Insane Troll Logic: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

{{quote|'''Bedevere:''' ''"So, logically..."''

''[[Beat|[Beat]]]''

'''Another Peasant:''' ''"...a witch!"''

 

 

 

For examples of characters who engage in this, see [[The Ditz]], [[Cloudcuckoolander]], [[Straw Character|Straw]][[The War On Straw|men]], [[Moral Guardians]], and of course trolls of both [[Internet Troll|internet]] and [[Our Trolls Are Different|mythological]] origin. For when the Insane Troll Logic actually leads to a true conclusion, see [[Bat Deduction]] and [[Right for the Wrong Reasons]]. If this trope is exaggerated beyond the point that it even makes grammatical sense, it can become a [[Word Salad Philosophy]]. [[Irrational Hatred]] may have this as its basis.

Of course, sometimes it's just [[Obfuscating Stupidity]] or [[Obfuscating Insanity]] in action.

 

== Advertising ==

** If you wait too long for the cable repairman to arrive, you get bored. When you get bored, you start staring out windows. When you start staring out windows, you see things you shouldn't see. When you see things you shouldn't see, you need to vanish. When you need to vanish, you fake your own death. When you fake your own death, you dye your eyebrows. And when you dye your eyebrows, you attend your own funeral as a man named Phil Shifley.

* Toast always lands buttered-side down. Cats always land on their feet. So, what happens when you tape toast, buttered-side up, on a cat's back? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Z8yW5cyXXRc Infinite energy!]

 

* Each individual country in ''[[Axis Powers Hetalia]]'' think of this about each other's customs, languages, and even their dietary habits. A bit of [[Fridge Logic]] for those who have ever traveled outside their own country and thought this about the place they were visiting.

* ''[[Haruhi Suzumiya]]'': Haruhi Suzumiya does this at times. Then again she ''is'' something of a [[Cloudcuckoolander]], but it's most likely that she doesn't mean it seriously. The prologue of the 4th novel had this nice dialogue:

* Turns 19 and 20 of ''[[Code Geass]]'' revel in this, with {{spoiler|the Black Knights' [[Kangaroo Court|betrayal by gunpoint]] of Lelouch based on some spotty testimony and failure to realize he didn't necessarily use it on them given that they were even able to go ahead with the betrayal, and Ohgi telling Kallen that not only did they not need Zero any longer, but they now had Britannian forces to help them find and kill Zero. The same Britannian forces they fought for liberation against.}} DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.

* Although it's among [[Complete Monster|the least of his problems]], [[Fate/stay night|Zouken Matou's]] treatment of Sakura falls into this (and maybe a bit of [[Unfortunate Implications]]), at its core: {{spoiler|concerned that raping her with a hive of bugs every night since she was a small child will make her a sex-hungry nymphomaniac, he sends his grandson to rape her once in awhile to take the edge off, for ''her'' sake.}}

 

* This is the entire basis of the existence of the ''[[Johnny Turbo]]'' comics, and the "plot" follows suit. Buy the Turbo Duo game system, because Sega is composed of evil robots!

* Everything [[Doctor Doom]] does makes sense if you believe as he does that everything wrong with his life is [[Fantastic Four|Reed Richard's]] [[Never My Fault|fault]].

 

== Film ==

* ''[[Murder By Death]]'': Somehow Sam Diamond links a girl walking off with his money in 1940 Paris with the German invasion of France that by chance occurred two hours later.

* Paraphrased from ''[[Monty Python and the Holy Grail]]'': Witches burn. Wood also burns. Therefore witches are made of wood. Wood floats in water. A duck also floats in water. So logically, if she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood! And therefore, [[Burn the Witch]]. When they put her on the scales, she does indeed weigh the same as the duck. The townspeople first reach the conclusion that they can tell if she's a witch by throwing her into the pond, which actually is part of witchcraft folklore. Logically, if the accused floats, she's a witch using magic and must be burned. If she sinks and drowns, she's not.

