Nostalgia Critic/Funny/2012 Episodes: Difference between revisions

* The Critic's getting choked-up over Patch's leaving scene, with one of the reindeers crying.

{{quote| "Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la--" *''sobs''*}}

* The Critic's incredulity at the [[Determinator|lengths]] Movie!Santa goes to make his delivery, even at the cost of his wife and reindeers' lives, and wonders if Real!Santa would do the same. Cue {{spoiler|Santa Christ appearing, having weathered three snowstorms, two tornadoes and a ''[[Rule of Three|tsunami]]'' to give the Critic a Sega Genesis...only to find out that the Critic already has one. He slams the door on the way out}}.

** "Hellooo, eBay."

* "And if you look at our 5-Day forecast you'll see that we get...RAIN!!" *''Happy dance to marching band music''*

** It's even funnier for someone from Northeastern Iowa, as they use that region's weather map.

{{quote| '''Phelous:''' Let it go.<br />

'''Critic:''' I know... }}

*''Fade in to the scene at beginning of the film, only to cut back to the Critic''*<br />

'''Critic:''' "Okay, okay, that's not the real ending. But [[Completely Missing the Point|wouldn't that be awesome!?]]" }}

* The [[Call Back|Evil]] [[Free Willy|Popcorn-munching]] [[Running Gag|Man]] strikes again!

'''Chester:''' [''[[Super Mario Brothers|cha-ching]]''] Thank you! }}

* Showing [[Bill and Ted]] whenever the V'Ger cloud makes its electric guitar chord.

** The [[Crosses the Line Twice|overdubbing audio filter]].

* "My Oath of Celibacy is on record, Captain." *''Beat''* "[[The Room|Anyway, how's your sex life?]]"

** Also, he succeeds in averting a [[Spit Take]] when he first hears Ilia's line, only to do one when ''[[The Room]]'' line gets added in.

* "Uh, I joined Starfleet to pay for college. Is there any chance we couldn't blow up on my first mission?"

* During the V'Ger reveal, the Critic at one point desperately tries to liven up the interminable effects shot by splicing in an 'action sequence' -- which turns out to be the same shot of a crew-member hurrying through a (slowly) closing door used in an earlier effects shot.

* "Oh, it turns out I've been saying his name wrong all this time. It's not Spock; it's ''[[Large Ham|Spooooock...]]''"

* The Critic's comments on the opening of V'Ger resembling the Sky-Gina from [[The Langoliers]].

* "Need I remind you of the ''Holy-shit-you-nearly-killed-us'' moment not a few minutes ago? Ye twat."

== Star Trek III: The Search for Spock ==

* [[Squee|Squeeing]] over how cute the monster-thing is, nicknaming it Balzac, and his breakdown later on when it dies.

{{quote| '''Critic''': You screenwriting bastards, ''you killed my Balzac!!''}}

* "[[George Takei|Any time you want to use the word 'tiny', just use the word 'Takei' instead.]]"

** Later, during the Vulcan "sex", the use of George Takei and his catchphrase. "Oh ''my''!"

* [[Looney Tunes|"Wabbit twacks!]]''

* Practically orgasming over the "Spocker" sex sequence before dropping the act and feeling disappointed over how tame it is.

* Enterprise + Countdown = BOOM!

* When Kirk kicks Kruge in the groin:

** And then, when he is knocked off a ledge to his doom:

{{quote| '''Kruge:''' [[Suburban Commando|I WAS FROZEN TO-]] ''[[Killed Mid-Sentence|*destroyed upon impact with lava*]]''}}

* "I can't believe I'm saying this: 'A Romulan, a human, and a Klingon walk into a bar.' Don't look at me, I'm sure it was written that way in the script."

* Responding to Kirk's "I'll die alone" line.

* The "Row Row Row Your Boat" sing-along. Complete with follow-the-bouncing-ball. And Shatner's head for the ball. And singing children who apparently think that "boat" is pronounced "boyt".

** Then, pouting when he can't sing "Row Row Row Your Boat" for the second time, as the crew board the Enterprise-A.

** And later, he tries photo-shopping Catherine Zeta-Jones's face onto Uhura's. It doesn't help.

* Of Chekov: "I'm not done mispronouncing things. Hand over all your [[Looney Tunes|wascally wabbits]]."

* All the comments about the so-called "dangers" of the Great Barrier.

* [[The Wizard of Oz|The Cowardly Lion]] as God: "I'm the Messiah! I'm the Messiah! Hallelujah!"

** Also, the Critic complaining that he gets groped while passing through airport security, while Geordi doesn't even get searched for spyware after he's returned to the ship.

