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Do we have to?
Do we have to?


Officially, it's titled "legolas." But this legendary badfic has become inextricably linked with its author in the minds of the [[Lord of the Rings]] fandom, with good reason, and it is now generally known as "legolas by laura", complete with lack of capitalisation.
"Man Without A Body" fandom, with good reason, and it is now generally known as "legolas by laura", complete with lack of capitalisation.


The story begins with Legolas riding through the woods and finding a baby "whaped" in "colth". Thanks to [[Mary Sue|Suvian]] influence, he picks her up, names her "laura", and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.
"Man Without A Body" influence, he picks her up, names her "laura", and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.


Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse. He agrees. Soon after, Aragorn and Gandalf visit Mirkwood. Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her for no reason at all.
Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse. He agrees. Soon after, Aragorn and Gandalf visit Mirkwood. Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her for no reason at all.


Legolas and laura "horseride" through the forest and meet Aragorn and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. Later, they go back to Legolas's "castle". Legolas asks Aragorn and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.
Legolas and laura "horseride" through the forest and meet Aragorn and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. Later, they go back to Legolas's "castle". Legolas asks Aragorn and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.


After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor". There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. The orcs "stripe" her and rape her, but laura fends them off by saying, "go away you bastard". Because of that, they "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion", which he "injets" into her.
After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor". There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. The orcs "stripe" her and rape her, but laura fends them off by saying, "go away you bastard". Because of that, they "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion", which he "injets" into her.


A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Aragorn get to the front gates of "Mondor". After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell, while Aragorn and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor". There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron despite the huge power disparity between them.
A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Aragorn get to the front gates of "Mondor". After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell, while Aragorn and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor". There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron despite the huge power disparity between them.


Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Aragorn appears. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.
Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Aragorn appears. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.


A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to "Milkwood". She gets sick (due to the "posion"), and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from "Milkwood".
A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to "Milkwood". She gets sick (due to the "posion"), and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from "Milkwood".


There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her, and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes even though he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and laura is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences, and Aragorn enters the room. The story ends there, never to be resumed.
There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her, and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes even though he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and laura is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences, and Aragorn enters the room. The story ends there, never to be resumed.


The story can be found [http://www.freewebs.com/me_gaya/legolas.html here], courtesy of the [[Protectors of the Plot Continuum]]. All The Tropes will take no responsibility for brain damage suffered should you choose to read it.<ref> [[Driven to Suicide|*Cttttlik!* *BANG!*]] </ref> The [http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=legolas+by+laura&search_type=&aq=f dramatic readings] may help to soften the blow. There is also a review done by [[The Fan Fiction Critic]] for it, which might help more. And now a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IECKGp-tLb0 live-action trailer], complete with ''[[My Chemical Romance]]'' and a baffling shoutout to ''[[Megatokyo]]''. God help us all. There's also a riffing found [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5948484/9/Mystery_Science_Theater_1000 here] and a PPC mission [https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1PZ2DmYKQ2Z0-sW425KcdTXyUBkTURKfn8RiUxUKum44 here].
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body"''. God help us all. There's also a riffing found [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5948484/9/Mystery_Science_Theater_1000 here] and a PPC mission [https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1PZ2DmYKQ2Z0-sW425KcdTXyUBkTURKfn8RiUxUKum44 here].


"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body"''.
Compare with ''[[My Immortal]]'' and ''[[My Inner Life]]''.


