Katawa Shoujo: Difference between revisions

'''''Katawa Shoujo''''' (''かたわ少女'', translated as "Disability Girls") is a [[Bishoujo Game]] [[Visual Novel]] developed by 4 Leaf Studios using the Ren'py engine and released in 2012. It's also an [[Eroge]], though there is an option to disable adult content. Despite the Japanese setting, it was an English-language only game until it got a Japanese translation in 2015.

Hisao Nakai, a normal boy living a normal life, has it turned upside down when a congenital heart defect forces him to move to a new school after a long hospitalization. Despite his difficulties, Hisao is able to find friends -... and perhaps love, if he plays his cards right.

The concept is based entirely on a single-page [[Omake]] by doujinshi artist RAITA. The page showed several girls with disabilities: blindness (Lilly), major burn scars and severe mental/emotional trauma (Hanako), deafness (Shizune), legs amputated below the knee (Emi) and missing arms (Rin). A group of [[4chan]] users instantly took to the concept and began developing the game in earnest, taking care to present the disabilities in a realistic and respectful way. The game takes place at the fictional Yamaku High School for disabled children, and all the main characters have some sort of disability, including [[wikipedia:Long QT syndrome|Long QT Syndrome]] (the hero, Hisao).

A demo of the game, titled "Act 1", was released in May 2009, and covers the entire first Act of the final game, before it branches to paths specific to each girl. It proved popular and was eventually translated into eight languages (English, French, German, Hungarian, Italian, Japanese, Russian, and both simplified and traditional Chinese).

** Yet another is {{spoiler|the inexplicable presence of Lilly near the [[Bad End]] of Shizune's route, long after she should have left for Scotland (which is the entire reason she was at Shizune's house earlier in the route). Either she eventually decided to come back on her own, or the path writers didn't compare notes as much as they should have.}}.

*** Or... {{spoiler|since Hisao was never able to help her help Hanako, she didn't leave since she felt that her only close friend still needed her}}...}}

*** Confusingly enough, {{spoiler|Akira talks about selling her car, but says that she'll be gone for "a while."}}.

* [[Annoying Laugh]]/[[Signature Laugh]]: Misha's "Wahaha~!" (Yesyes, the tilde is required.) Alsoand Nomiya's laugh.

* [[Art Evolution]]: The end credits include a video of the girl's art evolution after her [[Good Ending]].

* [[As Long as It Sounds Foreign]]: "Iwanako" and "Yamaku" -: by the time the dev team realized they weren't real names at all, they had decided not to change it. They rectified it by still trying to conform to name standards anyway and use kanji with meanings (Iwanako's name having the kanji for [[Meaningful Name|a type of fish]]).

* [[Berserk Button]]: {{spoiler|Nomiya}} seems pretty nice and relatively normal, until {{spoiler|Rin walks out on her art exhibition (as part of her Good Ending, no less), and he goes ''nuts'', giving Rin what is probably the most [[Tear Jerker|heart-crushing rant]] in the whole game. Seems he got a little too invested in her possible success as an artist}}...}}

** Of course, [[Ten-Minute Retirement|a few days later:]]:

** Hanako's "Friend" ending results in {{spoiler|Hisao and Hanako sharing a simple dinner and a nice chess game... but never developing their relationship past mutual friendship. It's also implied that this sort of relationship will eventually prove self-destructive, since Hisao will put Hanako's needs ahead of his own.}}.

** Shizune's [[Good Ending]] can be interpreted as this. {{spoiler|It has Shizune, Misha and Hisao preparing to go their separate ways on the eve of graduation while vowing to remain friends and to see each other again one day. They even take a picture doing the Musketeer pose at the gates. It's not explicitly said that they're forced to completely separate, though, and it's said in the game that it could really go in any direction.}}.

* [[Black Comedy]]:* {{spoiler|The Act 1 [[Bad Ending]], which has Hisao get drunk and [[Dropped A Bridge On Him fall off the roof to his death]].}}

** Unintentionally, {{spoiler|if the sex scene after Hanako shows you her scars gets censored by [[Relax-O-Vision|fried shrimp on the barbecue]].}}.

