Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Season 1

Diplomatic Immunity [1.9]

[Jack, Sue, Bobby and Levi (Sue's hearing dog) are in a car. Jack is driving.]
Bobby: I thought you knew where the British Embassy was.
Jack: I do. It's right around the corner.
Bobby: That's what you said three laps ago.
Sue: Just look at the map.
Bobby: Don't do it. Not worth the humility.
Jack: Real men don't need maps.
Sue: Oh give it to me. I don't have the "male map phobia" gene.

Darcy D'Angelo (Bobby's girlfriend): Don't fill up on pizza. Bobby's cooking. He's been working on a wonderful recipe for Rock Cornish Hen.
Jack: [incredulously] Bobby's what?
Myles: [Quietly, to Lucy] This is the man who told me he wanted to move the stove out of the kitchen to make room for a pinball machine.

Dirty Bomb [1.10]

Lucy: How do you do it?
Sue: How do I Do what?
Lucy: You look so refreshed! You were here when I left last night for thirty minutes of tossing and turning on an incredibly uncomfortable Bureau-issued cot. When I got back you were still here.
Myles: Well, the noise doesn't bother her so she probably takes catnaps.
Lucy: Myles! That is the most-!
Myles: Oh, save it. [He leaves]
Sue: It's true, I do take catnaps. But I tell Levi they're "dognaps". Right, Levi?

[Myles is watching a terrorist be interrogated]
Bobby: How's it goin'?
Myles: When they were handing out the "evil gene" this guy must've been fighting to get to the front of the line up.

Lucy: [to Sue] That's a man for you: the world's coming to an end and he's scalping tickets.

He Said, She Said [1.16]

[Dimitrius and Bobby attempted to fix the air conditioning which would not turn off, however they ended breaking it]
Lucy: [to Dimitrius] Whatever you've done to the heating system, please undo it. There are only so many layers of clothing one can remove without violating the dress code.

Season 2

The Girl Who Signed Wolf [2.1]

Myles: I'm Einstein with a gun. Boston born, Harvard educated, S.W.A.T. trained Myles Leland... III. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a country to save.

The Sniper [2.2]

[Sue has come directly from a formal gala to the crime scene and is wearing an elegant dress]
Myles: If I had known this was going to be a formal crime scene I would have dressed for the occasion.
Dimitrius: You wouldn't have looked like that.

The Newlywed Game [2.4]

[The team has just discovered that Sue and Jack are going undercover as a married couple. The team enters]
Lucy: And here they are, the newlyweds, now.
[The team begins to throw confetti on Jack and Sue]
Tara: Ah, to be young, and in love.
Jack: I'm always amazed at how quick word travels in this building...
Dimitrius: It's the FBI, the walls have ears.
Bobby: Speaking of ears, hear that clanging, Sparky? That's the sound of your your ball and chain. [Winks at Sue]
[Myles enters]
Myles: What happened?
Tara: You missed it. Jack and Sue got married.
Myles: I went out for a tuna sandwich, how long was I gone?

[Myles, Bobby and Dimitrius are undercover as movers helping Jack and Sue move into their undercover house. Myles is mildly injured and has supervised rather than moving furniture. They are talking to Jack and Sue]
Bobby: We're done here.
Dimitrius: What he means is that if we have to move one more piece of furniture, we might become terrorists.
Bobby: So, let's gather up our things and, uh, we'll leave you two love birds alone.
Myles: [to Bobby and Dimitrius] You two want to grab that cart. [Bobby and Dimitrius give him a nasty look]. At Aardvark we do not tolerate workers with surly attitudes. This will be going on your permanent records. [walks away]
Bobby: I can't wait to get my gun back.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do [2.5]

[The team has discovered that a terrorist they are investigating has hypothyroidism and takes medication for it]
Myles: A martyr who's taking medication so he can live long enough to kill himself, how sick is that.

[Sue and Jack went undercover as a married couple]
Tara: I've heard that the traits that originally attract you to a person are the ones that end up driving you nuts. Would either of you care to confirm or deny that rumour?
Sue: Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Jack: Thank you.
Sue: ...with Jack it's a whole new set of traits that drive you crazy.

Jack : Must be nice to have such a warm and fuzzy outlook on life.
Sue: That's just the kind of attitude I'd expect from a guy who goes to bars to meet women!
Jack: Our first fight?
Sue: Probably not our last.

Political Agenda [2.7]

Myles: How can someone sound cute?
Lucy: Not to worry Myles, that's a problem you'll never have.

[Sue is sleeping in a chair at work. Jack wakes her up]
Jack: I've just been informed that you're spending too much time here. The Bureau wants rent.
Sue: Tell them to take it out of the overtime pay. Oh wait, I forgot there is none.

Elvis is In the Building [2.15]

Myles: If I ever show the slightest bit of arrogance please call me.
Lucy: You better have call waiting 'cause that'll be one busy phone line.
Tara: Is this request retroactive?

The Kiss [2.18]

Myles: Nothing like a double homicide to bring the family together.

