Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines/Funny: Difference between revisions

** The Malkavian conversation with a stop sign remains one of this troper's favorite in the game. "No, you stop!"

** The best moment for the Malkavian player character option is probably listening to the various television sets' news reports. If you've played the game on normal mode, you may be surprised to hear the newscaster suddenly start addressing you or talking like a Looney Tunes character in his usual deadpan Ted Baxter-esque voice.

'''Anchor''': Los Angeles citizens were left shocked today following a vicious gun battle between the LAPD...and you. They were all like, "BANG! BANG! Ya filthy varment!", and you were all like "POW! POW! Oooh, you wascaly wabbit! You got me!" }}

** The fact that most Kindred seem seriously ''annoyed'' that they have to deal with a Malkavian. Bertram's response is a classic example:

** LaCroix's "uh-huh" reaction when you give him the bullet point summary of all the horrible things you've encountered in Santa Monica like ghosts, Thin-Bloods, serial killers, and worse.

** Venus' reaction to your "confession" ("When the Dream Creature waves, sometimes I wave back!") is pretty similar, and arguably even funnier:

** The abuses for Dementation are just horrible (and horribly funny). While some, like making Chuck feel worthless are kinda sad, most of them are just plain [[Crazy Awesome]].

** Two such examples take place in Hollywood. How do you get that loud and obnoxious critic to write a bad review for a restaurant? Get him to think he's eating maggots! How to get Samantha off your back when she recognizes you? Make her think you're her pet turtle that she flushed down the toilet long ago!

'''PC:''' It's like being a walking house that eats lettuce. }}

** There's another great moment of [[Video Game Cruelty Potential]] that is also just damn HILARIOUS. When Heather the Ghoul brings home a guy, you can cause him to go to the police and shout "I have a gun, piggies!" It causes a loss of humanity but it's tempting given the guy threatened your sweet but bugnuts servant.

** You can also deal with Milligan (the TV host in Pisha's lair) by making him fall in love with the moon! (Not sure if it lets you do her fetch quest, though...)

** How do you get past Officer Chunk? ''Make him realise that his life is a joke.''

*** You can also get him to go to The Asylum and dance the night away. It's less mean. Also, it's funnier.

** The Malkavian ability to know secrets no one else should know allows you to screw with people in some truly hilarious ways. Ming-Xiao is a perfect example as she waxes on and on about how Cainites are inferior. However, you can call her on her [[Fantastic Racism]] by mentioning the Yama Kings, the demonic Hell gods that are always threatening to eat Kuejin souls.

*** Not to mention when you instinctively know Velvet Velour's real name.

** Just about all of the Malkavian quotes.

*** "Do you rage against the machine?"

*** "I will invade this orifice."

** Heather the ghoul is sweet, adorable and eager to please and, if the player character is a Malkavian...absolutely nuts. The part where she went fishing and brought her catch home for you because you might like to dine in is priceless, as is the mild horror of the Malkavian at having a breach of the Masquerade in their bathroom. "You stay. Sit. Be good."

'''Malkavian''': [[Rapid-Fire "No"|No no no no no]]... fish travel in schools! }}

** Making the guy at the blood bank go [[Laughing Mad]] after having denied you any future blood. After spending several dialogue options just laughing his ass off, he soundly recovers and asks the player what the hell they were talking about, after which the player will be able to buy blood from the guy like nothing ever happened in the first place.

* Chunk. Female PC. Clueless admirer. "Security teddy bear", anyone? Half the comedy comes from the knowledge that if she could, your character would reach through the monitor and ''kill'' you for what you're putting her through.

* Alistair Grout's musings on the superstition of the Camarilla.

** Grout also complains about his Ghoul test subjects, most of whom are incredibly uncooperative due to being exposed to debilitating Malkavian blood and/or the finest in pre-freudian psychology techniques:

* Many of the radio ads count, but the [[Insane Troll Logic]] heavy political ads really take the cake:

'''Announcer''': ''[sinister music]'' Democratic Candidate Micheal Rebbins recently sued Senator Robert Thorne for accusing Rebbins of being a murderous child pornographer. But Rebbins had previously said he was against clogging up courts with frivolous lawsuits. Wouldn't this make him a hypocrite? Would you want a hypocrite as your next Congressman? Would you want your children to become hypocrites? ''[upbeat music]'' Vote for Republican Senator Robert Thorne! A candidate ''not'' accused of being a murderous child pornographer! }}

* One of the more interesting weapons to use for a stealth kill in the game is the baseball bat - when your character uses it, the sound effect that plays afterwards is a crowd cheering.

* Not sure if you only get this if you're a Malkavian, but-

* Persuading [[The Renfield|Vandal]] to sell you blood by telling him a story of violence and death from your [[Multiple Choice Past]], and his reaction:

* The drug dealer's introduction:

* [[Honest John's Dealership|Fat Larry's]] introduction:

** His immediate response to a Malkavian is to insist he doesn't sell "that stuff" anymore. The Malkavian reply:

* If you initially refuse to cooperate in the Fu Syndicate while playing as a Malkavian, the voices actually say "You're in for it now..."

** Also, when [[Dragon Lady|Ming Xiao]] offers you tea, the voices say "Try the free arsenic..."

* "Wow... bet you're glad that thing didn't have tentacles, huh?"

* The museum mission briefing adds this little gem if you're playing a low-Humanity character:

'''LaCroix:''' ''None''. }}

* One of the 'sins' you can confess to Venus is 'voted Republican'. She sarcastically notes that she's not sure what she can do to wash away ''that'' sin.

* Just about anytime [[Deadpan Snarker|Beckett]] speaks. It is amazing how he manages to make every line sounds sarcastic, even when he clearly didn't mean to.

** And there are many intentionally sarcastic remarks that's truly funny:

'''Beckett''': Actually, there were two hunters on the roof of the building opposite the hotel who were positively delighted to tell me everything they knew - provided I stop dangling them headfirst over the side. }}

** ''(About what's in the Sarcophagus)''

* Sneaking into the Santa Monica warehouse let's you listen in on this little conversation

'''Second Guy''': Order a pizza, ORDER A PIZZA? Where they gonna deliver it, numbnuts? Thirteen abandoned warehouse full of kill on sight hot heads way? }}

* The anarch and independent endings, provided you kept your Humanity up. {{spoiler|1=Karmic retribution on LaCroix?}} Good. {{spoiler|Karmic retribution that gives him just enough time to watch his aspirations turn to ash before blowing him sky-high without you having to lift a finger?}} Better. {{spoiler|1=Karmic retribution that you realize [[Xanatos Roulette|has been set up before the plot even started]], has spent the entire plot getting to its rightful recipient, and comes complete with a send-off note with a smily face on it that makes LaCroix [[Laughing Mad|crow like a madman]]?}} ''Hilarious''.