Card Game has several lawyer monsters, including So Suu Mee - the Chinese lawyer demon.
** And they won't attack Thieves. It's a professional courtesy.
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* In the [[Collectible Card Game]] version of Illuminati, there is a card referencing [[William Shakespeare]], (see below) called "First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" which destroys all law cards in play. In order to use it the player must say "Now seriously, Lawyers are an important part of our judicial system and we'd all be worse off without them." The card notes that the player has to '''try''' to say it with a straight face, but is not expected to succeed.
== [[Theatre]] ==▼
▲== Theatre ==
* [[Older Than Steam]]: [[William Shakespeare]]'s famous "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." He made several other jabs at lawyers in his works, but the line from ''[[Henry VI]] Part 2'' is the most famous and well known. (Lawyers are quick to point out that's part of a plan to create anarchy and tyranny in revolution.)
* There's a song about this in ''[[Legally Blonde (theatre)|Legally Blonde]] [[The Musical]]'': "Blood in the Water".{{context}}
* One of John Adams' first lines in ''[[1776 (musical)|1776]]'': "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace; that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress!"
{{quote|'''John Adams''': You cool, considerate men. You hang to the rear on every issue so that if we should go under, you'll still remain afloat!
'''John Dickinson''': Are you calling me a coward?
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* As the resident lawyer in ''[[Marvel vs. Capcom 3]]'', [[Ace Attorney|Phoenix Wright]] is often a target of these from other characters. The ''other'' Phoenix, Jean Gary, is just one few to poke fun at him, then there's this lovely quote from [[Ghost Rider]]...
{{quote|'''Ghost Rider''': ''"Do you have any idea how many lawyers are in hell?"''}}
== [[Web Comics]] ==
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* ''[[Sluggy Freelance]]'' had various running gags involving lawyers in the early years that only rarely show up now.
* In a ''[[Checkerboard Nightmare]]'' strip, Lyle's lawyer firm superiors decide to [[You Have Failed Me...|punish him for a recent failing]] by [[Locked in a Freezer|locking him in a room and lower the temperature]] until...he puts his hands in his pockets. Despite [[The Straight Man|Lyle]] pointing out that that's just a lawyer joke, said superiors persist.
* ''[[Freefall]]'' has a few, such as [http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff900/fv00840.htm this one]. Sam [http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff400/fv00372.htm likes] the "that humans have a subspecies that makes him look good".
* In the world of ''[[All Over the House]]'', lawyers are Satan-proof because [http://www.alloverthehouse.net/2011/01/20/waste-bill/ they have no souls].
* ''[[Sinfest]]'' has lawyers in hell... this is instantly [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshaded]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20140209165112/http://sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=3243 by Slick.]
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* ''Inverted'' in ''[[Ink City]]'' when [[Portal 2|Cave Johnson]] meets [[Ace Attorney|Edgeworth]] and automatically punches him upon hearing his profession. The whole reason ''he'' considers lawyers [[Acceptable Targets]] is because they try to regulate his [[Mad Science]], imposing unwanted ''morals'' and ''values'' upon his work.
* [[Whateley Universe]] has Jadis' lawyer, who works for a super-villain. In a minor subversion, he's basically helping the good guys, if only because Jadis tends to get wrongfully accused. A LOT!
== [[Western Animation]] ==
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** This doubles as [[Everyone Hates Hades]], since in Greek mythology and even the actual Hercules film, ''everyone'' who was dead, except for particularly distinguished heroes, went to Hades' underworld. He was turned into an ambitious evil god in the original movie, but he wasn't turned into the stereotypical devil ruling over [[Fire and Brimstone Hell]]. A proper response to the original Hades saying "I have all the lawyers" would be "You've got everyone else too, good luck finding them."
* In [[The Fairly OddParents|Timmy's Secret Wish]], Timmy was brought to Fairy Court on charges of being the worst godkid ever and Foop was the prosecutor. Foop explained that he became a lawyer to be evil enough to defeat Poof.
* ''[[The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy]]''; Grim's lawyer - who appears briefly in "House of the Ancients" and "Keeper of the Reaper" - is literally a snake, or rather, a snake-demon who wears a suit. Pretty unsubtle joke there.
* From the [[Valentines Day Episode]] of ''[[Harley Quinn (TV series)|Harley Quinn]]'', Killer Croc says he met Enchantress (whom he is dating) while at his dermatologist's office; she came in and asked him if any spawns of Satan had come by, and Croc replied by saying she was probably looking for the law firm next door. ("Eh, cheesy joke, I know," he says.)
== [[Real Life]] ==
* Sea Shepherd, of ''[[Whale Wars]]'' fame, had to rename one of their ships, which was previously named "[[Godzilla|Gojira]]". As they put it, "It’s a great name... BUT the only thing scarier than Godzilla itself is Godzilla’s lawyers."
** It probably doesn't help that Godzilla is the intellectual property of a Japanese company... and that Japan is one of the nations most frequently criticized by environmentalists for whaling.
* You wanna bet [[wikipedia:Bela G. Lugosi|Bela Lugosi, Jr.]]
* There's a pub located in Canada called "The Honest Lawyer",<ref>"The Honest Lawyer" exists as a pub in Ottawa and Hamilton, Ontario with the described logo. There are others, which are likely no affiliation, in the UK and elsewhere.</ref> with the word lawyer having a pitchfork for the W and the Y having a spaded tail.
* The [[Grave Humor|gravestone]] of [[wikipedia:John Strange (English politician)|Sir John Strange]]: "Here lies an honest lawyer / and that is Strange".
* The crew of ''[[Jaws (film)|Jaws]]'' [[Production Nickname|named]] the mechanical shark "Bruce" after Spielberg's lawyer Bruce Raimer.
* The French words for lawyer and avocado are essentially the same (avocat). Hilarity ensues when translating French recipes for guacamole into English using computer software.
** Some will instruct you to do something like "chop up three lawyers and then put them in a blender".
** Too many people think this would be a good idea. Others may find the resulting meal bitter, distasteful and hard to swallow.
{{reflist}}
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]▼
[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]
[[Category:Stock Jokes]]
[[Category:The Courtroom Index]]
[[Category:Designated Acceptable Targets]]
▲[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
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