Honest John's Dealership: Difference between revisions

[[File:used-car-salesman 7541.gif|frame|Is this the face of a man who would lie to you?]]

 

 

 

These are the guys who'll attempt to sell you anything, mostly items that [[Fell Off the Back of a Truck]]. The prices are usually dodgy too, either too good to be true or obnoxiously overpriced. (The former usually catches more people out than the latter). All in all, [[Greed|their main goal is money]].

 

Expect him to wear an obnoxious outfit ([[Unmoving Pattern|plaid]] suit jackets seem to be popular), record [[Insane Proprietor]] advertisements, and say "[[But Wait! There's More!]]" every other sentence. If this character is rendered as a [[Funny Animal]], chances are quite high that he'll be a weasel or a fox.

 

Completely straight examples tend not to last long in [[Real Life]], but we've probably all met one at least once. They're called "gray market salesmen," in business/econ terms.

 

{{examples}}

* The '''N'''ight'''M'''are '''E'''nterprises/Holy Nightmare salesman in ''[[Kirby: Right Back at Ya!]]''. Dedede gave him nearly 100 episodes worth of payback when they finally meet personally.

{{quote|'''Akane:''' Whose side are you on?

'''Nabiki:''' I'm on the side with money. }}

* In the manga and anime series ''[[Area 88]]'', the base quartermaster McCoy is a prime example of this, stocking everything from toilet paper to nuclear weapons. He is not above tricks like placing a photographer's bag in the sun to force him to buy new film or selling faulty Sidewinder missiles at $20 each.

* Lina Inverse of ''[[The Slayers]]'' qualifies. In the very first episode, she actually haggles over how much she can get paid to save the town she's in from an attacking dragon, stating to her companion that "Necessity drives a hard bargain". A couple of episodes later, she sets prices for several items in her possession at 100 times the street price, and accuses the would-be buyer of having no balls for balking when he explicitly stated that he'd pay ''any'' price she named. Even her normally easy-going traveling companion was floored by that one.

* The Magikarp Salesman that often appears in ''[[Pokémon (anime)|Pokémon]]'' also acted as such, often tricking Team Rocket with useless things. A notable example was in James' first meeting with the salesman, where he tricked James into buying a Magikarp by making him think that it was essentially a Hand of Midas. James seemed to wise up and be very suspicious of any new encounters with him, although Jessie's a different story.

 

* ''[[Asterix]] and the Banquet'' (''Le Tour de Gaule d'Astérix'') has a <s>car</s> chariot dealer selling Asterix and Obelix a shiny, sparkling, good-as-new chariot pulled by a strong black stallion... only problem is, the carriage breaks with the first stone in the road, and the strong black stallion turns out to be an old, battered white horse painted with black dye...

** There's also a Phoenician recurring character, Ekonomikrisis, who calls his slaves "partners with the right to row". He's just a humble partner ''without'' the right to row, of course.

* One issue of Marvel's ''Transformers'' series had Big Steve, a slimy dealer who used every dirty trick in the book.

 

 

* The Merchant at the beginning of the [[Disney Animated Canon]] ''[[Aladdin (Disney film)|Aladdin]]''.

* Similarly, in the Disney ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'', when Hercules lands in Thebes, a man appears, opens his vest, and says "Wanna buy a sundial?" Of course, Hades himself would be this trope if his deals involved actual money. James Woods even modeled Hades after a used car salesman.

* ''[[An American Tail]]'' actually ''has'' a character named Honest John. However, he is more of a [[Loveable Rogue]] politician trying to get people to vote for him. Including ''dead'' people.

* The entire movie, ''[[Used Cars]]''.

* Reversed in ''[[Borat]]'' in which they wanted a really cheap vehicle just to get across the country, so the guy tells them that he can sell them a used ice-cream truck which isn't very well equipped but it will at least get them where they're going (i.e. the guy told the truth).

** The website ''How it should have ended'' essentially makes the argument that Sasha Baron Cohen is an Honest John's Dealer delivering a movie that was (he assumes) not to most people's taste then telling them "so long suckers, you can't have your money back."

* Bobby Bolivia, Bernie Mac's character in the ''[[Transformers (film)|Transformers]]'' film, when he isn't masquerading as a [[Magical Negro]]. "Honest" enough to present an old, battered Camaro (which wasn't there yesterday) as a very awesome ride. Ironically, that Camaro turns out to be a very awesome [[Humongous Mecha]]...

