View source for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/Funny

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* "You'll need to have this fish in your ear."
* The entire "whale and petunia falling to the planet" sequence.
** "I wonder if it'll be friends with me?"
** "Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was, '[[Oh, No, Not Again]]'. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now."
* Arthur and Ford imprisoned in the Vogon ship.
{{quote|'''Arthur''': It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to what my mother told me.
'''Ford''': Why, what did she tell you?
'''Arthur''': I don't know, I didn't listen. }}
* And of course the scene with Zaphod and the Total Perspective Vortex. "Hey, is that a piece of fairy cake?"
** "If I told you how much I needed this," he said ravenously, "I wouldn't have time to eat it." He ate it.
* Just the name 'Dr. Dan Streetmentioner'.
* Oolon Coluphid's Trilogy of Philosophical Blockbusters: ''Where God Went Wrong'', ''Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes'' and ''Who is this God person anyway?''
** ''Well that about wraps it up for God.''
* "They found only an old man who claimed that nothing was true, although he was later discovered to be lying".
* "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't".
* "Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
{{quote|'''Ford''': That's beside the point! The point is that I'm turning into a "perfectly safe" penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!
'''Arthur''': Oh, that's all right, I've got them all back now...admittedly, they're a little longer than I'm used to. }}
* Ford trying to retain his intellectuality and explain the universe while hammered!
* ''BELGIUM!''
* This troper busted a gut ''twice'' in the Frogstar Scout Robot scene. First time:
{{quote|*scout robot whizzes past*
'''Zaphod:''' What was that?
'''Hitchiker:''' Frogstar scout robot class A looking for you.
*larger scout robot whizzes past*
'''Zaphod:''' And that was...
'''Hitchiker:''' Frogstar scout robot class B looking for you.
'''Zaphod:''' And that?
'''Hitchiker:''' Frogstar scout robot class C looking for you.
'''Zaphod:''' [[Tempting Fate|Hey, pretty stupid robots eh?]]<br />
*gigantic tank-shaped robot rumbles into view and demolishes nearby building with its tracks*
'''Zaphod:''' Holy photon, what's that?<br />
'''Hitchiker:''' A tank. Frogstar scout robot class D come to get you. }}
** This bit becomes even funnier in the radio version, where it's revealed that the scout robots actually ''knew'' Zaphod was there, and called the Frogstar tank to get him.
** Second time: Marvin has been left alone with no weapons to deal with this tank-robot. After a long guessing game in which the tank tries to discover what they've armed Marvin with to stop him, he finds out they didn't give him anything.
{{quote|'''Marvin:''' I'll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with shall I?
'''Tank:''' Yes, alright.
'''Marvin:''' Nothing.
'''Tank (angrily):''' ''Nothing?''
'''Marvin:''' Nothing at all, not an electronic sausage. }}
*** The tank, after ranting some more, decides to take out his anger:
{{quote|'''Tank:''' I think I'll smash the wall down! *does so* I think I'll shoot down their bloody ceiling as well! *does so*
'''Marvin:''' That's very impressive.
'''Tank:''' You ain't seen nothing yet, I'll take out this floor too, no trouble! *does so and [[Too Dumb to Live|falls down*]]
'''Tank:''' Hell's bells! *smashes itself to bits on the ground fifteen stories below* 
'''Marvin:''' [[Crowning Moment of Funny|What a depressingly stupid machine.]] }}
* "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."


== Specific to the books ==

=== The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ===

* Oh sweet Jesus, everything. Just in the first few pages there's the bit about the word 'bulldozer' going through Arthur's head, Arthur in the mud, Genghis Khan, putting a bag over your head when the world is ending . . . trying to describe it all would barely be shorter than simply posting the entire thing.
* The foreman in the first book, who is distantly descended from Genghis Khan and repeatedly has urges to go tearing around the countryside doing the standard maim pillage burn routine.
{{quote|"...with two large axes crossed over the front door. His wife wanted hanging roses, but he wanted axes. He didn't know why, he just liked axes."}}
* I've always been partial to this little bit of dialogue, partly because it's a fantastic commentary on the human condition, but mostly because it causes me to gasp for air anytime I hear it. It's delivered absolutely perfectly in the television version.
{{quote|"I'd rather be happy than right."
"And are you?"
"No. That's where it all falls down, of course." }}

=== The Restaurant at the End of the Universe ===

* In the second book, The Heart of Gold was  {{spoiler|being attacked by a Vogon ship and they couldn't move because the ship computer was too busy trying to make tea. The force-shield started blistering and cracking under the sudden, unexpected attack. Ford thought it would probably hold for about four minutes...}}
{{quote|"Three minutes and fifty seconds," he said a short while later.
"Forty-five seconds," he added at the appropriate time. He flicked idly at some useless switches, then gave Arthur an unfriendly look.
"Dying for a cup of tea, eh?" he said. "Three minutes and forty seconds."
"Will you stop counting!" snarled Zaphod.
"Yes," said Ford Prefect, "In three minutes and thirty-five seconds." }}
** The original version of that exchange (in the radio program) was also hilarious:
{{quote|'''Arthur''': I'm sorry, it's just that I was ''dying'' for a cup of tea!
'''Zaphod''': You soon will be, baby! }}
* The Dangers Of Teleportation
{{quote|I teleported home one night
With Ron and Sid and Meg
Ron stole Meggie's heart away
And I got Sidney's leg. }}
* The first thing that hit their eyes was what appeared to be a coffin. [pause] And the next four thousand nine hundred ninety-nine things that hit their eyes were also coffins.

=== Life, the Universe and Everything ===

* I found the whole "Eddies in the space-time continuum." confusion to be hilarious, for some reason.
** I found Ford's elaboration on his temporary madness right before it even better.
{{quote|'''Arthur''': I thought you must be dead...
'''Ford''': So did I for a while, and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.
'''Arthur''': Where did you...?
'''Ford''': Find a gin and tonic? I found a small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a gin and tonic. I may have been imagining it. }}
* "There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
* "...except for your sudden obsession with whelks."
* The entire Agrajag sequence is quite possibly the funniest segment ever put to prose.
** Not to mention the fact that it is the punch line of the funniest [[Brick Joke]] in literature.

=== So Long & Thanks for All the Fish ===
* The old lady on the plane, looking on as Arthur and Fenchurch join the mile-high club in the most unconventional way possible.
** [[Brick Joke|They sit next to her on their return flight from L.A.]] She asks them if they fly much.

=== Mostly Harmless ===
* Arthur and Ford catching up in the woods. [http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/tomsnyder/hg-5-18.html The entire scene].
* Ford delibrately running up huge expenses as a restaurant critic, culminating in trying to charge the purchase of London Zoo and the entire hotel he is staying in to room service.

=== And Another Thing ===

* Whatever else you may have to say about [[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/And Another Thing|And Another Thing]], most of the business with the cows desperate to be eaten were pretty funny, especially the "I'll track down your entire family and not eat them!" bit.


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[[Category:Funny (radio)]]
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