'''Hisao''': Okay. }}

'''Misha''': By the way, Hicchan, I didn't plan this at all, things just happened to work out this way~! }}

{{quote|'''Hisao''': "I feel like two of my friends are fighting because one of them is taking the fact that we might not see each other again after we graduate really hard. [...] [[Suspiciously Specific Denial|It's not Shizune and Misha, by the way]]"."}}

'''Hisao (narration)''' She starts pouting, a slight slur beginning to distort her words as the alcohol takes hold again. }}

* [[Bleached Underpants]]: 2012's April Fools joke was an announcement that 4LS had developed this sort of version of the game in HD. The download they put on the site even has a HD rendered version of the 4LS logo screen and the opening title. But once you select Start, {{spoiler|all you get is a black screen.}}.

* [[Blind Without'Em]]: Kenji. [[Morton's Fork|He's also blind with them.]].

''Last week whose two were like bloodhounds. Or prison guards. Or maybe prison guards bred from bloodhounds...'' }}

** The above two cases are perhaps perfect textbook examples of the trope. {{spoiler|The reason it is instant [[Bad End]] if you make the 'wrong' choice, or prevents you from getting the [[Good EndEnding]] if you don't go into town, is that much of Hanako's opening up to Hisao about her past is initially based on 'repaying' the fact that Lily told her what Hisao said about his condition.}}.

** In theEmi's veryroute, nextMisha scene,and youShizune havewill awarn chatyou withof Kenjithe wheredangers heof mentionsspending howso he'd killmuch someonetime on the roof, by making it look like an accident.referencing {{spoiler|Whichthe isway aboutyour whatmanly hepicnic doeswith inKenji theends manlyin picnic,Act except1's itbad is actually on accident.end}}.

'''Hisao''': I've got a pretty good memory. Sometimes. }}

* [[Cardiovascular Love]]: [[Subverted Trope]] -: despite the game's premise, the bandaged heart logo of the game (the heart being of the stereotypical shape of this trope) stands for the protagonist's arrhythmia.

* [[Catapult Nightmare]]: Happens to Hisao in Lilly's route.

** {{spoiler|On Emi's route, Mutou will pull Hisao aside for a talk about science--... culminating in an exchange on things that can't directly be observed, like black holes; the way to observe what's going on is to look for their influence on other objects. This advice comes in handy when Hisao and Emi's relationship runs into trouble.}}.

{{quote|'''Kenji:''' I don't even need glasses to see.<ref>whichWhich may be technically true, since he's extremely nearsighted, but not blind.</ref>. [[Purely Aesthetic Glasses|They're for effect.]] Also, to protect my identity. I'm like Superman.

'''Hisao:''' [[Lampshade Hanging|Worst disguise ever.]] .}}

** {{spoiler|In Emi's route, Mutou starts a science club with Hisao as the only member.}}.

* [[Covers Always Lie]]: A variation in the chibi icons of the girls in the extras-menu in the game. Shizune's icon, used for the Library, is depicted with a book, even though she's far from the typical brainy, bookish meganekko. Lilly's icon, used for the Jukebox, is shown singing, even though she mentions in the game that it's actually Hanako who likes to sing, and she doesn't care for it that much.

* [[Crash Into Hello]]: Emi and Hisao. A bit of a twist in that Hisao isn't just startled -... such a collision could be seriously dangerous given his heart condition.

* [[Demoted to Extra]]: Occurs to most of the girls when you're playing another girl's route for obvious reasons.

*** A similar event happens in Shizune's route shortly before the bad ending, and Lilly appears to be displeased with Hisao's decision to join the Student Council.

** In Emi's route, Hisao meets up with Rin briefly, who unhappily mentions that her art teacher has been putting pressure on her to work harder. {{spoiler|If you've played Rin's route, you know it will ''not'' end well.}}.

** Played somewhat more lightly in Hanako's route, when Misha and Shizune complain about Hisao "not playing with them" anymore, though they lighten up when Hanako comes to work with them in class. {{spoiler|Though if you remember [[Love Triangle|what can potentially happen between you, Misha and Shizune]]}}...}}

** How about the other way around: if you play Hanako's route after you play Shizune's, {{spoiler|all of a sudden, Shizune's disappointment at the end of the chess scene where she concludes that Hanako does not love the game of chess per se, merely the memories she associates with it, and therefore, it is not something that the two can bond over and become friends, becomes a whole lot sadder, especially considering that both of them have difficulty making friends.}}.

