The Talk: Difference between revisions

** "Listen up! Flirting is... (fast forward mode)When a guy talks to a girl he doesn't know in the city or a store to invite them to hang around with them. The trick is to smile often, and show that you are a cheerful guy. If the girl agrees to come along, you can take her to a cafe or anywhere else you want. Entertain her plenty, smile constantly, and bring up conversations that modern girls would enjoy talking about. And be sure to include some moderate amount of compliments in between. And you have to pay the bill. In short, just act like Kurz-kun." At which point Sousuke realizes he's in waaay over his head... (The dialogue has been Transcribed by intensive use of freeze-frame on a subtitled version of that episode. I can only say that the beginning and the part about Kurz at the end are correct, since they are perfectly audible in the original Japanese as well...)

* Surprisingly enough, a similar phenomenon comes up in, of all things, ''[[Street Fighter]] Alpha''. Shun has spent the first parts of the movie talking about how his mother sent him to find Ryu, but Ken notices something.

** There's one where Ron and Hermione are caught snogging by Ron's entire family, and all of the older Weasley men attempt to have The Talk with Ron, most hilariously the twins, who are armed with Muggle porn.

* Quite possibly the best [[Harry Potter]] Talk is from [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5435295/1/The_Bonds_of_Blood The Bonds of Blood].

'''Harry:''' Oh, okay. }}

* There is a hilarious [[Harry Potter]] fanfic in which Sirius was asked to give Harry a talk (about a certain Qudditch stunt, but he thought was THE talk), and the Twins - sensing how nervous Sirius was - started off with a crack about "When a Man Loves a Chipmunk", [[Hilarity Ensues|the whole thing went down hill fast]], and Harry is Traumatized.

* The [[Harry Potter]] fanfic ''[[The Shoebox Project]]'' had a chapter that touched on this in which each of the Marauders is given The Talk by each of their parents and, in Sirius' case, James' parents. While James' dad hems and haws his way through it all, James' mother plays it painfully straight:

"Oh God." Sirius peeks out from behind the curtain. "You win." }}

* There's [http://musings-of-apathy.fanficauthors.net/Harry_Potter_and_the_Cracked_Reservoir/index/ a fic] where each Weasley brother plays a prank on Harry as initiation into the family (he started dating Ginny). One of the pranks was convincing McGonagall to give Harry [[The Talk]] - ''with animated diagrams''. Afterwards, Harry is coming to his dorms... and meets Ginny who has the same look he does - her mother talked to her, too.

* A fanfic for ''[[Tales of Symphonia]]'' where the group is in Tethe'alla. [[The Messiah|Colette]] asks the OC about something that [[Handsome Lech|Zelos]] did that involved a girl. Said OC completely freaks out and tells Colette to ask Regal, who in turn gets flustered and doesn't say anything. The next day Colette says that she found the Wonder Chef, who, when asked about sex, proceeded to tell it all to Colette. In detail. Including information about fetishes and erectile dysfunction. She blushes in the presence of Zelos and can't even hear the word 'wood' without freaking out.

* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5772667/1/Nuts_and_Bolts Nuts And Bolts]'' featured [[Iron Man|Tony Stark]] giving the talk to his son. He was reluctant at first since he really didn't see the reason why.

Tony: Experimentation, and [[Casanova|look how I turned out!]] }}

* Variations on Murdoc giving Noodle The Talk are almost a [[Running Gag]] in [[Gorillaz]] fandom. [http://chelonianmobile.deviantart.com/favourites/#/dotfwp An amusing example] (worksafe fanart).

* A few ''[[Tangled]]'' fanfics have sprung up which involve [[The Ingenue|Rapunzel]] learning the finer points of romance and sex, including [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6540988/1/What_You_Dont_Know What You Don't Know].

* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3464211/1/Litany Litany]'' has two examples. First, there is Batman calling Robin once he hears he dates Star. At the end of the chapter (we never actually hear the dialogue):

"I still do not understand, man of bats. Please, tell me once more about these 'birds' and 'bees,' and why they are of such vital importance to Robin and myself." Starfire somehow managed to procure a pen and pad of paper. "Perhaps I should take notes, this time." }}

** The end of the fic is Mento calling Beast Boy, seeing him and Raven kissing, and saying "You see, when a, um… half-demon… uh, tolerates a, uh… changeling… very much…"

* The Daniel Stern movie ''[[Bushwhacked]]'' features Stern's character as a fake Scout Leader delivering "the talk" to the boys in his scout group ''vividly'', with help from action figures.

* In ''[[National Lampoon Vegas Vacation]]'', Clark Griswold observes his son Rusty checking out the babes by the pool at their Las Vegas resort hotel. He then launches into a filibuster that sounds more like a horticulture lecture than a sex talk. Rusty interjects, ending the scene with the following exchange.