* The memorial and gravestone for the little girl's teddy bear. Right next to Balzac's.

* "[[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?|TOAST!! WE HAVE TOAST!!!]]"

* '''Spot...will live.'''

'''Critic''': What'd you call me?!! }}

* "Ah, it'll be good to see the ship once agai--" *'''''KABOOM!!!'''''* "--Aw, goddammit! Number one, I gave you two orders while I was gone! Don't blow up the ship and don't sleep with anything! I thought the LATTER would be more probable!!"

* The subtle [[Hypocritical Humor]] that [[Sir Swearsalot|he]] would take his child out of the ship as soon as any Klingon spoke a bad word.

* "I just wanted to go to the [[Milk Money|So'op]]!"

** "In ''[[Star Trek]]'' circles, he's simply known as...''[[Shaped Like Itself|Linkara]].''"

** The awkward pause after the diabolical (and uninterrupted) laughter.

** Also when he starts, Linkara pulls out a ''massive'' stack of papers. Makes you wonder what exactly the errors he found were.

* The Sci-Fi Guy's confusion over whether he's in this review or not:

* The Critic wondering whatever happened to the Bolian who appeared in one scene and simply vanished.

{{quote| '''Critic:''' ''[to music from [[Titanic]]]'' Who ''were'' you, Blue Man...?}}

{{quote| '''Critic:''' But [[Pocahontas|Picardahontas]]...<br />

'''Linkara:''' I would have gone with Jean-Lucagawea.<br />

* The apparently-pointless attempt at Picard's backstory being interrupted by enemy fire, and the Critic's take on it:

{{quote| "You know, this reminds me of when I was a little girl in Ala--" *''BOOM!!!''* "Whoa, what was that?!"}}

* Linkara pointing out the [[Unfortunate Implications]] of the film, as Picard had taken part in at least two forced relocations during the show, one of which was a group of Indians:

{{quote| '''Linkara:''' But hey, these are white people and not Native Americans, so it's totally different I guess!}}

* "First, we will heal patients...and then, the ''world!!'' [[Evil Laughter|MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!]]"

** "''We are not at their level; we are HEALTHYYYYYYYY!!!''"

* The sequence mocking the "look beyond the problem and focus on the solution" scene involving the Critic suggesting putting out a fire with a banana.

* In response to a terminally-ill patient's wish to wade in a swimming pool filled with noodles:

{{quote| '''Critic:''' *''awkward pause''* ...Look up Japanese porn; I'm sure you'll find [[Naughty Tentacles|something]].}}

* The Critic's utterly horrified [[Big "What?"|reaction]] to Adams' shaping the hospital doors like a vagina.

** Not to mention his actually ''[[What the Hell, Hero?|stealing from a hospital]]''.

*** ''Patch Adams: "He Steals From Hospitals!"''

** [[Spike Spencer]] {{spoiler|continues the [[Running Gag]] of torturing the Critic by planting a grenade in the Critic's pants during their animated conversation!}}

** And then {{spoiler|Uncle Yo goes by the [[Rule of Three]] by shooting him multiple times after pretending to agree with him, just to be a troll.}}

* "'''''[[Evil Sounds Deep|PONYO WANTS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!]]'''''"

** "'''''[[Large Ham|HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]'''''"

** The off-screen sounds added over a wide shot of her driving into the woods.

{{quote| "'''[[A Fish Called Wanda|ASSHOOOOLE!!!]]'''"}}

* "[[Dull Surprise|Hey Sosuke, have you seen my soul?]]"

* "Wow, he said that pretty nonchalantly. I wonder if that's a normal question to ask someone whose been to the surface."

* "I mean, I know she's using her demon powers to wipe out mankind. But still, my son and her might get along."

* The Critic is trying [[Too Soon|very, very hard]] not to reference the 2011 tsunami in Japan, at one point looking over his shoulder to find that [[Running Gag|the Elephant in the Room]] is there, just silently staring at him.

* The ending, with the Critic finally convincing the con-goers about how ''Ponyo is'' a good movie, and the fans seem mollified! {{spoiler|...Until he slips the tongue on how inferior he thinks ''[[Film/Howls Moving Castle|Howls Moving Castle]]'' is. He is once again clobbered by the angry mob. [[Soundtrack Dissonance|Over the ''Ponyo'' theme song.]]}}

** {{spoiler|Someone attacking him with a Pikachu doll at the very end.}}

** {{spoiler|Someone else attacking him with a [[Companion Cube]].}}

* "There's no time, [[Michael Bay]] it!"

** And, of course, "[[Not What It Looks Like|Here's a caption contest for you.]] See what you come up with. I'm curious."