* [[Cool Old Guy|Barbossa]] occasionally strays into this territory in ''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]''. This gem comes from the third movie:

{{quote|'''Barbossa:''' "Aye, we're good and lost now.

'''Gordon:''' [[The Joker]]!

'''O'Hara:''' It all adds up to a sinister riddle... Riddle-er. Riddler? }}

{{quote|'''Batman:''' What is yellow and writes?

'''Robin:''' A ballpoint banana!

* ''[[Discworld]]''

** The explanation of L-space: Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power is energy. Energy = matter. Matter equals mass. A library or bookshop is "a genteel black hole that knows how to read".

** The Auditors of Discworld reason that any sentient personality exists for a finite period, which is negligible in comparison to the infinity of Time. Therefore, they instantly cease to exist if they make the fatal mistake of identifying themselves as "I". The book Lampshades the Insane Troll Logic of this, but the erring Auditors themselves vanish too quickly to ever catch on.

** Some of the less sophisticated members of the Watch (i.e. [[Those Two Guys|Colon and Nobby]]) have this approach to confessions. If someone confesses to a crime then you believe them, even if it is impossible for them to have committed said crime. The people you don't believe are the ones who ''won't'' confess. Only guilty people are trustworthy.

* [[Cloudcuckoolander|Abdel]] from ''[[Someone Else's War|Someone Elses War]]'' doesn't just speak this language, he practically invented it.

* In the ''[[Star Risk, Ltd.|Star Risk Ltd]]'' series, Jasmine King left her previous job after her supervisor decided she was too perfect to be human, therefore she was an android, therefore he didn't legally need to pay her.

 

== Live-Action TV ==

** ...and again in 2009, without error. (Da Colbert Code actually spat out the right answer twice in a row when he didn't like the answer and tried again, until he finally blatantly picked the one he "wanted" to win.)

** He also used the Da Colbert Code to predict the outcome of the 2008 election through free-associations intended to link to John McCain but kept coming up with [[Barack Obama]], much to his dismay.

** The Nostradamus Explanations of Why either Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden was Mabus was just as random. And now there's also the little problem of both being ''dead''...

** A documentary about Nostradamus on the History Channel used similar logic, combining the last two letters of Osama's first name, with the first three letters of Bush's surname, to "prove" that Bush and Bin Laden were ''both'' Mabus.

* An episode of ''[[Charmed]]'' opened with [[Mary Sue|Billie]] coming up with this [[Sarcasm Mode|completely logical]] plan to find her sister, Christy, who'd been abducted as a child: the demonic forces who likely abducted her would need a powerful agent to move through in the mortal world, and who's more powerful than corporate America? So, she found a guy who was abducted as a kid—just like Christy—and now works for "corporate America" (which part? GlaxoSmithKline? WalMart? Vivid Video?), and she's meeting with him for lunch to see if there's any trace of demonic residue. It says a lot about the general quality of the episode that this plan ''actually scores results''.

** Also keep in mind that in ''Charmed'' demons can teleport at their leisure, making their "powerful agent" completely unnecessary in the first place. Thus this is a case of [[Poe's Law]], since its not meant to be a parody but its taken seriously. Now you understand why in [[Television Without Pity|certain circles]] ''Charmed'' writers were known as 'Crack Monkeys'

** Penguin actually used to this to his advantage in one episode by leaving behind a purposefully cryptic (and bugged) umbrella for Batman to find, knowing he'd assume it was a clue. Penguin himself had no plans for a crime. He simply listened to Batman and Robin guess at what his next heist would be and make their plan to stop him. Armed with the knowledge of both how to commit his crime and how Batman would try to stop it, Penguin then successfully pulled off the heist.

* In [[John Cleese]]'s ''[[The Strange Case Of The End Of Civilization As We Know It]]'', the [[CIA]] representative asks the Best Minds of the Police of Five Continents what they should do about Moriarty's plot to destroy civilization, etc., noting that "this fiend will stop at nothing." The Best Mind of the Police of Africa proposes that they do nothing, since if Moriarty will stop at nothing, if they do nothing he will stop. The CIA man tries to find the flaw in this, but only ends up muttering "If we do anything, he won't stop, so...."

