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{{quote| '''Sam Stone:''' ''[to the kidnappers]'' What do I have to do? Put a gun in your hand, aim and pull your finger down, you spineless wimp?! ''{{[[[Crowning Moment of Funny]] cue Ken sagging in defeat}}]'' I dare you to kill her! ''[hangs up]'' Now ''that'' oughta do it!}}
 
A modern update of O Henry's ''The Ransom Of Red Chief'', and the first traditional, non-[[Rapid -Fire Comedy]] by Zucker Abrahams Zucker. Businessman Sam Stone (Danny DeVito) and his wife Barbara (Bette Midler) are married, but he hates her, having married her only for her money. In fact, Sam has decided to murder Barbara for her inheritance. But before he can kill her, she gets kidnapped by a nice young married couple, Sandy and Ken Kessler (Helen Slater and Judge Reinhold), who are trying to recoup the money Sam made off of an idea he stole from them. Unfortunately, they're not very good at the kidnapping thing, and fail to be the [[Title Drop|ruthless people]] they should be. Sam does everything they tell him not to (like calling the cops), so they will kill Barbara like they threatened to. She ends up being "marked down" several times, but he refuses to pay. Meanwhile Sam's mistress, Carol Dodsworth (Anita Morris), and her other boyfriend, Earl Mott (Bill Pullman), try to blackmail Sam for the murder of Barbara, which hasn't even happened... yet...
 
Confused yet? Well don't worry, it all [[It Makes Sense in Context|makes sense when you see it]]. The "drama" is all [[Played for Laughs]] to make for a very funny movie which features attack dogs, an accidental extortion of the area police chief, a seemingly-unrelated [[Serial Killer]], and quite possibly the stupidest person on the face of the earth (Bill Pullman, in his hilarious first movie role).
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* [[The Eighties]]: Dear Lord, yes. Especially the fashions.
{{quote| '''Earl:''' ''(seeing his fish)'' [[Miami Vice|Crockett and Tubbs]]... they're floatin'! }}
* [[Et Tu, Brute?]]: "My tux. My silk tux. Et tu, Adolf? Et tu?"
* [[Evil Redhead]]: Carol plans to blackmail Sam, although she's otherwise not that villainous.
* [[Fat Suit]]: Bette Midler wears one for pre-captured Barbara.
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'''Ken:''' The men's club? <br />
'''Barbara:''' Mmm. The San Quentin Country Club. With a cute little rear end like that, you'll be the belle of the ball. [[Prison Rape|Your dance card'll be filled every day.]] You'll be so popular, making all kinds of new, close friends. Big, ugly, hairy friends! Not that you'll ever see what they look like, 'cause you'll be facing the other way. <br />
'''Ken:''' [[Shut UP, Hannibal|You're very good at this.]] [[Deadpan Snarker|You should write children's books.]] }}
* [[For the Evulz]]: Sam loves wrong phone numbers.
{{quote| '''Sam:''' Hello? Debbie? Yeah, Debbie's here, who's this? Well, Ralph, uh, Debbie can't talk right now, my dick's in her mouth. How about if I have her call you back later when I'm done? ''(hangs up)'' I love wrong numbers.}}
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** She also does it once or twice to Ken when trying to escape.
* [[Heel Face Turn]]: Of a sort; Barbara isn't exactly a villain, but she is a pretty horrible person at the beginning of the movie. Spending time with the Kesslers, however, and losing weight has an improving effect on her personality and she gradually becomes a much nicer person.
* [[Hey ItsIt's That Guy]]: [[Independence Day|President Whitmore]] with a bad blond dye job as "perhaps the stupidest person on the face of the earth."
** [[Millers Crossing|Eddie Dane]] is the Bedroom Killer.
* [[Home Porn Movie]]: This is what the "evidence tape" turns out to be.
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* [[Most Definitely Not a Villain]]: Ken and Sandy.
* [[Nice Guy]]: Ken, who refuses to force people to buy the biggest speakers in the store, and even ''tells'' them how the store rips people off with them by overpricing. At one point, Ken, infuriated at being manipulated into dropping the ransom ''again'' by Sam, decided to be "ruthless" and force a kid barely out of school into buying the expensive speakers even though he can't afford it ("That's the beauty of it. If you can't afford it, fuckin' finance it! Who cares if it's as big as Subaru and costs twice as much, you'll never have to upgrade it and when you die you can be buried in 'em!"), but when he sees said kid has a pregnant wife, he backs off and suggests the bargain speakers again. [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|Dawwwwwww...]]
* [[One Dialogue, Two Conversations]]: ''Constantly.'' Sam talks about the kidnapping but Carol thinks he's talking about the murder he had planned. Carol thinks she's talking about evidence that proves Sam killed his wife but Chief Benton thinks he's being blackmailed into arresting an innocent man. Sam talks about having rough sex but Carol thinks he's threatening to torture and kill her.
* [[Only Sane Man]]: Ken often comes across as this.
* [[Pity the Kidnapper]]: Just at first.
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