'''Clark''': Oh... glad we talked, Russ. }}

* Averted in ''[[Critters]]'', when the father gets concerned about his daughter's dating, and asks the mother if she's "talked to her about the way things are". Mom's reply ("Years ago") stuns him, but also lets him off the hook for undertaking this trope.

* In an episode of ''[[Monk]]'', the title character gives this to Natalie's daughter; he is particularly ill-suited for it.

* ''[[Stargate SG-1]]'' subverted this memorably in an episode centering around Rya'c getting [[Wedding Day|married]] in a traditional [[Human Aliens|Jaffa]] ceremony:

'''Teal'c''': Good. Then you are prepared for the [[Sting|Rite of Or'nok]].<br />

'''Rya'c''': Surely it is not still expected?<br />

* Defied on ''[[iCarly]]''. Carly, visibly [[Squick|Squicked]], tells Spencer she's not having that conversation with him. Spencer is understandably grateful.

* Mentioned in ''[[The Adventures of Pete and Pete]]''. Dad wants to have a talk (not The Talk) with younger Pete but younger Pete thinks they're gonna have The Talk Cue [[Crowning Moment of Funny]]:

''* Mom faints* '' }}

* In the ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series]]'' episode "Amok Time", Kirk and Spock's conversation about [[Mate or Die|pon farr]] plays out a bit like this.

* ''[[The Dick Van Dyke Show]]'' had an episode involving Robert telling his son about the birds and the bees.

* Spoofed in an episode of ''[[Alexi Sayles Stuff]]'', in the middle of a recreation of the police show ''[[Juliet Bravo]]'': One (grown-up) police officer apparently doesn't understand what "women" are, so his female superior calls in another couple of officers to explain 'the birds and the bees'. This consist of the two officers, wearing bird and bee costumes over their uniforms, performing the following dialogue, woodenly, reading from their notebooks:

'''Ignorant Officer''': ...Is it something to do with receiving stolen goods? }}

* ''[[All in The Family]]'': In the flashback episode dealing with Mike and Gloria's [[Wedding Day]], a very flustered Edith attempts to give one of these to Gloria...who gently and discreetly lets her mother know she already understands what she needs to. It's actually one of the show's [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|Crowning Moments of Heartwarming]].

* Happens in ''[[The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]]'' in one episode revolving around this trope involving Ashley's curiousness about sex.

* On ''[[3rd Rock from the Sun]]'', Tommy got this [[Sarcasm Mode|highly detailed]] sex ed lesson at school:

'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, but can we get someone who's actually ''had'' sex to teach this class? }}

* Lampshaded in ''[[Lois and Clark]]'', where Superman comes to a scientist after he married Lois and stated that he needs to talk since he has a girl now. The scientist thinks at first Superman needs [[The Talk]], but turns out it was about genetic compatibility.

* ''[[Glee]]'' managed a surprisingly touching and noteworthy scene between a father, Burt, and his gay son, Kurt. It was awkward, but not as much as it could have been - rather than getting into the mechanics of it, Burt (who's pretty clueless about gay sex anyway) gives Kurt pamphlets to read, and proceeds to talk to him about the ''emotional'' impact that sex can have on a man.

** Made even better by the fact that Kurt's first reaction is to [[Crowning Moment of Funny|stick his fingers in his ears and start singing.]]

** Made even worse by the fact that Kurt had actually asked his dad to do some research so that they could ''have'' this kind of talk. In the episode right before this. [[Negative Continuity|Continuity? What continuity?]]

* One episode of ''[[Kate And Allie]]'' had Allie giving [[The Talk]] to her son. It ended with him in a state of acute embarrassment, wailing "My ''mom'' said 'condom'!"

* Subverted in the ''[[Married... with Children]]'' episode "Raingirl", where Peggy gives this speech to Kelly:

* The ''[[Doctor Who]]'' episode “A Good Man Goes To War” has one given to, of all people, [[Celibate Hero|the Doctor]]- and not about his own sexual exploits, but that of Rory and Amy. You’d think after nine-hundred-odd years he’d know about it, and he certainly seems to understand the general idea, but it sure takes him a long time to realise what Madame Vastra was telling him about.

'''The Doctor''': Oh, you mean...well, how should I know? That's all human-y private stuff, it just sort of goes on. They don't put up a balloon or anything! }}

* Pops up in a little conversation in ''[[Sabrina the Teenage Witch]]'' though becomes an [[Orphaned Punchline]] as all Salem can say is "when a young woman--"

'''Sabrina:''' Most girls get it from their mother. I get it from the cat. }}

** Another episode has Mr Pool announce he'll teach the Biology class about human reproduction. It then cuts to the end of the lesson with a class full of wide-eyed teenagers.