* On ''[[Martin]]'', the [[Character Title|title character's]] CD player has gone missing and he spends the whole episode trying to figure out who took it. It turns that Martin's upstairs neighbor, Brotha Man, borrowed it without Martin's knowledge. Brotha Man explains that he left a note for Martin underneath his bathroom sink, figuring that Martin would eventually look there because Brotha Man had used up all the toilet paper. Everyone in the room, including Martin, is rendered speechless as Brotha Man casually [[Enter Stage Window|shuffles out the window.]]

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVRODdXVI3Q This] [[A Bit of Fry and Laurie]] sketch uses it brilliantly. During the interrogation, when the woman [[What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?|accused of being a lesbian]] points out that she's married a Bishop of the Church of England, the Prosecutor points out that the Church owns land. Land upon which housed have been built. Houses in which it is statistically probably that private acts of [[Unusual Euphemism|lesboid love]] have been committed.

 

== Music ==

'''Everybody:''' Wouldn't it be great if everybody had a gun?... }}

** Also, their "Don't Go Into Politics" concludes that going into politics, science, or music is a bad idea, because so many famous politicians, scientists, and musicians are now dead.

 

== [[Newspaper Comics]] ==

* In a ''[[Calvin and Hobbes]]'' strip, Calvin's reasoning for bats being bugs are that they fly, they're ugly and they're hairy. He also says he'll get an A on his paper because he's using a "professional" clear plastic binder.

* ''[[Pogo (comic strip)|Pogo]]'' does this constantly. For example, when Albert is on trial for allegedly [[Carnivore Confusion|eating]] Pup-Dog, Seminole Sam produces a fish skeleton as evidence, arguing that Pup-Dog was so fond of water he was "jus' like a fish." Porkypine refutes him by pointing out that it's a ''cat''fish skeleton.

 

== Radio ==

'''Graeme:''' Ah, that's because cashews are actually monkey kidneys. And monkey kidneys don't come in shells, they come in monkeys. That would bulk out the packaging too much. }}

 

 

== [[Tabletop Games]] ==

* In ''[[Dungeons & Dragons]]'', slaadi... have weird ways of thinking.

** For those out of the loop, slaadi are outsiders from the [[Reality Is Out to Lunch|realm of chaos]], are Always [[Chaotic Neutral]] (or [[Chaotic Evil]] in 4th edition), and who have a mechanically-enforced [[Our Monsters Are Weird]] creature-generation system. They also look like giant anthropomorphic frogs.

 

== Theatre ==

* ''[[Angels in America]]'' has Roy Cohn explaining to his doctor at length how he is not homosexual, even though he does have sex with men, as homosexuality is ''really'' about lacking social, economical and political power.

{{quote|"Roy Cohn is not a homosexual. Roy Cohn is heterosexual man, Henry, who fucks around with guys."}}

 

== [[Video Games]] ==

'''Troll Cook''': If you didn't want to be cooked, then why did you apply for the job? I think you'll all make a tasty snack! Boys! Get 'em! }}

 

* All of [[Munchkin|Red Mage's]] plans in ''[[8-Bit Theater]]'' run on this very logic. When stranded on an island, Thief quite accurately states that Red Mage's planning would likely involve blowing up the island with them on it with the justification that they're no longer on the island anymore. While Red Mage's actual plan was much less dangerous, it did involve massive amounts of [[Evilutionary Biologist|Evilutionary Biology]] for the Chocobos and a willingness to exploit his Mime ability beyond its actual usefulness.

** Just about everyone in ''[[8-Bit Theater]]'' is either a liar, a cheat, or utterly stupid, if not all three, so conversations tend toward this. For example; [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2008/01/15/episode-942-cross-eyed-traffic/ In this comic], Red Mage explains how his plan to shoot down a visible sky castle, then repair it, in order to fly high enough to find the invisible sky castle "[http://www.nuklearpower.com/2008/01/15/episode-942-cross-eyed-traffic/ makes too little sense to fail]."