* Limbo in Tim Burton's ''[[Planet of the Apes]]'' grabs some random stuff from a space pod and starts hawking it within 20 minutes of touchdown.

* The [[Robin Williams]] movie ''[[Cadillac Man]]''.

* In ''[[Mad Max]]'', Max encounters a shady gas station repairman who tries to sell him repairs on everything but Max's car frame. It's implied that his parts are all stolen as well. Max is too canny for the man and escapes with his pocketbook intact. The mechanic ultimately foments Max's downfall, though unwittingly.

* ''[[Flywheel]]'' has one in Jay Austin (pre-[[Heel Faith Turn]], of course).

* [[The Three Stooges]] got in on this more than once. Including one time set in [[Ancient Egypt]], of all places, where they sold used chariots that [[The Alleged Car|were about as good as you'd expect.]] It had a truly comical line from Moe:

{{quote|''"Greetings, friend! I'm Honest Moe, that's Honest Shemp, and that's... that's Larry."'' }}

 

* This trope used to be named after Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, Ankh-Morpork's most famous entrepreneur and inedible-sausage-inna-bun vendor, from the ''[[Discworld]]'' novels by Terry Pratchett. The true CMOT Dibbler is, if nothing else, an excellent salesman for his ability to continue selling his horrible products, even after everyone knows just how bad they are. And, in addition to the first Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, the Discworld is host to [[Inexplicably Identical Individuals|a multitude of variations on the theme]], including:

** Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala,

** Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibbjla

*** This has been described by the author as parallel evolution; he writes in ''The Discworld Companion'' that "Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food, there will be someone there to sell it to them."

*** Rincewind once observed that if CMOT Dibbler ever shook hands with one of his international doppelgangers, there would probably be some sort of explosion.

** Mention should also be made of Hobson's Livery Stable, which employs an [[The Igor|Igor]] as a vet, but is rumoured to use his extreme surgery skills as a horse "chop-shop".

* Mr. Wormwood in [[Roald Dahl]]'s ''[[Matilda (novel)|Matilda]]''. The tinkering with the cars differs between the book and movie. Maybe because the books is several decades older, and the Honest Johns had to update their methods meanwhile.

{{quote|'''Ostap''': They make all contraband in Odessa, on Small Arnaut Street.}}

 

* Most characters played by Frank "Yeeeeeeeeeees?" Nelson, especially on ''[[The Jack Benny Program]]''.

* The Ferengi of ''[[Star Trek]]'' are an entire [[Planet of Hats]] of scheming salesmen.

* Dan Aykroyd's early ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' character, Irwin Mainway.

* The Dodgy Brothers from ''[[Australia Youre Standing In It]]''.

* Benke Bengtsson from ''[[Vintergatan]] 5B''. A rather extreme door-to-door salesman, you could say, who travelled around the cosmos in a yellow, truck-like thing, usually coming onto the protagonists' ''spaceship'' and offering to sell them an 'Intergalactic Multi-Tool'. Slightly subverted, as, despite his energetic salespitch causing him to be mistrusted, the Multi-Tool ''is'' actually useful (Or, as Benke says, "It's used for ''everything''!"). Looks like he actually ''was'' honest, for once.

* ''[[Hannah Montana]]'' has Rico's Surf Shop, a beachfront establishment that sells mediocre, overpriced food and merchandise, and has been investigated by the health department more than once.

* The ninth season episode of ''[[Seinfeld]]'', "The Dealership", features Jerry buying a new car from David Puddy, who can get him an insider deal. George tags along because hes positive that all car dealerships are Honest Johns and wants to protect Jerry. At one point in the episode Puddy and Elaine break up and Jerry loses his insider deal, so Puddy rings him up for thousands of dollars worth of useless junk and tries to sell Jerry a yellow car instead of the black he previously requested. {{spoiler|At the end of the episode Puddy and Elaine get back together and Puddy happily admits the dealership doesn't even know what some of the expenses actually do. He gives Jerry a good deal, which Jerry blows by refusing to give him a high-five.}}

* Played for laughs with Junior Samples' used car lot on ''[[Hee Haw]]''.

* Private Joe Walker in ''[[Dad's Army]]''

* Averted/Played with on an episode of [[Newhart]]. George leaves the Stratford Inn and finds a job as a car salesman. Due to his reputation of informing the customers when a car actually was a lemon or not, he was given the nickname "Honest George" and would often be sought after by potential buyers. Another salesman tried to take advantage of this by [[Blatant Lies|saying he was Honest George. Even to Dick when he came looking for him.]]