** Another note in Lilly's route. When you're having a tea party with Lilly and Hanako, {{spoiler|Hanako seems somewhat uncomfortable while Lilly and Hisao are speaking romantically about each other. In the same scene, when Akira calls Hisao a perv for looking at Hanako and Lilly in their pajamas, Hanako says that it's okay as long as it's Hisao. Implying that she does have romantic feelings for him, but he never notices and she isn't going to say anything about it. Furthermore, Lilly and Hanako have a private conversation after Hanako hears that Lilly and Hisao are a couple; one has to wonder if they were talking about Hisao.}}.

* [[Description Cut]] / [[Gilligan Cut]]: At the end of a scene in Lily's route, Hisao wonders about where Lily is planning on taking him for their date. After the transition finishes, the next scene opens {{spoiler|in a fancy restaurant}} with Hisao thinking to himself that this was the probably the last thing he had in mind.

* [[Despair Event Horizon]]: {{spoiler|Hanako, Rin and Shizune}} all reach this point in their Bad Endings.

* [[Dissonant Serenity]]: Shizune and Misha manage this between them when {{spoiler|Emi [[Crash Into Hello|"meets" Hisao]] in the hallway, Shizune's "divine fury" in her signing is translated by Misha in a "girlishly playful" manner}}.

* [[Don't You Dare Pity Me!]]: Lilly, Hanako, Emi and Hisao, all to varying degrees. Emi is vocal about disliking [[White Knighting|White Knights]], while Lilly enjoys poking people who become flustered about her blindness (but says in all seriousness that she would be offended if Hisao pitied her and Hanako). Hisao worries that Lilly is pitying him, and Hanako is actually pretty quiet about you pitying her. {{spoiler|At least until her [[Bad End]], where [[Beware the Quiet Ones|she explodes at you]].}}.

* [[Doujinshi]]: Even more remarkable is the fact that it's high-quality but free.

* [[Downer Ending]]: Of course, the Bad endings.

** Hanako {{spoiler|reveals that she despises Hisao and Lilly for constantly coddling her.}}.

* [[Dysfunction Junction]]: Otherwise known as Yamaku High School.

* [[Evolving Credits]]: When you first launch the game, the title screen is blank except for the menu. However, as you proceed to unlock each of the game's different paths and their respective atcsacts, the sketches of the acts' opening screens will fill the title screen gradually.

* [[Failure Is the Only Option]]: You can't win that game of [[Risk]]. How badly you lose and the tactics that you use can make a difference though.

** {{spoiler|Rin's}} first H-scene is ''decidedly'' unsexy, as it reflects how {{spoiler|she's more and more emotionally unstable. Even if you help her to get off and have some momentary relief, her problems are just about to get worse}}...}}

** The same goes for {{spoiler|Hanako's, since it's obvious that she's very not comfy}} -... which [[It Makes Sense in Context|makes sense]] [[Fridge Brilliance|when you reach the Good End]] and learn that {{spoiler|it was more about showing Hisao that she's not a helpless child to be protected.}}.

** {{spoiler|Shizune's route}} also has one of these instances. {{spoiler|Here's your sex scene with Misha, and she has a rather pudgy but cute body too! Only that both she and Hisao are very distressed during and after it, that it happened when Hisao was already dating Shizune. To make it worse, Misha only asked for it due to her emotional turmoil over her unrequited love for ''Shizune'', and the guilt both Hisao and Misha feel over it winds up tearing the friendship apart and leading to Shizune's bad end (in which ''she blames herself'' for what happened).}}.

** Although not on the same level as the above three, some found one H-scene in {{spoiler|Emi' path}} to be this too. She and Hisao's {{spoiler|experimentation with anal sex}} is so ''incredibly'' awkward for both of them that it becomes comical instead of titillating. Both repeatedly insist that they have [[I'm Not Doing That Again|no desire to try again.]].

* [[Festival Episode]]: The [[School Festival]], which is the climax of the Act 1.

'''[[Only Sane Man|Hisao]]:''' "What." }}

* [[Foil|Foils]]: In Hanako's route in Act One1, Hisao thinks of Hanako and Lilly as being foils for Misha and Shizune.