''[Text saying "[[Luke, I Am Your Father|Father]]" with picture of [[Star Wars|Darth Vader]] appears.]''<br />

'''Critic''': --and the mother is--<br />

'''Critic''': --and the great big fancy party is happening--<br />

'''Critic:''' --and the odds of any plot device being original in this movie is--<br />

''[Text saying "Zero" with picture of [[Mega Man X|Zero]] appears.]''<br />

* The return of the Traumatic Childhood-Cure Monkey Plushie.

{{quote| "...[[I'm Going to Hell For This|I'm going to Hell]]..."}}

{{quote| *''A group of chattering apes cluster around a pillar''*<br />

'''Ape A:''' Hey guys, I totally think we should do a bit where a guy sleeps in bed with a monkey and he doesn't know it.<br />

* Playing a clip from ''[[The Critic]]'' that mocks the "mistaking a monkey for a human" scenes during Faye Dunaway's massage.

* His Reation to the [[Paper-Thin Disguise]]:

* The Critic [[Damned By Faint Praise|remarking that Rupert Everett's character is somehow more subtle]] than the Duke from ''[[Moulin Rouge]]''.

{{quote| *''Shows [[A New Hope|Death Star]] blowing up''*<br />

'''Critic:''' You did that. You.<br />

'''Critic:''' You did that. You.<br />

'''Critic:''' You did that. You. *''beat''* [[Take That|For shaaaame!]] }}

* His increasingly exasperated reaction to Peter Fonda's [[Wangst]].

{{quote| '''Fonda:''' No, you won't! Because the magic you ''refuse'' to believe in...will get the ''better'' of you!<br />

'''Critic:''' *''pause''* You know what? Go back to being depressed...I think I like you better that way. }}

* The [[Running Gag]] of the Critic wondering if trains have sperm and if they reproduce.

** "I mean, do trains have ''sperrrm??''"

** "[[Some of My Best Friends Are X|Some of my best friends are floors."]]

** "Apparently floors can fire guns. *''[[Beat]]''* I did ''not'' know that."

** Over the Channel Awesome logo, which normally plays the worst line of the reviewed movie, {{spoiler|the Critic is still chipmunk-screaming about ''Battlefield Earth''}}.

** This scene.

* The Critic confirming that Dr. Bitch Spasms is [[Killed Off for Real]]. He pauses after he mentions his name. Nothing happens, and then knows full well that the audience ''[[Tempting Fate|expected]]'' him to appear, but in reality, his corpse is still lying on the floor.

{{quote| "...I should ''really'' do something about that corpse."}}

{{quote| "There's a commentary. *''link appears''* Boom. Go listen to it. Sorry about some of the audio issues."}}

* The Critic and Douchey almost having a bonding moment...over ''incredibly'' [[Squick|unhealthy food.]]

** What, haven't you ever had sugar frosted burrito stuffed hot pockets?

* "People. I am here to make jokes. Calm the fuck ''down.''"

* The Critic commenting on the kids chosen to be Richie's friends:

{{quote| '''Critic:''' *''deep voice''* And God said unto Noah, "Bring me one of every stereotype, and you will have your crappy 90s movie," and Noah said--<br />

'''Critic:''' [[Bolt of Divine Retribution|And God struck him down with lightning]]. The End. }}

** Followed by the ending credits to ''[[The Silence of the Lambs]]'' set to the ''[[Different Strokes|Diff'rent Strokes]]'' theme.

** "Marty's Steakhouse??"

*** "''CHEW!!!''"

* His acknowledgement of the one badass moment, and the two funny lines.

* His comments on Culkin's deepening voice and how he sounds like a sped-up Sylvester Stallone.

*** [[Fridge Brilliance|Even funnier when you do research]] and {{spoiler|discover that the kid in this movie grew up to be in the Caveman show.}}

* The Critic throwing rocks at pets to see if the owners will respond with playful laughter, like in the movie. {{spoiler|They do not; instead they throw knives.}}

** '''L'''oyalty of the stock holders was at risk so they...

** '''A'''sk people around who have money, they all have...

* The Opening shtick for the review: in short, the Critic's still convinced [[Bennett the Sage|Sage]] is [[Complete Monster|The Devil]].

** It doesn't help that Sage is still wearing the cloak, too...

'''Sage:''' Oh Critic, have a little more faith in me than that. If I were to show you something from my...personal collection, it might very well kill you. And if you died, well...I'd have nobody to play with. *''[[Slasher Smile]]''* }}

* "[[The Room|Oh hai]], [''[[Star Wars]]'' character being ripped-off]!"