[Jack and Sue have gone undercover in a law firm]
Janice [looking at Jack]: Is he as nice as he is cute?
Sue: You think he's cute?
Janice: [laughs] What are you, blind?
Sue: No, but I am deaf.
[Janice thinks she is joking an laughs]
Sue: [slightly awkwardly] I really am deaf.

[Jack and Sue kiss. Janice enters and turns on the light.]
Janice:: Sue? Mr. Buchanan?
Jack:: Miss Clark!
Janice:: What are you doing in here? Well, I can see what you’re doing in here.

Jack:: You were really good back there. [Sue stares at him.] I mean, the deposition line.
Sue:: Yeah, you too. [Hastily clarifying] With the deposition. That was quick thinking.
Jack:: Good teamwork.
Sue:: It’s all about teamwork.
Jack:: You know that moment back there that was a response to a situation.
Sue:: Very effective.
Jack:: Cause I would never… Well I mean… I…
Sue:: It certainly changes our cover story.
Jack:: I don’t know, I don’t think it’s a big problem. Do you?
Sue:: No, probably just a few more looks around the water cooler.
Jack:: Probably not the first time they’ve seen a boss/secretary thing.
Sue:: Probably not.
[Sue drops her keys and they both reach for them, touching hands.]
Sue:: Well, I better get home. See how Levi and Lucy are kissing along… getting along. [Jack chuckles.] How they’re getting along.
Jack:: Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.

Tara:: Firewall I can’t crack hasn’t been invented yet. Except the one I used which was invented by me.
Jack:: You’re the best.
[Jack hugs Tara. Sue and Janice enter the office.]
Janice:: Mr. Buchanan?
Jack:: Janice. Hi.
Janice:: Working late again, I see?
Jack:: Sue, aren’t you and Janice supposed to be going out to dinner together?
Sue:: We were, I mean we are.
Janice:: I forget my cell phone and Ms. Kern is prone to calling me at all hours so we came back to get it. [to Sue] Certainly works the over time, doesn’t he?
Tara:: Hi, I’m Tara, just flew in from Milwaukee to surprise my hubby.
Janice:: I see. Well, I hope you have a pleasant visit. Don’t work to hard.
[She glares at Jack as she exits.]
Tara:: Why do I get the feeling I missed something?
Jack:: Office politics.

Jack:: It was a good job while it lasted.
Sue:: I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.
Tara:: I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.
Sue:: You talked to Janice.
Tara:: So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?
[Tara pretends to get teary.]
Jack:: Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?
Bobby:: What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.
Dimitrius:: Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.
Lucy:: What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?
Bobby:: Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.
Lucy:: What?!
Jack:: We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.
Dimitrius:: You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.
Sue:: It was part of the undercover.
Lucy:: So you were making out?
Jack:: It wasn’t making out.
Bobby:: What exactly was it?
[Jack and Sue look to each other.]
Jack:: We’re late.
[He leaves.]
Tara:: You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!
Lucy:: I want to hear every detail.
[Sue leaves without answering.]
Bobby:: Woo hoo!

Season 3

Did She or Didn't She? [3.8]

[Myles and Bobby are escorting two witnesses, Howie and Otis, to a trial in Phoenix. Their car was stolen while they were in a gas station]
Myles: You left the keys in the car?! How could you leave the keys in the car?!
Howie: I wanted to make sure I didn't lose them again.
Myles: Howie, you have taken a less than desirable situation and made it less than less than desirable!

Troy Story [3.16]

Bobby: Tara? You like that band Mojo Gogo, right?
Jack: You kidding? I happen to know she's a card-carrying member of their fan club.
Tara: I don't actually have a card.
Bobby: How would you like to see the band perform tonight, up-close and personal?
Tara: I'd love it! [Pauses and looks suspiciously at Bobby] What's the catch?
Bobby: You have to go with me.
Jack: Pretty big catch.

[Bobby and Tara have just gotten back from the concert and are walking up Tara's front walk, having a friendly debate]
Bobby: ...but it makes no sense.
Tara: Sure it does.
Bobby: "Hamsters in my heart"? Look, fair enough, fair enough; I know you love your Mojo Gogo, but what kind of lyric is "I've got hamsters in my heart"?
Tara: It's a metaphor.
Bobby: For?
Tara: For... something which, if I explained it to you, would be far too deep for you to understand.
Bobby: You see? You don't understand it either!
Tara: Okay, okay. It's a stupid lyric. But it's got a great beat. You can dance to it.
[Tara starts humming and dancing]

Mind Games [3.17]

Myles: This is Timmy Chambers, he's a busboy who was working last night. He claims he heard an altercation here in the alley.
Timmy: Actually, I'm not a busboy, I'm a tenor.
Bobby: As in "Pavarotti" tenor?
Timmy: Singing - it's my heart. My willingness to clear tables? That demonstrates m-my commitment to it.
Myles: Well, now that you've clarified your station in life, perhaps you could tell us where the people were arguing.

Endings and Beginnings [3.19]

[Lucy and Sue are talking about Sue moving to New York. Lucy is crying a bit]
Lucy: Do you remember when we first met, when I was still dating Myles?
Sue: Oh, now I know why you're crying?