My Little Panzer: Difference between revisions

[[File:atomic-energy-lab-.jpg|link=Aluminum Christmas Trees|frame|[[Blatant Lies|Perfectly safe]] and [["Not Making This Up" Disclaimer|perfectly real]], honest.. ]]

 

'''Yogurt:''' The kids love this one.|''[[Spaceballs]]''}}

 

[[Olympus Mons]] could be considered the organic equivalent; just replace "toys" with "pets."

 

{{examples}}

* ''[[Beyblade]]'': With some of the things Beyblades do to each other in the anime, they wouldn't be approved for kids in most real countries. The real ones are much less dangerous, but you should always make sure the parts are on ''tight''.

* ''[[Crush Gear Turbo]]'': Crush Gear vehicles have a tendency to fly apart.

* ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh (Tabletop Game)|Yu-Gi-Oh]]'': Duel Monsters really should come with the following disclaimer: "WARNING -- May cause getting kidnapped by evil organizations, [[Freak-Out|Freak Outs]], [[Mind Rape]], the emergence of a [[Super-Powered Evil Side]], summoning of [[Eldritch Abomination]]s, [[Grand Theft Me|soul-stealing]], and various physical hazards up to and including ''death''. Not for [[Loners Are Freaks|loners]] or anyone with [[Parental Issues]]." ([[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|Not to mention]] skipping school and [[Crack is Cheaper|going broke]].) Note to Pegasus: never design a children's card game based on ancient Egyptian mythology. ''Especially'' if you have an ancient Egyptian [[Artifact of Doom]] implanted in your eye socket!

** Even worse near the start, where just about every game or toy was turned into a game that resulted in someone breaking psychologically.

 

== Comic Books ==

 

* ''[[The Beano]]'' had a long-running strip featuring "General Jumbo", a schoolboy who had a fully functional remote-control set of toy soldiers and military vehicles created for him by a friendly neighbourhood [[Mad Scientist]]. He used them to fight crime. A number of British comic creators have gone on to create [[Expy|Expies]], most notably Robin "Toybox" Slinger and her father "Colonel Lilliput" in ''[[Top Ten]]'' and "General Tubbs" in ''[[Jack Staff]]''.

 

== Fan Works ==

 

* ''[[Spaceballs]]'' had <s>The Flamethrower.</s> [[American Accents|Da]] ''[[American Accents|Flamethrowah!]]''

** The Gorgonites are personable because their original designer conceived them as a subversion of [[Beauty Equals Goodness]]. **Although that really doesn't explain how that bled into their actual programming, since the programmer was a guy totally onboard with casting them as the villains.

*** They were programmed to be ''antagonists''. They are good because the other guys are evil.

* In the film ''[[Jumanji]]'', games of Jumanji could qualify, being a cursed artifact disguised as a game. Especially unfinished and abandoned games. ''[[Zathura]]'', too. Well, [[Schmuck Bait|they]] ''[[Schmuck Bait|do]]'' [[Schmuck Bait|warn you.]] ''Junmanji'' warns you and then pulls you into the game if you even ''glance'' at the pieces.

** The "laser" on an actual Buzz Lightyear toy is a red LED. This probably applies in-universe as well. A scrapped plot point for the third film involved Andy ''actually getting hurt'' by a malfunctioning Buzz. Though, this is somewhat beside the point, since a fully functional Buzz is still pretty dangerous on its own.

*** The ''Toy Story Toon'' "Small Fry" parodied the subject of recalled toys. One kids meal toy in the support group was recalled because one of its parts fly off it. The toy doesn't explain about it, but after the recalled toy says "I was recalled because...", [[Crowning Moment of Funny|the part mentioned earlier flies off of the toy.]]

* The sci-fi movie ''[[Evolver]]'' features a robotic AI toy that just happens to have been installed with a state-of-the-art weapons-grade military AI chip; The robot is meant to be a harmless children's game, but it soon begins learning how to arm itself with more lethal weapons. The Evolver unit was originally a military battle robot prototype that was re-purposed after killing people in a field test. It got made into the grand prize for the top scorer of the Evolver VR Game so that they could play it in real life. The problem starts when its military programming that was left in gets reactivated by the protagonist's sister dramatically "dying" after it scores a "kill" on her and she gets back up. It realizes that its "weapons" aren't lethal, as they're "supposed" to be, to it the Evolver game is a live fire War Game and refits itself to compensate.

* ''[[Toys]]'': This Robin Williams vehicle focused on the new owner of a toy factory switching production to toy tanks and helicopters armed with real weapons he meant to sell to the military. He also starts a videogame division to get kids into violence in order to have future soldiers. The videogame was actually a simulation/prototype. The new owner's plan was to have kids ''[[Ender's Game|remote-control operate actual war machines without knowing it.]]''

{{quote|'''Scott Calvin''': ''Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a PANZER! Well kids, I... I certainly hope you have been good this year, cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. Incoming!''}}

* ''[[The Nightmare Before Christmas]]'' has the main artist of Halloween Town taking over Christmas. The people of Halloween Town misinterpret Christmas rather badly, resulting in this trope.

