Police Are Useless: Difference between revisions

* ''[[DJINN: The Way to Home|DJINN Way to Home]]'' Dee has this thoughts in spades. However [[Justified Trope|she has good reasons not to trust most police officers.]]

* [[Legolas By Laura (Fanfic)|legolas by laura]]: Technically they're not police, but the guards - sorry, ''gards'' - assigned to protect Laura are thoroughly useless. As described by the [[PPC]]:

"And by that time, [[You Fail Geography Forever|the orcs have apparently already returned to Mordor]]. I think we can safely assume that all the characters have gone insane." }}

** Al is the exception. And John McClane IS a cop. Otherwise...

** Probably the worst instance is in the first film, where John's quite rational radio call about the hostage situation is dismissed as a prank for no reason at all.

'''John McClane:''' ''No fucking shit, lady! Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?!'' }}

** This is somewhat averted with the portrayal of the New York City Police Department in ''Die Hard with a Vengeance''.

** Also London's police department. They pretty much throw Nicholas out for making the rest of them look bad, {{spoiler|and then beg him to come back in the end, when they realize that the crime rates are going up in his absence.}}

* In ''[[War Games]]'' the FBI is sure that Lightman is a criminal:

** In all fairness, he ''did'' hack into a national defense computer & immediately fired up the ICBM software. You can understand the mistake.

* In ''[[The Goonies]]'', Chunk calls the police to report a dead body and gang of thieves they discovered. The police instantly dismiss his claims, though granted [[Crying Wolf|Chunk was a constant liar and already had a reputation for calling the police over false and fantastical claims]].

** With the U.S., it's a gray area-in some cases he's working with Leitner and the CIA and his actions are sanctioned, in others (like ''[[Licence to Kill]]'') he's operating without authorization.

* ''[[Manos: The Hands of Fate|Manos the Hands of Fate]]'' may be one of the most credibility-stretching examples. The police, who spend most their time harassing a young couple at [[Make-Out Point]], finally hear a gunshot fired by the protagonists, who are being chased through the desert by an insane cult. The cops don't get four feet away from their car before giving up and deciding that the gun was probably fired somewhere in Mexico and that it doesn't concern them.

* ''[[The 6th Day]]'', like ''[[The Simpsons]]'', combines this with [[For Inconvenience Press One]]. The system's voice-activated, and the answer to each question is an increasingly annoyed "Yes." The last straw is when answering that there's a direct and current threat to someone's safety still doesn't connect the hero to a human being.

* Showcased in the idiotic [[Jennifer Lopez]] movie ''[[Enough]]''. As one review put it, ''"I wonder how exactly the judge would word his ruling. 'While it is true that your husband [[Domestic Abuse|has beaten you]] and that you have produced three separate and unrelated groups of reputable witnesses from around the country who say that he has committed at least a dozen serious felonies, including threatening to murder six different people, the mother of his child among them, I rule that custody goes to the father and furthermore proclaim that [[Screw the Rules, I Have Money|he shall not be prosecuted for these crimes because he is rich]]. Even though J-Lo is now rich too, via her father. I just hate women. And children. [[Evil Laugh|Bwoohahahahahaha']]"''

* The police in ''[[Incompetence]]'', as the book's title suggests, are completely useless. Examples include an officer suffering from "Non-Specific Stupidity" who manages to handcuff himself while arresting a suspect, a food safety officer who brings SWAT teams on restaurant inspections and a police captain with anger management problems so severe that he opens fire at the pavement when told to calm down. The one police officer shown to display any form of competence is said to have zero promotion prospects due to this fact.

* in ''Goose Girl''Ani/Isi is snatched off the streets during the festival and the King's Soldiers, who are there, don't do squat. Later she points this out:

* In ''[[The Inkworld Trilogy]]'', Meggie and her aunt go to the police, but the police refuse to come. Also subverted, when one of the police turns out to be employed by the [[Big Bad]]. ''Precisely'' one cop, who is able to hide the illegal activities of ''a town'', which include regularly kidnapping people.

* In the ''[[Children of the Red King]]'' series, the police appear occasionally, but there's not really anything they can do about say, a murder committed by a 300 year old magically animated sword. Generally, they just ignore it and hope the endowed people can solve their own problems.

* In ''[[Ghost Trick]]'', the police mean well and do their best to figure out what's going on, but most still are pretty incompetent. Granted a lot of their confusion stems from the fact that there's ghostly activities going on, but the detective Lynne is still quick to point out particularly bad performances (for example, the one cop failing to notice a very suspicious notebook ''right in front of him'', or realize that if the suspect tries to phone for someone, it's best to notify a higher-up). Lynne herself is the only cop to take on a difficult case to save a fellow officer from death row {{spoiler|or so we think}}, but she still manages to die {{spoiler|five times}} (to be fair, she does put herself in danger mainly to protect others) and Sissel comments that her job as a detective doesn't look long, when she says she has trouble remembering names and faces. Inspector Cabanela, meanwhile, seems to be very laid-back and has a tendency to randomly do Michael Jackson-inspired dance moves, but still has a "natural genius" for investigating {{spoiler|and is secretly putting vast amounts of time and research into clearing his friend's name}}. Inspector Jowd, meanwhile, is pretty [[Badass]], but spends most of the first part of the game in prison. There's also the matter of [[My Greatest Failure|his greatest failure]]...{{spoiler|which set the entire plot of the game into motion.}}

* ''[[Sonic Adventure 2]]''

* [[Payday: The Heist]]: An average of 130+ Police Officers, SWAT Units, and FBI Agents versus 4 Armed Robbers, guess who comes out on top?