** During ShizuneHanako's route, {{spoiler|whenwhile Hisaothey're isplaying firstpool, discussingHisao theflat ideaout ofsays learningto signHanako language with Misha,that he casuallywants mentionsto howprotect goodher. itShe wouldseems beimpassive toand notgets haveback to relythe ongame, herbefore tosheepishly communicatetelling withHisao Shizunethat anymore.she's Thishere leads to a brief,for awkwardhim silence from Mishatoo. This isIt's the first indicatorclue that sheHisao's mightwhite haveknight sometendencies reservationsmight aboutnot Hisaobe andwhat's Shizunebest becomingfor closer.her}}.

* [["Glad to Be Alive" Sex]]: More or less what the first H -scene in {{spoiler|Lilly's route}} boils down to, after {{spoiler|Hisao has a heart murmur. For Lilly it's more a case of "Glad You're Alive" sex}}.

* [[Good People Have Good Sex]]: Inverted near the end of {{spoiler|Shizune's route}}, you get a scene where you can choose to cheat on her. If you do cheat 1), the sex is really uncomfortable and 2) it leads to her [[Bad Ending]]. If you refuse to cheat on her, {{spoiler|you're "rewarded" with one of the most explicit and pleasant-to-go-through sex scenes of the game}}.

* [[Guide Dang It]]:* Hisao has a tendency to overreact ridiculously based on your choice, as you don't see exactly what he will say before you make a choice. Although a player with sufficient [[Genre Savvy]] will probably identify most of the dangerous ones, it can still lead to unexpected consequences.

** In Lilly's route, {{spoiler|choosing incorrectly on ''any'' of three specific decision points automatically dooms you to the bad ending, with no indication of which ending you'll get until the credits show up early.}}.

** Similarly, whenWhen you choose to return toquit the maingame menuwhile playing, thea window will havewith a picture of a frowningchibified, Shizune.sad-looking Again,Hanako thepops up asking if you really want to do that. The question itself is pretty normal, but itthe impliesimplication is "Look,You Shizunewouldn't isreally somake likeHanako judgingcry youby for 'quitting', dowould you?". wantAnd toit's disappointworse herwhen evenyou're further?"reading Hanako's route.

* {{spoiler|[[Heroic Sacrifice]]: {{spoiler|Hanako was the [[Sole Survivor]] of the Ikezawa family because [[Mama Bear|her mother pulled this]], covering her with her own body when they were trapped in the fatal fire that consumed their home.}}.

* [[IKEA Erotica]]: used in two routes, for different reasons.

** In {{spoiler|Hanako's}} caseroute, {{spoiler|it's to highlight their focus on the physical aspect, and the uncertainty they have over their feelings for each other. Neither of them seems to enjoy it very much (especially Hanako, whose scar tissue limits her flexibility), and they are painfully awkward in each other's presence the next morning.}}.

** In {{spoiler|Shizune's}} route, {{spoiler|if you choose to comfort Misha, it's to emphasize the wrongness of Hisao and Misha's behavior through their mechanical and passionless act, especially in contrast to the previous sex scene with Shizune. Both are overcome by guilt afterwards, and it leads to the [[Bad End.]]}}.

* [[I'm Not Doing That Again]]: Both Emi and Hisao are of this opinion after {{spoiler|experimenting with anal sex.}}.

* [[Inspired By]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20130716191924/http://shimmie.katawa-shoujo.com/post/view/1 A sketch.].

** While the text does contain some [[Japanese Stock Phrases]], the developers actually go out of their way to avoid "anime-isms,", as mentioned in [http://katawashoujo.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-in-life.html this blog post] (the word in question being "perverted"). The above quote probably made its way in because there's no satisfactory English equivalent, but the writers are obviously trying to make the game accessible to as many people as possible (as opposed to just [[Otaku]] who would be familiar with Japanese phrases).

* [[Kids Are Cruel]]: One of the reasons Hanako has such a withdrawn personality is that {{spoiler|she was bullied at school after having half of her body scarred by the fire that killed her family. The worst part? Her bullies used to be her best friends. No wonder she has such a difficult time letting people close.}}.

** Misha, too. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

** [[Lonely Piano Piece]]: The most notable example is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKx2hXhJz-s "Wiosna"], meaning 'Spring' [[Bilingual Bonus|in Polish]]. A simple piece that plays in the main menu, played by a single piano, and some sort of guitar. What we get is a calming and subdued piece that is lonely and wistful, nostalgic and quaint; a piece that fills the heart with melancholic satisfaction, especially after completing a route.