'''BM:''' That's so stupid I can't even see straight anymore.

'''RM:''' Now imagine what'll happen when physics tries to figure it out! }}

{{quote|'''Roy:''' It's like she's got that monk ability that lets you jump as far as you want, except with her, it applies to conclusions.}}

** Similarly, [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0700.html Tsukiko's grounds for her conclusion that the undead are nice people.] {{spoiler|For the link-shy, her reasoning is that [[Humans Are the Real Monsters|the living are bastards]], so as the antithesis of life, the man-eating undead must actually be sweet, innocent, virtuous entities.}}

** This is also [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0206.html his reaction] when Haley reverses the definitions of adventure and adventur''er'' to make him feel better. Even Miko is weirded out by his brand of Insane Troll Logic.

* ''[[Shortpacked]]'' shows us REALLY insane troll logic [http://shortpacked.com/comic/book-9/11-nerdfight/shovedownmythroat/ here]. This is based on an actual troll on his blog [http://shortpacked.livejournal.com/540788.html?thread=13913972#t13913972 (link)]

* Jim's [http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0098.html truly spectacular plan] to throw the Mos Espa podrace in ''[[Darths and Droids]]''.

* Reginald from ''[[Nedroid]]'' has [http://nedroid.com/2010/08/no-pain-no-gain/ workout advice]. Given that it's better to do fewer reps with more weight, is to take it to its logical conclusion and do zero reps of a million pounds.

* ''[[Real Life Comics]]'' depicts an instance that actually happened to creator Greg Dean in [[Truth in Television|real life]]: He tried to order a Pepsi in a Dave and Buster's, but was refused because he wasn't of age to drink alcohol yet (despite his repeated protestations that Pepsi isn't alcoholic). This gets a [[Call Back]] when Greg finally does hit the legal drinking age - the first thing he does is go back to D&B's and say "I want a '''freaking''' Pepsi."

* ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]'' gives us [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2240#comic/ this].

* Numerous [[Xkcd]] comics employ this trope, particularly when involving Black Hat Guy.

* ''[[The Whiteboard]]'': [http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autotwb1154.html According to Doc], he won't need a parachute when he next goes skydiving. He'll just bring along an extension cord or some welding leads, and [[Murphy's Law|it's an even bet that they'll snag]] on ''something'' before he lands.

 

== Web Original ==

** Later, Sage uses another variant of this when he comes to the conclusion that holding an Uzi makes you immortal, the reasoning being he's holding one ''right now'' and he's still alive.

* Kurama uses this to navigate Maze Castle in episode 18 of ''[[Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged]]''.

{{quote|1. van Gogh, as we discover in '[[Doctor Who/Recap/S31/E10 Vincent and The Doctor|Vincent and the Doctor]]', is mad. The Master is also mad.

2. van Gogh was deeply unpopular with the local rubes. The Master was terribly charismatic and brilliant at manipulating local rubes to his advantage (cf. '[[Doctor Who/Recap/S8/E05 The Daemons|The Daemons]]'). If the Master were trying to hide his true nature, what better way than to appear deeply unpopular with the locals?

TOM HANKS: What? Don’t be stupid. The fourth element is water, so he’s in a fountain. }}

* [http://sydlexia.com/ducktales_is_impossible_and_reality_is_a_lie.htm SydLexia explains that Duck Tales for the NES is impossible using Zeno's Paradox, then follows up by saying that he is omnipotent, then says he is not omnipotent, and finally concludes with the revelation that this reality is a gigantic lie.]

* [[The Nostalgia Critic]] uses this when he gets a friendly message from [[The Angry Video Game Nerd]] to find a hidden code. After ridiculous leaps of logic and cryptography that would make a [[Dan Brown]] protagonist proud, he concludes that it's absolutely nothing. Until viewed in a mirror, that is...