{{tropelist}}
{{tropelist}}
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body"
* [[Aerith and Bob]]: This girl's name is "Laura". In Middle-earth. The author's name also seems to be Laura. [[Self Insert|My oh my...]]
** That [[Fridge Logic|may actually not be a problem.]] See [[Bilingual Bonus]] below (though it might not have been intentional).
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" below (though it might not have been intentional).
* [[All Lowercase Letters]]: The title.
"Man Without A Body": The title.
* [[Anticlimax]]: It never got finished.
"Man Without A Body": It never got finished.
* [[Beige Prose]]: Alice: Elmer Fudd is giving English classes, I see.
"Man Without A Body": Alice: Elmer Fudd is giving English classes, I see.
* [[Bilingual Bonus]]: "Laure" actually is a Noldorin word, meaning "golden". However, it's unlikely the author knew this unless it really is a [[Stealth Parody]], and Legolas is a Sindarin elf and wouldn't use the Noldorin language.
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body", and Legolas is a Sindarin elf and wouldn't use the Noldorin language.
{{quote|Shania: Isn't that Elvish for "Obvious love interest"?}}
{{quote|Shania: Isn't that Elvish for "Obvious love interest"?}}
* [[Black Comedy Rape]]: Unintentionally.
"Man Without A Body": Unintentionally.
* [[Blind Idiot Translation]]: It isn't one, but it really does read as if it was. "Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord"?
"Man Without A Body": It isn't one, but it really does read as if it was. "Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord"?
* [[Call on Me]]: Possibly an example (it's hard to say), when Gandalf manages to make the hobbits appear by just wishing for them.
"Man Without A Body": Possibly an example (it's hard to say), when Gandalf manages to make the hobbits appear by just wishing for them.
{{quote|Shania: Imagine the length of the original story if they had that. }}
{{quote|Shania: Imagine the length of the original story if they had that. }}
* [[Cold-Blooded Torture]]: In order, every time, both Laura ''and'' Legolas were 'bet' up, raped, and then were given poison.
"Man Without A Body": In order, every time, both Laura ''and'' Legolas were 'bet' up, raped, and then were given poison.
* [[Common Mary Sue Traits]]: Laura "got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".
"Man Without A Body": Laura "got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".
{{quote|Alice: Oh, it looks like Laura needs to learn how to share.}}
{{quote|Alice: Oh, it looks like Laura needs to learn how to share.}}
* [[Curb Stomp Battle]]: Gandalf and ''Sauron''. If you're familiar with the backstory, this isn't necessarily as one-sided a match as you might think if you just saw the movie. Gandalf and Sauron are both beings of the same order (the Maiar... basically, angels, though Sauron is very definitely of the "fallen" brand). It still wouldn't be a "fun time" for Gandalf, though.
"Man Without A Body": Gandalf and ''Sauron''. If you're familiar with the backstory, this isn't necessarily as one-sided a match as you might think if you just saw the movie. Gandalf and Sauron are both beings of the same order (the Maiar... basically, angels, though Sauron is very definitely of the "fallen" brand). It still wouldn't be a "fun time" for Gandalf, though.
* [[Department of Redundancy Department]]: Legolas explains to Laura exactly how the orcs tortured her, twice, even though Laura was obviously there at the time.
"Man Without A Body": Legolas explains to Laura exactly how the orcs tortured her, twice, even though Laura was obviously there at the time.
* [[Did Not Do the Research]]: So much. For starters, Legolas doesn't have a castle. He and his father King Thranduil live in a ''fortified cave'', in the Mountains of Mirkwood.
"Man Without A Body": So much. For starters, Legolas doesn't have a castle. He and his father King Thranduil live in a ''fortified cave'', in the Mountains of Mirkwood.
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" video.
* [[Dramatic Reading]]: Lots of them. It's really short, so can usually fit in a single [[YouTube]] video.
** The most popular one is by [[Tropers/Man Without A Body|Man Without A Body]] with a video to go with it [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg here].
"Man Without A Body" with a video to go with it [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg here].
* [[Emotionless Girl]]: Laura seems remarkably calm about being abducted and tortured by orcs.
"Man Without A Body": Laura seems remarkably calm about being abducted and tortured by orcs.
* [[The Guards Must Be Crazy|The Gards Must be Crazy]]: They completely fail to stop laura from being kidnapped, and barely even react to it
"Man Without A Body": They completely fail to stop laura from being kidnapped, and barely even react to it
* [[Gratuitous Rape]]: After capturing Laura, the orcs decide to rape her...for some reason.