* [[Luke, I Am Your Father]]: It turns out that {{spoiler|Lilly and Shizune}} are actually first cousins .<ref>{{spoiler|Lilly's father and Shizune's mother are siblings, [[Word of God|as Suriko has revealed. What Hideaki and Akira say about their respective fathers being blood-brothers is a typo.]]}}.</ref>. Even though they know that already, Hisao doesn't and is quite surprised when he finds out.

* [[Married to the Job]]: Art teacher Nomiya's old friend (the curator Sae's husband) had the exact same talent and drive as Rin, often shutting off all relations to the outside world to focus on his art, {{spoiler|but ended up committing suicide, a foreshadowing of what could very well happen to Rin.}}.

* [[Meet Cute]]: Lampshaded when you first [[Crash Into Hello|run into]] Emi -... the name of one version of that particular scene is ''literally'' "Meet Cute".

'''Hisao''': Both of us. I agree with her. }}

** This can occur at any choice a player has to make due to the fact that what the option says and what Hisao actually says are almost always different. One example occurs rather early in the first act, where Hisao must either {{spoiler|side with Shizune or Lilly over student council activities, the option to not get involved instead ends up insulting Lilly (by virtue of Hisao seemingly not challenging Shizune's accusations toward her), whereas the option to take Lilly's side instead has Hisao defending himself and Lilly coming to his aid.}}.

* [[Moe Anthropomorphism]]: A [[Memetic Mutation]] example in [https://web.archive.org/web/20140220145703/http://shimmie.katawa-shoujo.com/post/view/2001 Timewarp-tan], personification of a... screen-moving function.

'''Shizune''': ''(signing)'' The oldest game known to man, upon which the fate of nations has been known to rest: {{spoiler|Rock-Paper-Scissors.}} .}}

** Dreaded anticipation! Inevitable, sudden death in the form of a sheet of paper! The only use of red text in the entire game! Yep. {{spoiler|[[Bait And Switch|Teacher's passing the tests back and Hisao didn't do well at all.]]}}.

* [[Mystery Meat]]: At one point in Rin's route, Hisao refers to the food served at the cafeteria as "fried mystery lumps".

* [[Nostalgic Music Box]]: The present you get for Lilly. {{spoiler|It and its tune become a two-frame [[Chekhov's Gun]] in Lilly's [[Good End.Ending]]}}.

* [[Omnidisciplinary Scientist]]: The concept is realistically subverted with {{spoiler|Yuuko: she may study ancient Greek history at university and in her free time, but that doesn't make her an instant expert on any other academic subject, or even any other kind of history -... she has no idea how to help Hisao with his homework about the Japanese Edo period}}. Sciences are narrow like that.

* [[Panty Shot]]: The Shizune/Lilly encounter in Act I1 has one.

* [[Race For Your Love]]: {{spoiler|Lilly's ending}}. Made even more desperate by Hisao's arrythmia acting up {{spoiler|at the worst possible moment in the airport}}. In the end, {{spoiler|he can't catch her, and succumbs to a heart attack -... but awakens in the hospital to find Lilly by his bedside.}}.

* [[Red Herring]]:* The animated intro to Shizune's route makes it very clear that {{spoiler|Shizune-Hisao-Misha is going to be a problematic and painful love triangle. Guess Misha has a crush on Hisao after all}}... Nope. {{spoiler|She loves ''Shizune'', and now that Hisao's become her boyfriend}}...}}

** Similarly, Kenji's password in Rin's route, which he gives while mistaking Rin for a boy and inviting her to join his anti-feminist movement: {{spoiler|Honeymuffin.}}. It was never used or mentioned in the game again.

** On a far, far more minor note, you meet for lunch with Lilly, Emi, Rin and Hanako on the roof on Lilly's route. You don't actually get to eat anything yourself {{spoiler|because your heart starts playing up a bit.}}.

** Unlike many cases of this trope, the fact that going up on the roof is typically against the rules is mentioned at two points;: a sign that tells students to stay off the roof {{spoiler|in the Act 1 [[Bad Ending]]}}, and a warning from Misha and Shizune ([[Hypocritical Humor|both of whom go up to the roof at various points]]) in Emi's route.

