Polish the Turd: Difference between revisions

[[File:GoldPoo01.jpg|link=Solid Gold Poop|right]]

 

'''[[Stanley Kubrick]]''': Sure you can. You just have to freeze it first.|Apocryphal conversation in an editing studio}}

 

* Claim [[What Do You Mean It's Not for Kids?|it's for kids]]. Especially useful for genre novels.

* [[Fan Service|Babes]]. Put a hot girl in front of a product and you've got a winner. For both sexes.

'''Female:''' "Hey, if I buy that shampoo, I'll have a great body like hers!" }}

** Conversely, in visual media, [[Walking Shirtless Scene|buff men]].

'''Female:''' "He's hot." }}

* [[Crunchtastic|Euphemize, euphemize, euphemize!]] You're not selling a movie ticket, you're selling [[Stock Review Phrases|a riveting, thought-provoking cinematic Tour de Force that will leave you on the edge of your seat!]]<ref>By which we mean it will rivet your jaw open in disbelief; the thoughts it will provoke are "what a terrible movie", "what an incredibly shitty movie", and "No. Just...no."; it's a a tour de force of incredible crap; and it will leave you on the edge of your seat vomiting into your still-full bag of popcorn.</ref> It's not selling white bread, it's potassium-bromate-treated, high-energy LactoFlour produced as per the ancestral Babylonian recipe transmitted from father to son over five millennia (complete with [[All-Natural Snake Oil|all-natural]] Microflora-based leavening agents!), guaranteed to fuel your body for up to eight hours!<ref>By which we mean it's plastic we left in a warehouse in Iraq in 1952 and only just now managed to retrieve thanks to the war. It was in one of Saddam's abandoned nuclear research facilities, so it's technically full of energy. Also, it's been growing mold. ''Bon appetit''.</ref> It's not calorie-laden, it's a great source of energy!<ref>By which we mean that a calorie is a unit of energy--which it is. Not actually being smartasses this time.</ref>