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George Washington: Difference between revisions
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[[Memetic Badass|He is also twelve stories high and made of radiation. Okay, not really.]]
On the other hand he was genuinely [[Immune to Bullets]]. Really. During Braddock's disastrous defeat every other officer was killed or wounded. Washington had horses shot out from under him and later found bullet holes in his clothes but remained untouched. On another occasion he rode between two lines of firing militia men - in a friendly fire incident - and was at least once caught between the lines during the Revolution, always without ill effect.
And the one time a British sniper caught him unarmed, at close range, with only one guard. Washington just turned and went the other way, and the sniper couldn't bring himself to shoot a man who could so calmly face death. It's said that an Indian leader who led the attack that saw only Washington uninjured had said that Washington "is the particular favorite of Heaven, and who can never die in battle." Eerie as all heck. Although given how he died in real life (by slowly choking to death, probably either of diphtheria or a tonsillar abscess) he might have preferred a quick bullet.
Still, he did enjoy the battlefield for as long as he did, he once wrote to his brother of one of his battles saying "I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets."<ref>When he caught news of this, King George II the last British monarch to lead troops in battle, reportedly remarked that Washington's attitude would change if he'd heard a few more. But his grandson George III [[Cracked.com|didn't win the war]], so [http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time_p4.html fuck him]].</ref>
Washington had also established his own spy ring during the Revolution and even used double agents to help him in his Battle of Trenton. Washington has also become a bit more popular due to Kenneth C. Davis's ''Don't Know Much About History'', in which he paints a picture of Washington as "the plain-spoken frontiersman, not the marbleized demigod" of Weems' stories. In particular, Davis recounts an anecdote told by General Henry "Ox" Knox. In Washington's boat on the night of the Trenton crossing, Knox was 6'3" and 280lbs, making him a large man even by modern standards. As Washington got into the boat, he nudged Knox with his boot and said "[[Crowning Moment of Funny|Shift that fat ass, Harry. But slowly, or you'll swamp the damned boat."]]
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{{tropelist|Tropes related to G.W.:}}
* [[Call to Agriculture]]: His farms on Mount Vernon.
* [[Cincinnatus]]: Refusing kingship of the United States on moral as well as pragmatic grounds (Washington had no heirs, for one). When King George heard about this, he said, "If true, then he is [[Worthy Opponent|the greatest man in the world]]."
* [[Definitely Just a Cold]]: Plagued by a chronic malaria that he caught during his war days. On the eve of his death, Washington shrugged off a "trifling" sore throat.
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* In the ''Masters of Horror'' episode "The Washingtonians," Washington and his descendants are revealed to be cannibals, though its more of a "campy and ridiculous" sort of horror than a real scary one. (Note that the real Washington was probably sterile.)
* In one of the [[Animorphs]]' [[Timey-Wimey Ball|many time travel adventures]], at one point they're sent back to the Revolutionary War, just as Washington's about to cross the Delaware. Marco steals George's spare boots because his feet are cold. {{spoiler|His friend Jake later gets shot in the head, prompting the first major timeline divergence in the series.}}
* The cartoon ''[[Time Squad]]'' always portrayed Washington as [[The Cape (trope)]] whenever he appeared... except for the episode that opened with him [[All Your Base Are Belong to Us|going on a psychotic rampage in the Squad's space station]]. (It was an [[Unwinnable Training Simulation]], simulating what would happen if they dropped [[The Masquerade]] for him.)
* Highly ambiguous character in the ''[[Illuminatus]]'' trilogy.
* Appears in Thomas Pynchon's Mason & Dixon. As a fellow surveyor he talks shop with the protagonists before they set out to draw their Line. Then, Pynchon being Pynchon, the three of them test out Mt. Vernon's latest hemp crop, leading to dancing on the porch while Martha fetches in the munchies.
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