* Kamekona in the remake of ''[[Hawaii Five-O]]''

 

 

* Honest Ed from ''[[Garfield (Comic Strip)|Garfield]]''. As Garfield observes, his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.

* Private Cosmo in ''[[Beetle Bailey]]''; basically Ernie Bilko with a reduction in rank.

 

* Convincing John from ''[[Fraggle Rock]]'' is a subversion of this in that he doesn't do it for money (of which Fraggles apparently have no concept) but for the lulz.

* Mad Man Mooney from ''[[The Muppet Movie]]'', who offers the traveling Muppets a $12 trade-in for ''both'' of their vehicles and claims a car that falls apart in front of their eyes is "collapsible, for narrow garages."

** He also has a "you pay the price you see on the sticker" policy. Although it usually means you're getting a lemon and no haggling, it proves to be his downfall when a slapped fly means that twelve-dollar trade-in means ''he'' owes ''the Muppets'' a nickel.

* ''[[Sesame Street]]''- the guy in the trenchcoat and fedora that ALWAYS cons Ernie out of his nickle.

 

* British spoof radio comedy ''[[Radio Active]]'' featured frequent appearances by, and commercials for, a highly dubious businessman called Honest Ron, whose debt collection methods mainly revolved around half a dozen out of work jockeys with sledgehammers. Adverts for his extremely questionable products and services were invariably accompanied by his trademark jingle, sung in a near-tuneless drone which did not inspire confidence in the prospective buyer:

{{quote|''Honest Ron, Honest Ron, the others are a con... Honest.''}}

* In ''[[The Navy Lark]]'' C.P.O. Pertwee will be glad to sell you anything from a pen lid to a Battleship (usually the same one he has sold to 3 other different people too). He has an extended clan of Pertwees that run the navy as their own personal supermarket.

* Sid James in ''[[Hancock's Half Hour]]''.

 

* What do you get when you cross Honest John with [[The Mafia|Don Corleone]]? Probably something a lot like the Free Enterprise secret society in the ''[[Paranoia (game)|Paranoia]]'' [[Tabletop RPG]].

* The Yasuki family from ''[[Legend of the Five Rings]]'' have been described as "the Wal-Mart of Rokugan."

 

* The Engineer from the musical ''[[Miss Saigon]]''.

* Thénardier from the musical ''[[Les Misérables (theatre)|Les Misérables]]''.

* All of the vendors in the "Christmas Bells" scene in ''[[Rent]]'' (in particular the one who tries to sell Collins' stolen coat back to him).

 

* The ''[[Monkey Island (series)|Monkey Island]]'' games have fast-talking salesman Stan, who in the course of the five games has run a used-ship yard, a funeral home, an insurance company, a timeshare agency, and a law firm. And who sports a [[Unmoving Pattern|highly implausible]] jacket.

** Subverted (at least in Curse) because after being trapped in a coffin for some time, he decided to turn his life around; the insurance company was actually a legit business venture, so it's a shame that you can only progress by outright scamming him.

* In ''[[Dizzy (series)|Treasure Island Dizzy]]'' you need to buy a boat to get back to the civilization. Conveniently, you meet a shopkeeper who'll sell you a boat for one of the treasures you can find in the game ... with no motor. For the second treasure you can buy the motor ... with no fuel. For he third you get the fuel ... but you still need to buy the keys for the motor with the fourth treasure.

 

* Bubs from ''[[Homestar Runner]]'', who sells an astounding number of things, often at ridiculous prices, out of his concessions stand. Snacks, drinks, broken computers, letters that fall off his sign, stolen artifacts, questionable medical care, bazooka-flamethrowers that throw throwing stars, chicken beaks, VCR repair, paint, Internet service, and so on. In the email "pom pom", he even tried to charge Strong Bad for "face smashings" and "severe pummelings" after Strong Bad tried to pick a fight with Pom Pom. He also attempted to sell Coach Z ''a used napkin''. Twice.

** Also, he'll take anything for his wares, including cash, money, cash money, Quesos, first-born children, and organs stolen from Strong Sad. And pencil shavings.

{{quote|'''Senor Cardgage:''' ''(standing on a lawnmower)'' Why, hello, Miss Trela. Check out Senor Cardgage's Intregway. Dump Tell No Mandy -- it's just a landmower moved bankways!}}

 

** Opposite Akbar is Jeff, the proprietor of "Jeff's Discount [[Death Trap]]s (Not To Be Confused With Actual Airships)". His wares aren't any better than Akbar's, but he's ''completely honest about it'', thereby earning the trust of Red Mage. Of course, the Light Warriors also like him because he kicks [[Butt Monkey|Black Mage]] whenever BM speaks.

