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** Averted with [http://www.theonion.com/video/extremely-wired-tim-duncan-explodes-for-50-points,27866/ Doc and Kenny], who [http://www.theonion.com/video/insecure-miami-heat-cant-figure-out-who-garnett-ca,28450/ came back] a couple months later with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages.
* [[Knight in Sour Armor]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays Three Deaths]
* [[LampshadedIf DoubleYou EntendreKnow What I Mean]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-mannings-wife-tired-of-his-constant-audible,5043 Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage']".
* [[Lethal Diagnosis]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27808 Lackluster Marriage Enlivened By Cancer Scare]".
* [[Let's See You Do Better]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/well_you_try_to_reconstruct_iraq 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.]"
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