* The Sage telling the Critic that the company that distributed the movie to theaters also distributed [[The Garbage Pail Kids Movie]]...leading into the commercial break below.

* The Sage's creepy-as-fuck bit before the adverts, as he seems to get off on the Critic's wailing and getting out a bottle of baby cream...only to [[Subverted Trope|rub it on his arms, defensively saying he has crusty elbows]].

* Noting the main villain's name is Zygon, with references to [[Doctor Who|the Zygons]] and [[Miss Saigon]].

* After Sage starts talking about fan theories:

{{quote| '''Critic:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait...This movie has ''fans''?<br />

** [[Brainwashed|She then]] [[Brain Bleach|becomes a]] [[Sex Bot]].

* "Well, that seals it! We went from Star Wars to [[Parallel Porn Titles|Star]] ''[[Parallel Porn Titles|Whores]]'' in a matter of seconds!"

*** To explain this joke a little better, the Han Solo-Ripoff, after giving the "ass-plundering" look, she begins to struggle and he simply [[Bound and Gagged|takes a piece of tape and spreads it across her lips]] then continues with his work.

* The Critic's lackluster reaction to The Sage's review threat:

{{quote| "It looks kinda stupid and silly, but not awful. No, I'm not afraid!"<br />

"Oh, you ''will'' be..." }}

{{quote| '''Critic:''' ...[[Crowning Moment of Indifference|Cool]].}}

* Some weird robot creature crawls out of the swamp Orin found himself in. Cut to the Critic asking:

'''Sage:''' It's the eyes, isn't it?<br />

'''Critic:''' The eyes! What's up with the eyes?! }}

*** "So, [[Nightmare Fuel|my new nightmares for the week]] take Orin prisoner..."

* The Critic as Optimus Prime asking if they want to see more explosions/giant robots/racial stereotypes/hot women objectified at a convention. When he asks if anyone wants to see more Shia LaBeouf, only one person cheers.

{{quote| "All right, all right, so there ''may'' be some hope for you yet."}}

** ''Transformers 4: Explosion of the Boobs''.

{{quote| '''Critic!Prime:''' Christ, Jerry. Did you see the look on their faces when I mentioned the movie? All that misguided optimism; it's like telling a blind kid they're gonna pet a bunny when really, it's a porcupine.<br />

'''Jerry:''' Look, the product sells and you're still popular.<br />

** Cue the sound being edited into the "fake orgasm" scene from ''[[When Harry Met Sally]].''

* The list of unused Autobot names.

* Spike's new moniker of "Pussy-Pillow".

** And how he got it, trying to save Sparkplug from Rumble by punching him in the back. Rumble looks back for a full second before slapping Spike away like a fly.

* The Critic's teeth shattering from child!Mara Wilson's cuteness. Funny to some, [[Nightmare Fuel|creepy to others.]]

* The Trying Too Hard Alert.

{{quote| "FUCKING BUBBLES!!!"<br />

"And who ''is'' that guy?!" }}

** Especially the way it sounds like he's almost catatonic from pure shock, and can barely get the words out. And apparently Doug was so proud of that take that he used it twice.

* The [[Big Bad]]'s out-of-left field line involving her mirror, and the Critic's take on it:

*''silence; Azrael simply stares at him''*<br />

'''Gargamel:''' That's so weird!<br />

*''more silence''*<br />

'''Gargamel:''' Hwahahahahahahahaha!!! }}

{{quote| '''Critic:''' All right ladies, you're free to g-- *''[[The Shining|cue image of skeletons in dresses]]''* --''YIKES!!!'' *''mimes shutting the doors, looking around awkwardly''*}}

* "Oooooooh, I caused [[The Hunger Games]] to happen..."

== Alien Resurrection ==

* "Jesus, bringing people back from two hundred years ago? There are so many [[Epic Rap Battles of History|rap battles]] that could evolve from this!"

** Later, the use of [[Screams Like a Little Girl|Homer's girly-scream]] when Ripley torches one of her deformed clones.

* His "fuck you" to the movie when it does a [[Bait and Switch]] of all that shameless lesbian teasing and end up with two unattractive guys "kissing" (i.e., just touching their lips together) instead.