*** [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/08/12/episode-318-buckle-up-its-the-law/ When I say deathtrap, I mean deathtrap.]

* ''[[Station V3]]'' features a used-spaceship dealer/all-around scheming huckster named "Honest J!on".

* Subverted in ''[[Misfile]]''. The car dealer is "honest John" to a tee, but Ash is enough of a [[Wrench Wench]] to [[Crowning Moment of Awesome|play him at his own game]]. [http://www.misfile.com/index.php?page=144\]

* ''[[Tales of the Questor]]'' features Merchant Max, a rather slick secondhand-goods salesman who isn't above selling cartloads of (mostly) total junk to a drunk Questor. To his credit, he later gave Quentyn some really canny advice of how to bargain for the quest items that would be in someone's possession. Yes, this was an excuse to make the hero take on a ship's load of low power magic trinkets as trade goods, but the general intent is decent.

* [[Double Subversion|Doubly subverted]] by [http://www.viruscomix.com/page495.html this] ''Subnormality'' strip: after giving honest information about cars on the lot, the salesman admits he's a member of Vendeurs Sans Frontières and is doing this as a public service.

 

* Nicolae of ''[[Gaia Online]]'', especially in the manga where he fences goods stolen from [[The Mafia]] to people who want to visit the local Don... In-game, users are more likely to notice the fact that he charges real-world money (via "donations" to the site) for ''zOMG!'' [[Power-Up|Power Ups]].

* Parodied in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZuN0xXWLc&playnext_from=TL&videos=bPVqPEU41As&playnext=1 this] [[YouTube]] video (warning: [[Not Safe for Work|NSFW]]).

 

* Cheddarman from ''[[Class of 3000]]''.

* Pete in ''[[Goof Troop]]''. Although you have to wonder how accurate the portrayal really is when you consider how relatively suscessful Pete's business is over the series. You'd think he would have been shut down at some point but he still makes a steady income; either he's not always as dishonest as he's shown to be, or the residents of Spoonerville are just [[Too Dumb to Live|too oblivious]] to complain about him too much.

* Malfunctioning Eddie and the dealer who sells Amy her car in ''[[Futurama]]''. Not that Amy [[The Ditz|makes it very hard for him...]]

* Wacky Wally, owner of Wacky Wally's Weather Machines, who sells slightly-used devices for controlling the weather to supervillains, in an episode of ''[[Kim Possible]]''.

'''Wally''': Great, let's see the payment

* In the 1943 [[Disney]] cartoon ''The Flying Jalopy'', [[Donald Duck]] runs into Ben Buzzard, the seedy proprietor of a "<s>wrecked</s> Used" ''airplane'' dealership. Ben is even nastier than most characters of this type; not only does he sell Donald the eponymous flying jalopy, he also attempts to knock Donald off as part of an insurance scam.

* The [[Looney Tunes]] short ''The Pest That Came to Dinner'' has Porky Pig trying to get rid of a termite. He enlists the aid of a fast-talking, shyster exterminator named Sureshot ("I'm here to help ya, son!") whose various schemes keep making things worse for Porky.

* Wes Weasley from ''[[Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog]]'', who first appeared in the episode "Birth of a Salesman". It should be noted Weasley has a few similarities with Phil Silvers, namely his voice, clothing, and glasses. [[No Celebrities Were Harmed|This may have been intentional]]....

* ''[[Daria]]'' has a used-car salesman who is not only sleazy, but creepy, trying to pick up Brittany, who is in ''high school''.

* Hiroki Ishiyama of ''[[Code Lyoko]]'' is another Honest John in training. He's already quite good at selling overpriced concert tickets to the students of his school. Just give him a few years...

* ''[[The Berenstain Bears]]'' cartoon from the 1980s featured a con artist called Raffish Ralph as a recurring antagonist. He was eventually incorporated into the books and later, for some reason, renamed [[Meaningful Name|Ralph Ripoff]].

* [[Danger Mouse]]: "The Man From Gadget" had DM and Penfold subjected to the dubious quality of the wares of Egregious M. Murphy, senior sales rep for Gadgets Incorporated.

 

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Bargain Tropes]]

[[Category:Stock Characters]]

[[Category:The Trickster]]