"Man Without A Body": After capturing Laura, the orcs decide to rape her...for some reason.
** SOME ''RISING''!
** SOME ''RISING''!
* [[Indecisive Parody]]: According to the God Awful [[Fan Fiction]] board, "Laura" confessed on one occasion to being a troll, but on another occasion tried to pass her poor writing off as being the result of learning difficulties.
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" board, "Laura" confessed on one occasion to being a troll, but on another occasion tried to pass her poor writing off as being the result of learning difficulties.
* [[Informed Ability]]: Laura's "power" with which "she can distoy us all the bad guys" is never actually used or defined more clearly.
"Man Without A Body": Laura's "power" with which "she can distoy us all the bad guys" is never actually used or defined more clearly.
* [[Little No]]: "And then they said: 'Let Laura go!' And then the Dark Lord said 'no'."
"Man Without A Body": "And then they said: 'Let Laura go!' And then the Dark Lord said 'no'."
* [[Neologism]]: "... and then Legolas was happy for somerising."
"Man Without A Body": "... and then Legolas was happy for somerising."
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body".
* [[New Powers as the Plot Demands]]: Gandalf now has the power to teleport Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin from the Shire to Mordor simply by wishing it, even though [[Game Breaker|if he could do that in canon the books would have been significantly shorter]].
* [[No Ending]]: The story literally ''ends in mid-sentence''.
"Man Without A Body": The story literally ''ends in mid-sentence''.
* [[No Punctuation Period]]: The first sentence is ''87 words long''.
"Man Without A Body": The first sentence is ''87 words long''.
{{quote|'''Johnny (Legolas):''' Where the hell is my periods and commas?}}
{{quote|'''Johnny (Legolas):''' Where the hell is my periods and commas?}}
* [[Not Blood Siblings]]: Legolas kisses Laura and agrees to be her boyfriend even though he's supposed to be her adoptive father/brother/something.
"Man Without A Body": Legolas kisses Laura and agrees to be her boyfriend even though he's supposed to be her adoptive father/brother/something.
* [[Out of Character]]: EVERYONE.
"Man Without A Body": EVERYONE.
* [[Police Are Useless]]: The "gards" assigned to protect laura do absolutely nothing to prevent the Orcs kidnapping her.
"Man Without A Body": The "gards" assigned to protect laura do absolutely nothing to prevent the Orcs kidnapping her.
{{quote|'''Johnny:''' When you hire 'gards', this stuff is bound to happen.}}
{{quote|'''Johnny:''' When you hire 'gards', this stuff is bound to happen.}}
* [[Rape as Backstory]]: Legolas tells Laura that he was also raped and tortured by orcs when he was a youth.
"Man Without A Body": Legolas tells Laura that he was also raped and tortured by orcs when he was a youth.
* [[Rape as Drama]]: It attempted this and it failed.
"Man Without A Body": It attempted this and it failed.
"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body"''.
* [[Rouge Angles of Satin]]: Almost on the same level as ''[[My Immortal]]''.
* [[Said Bookism]]: Completely averted.
"Man Without A Body": Completely averted.
* [[That Makes Me Feel Angry]]: "Legolas said'i am soo happy'".
"Man Without A Body": "Legolas said'i am soo happy'".
{{quote|'''Shania:''' Gah! Legolas has turned into a stereotypical gay guy!}}
{{quote|'''Shania:''' Gah! Legolas has turned into a stereotypical gay guy!}}
"Man Without A Body":
* [[Wham! Line]]:
{{quote|'''Legolas:''' they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion
{{quote|'''Legolas:''' they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion
'''Laura:''' how did you know that
'''Laura:''' how did you know that
'''Legolas:''' when I was your age they did the same thing to me }}
'''Legolas:''' when I was your age they did the same thing to me }}
"Man Without A Body".
** This fic being... this fic, it's [[Big Lipped Alligator Moment|never mentioned again]].
"Man Without A Body"
* [[Wife Husbandry]]
* [[You Fail Geography Forever]]: Mirkwood is ''not'' five minutes' walk away from Mordor, and Rivendell is on the ''opposite'' side of Mirkwood behind a mountain range. Then again, as far as we know, "Mondor" might be quite close to "Milkwood".
"Man Without A Body": Mirkwood is ''not'' five minutes' walk away from Mordor, and Rivendell is on the ''opposite'' side of Mirkwood behind a mountain range. Then again, as far as we know, "Mondor" might be quite close to "Milkwood".
** In fact, the Middle-Earth geography fails were so bad that when [[Mary Sue Hunter|the PPC]] killed it, they didn't send the Department of Mary Sues, they sent the Department of Geographical Aberrations.
"Man Without A Body" killed it, they didn't send the Department of Mary Sues, they sent the Department of Geographical Aberrations.