* The short story ''Bobo's Star'' has kids in the future being given their own miniature star-creation kits at home. The titular character's star turns into a black hole and devours the Earth because [[Not Now, Kiddo|nobody would listen to him]].

* The [[Stephen King]] story "Battleground", part of the "Night Shift" collection, has a hitman who killed a toy designer attacked by an army of toy soldiers, complete with air support. {{spoiler|They eventually kill him by breaking out a tiny nuclear weapon.}}

* ''[[Harry Potter (novel)|Harry Potter]]''

** Playing cards that [[Made of Explodium|explode]], albeit without much force.

* [[Confessions of Georgia Nicolson|Georgia Nicolson]] worries about her little sister's "Pantalitzer" doll, described as having a terrifying face, steel forks for hands, and easily detachable parts that hurt when thrown at Georgia.

 

* In the 70's, ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' had toy maker Irwin Mainway (played Dan Aykroyd) appear on a consumer watchdog show called "Consumer Probe", and hopelessly defend his company's extremely dodgy and dangerous products, and drawing comparisons with the dangers of actual commonplace products. Of note was an episode where he attempted to defend a series of Halloween costumes, including "Johnny Space Commander Mask" (simply a plastic bag and a rubber band), "The Invisible Pedestrian" ("NOT FOR BLIND KIDS!"), "Johnny Combat" (which comes with an actual working rifle, ammo not included. Allegedly popular in Detroit), and "Johnny Human Torch" (oil-soaked rags and an oversized torch. "It lights up the night!")

** Then you got "Bag O' Glass", along with its spin-offs Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, and last but not least, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid.

** One of those pathetic attempts to defend his products involved a harmless toy phone; Mainway argued kids could choke themselves with the long stretchy cord. These days, what with the CPSC wiping out long cords of all sorts on kids' toys, the dangerous phone is a [[Funny Aneurysm Moment|funny aneurysm]] (much like most things on ''SNL'').

** Lots of the ''SNL'''s fake toy commercials are for toys that would no way in Hell be sold in real life (whether it's because they're physically dangerous, will cause complaints from [[Moral Guardians]] who think that kids are impressionable enough to be screwed up by what they play with, or are just plain useless and/or lame). Some examples include: Gangsta Bitch Barbie (comes with Jolly Ranchers, a pack of Newport cigarettes, and a restraining order against her boyfriend Tupac Ken), Nerf Crotch Bats, Big Red (A viking who sprays massive gushers of blood-red liquid), Litter Critters (using cat crap to make clay figurines), and the recent dangerous toy commercial, Li'l Poundcake (a doll that administers vaccinations against the HP virus for girls under 10).

* ''Merrick And Rosso'' had a sketch involving two modified remote controlled toys from hell; One being a [[Thomas the Tank Engine]] with a buzzsaw on the front, the other being a Barbie-style van with a [[Kill It with Fire|flamethrower]], both tearing up mundane toys. (Except the official Merrick and Rosso [[Non-Action Guy|inaction]] figures)

'''Maxwell Smart, Agent 86''': No 99, the real credit belongs to these toys. After all, we had at our disposal every fiendish and destructive plaything ever devised for the pleasure of little children. Those poor devils, all they had were real guns and bullets. }}

* In [[Loriot]]'s classic sketch ''Weihnachten bei Hoppenstedts'' (''Christmas at Hoppenstedts'''), Father Hoppenstedt buys for his son a model nuclear power plant. It makes "[[Stuff Blowing Up|poof!]]" if you did a mistake while assembling it.

 

== Music ==

* In ''[[Super Mario RPG]]'', Gaz has a Geno doll. Even before it becomes possessed, it still manages to knock Mario out. Although, that might have been Gaz being overly enthusiastic.

* One of the early missions in ''[[Grand Theft Auto]] Vice City'' involves using a toy helicopter to carry timed explosives into an uncompleted building to blow it up. Security guards and construction workers come after it once they catch on to your charade, but you can kill them by [[Helicopter Blender|running the chopper into them]].

{{quote|'''Zero''': They're not 'toys'! They're just smaller!}}

** Oh, and the third? Seems like the actual use for these things: a car tries to drive a road into a base. Bentley's helicopter drops obstacles that your helicopter has to remove. Bentley also has actual tanks shooting at his car, albeit with low-powered ammo for their size. You have access to antitank bombs.

* The foot-tall Robos of ''[[Custom Robo]]'' are actually pretty harmless themselves, despite being able to shoot lasers, bombs, or [[Abnormal Ammo|swords]]. They can only work within specialized arenas called Holosseums. Except illegal parts can do rather horrible things to whoever uses them, and the local [[Eldritch Abomination|Cthulhu]] happens to have accidentally possessed one. These behaviors might be excusable, since they're not well known. The part where losing in a Holosseum knocks you head first into the ground and quite often knocks you unconscious might not pass the CSPA muster.