* In [[World of Warcraft]], some guards will try to take out enemies that come too close. Most are much stronger than the players in the area, but the guards at Sentinel Hill will stand around for ages whacking at gnolls that the player characters can kill with two hits. And then some won't do anything at all, even if the player leads an enemy right to them.

** Chick marries the new boyfriend? How dare she! He gets killed by supervillain? Declare ''her'' an outlaw and put ''her'' in jail! And jail anyone ''remotely'' sympathetic to her cause! Give award to supervillain.

* ''[[Daisy Owl]]'' [http://www.daisyowl.com/comic/2008-07-14 tackles this one]:

'''Daisy:''' Yeah, sure. And then we can have ice cream with a nice lady from the DSS. And she'll ask us why Daddy's not home, and why he's an owl, and [[Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal|why he doesn't wear pants]], ''and so on''. }}

* In ''[[Sluggy Freelance]]'' the two-man police force in Podunkton actively discourages people from reporting crimes. Deputy Edsel is a straight example, whose first response in the face of an emergency is to say, "[http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=061120 Somebody should call the police!]" Officer Tod, however, is actually quite skilled, but he prefers to just let [[Vigilante Man|Oasis]] chop criminals into little pieces, while he gets paid for doing absolutely nothing.

** When he and the other officers witness a brainwashed Bart vandalizing a Krusty shaped drive-thru speaker with a baseball bat while Sideshow Bob is standing next to him screaming "'''Yes'''! Kill Krusty like you will ''kill him tomorrow''!", Wiggum merely comments how nice it is that Bart is using a wooden bat instead of an aluminum one (as well as giving a subtle [[Take That]] to then-recently elected [[George W. Bush]]). And then gets side tracked by a mini pinball toy in Lou's Krusty Meal.

** When Maggie gets a hold of the car, this is Wiggum's reaction:

** After hearing what he thinks is an approaching Biker Gang, a scared Wiggum orders the Patrol Car to be disguised as a Pizza Delivery Car. As a [[Take That]] to [[Dominos Pizza]], he used ''their'' logo as means to be sure the "gang" wouldn't want any pizza they might have (an [[Affectionate Parody]], since [[Dominos Pizza]] sponsor the show).

** In another episode, in an effort to stop immigration into Springfield, he and Eddie set up a checkpoint on the road, but Wiggum was too lazy to capture any of them, and couldn't even capture the one that ''crawled through his legs''.

** Wiggum to Marge: ''"I'm gonna tell you what I've told everyone who walked through those doors: the police are powerless to help you"''. And Later in that episode when the police arrest Marge: ''[[Exact Words|"I said the police are powerless to '''HELP''' you, not to punish you."]]''

** In the episode where Mr Burns and Homer steal the trillion dollar bill:

'''Wiggum:''' Eh, that really was more of a burgundy. }}

** When pursuing a getaway vehicle, he identifies it as a "red...car?" and gives his location as "on a road."

** Another time the 911 operator refuses to send an ambulance to the Simpson house because of all the prank calls made in the past. "Simpson? Look, we’ve already been out there tonight for a sister-ectomy, a case of severe butt rot and a leprechaun bite. How dumb do you think we are? "

** And yet another time, Springfield's 911 system is shown to be a [[For Inconvenience Press One|needlessly complex phone-tree menu]].

"You have chosen "Regicide". If you know the name of the King or Queen being murdered, press 1. <click> }}

** Similarly, the official SFPD Website has the following trap:

"You have selected "No", which means you have committed a crime but do not want to confess, a police van is now ''speeding'' to your location" }}

** The Springfield jail is shown to work on the "honor system".

* Used in a brief throwaway gag in the ''[[Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon "The Stupor Salesman", A bank robber blows by a parked police car with two officers in it, both of whom are fast asleep.

* Done in ''[[Rocky and Bullwinkle]]'' when the World Economic Council calls the police when Boris and Natasha escape with a truck load of counterfeit boxtops.

'''Officer:''' One question? How do you make a "B"? }}

* Justified in the ''[[Venture Brothers]]'' episode ''The Trial of The Monarch'', in that the police, in exchange for substantial funding, refuse to acknowledge any criminal activity of the Guild of Calamitous Intent, and do not respond to any emergency calls regarding them.

* On ''[[Family Guy]]'', Stewie reports the theft of his tricycle to the police. Since no adults understand the talking Stewie, the cop says, "Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute? Where's your mommy?" The cop says the exact same thing to when a man shows up to turn himself in when he has a dismembered Baltic hooker bleeding through the tarp in his trunk.

** In the episode "Screams of Silence", Joe invokes a [[Take That]] at the [[Truth in Television|real life legal limitations of police when it comes to domestic abuse]]:

'''Joe''': Sorry, Quagmire, police policy; we can't step in until it's too late. }}

** The page image is from a joke ''[[Family Guy]]'' did about the cop show ''[[CHiPs]]'', where Erik Estrada's character Ponch is hitting on a woman and ignoring a violent gunfight and a truck carrying cocaine passing behind him.