{{quote| '''Critic:''' ''(after alien gets sprayed down)'' Hey, you were putting the moves on HIM!}}

* The reason that one Xenomorph didn't immediately kill the crew? He was distracted by an ad he saw earlier. *''cut to commercial''*

{{quote| '''Alien B:''' I just would've liked to have seen a more in-character--<br />

*''starts getting torn apart''*<br />

*''gets torn some more''*<br />

'''Alien B:''' The Optimus Prime bit got old!<br />

{{quote| '''Critic as Purvis:''' Oh my God, I feel something about to burst out of my chest! Oh, that's strange; I have a sudden burst of energy. I want to jazzercise, let's do a little Tae Bo, HUP, it's kicking...!!<br />

*''Chestburster kills him''*<br />

** The additional [[The Stinger|stinger]].

{{quote| '''Lone Starr and Barf''': Check, please!}}

{{quote| "Let me dream!"}}

{{quote| ''"Blood and guts...slimy too...shoulda stopped...at movie two..."''}}

* When Gary Dourdan's character (the guy with dreads) shoots up at the ceiling, with the bullet ricocheting several times before penetrating one of the guards' helmets, the Critic edits the film so that the bullet bounces off the Eiffel Tower, the Pyramids of Giza, the Moon, and [[Charlie Sheen]]'s head.

== Jack ==

* When the movie begins:

'''Critic:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I meant ''wacky Halloween party!'' Whoo hoo hoo! }}

* The [[Hypocritical Humor]] of him complaining that a ten year old boy wouldn't have a doll, when he as a thirty-year old guy has a large quantity of stuffed animals. One of which we see later on in the review.

* Throwing confetti around and posing all pouty-like.

* "Dude, you're being offered the choice of not going to school. ''Take advantage of it''."

* The Critic correcting the movie on terms of cooties, saying that everyone should know they get extracted at age seven.

* Bill Cosby. That is all.

{{quote| '''Bill Cosby''': This house is falling faster than my movie career.<br />

== Heavy Metal ==

* The Critic's inital response to seeing [[Diamanda Hagan]].

{{quote| "Anyway, if it's one of the women on the site, I'm sure that I looking for a nice-looking piece of-- *''sees Diamanda''* FUCK!!! Good God, oh sweet Jesus, don't hurt me!!"<br />

* The Critic's denial that he has a crush on [[Jesu Otaku]].

** Along with him implying [[Ho Yay]] between [[Familiar Faces|CR]] and [[Phelous]].

** When the girl Den rescues says she will give him any part of her he desires:

{{quote| '''Critic!John Candy of Gor''': [[Third Person Person|John Candy of Gor]] [[Literal Minded|likes your eyes]].<br />

* Diamanda's references to incredibly obscure sleazy movies, none of which the Critic even acknowledges.

* When the Loc-Nar falls from space towards the WWII bombers.

'''Critic:''' You saw that?<br />

'''Hagan:''' ''Someone'' had to! }}

* This exchange after seeing a [[Mad Scientist]]:

{{quote| '''Hagan''': [[Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?|Are you thinking what I'm thinking?]]<br />

'''Hagan''': I was thinking about [[The Spoony Experiment|Insano]]...<br />

'''Critic''': Oh, yeah, Insano. ''([[Beat]])'' [[Comically Missing the Point|How can]] ''[[Comically Missing the Point|he]]'' [[Comically Missing the Point|get Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Batman outfit?]] }}

{{quote| '''Critic:''' It's like if, in a ''Popeye'' movie, they started off with a cartoon in the original voice, but then suddenly cut to someone completely different.<br />

''[[Imagine Spot|*harp glissando*]]''<br />

* Calling a woman's hat a halfway iris-out.

{{quote| "Eh, WTFsauce?!?"}}

** And before that, the Critic's outraged reaction at Toblowsky 'hn'-ing Hudson.

* When the female thief tricks Magoo into kissing a fish, he wonders if the fish's family is happy knowing where his body went.

'''Critic!Magoo:''' Well, okay, if it insists! *''humps the chicken, a "BA-CAW!" sound is heard''* }}

* "You've just been Hud!!"

* When the movie says the female thief kills all her male accomplices and nobody has been able to finger (identify) her, the Critic responds "They die before they can finger her?", leading into a David Letterman cutaway to commercial.

** After the commercial, he still continues to pretend he's David Letterman only to say: "What the fuck am I doing? Back to the movie!"

* The Critic's reactions to the eggplant vehicle, including taking a shot of alcohol to do a [[Spit Take]], a [[Big "What?"]] and:

* Mr. Magoo's hastily scribbled chest tattoo is rendered almost illegible by the change in screen resolution, forcing the Critic to stare ''very'' hard to get a close look. [[Fan Disservice|He's not happy about it]].

* When Linda is making off with the ruby:

* [[Hot Fuzz|The Greater Good]].

* His nitpick with ''22 Short Films About Springfield'', about how it randomly cuts to the commercials instead of working it into the script. Cue commercial break!

{{quote| '''Critic:''' You know what? You're a god-damned ''elephant!!''}}