** That last bit happens only when the "safety switch" is off, which allows the robos to use their abilities to the fullest extent. Regular, day-to-day Holosseum battles are basically massive [[Nerf]]s of the robos so that no one is hurt. Illegal parts are actually capable of ''killing'' someone if the switch is off (though this is rare, even with the ridiculously powerful illegal parts)... this is why they're '''illegal'''.

 

== Web Animation ==

 

* ''[[Narbonic]]'': In "A Week of December 18th Story", a parody of ''[[A Christmas Story]]'', little (future [[Mad Scientist]]) Helen's Christmas toy of choice is the BioBeam 8000 gamma irradiator with 5-liter containment chamber, cesium 137 radiation source, optional remote monitoring station, and a thing on top that tells the time.

*** Except for the thing on the top that tells the time.

* ''[[Girl Genius]]'' presents... [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20110209 Castle Heterodyne nursery]! With a doll of a [[Monster Clown]] to end all [[Monster Clown]]s (possibly by rolling them into one big clownball and then ripping it into ribbons).

 

== Western Animation ==

{{quote|'''Number 4:''' They ''sell'' these things?

'''Number 5:''' Well, they ain't cheap. }}

* In ''[[The Simpsons (animation)|The Simpsons]]'', Homer buys Maggie an Army Base playset with actually working, '''explosive''' missiles. When Marge points out how dangerous it is, Homer claims it's perfectly safe, but is stabbed, maimed and shot by the toy.

{{quote|'''Reporter:''' What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?

'''Sideshow Mel:''' Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty O.

'''Krusty:''' It's poison! }}

* On ''[[Squidbillies]]'', Dan Halen Industries sold a baby crib that was so dangerous, critics called it a "Baby Deathtrap". The company sued for trademark infringement, as it sold actual Baby Deathtraps: teddy bears bristling with electric spikes.

* An episode of ''[[Yin Yang Yo!|Yin Yang Yo]]'' had a villain who manufactured these because he loved money and hated children. The most memorable and blatant were probably "Eyebiters", which were exactly what they say on the tin.

* An episode of ''[[Robotboy]]'' had a store clerk copying Robotboy's image to create "[[Shoddy Knockoff Product|Roboboys]]" (note the omission of the 'T') that predictably went berserk. To differentiate them from Robotboy the horns, lower legs, and hands came in a multitude of colors.

* [[Averted Trope]] in just the setting you might expect to find this in, what with all the talk/creation of [[Your Mileage May Vary|dangerous]] summer activities in ''[[Phineas and Ferb]]''. The toys we've been shown seem to go the opposite direction, including such gems as Shimmy Jimmy, Little Mary [[MacGuffin]], Perry the Platypus: Inaction Figure and [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|Brick]] <ref>[[Blatant Lies|It's fun]].</ref>

 

== Truth In Television ==

 

* The most infamous: Lawn Darts. Which are large, heavy, metal tipped darts that kids are given to throw at targets placed on their lawn. Needless to say, throwing spearlike "toys" is not a good idea.

** [http://unitednuclear.com/ These guys] can hook you up, but it's not in one convenient set. And will run you a bit more than half a c-note.

* Home chemistry sets used to be quite popular for young science nerds. However, fears of poisoning, acid burns, and explosions soon brought the combination of [[Frivolous Lawsuit|lawsuits]] and [[Moral Guardians]] to stop sales. "Chemistry" sets can still be purchased, however they contain practically nothing of any use. Buying a box of baking soda is pretty much the same thing.

** The Walther P-38 version of Megatron was yet again redesigned as "Masterpiece" Megatron, now with a far more detailed and intricate transformation scheme. He still turned into a Walther P-38, but now one nearly twice the size of the actual weapon. It was not allowed to enter the US without a neon orange safety plug in the barrel, even though it ships in robot mode.

** The newest Walther P-38 Megatron toy, a Legends-class (read: really small) figure released in the 2011 "Reveal the Shield" line, still has an orange tip on its barrel, despite measuring about three inches from front to back.

* The Cabbage Patch Kids Snacktime Kid. Note to manufacturers: when building a toy that chews anything put between its teeth, including fingers and hair, '''install an OFF switch!'''

** There ''was'' one—remove the backpack and the doll shuts off—but this was only documented in the instruction book, and who reads the instructions on a ''doll?''

** The list exaggerates with the Kinder Surprise case, they are still sold in Canada, Mexico, Peru, much of Europe, and Argentina (among other places) and no one was stupid enough to swallow the toys, it just requires common sense.

* [[wikipedia:Aqua Dots#Recall|Bindeez]] (the precursor of Aqua Dots) were recalled due to the factory substituting a cheaper chemical that becomes GHB in the stomach if you swallowed them. Since they are so small, swallowing them is not a problem. They were re-released as Beados "Featuring the new bead formula."

* Similar to the ''Beyblade'' example at the top, Pogs could be painful but not especially harmful if one of the striker discs ricocheted... until some enterprising manufacturers decided to make ''small metal throwing stars'' to fit the role. How they got away with those boggles the mind.

** Likely because its edges were blunted. Yes, it's fine because, while it may have points, the heavy chunk of metal's edges are blunt.

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]

[[Category:Just for Pun]]