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* Most of Kirk Lazarus', which would be trite/offensive if he actually ''were'' a black guy, become hilarious because he ''isn't''. His speech when [[N-Word Privileges|Alpa Chino says the n-word]], the line "[[Ho Yay|Everyone turns gay at some point! This is Hollywood!]]" and the exchange:
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'''Alpa Chino''': What do ''you'' mean, 'you people?' }}
** There's this one:
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'''Rick Peck''': A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker! }}
*** Made better because Peck then immediately starts telling Speedman what to do to- something which involves [[Disposing of a Body|"bleach" and "lots and lots of lye."]]
** And this one:
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[pause]
'''Tugg Speedman:''' ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
'''Kirk Lazarus:''' Damn!
'''Tugg Speedman:''' In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.
'''Kirk Lazarus:''' To be a moron.
'''Tugg Speedman:''' Yeah!
'''Kirk Lazarus:''' To be moronical.
'''Tugg Speedman:''' Exactly, to be a moron.
'''Kirk Lazarus:''' An imbecile.
'''Tugg Speedman:''' Yeah!
'''Kirk Lazarus:''' Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
'''Tugg Speedman:''' [pause] When I was playing the character. }}
* It's got to be when Kirk finishes off his words of wisdom to Tugg on acting with:
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* "Let's go. We only have sixteen hours before they wake up."
* As hilarious as Kirk Lazarus was, the film's ''Crowning'' Moment of Funny comes near the end of the final action scene: Tugg Speedman, escaping from the drug cartel, with a toddler he tried to adopt hanging off his back ''repeatedly stabbing him with a knife'', finally gets fed up and ''[[Refuge in Audacity|throws the toddler off the bridge into the river]]'', emphasized by the fantastic midair [[Everything's Better with Spinning|cartwheels]] he sent the kid into. [[Infant Immortality|The kid, amazingly enough, survives, too]], and looks none the worse for wear - merely extremely pouty - so you don't even have to feel bad about the horrific child abuse!
* Kirk Lazarus as Lincoln Osiris as a Peasant Farmer showing the leader of Flaming Dragon exactly where his farm is.
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* Near the end, when Tugg is in shellshock, it cuts to [[Jack Black]] screaming, "MY ASS! MY ASS!"
* The entire movie was a CMOF (well, [[Your Mileage May Vary|for some]]), but special mention goes to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4io9Ehi96Y Les Grossman].
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* "They're not jelly beans."
** "I know."
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* "Your mother's a cankerous whore!!! Hey, remember that time I called your mother a cankerous whore? I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
* Lazarus attempting to convince Speedman of his true identity:
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'''Speedman''': It's me, Tugg.
'''Lazarus''': That's right! Now Tugg who?!
'''Speedman''': Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
'''Lazarus''': Me?! '''I KNOW WHO I AM'''! I'm a dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude! You a dude that don't know what dude he is!
'''Speedman''': Or are you the dude who has no idea what dude he is and claims to know what dude he is by playing other dudes? }}
* The scene by the river.
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** Followed shortly by:
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'''Lazarus''': "''Suck'' my unit.'' }}
* "WHAT YOU GETTIN' AT WITH THE BOOK-SCRIPT?! SPIT THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!"
** Even better is the delighted grin just after he's said it.
* This exchange between Lazarus and Alpa Chino:
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'''Lazarus''': (''stops smiling'') Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
'''Alpa Chino''': I just wanna throw another shrimp on your barby.
'''Lazarus''': That shit ain't funny.
'''Alpa Chino''': I'm just messin' with you, [[Kangaroo Jack]]. I'm so sorry a dingo ate your baby!
'''Lazarus''': Y'know, that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You 'bout to cross some fuckin' lines! }}
* "You Australian! Be Australian!"
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* The dialogue in the [[Fake Action Prologue]] which is so cheesy it's a wonder the book became a movie.
*
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'''Kevin''': How do we cover him? }}
* At the end of the movie, when {{spoiler|Tugg wins the "Best Actor" Oscar}}, the look on Jon Voight's face (and what he's obviously saying under the crowd noise) is a gem.
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