* [[Slice of Life]]: {{spoiler|Shizune's}} route, one of the main reasons why it is not everyone's cup of tea. Justified by that fact that {{spoiler|she lives in the moment and compartmentalizes everything.}}.

* [[Spit Take]]: That poor library book...

* [[Star-Crossed Lovers]]: You can get Hisao in two of these situations:

** {{spoiler|Lilly}}'s [[Bad Ending]] finishes with {{spoiler|Lilly and Akira leaving Japan to join their family in Scotland, ''never to return''. In fact, the [[Good Ending]] is about Hisao saying "[[Screw Destiny]]!" and pulling a [[Race For Your Love]], barely managing to avert it: Lilly stays in Japan, Akira goes to Scotland with her boyfriend.}}.

** {{spoiler|Rin's second}} [[Bad Ending]], which has {{spoiler|Rin deciding to [[But Now I Must Go|accept the scholarship that Nomiya and Sae got her in a Tokyo art school]], thus she shares a last hug with Hisao under the rain and begs him to forget everything about her before leaving his life.}}.

** [[Suspiciously Specific Denial]]: ОnOn the forum -... there most certainly are ''not'' fanworks of Hanako and Shizune as [[Magical Girl|Magical Girls]].

** Defied late in Shizune's route, shortly before her bad ending. Hisao thinks that "[[Lampshade Hanging|They say that the more specific a denial is, the more likely it is that the accusations are true]]", but thinks that Shizune denying surrounding herself with people who will agree with her on the Student Council does not fall into this.

'''Lilly:''' "No. As I said before, I was just passing by, [[Stealth Insult|in case you did not hear]]. ... You're not doing anything now, but you must both be very busy..."

'''Hisao:''' "Yeah, very busy." }}

* [[Triang Relations]]: {{spoiler|In Shizune's path, she, Misha and Hisao form a type 11/12. With Hisao at point A, Misha a point B and Shizune at point C}}.

* [[Vitriolic Best Buds]]: Hisao and Emi tease each other throughout. Traces of this are present even in the other routes;: each time you encounter Emi after Act One1, there's sure to be some light-hearted teasing going on.

** The sign language taught at Yamaku and used by Shizune and Misha would presumably be [[wikipedia:Japanese sign language|Japanese Sign Language]], which naturally has signs corresponding to Japanese kana. Despite this, when Misha tutors Hisao, she begins with the Latin alphabet as if it were a Western sign language like ASLAmerican Sign Language. It's possible that this is just a [[Translation Convention]], but it's still a little jarring.

* [[We Used to Be Friends]]: {{spoiler|Lilly and Shizune were actually very close to each other before their falling out over the Student Council. Late in Lilly's route, however, they start to make the first steps towards reconciliation.}}.

* [[Wham! Line]]:

** The real reason Emi took Hisao to the shed becomes clear when he finds a container labeled "{{spoiler|Personal lubricant - lemon flavored}}". {{spoiler|You can guess what happens next}}...

{{quote|{{spoiler|'''Misha:''' "Comfort me, Hicchan, just for today.}}.}}

{{quote|{{spoiler|'''Misha''': I know you like her, Hicchan. I mean that I like Shicchan in the same way. [[Schoolgirl Lesbians|I want her to be my girlfriend]].}}.}}

** In Lilly's route, when Akira announces that {{spoiler|Lilly plans to move back to Scotland permanently, leaving Hisao behind.}}.

** The moment in '"Misstep'", when {{spoiler|Hanako just ''snaps'' at you for treating her like she's completely helpless.}}.

* [[What the Hell, Player?]]: Some of the bad endings, most notably {{spoiler|Hanako's and Shizune's. In the former, it's revealed that Hanako despises Hisao and Lilly for pitying her, and in the latter, Hisao's sleeping with Misha prevents her and Shizune from reconciling -... and Shizune never even finds out}}.

* [[Wholesome Crossdresser]]: Part of the reason Hisao thinks Hideaki is a girl upon first seeing him.

* [[Your Cheating Heart]]: {{spoiler|You can have a sex scene with Misha, but not only is Hisao already going out with Shizune by this point, this whole thing leads to her bad end, where Shizune breaks up with Hisao and fails to repair her friendship with Misha because she blames herself for pushing them away.}}.