** In ''[[Kickassia]]'' Bennet the Sage, as surgeon general of the titular nation, gives us this little known medical fact, while holding an uzi, you cannot die. His reasoning? "I'm holding an uzi, and I'm not dead". He also claimed smoking was not only healthy for you, but was highly recommended for pregnant women. Though that time he was just holding the chart upside down.

{{quote|And if you take "livid", drop the first and last letters, and convert what remains into a single symbol, you get M, who is James Bond's boss. As we know, the James Bond series was written by Ian Fleming, who is not to be confused with fellow writer Anne Fleming, who comes from Canada, which is also the name of an indie-folk-rock band, "band" being a word meaning "a belt, strap, or ring". And if you've won a belt in the ring, you're probably a wrestler, which is derived from a much more real sport that was very popular in ancient Greece, which sounds like "grease" which is a substance found in many fatty foods including chips, which are a key component in the manufacture of computers, the invention of which is attributed to Alan Turing (1912-1954). 1954 is when the first nuclear powered submarine was launched. It was called the Nautilus, named after the submarine driven my Captain Nemo, who was once played by James Mason. "Mason" is used as shorthand for "Freemason", which uses a draftsman's compass in their logo. Compass also refers to a navigational instrument which uses the earth's magnetic fields to point North, which is the opposite of South, which is where fried chicken comes from, "chicken" being slang for a kilogram of cocaine, which used to be used in the manufacture of Coca-Cola, makers of Sprite, a type of mythical water spirit, "spirit" being the root of the word "spirituality" as in "Religion & Spirituality", therefore R&S is Satan!}}

* Soren of ''[[Cracked.com]]'' [http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-only-argument-internet-in-favor-sopa/ explains] why you should support SOPA.<ref>If believe that, you deserve a [[Darwin Award]]...</ref>

 

== [[Western Animation]] ==

{{quote|'''Adam West:''' ''(reading fortune cookie)'' "Your heart's afire"...hmm, that rhymes with "tarts on a wire", which in turn sounds like "carts for hire"...Billy, your Momma's at the golf course!}}

* What's [[Histeria!|the World's Oldest Woman's]] reasoning that the egg came before the chicken? Because you have eggs for breakfast and chicken for lunch, naturally.

{{quote|'''Judge Whitey''': Being as I have a ham sandwich with mayonnaise waiting for me at my mansion, I declare the defendants guilty as charged.}}

** Seems the point there was that he just wanted to get the ruling over with and get out of there. Not so much Insane Troll Logic as it is just being a lazy, amoral [[Jerkass]].

** It's a bit of [[Truth in Television]] actually. Poverty was considered a mental illness in parts of the 19th century.

** Surely the mentally-defective Philip Fry is the most bountiful source of ITL Futurama can offer.

{{quote|'''Morgan Proctor:''' Why is there yogurt in this cap?

** And then there's this little saying:

{{quote|'''Fry:''' Thanks to denial, I’m immortal.}}

** The whole Waterfalls family, implementing this with [[Hypocritical Humor]]. Free Waterfalls, Sr. is this [[Up to Eleven]]:

{{quote|'''Waterfalls Sr.''': Now, now, no applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores, which will someday form into nutritious fungus. Just show your appreciation with an old, friendly thumbs-up.

''(Members of Penguins, Unlimited do so with awkward grins)''

'''Waterfalls, Sr.''': Please hold your thumbs to the end. }}

* This happens in the episode "Go Fish" from ''[[The Penguins of Madagascar]]''. It all starts out fairly normally (considering the source) with King Julien and and Skipper claiming that they somehow managed to out-think the other, when Skipper has this gem: "But what you forgot to take into account is that I am actually you!" and he pulls off a penguin costume to reveal that he is a lemur. Julien counters with "In that case, by process of elimination, I must be you." The other characters are appropriately baffled by the exchange.