{{reflist}}
{{reflist}}
"Man Without A Body"
[[Category:Describe Topic Here]]
"Man Without A Body"
[[Category:Legolas By Laura]]
"Man Without A Body"
[[Category:Fanfic]]

Revision as of 07:41, 21 August 2014

"Describe legolas by laura here."

Do we have to?

"Man Without A Body" fandom, with good reason, and it is now generally known as "legolas by laura", complete with lack of capitalisation.

"Man Without A Body" influence, he picks her up, names her "laura", and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.

Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse. He agrees. Soon after, Aragorn and Gandalf visit Mirkwood. Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her for no reason at all.

Legolas and laura "horseride" through the forest and meet Aragorn and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. Later, they go back to Legolas's "castle". Legolas asks Aragorn and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.

After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor". There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. The orcs "stripe" her and rape her, but laura fends them off by saying, "go away you bastard". Because of that, they "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion", which he "injets" into her.

A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Aragorn get to the front gates of "Mondor". After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell, while Aragorn and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor". There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron despite the huge power disparity between them.

Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Aragorn appears. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.

A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to "Milkwood". She gets sick (due to the "posion"), and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from "Milkwood".

There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her, and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes even though he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and laura is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences, and Aragorn enters the room. The story ends there, never to be resumed.

"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body". God help us all. There's also a riffing found here and a PPC mission here.

"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body".

Tropes used in Legolas By Laura include:

"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" "Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" below (though it might not have been intentional). "Man Without A Body": The title. "Man Without A Body": It never got finished. "Man Without A Body": Alice: Elmer Fudd is giving English classes, I see. "Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body", and Legolas is a Sindarin elf and wouldn't use the Noldorin language.

Shania: Isn't that Elvish for "Obvious love interest"?

"Man Without A Body": Unintentionally. "Man Without A Body": It isn't one, but it really does read as if it was. "Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord"? "Man Without A Body": Possibly an example (it's hard to say), when Gandalf manages to make the hobbits appear by just wishing for them.

Shania: Imagine the length of the original story if they had that.

"Man Without A Body": In order, every time, both Laura and Legolas were 'bet' up, raped, and then were given poison. "Man Without A Body": Laura "got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

Alice: Oh, it looks like Laura needs to learn how to share.

"Man Without A Body": Gandalf and Sauron. If you're familiar with the backstory, this isn't necessarily as one-sided a match as you might think if you just saw the movie. Gandalf and Sauron are both beings of the same order (the Maiar... basically, angels, though Sauron is very definitely of the "fallen" brand). It still wouldn't be a "fun time" for Gandalf, though. "Man Without A Body": Legolas explains to Laura exactly how the orcs tortured her, twice, even though Laura was obviously there at the time. "Man Without A Body": So much. For starters, Legolas doesn't have a castle. He and his father King Thranduil live in a fortified cave, in the Mountains of Mirkwood. "Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" video. "Man Without A Body" with a video to go with it here. "Man Without A Body": Laura seems remarkably calm about being abducted and tortured by orcs. "Man Without A Body": They completely fail to stop laura from being kidnapped, and barely even react to it "Man Without A Body": After capturing Laura, the orcs decide to rape her...for some reason.

    • SOME RISING!

"Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body" board, "Laura" confessed on one occasion to being a troll, but on another occasion tried to pass her poor writing off as being the result of learning difficulties. "Man Without A Body": Laura's "power" with which "she can distoy us all the bad guys" is never actually used or defined more clearly. "Man Without A Body": "And then they said: 'Let Laura go!' And then the Dark Lord said 'no'." "Man Without A Body": "... and then Legolas was happy for somerising." "Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body". "Man Without A Body": The story literally ends in mid-sentence. "Man Without A Body": The first sentence is 87 words long.

Johnny (Legolas): Where the hell is my periods and commas?

"Man Without A Body": Legolas kisses Laura and agrees to be her boyfriend even though he's supposed to be her adoptive father/brother/something. "Man Without A Body": EVERYONE. "Man Without A Body": The "gards" assigned to protect laura do absolutely nothing to prevent the Orcs kidnapping her.

Johnny: When you hire 'gards', this stuff is bound to happen.

"Man Without A Body": Legolas tells Laura that he was also raped and tortured by orcs when he was a youth. "Man Without A Body": It attempted this and it failed. "Man Without A Body""Man Without A Body". "Man Without A Body": Completely averted. "Man Without A Body": "Legolas said'i am soo happy'".

Shania: Gah! Legolas has turned into a stereotypical gay guy!

"Man Without A Body":

Legolas: they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion
Laura: how did you know that
Legolas: when I was your age they did the same thing to me

"Man Without A Body". "Man Without A Body" "Man Without A Body": Mirkwood is not five minutes' walk away from Mordor, and Rivendell is on the opposite side of Mirkwood behind a mountain range. Then again, as far as we know, "Mondor" might be quite close to "Milkwood". "Man Without A Body" killed it, they didn't send the Department of Mary Sues, they sent the Department of Geographical Aberrations.

"Man Without A Body" "Man Without A Body" "Man Without A Body"

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