* In ''[[Beast Machines]]'', this is the basis of Obsidian and Strika's [[My Master, Right or Wrong|My Master]]/[[My Country, Right or Wrong|Country Right Or Wrong]] attitude. Their loyalty is to Cybertron first and foremost, and according to them, whoever is ruling Cybertron ''is'' Cybertron, so they'll follow that person without question. Their fellow Vehicon Thrust eventually calls them on this (paraphrased):

** In "MMMystery on the Friendship Express", Pinkie Pie makes wild assumptions that the other three bakers were responsible for eating her cake. Twilight quickly points out that each of her claims were ridiculous.

* In ''[[Iron Man: Armored Adventures]]'', [[Fantastic Racism|Sen. R Kelly]] clams that [[X-Men|mutants]] are a "unnatural mistake of nature".

 

== [[Real Life]] ==

* As the name suggests, [[Troll]]s. They often create illogical theories to prove that the side they are arguing with are actually child molesters, hypocrites or whatever. This is just one of their tactics, but it's easily the most recognizable, to the point that users often label everyone they don't agree with as a troll, which is actually an even better example of Insane Troll Logic.

** [[The War On Straw|Parodies]] the "Correlation equals causation" fallacy with its claims that pirates prevent global warming, as the number of pirates is decreasing while temperatures increase.

** And Pastafarianism parodies a similar fallacy with its "you cannot prove you are 100% right so you must be wrong" attitude.

** After May 21 came and went and the world kept ticking, Camping said that the physical Rapture would occur on October 21. It didn't, and in March 2012 he admitted that there was no way to predict when it might happen (if at all).

** Leonhard Euler's possibly apocryphal "proof" supposedly presented to Denis Diderot in defense of the existence of [[God]] - "Sir, (a + b^n)/n = x , hence God exists -— reply!"

** Lewis Carroll once sent this problem to a friend.

{{quote|If x {{=}} 1 and y {{=}} 1

But (x + y) {{=}} (1 + 1)

Which means that 2*2 {{=}} 5. }}

** [http://intelligentandignorant.blogspot.com/2009/07/teletubbies-are-evil.html Teletubbies are evil]

*** Since evil is negative, money is thus imaginary.

**** If evil is negative than Evil ^ 2 is positive or good so two wrongs make a right and a woman is two wrongs

*** But can you play the piano?

* [http://notalwaysright.com/a-gay-a-day-keeps-the-terror-away/12579 This] [[(The Customer is) Not Always Right]] entry explains how being gay can help fight terrorism.

* [[wikipedia:Eleanor Roosevelt|Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard. Be evil]].

* The [[Ur Example]] of this trope would be the paradox of Achilles and the Tortoise. Which makes this [[Older Than Feudalism]].

* "The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more your forget, the less you know. Therefore, the more you learn, the less you know."

* A fandom example, as to why ''[[Harry Potter]]'' is better than ''[[Twilight]]''. Robert Pattinson played both Cedric and Edward, so Cedric = Edward. Voldemort killed Cedric, so Voldemort > Cedric = Edward. Harry Potter killed Voldemort, so Harry Potter > Lord Voldemort > Cedric = Edward. Edward Cullen is synonymous with Twilight, so Harry Potter > Lord Voldemort > Cedric = Edward = Twilight. Therefore, Harry Potter > Twilight.

* At a public forum to discuss the introduction of an LGBT protection law in Lincoln, Nebraska, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nMANMIe0ZZI this woman's] bizarre, rambling, homophobic and borderline incomprehensible testimony is so densely packed with Insane Troll Logic that it is rapidly earning [[Memetic Mutation|memetic]] status.

* The Russian chronologist Anatoly Fomenko believes the Middle Ages didn't actually exist, and that this [[Conspiracy Theorist|has been kept secret for 500 years]].

* Children, before a certain age, are actually incapable of logical thinking. This is completely normal, but understanding the thought processes they follow is key in early childhood education. Google "preoperational stage" for more info.

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Madness Tropes]]

[[Category:Logic Tropes]]

[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]

[[Category:Philosophy Tropes]]