== [[Newspaper Comics]] ==

* Spoofed in a ''[[Life in Hell]]'' strip:

'''Binky:''' Well, that's how babies are made. }}

* In [http://wondermark.com/d/426.html this] ''[[Wondermark]]'', a father tree gives his embarrassed son a talk about pollination. (Or "bee-pokin,'" as you kids would call it.) The strip's even ''titled'' "In which a Tree gets the Talk."

== [[Radio]] ==

* Subverted in the shows usual surreal manner by ''[[The Very World of Milton Jones]]'':

[Sound of curtain being drawn back, angry squawking and buzzing is heard] }}

* Subverted by the Belgian humorist Philippe Geluck. [[The Talk]] starts with rather naive language, to quickly switch into barely understandable anatomy class.[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F21xlV494Yg\]

* Steve's dad gives a [[Crowning Moment of Funny|hilarious]]/[[Squickprofoundly|disturbing]] view on the subject in ''[[Harvester]]''. It involves at least three bolts, a chair, several scalpels, and some barbed wire...

* In ''[[Knights of the Old Republic]] 2'', Mira will deliver a very silly bounty hunter's version of [[The Talk]] to the Handmaiden (if the player character is male) or the player (if the player character is female) if asked how to get a guy's attention.

* In ''[[Disgaea Infinite]],'' Jennifer offers to give this to Laharl, since he's "at such a complicated age." He freaks out and refuses, but the prinny can make mind-control him into accepting.

* The webcomic ''[http://www.itswalky.com/ It's Walky!]'' plays this straught with the series of strips starting [http://www.itswalky.com/d/20001109.html here.] The storyline is even called "The Talk", and has Sal and Jason (the figurative "parents") reluctant and Joyce disgusted. On the other hand, this is probably the first time "The Talk" has been given to a mind-wipe victim with a repression complex who was about the same age as said figurative parents. This is one is sort of hard to categorise.

** From [[Walkyverse|the same 'Verse]], the ''Shortpacked!'' storyline "Daddy Issues" has Ethan and Leslie trying to give [[The Talk]] to their ''boss'', who doesn't even ''[http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/01-daddy-issues/hairstyle/ recognise genders]''. (Yes, he has a daughter. Presumably, that will be explained in due course.)

'''Ethan''': Well, when you put it ''that'' way, this sounds ridiculous. }}

* As ''[[Tales of the Questor]]'' demonstrated in one strip, do ''not'' attempt this with a magic mirror. The results may be [http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00529.html traumatizing] for a child.

* Gil from ''[[Girl Genius]]'' [[A Man Is Not a Virgin|probably doesn't need it]], but apparently the [[Shipper on Deck|Jagerkin]] [[Super Soldier|Boys]] want to talk to him about "[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20080310 de birds und de veasels]" regarding Agatha. [[Only Sane Man|Dimo]] opposes this.

* Subverted (naturally) in ''[[Something Positive]]'', where the worldly Mr. Sanderson winds up giving The Talk to Davan's not-quite-son Rory. Rory, who remembers his mother saying Davan might have been his actual father, is only too quick to [http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp08052011.shtml put two and two together].

* [[Subverted]] in ''[[Tales From the Pit]]''.

'''Adam:''' Why is Mommy sadly shaking her head? }}

* Hazel and Clairce from [[Girls with Slingshots]] give the talk not only to breast-obsessed child Tyler but also to his mother when they discover neither of them knows where babies come from.

* [http://walfas.org/flash/sakuflan.swf "Sakuya, what's sex?"]

* Defied in ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series]]''.

'''Tea''': Joey no! We can't let Tristan breed! }}

* ''[[Equestria Chronicles]]'' has Wishing Star give Iron Hoof the talk. For context: Iron Hoof's mom was very strict and psychologically abusive, while Wishing Star is very casual talking about sex and has experimented quite a bit...

* Subverted in ''[[South Park]]'', "The Return of the Fellowship of the Rings to the Two Towers", where the parents think the children have watched a wild porn film, and seemingly out of the blue explain groupsex, urine fetishism, etc. to the increasingly aghast children. This is because of an earlier scene where they tried to deliver a more traditional version of "the talk" to Token (who ''did'' see the film). When they're done talking about the things a man and a woman do when they're in love, he says, "And when the woman has four penises in her at once, then stands up and pees all over the men... is that love? Five midgets, spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing... is that love?"

* Occurred for full comedic effect between Bart and Homer later seasons of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. [[The Talk]] ends with Bart running around the neighborhood screaming and going door-to-door to pass the knowledge onto his peers, all of which are equally freaked out. At that point and taking certain of his past comments and actions, one would think Bart was already well aware. Recent episodes illustrate that he somehow doesn't know what it is again... [[Ping-Pong Naivete|then other times he does]].

** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPNxZno3YaM&feature=related It's not like Bart didn't know already however.]

* ''[[American Dad]]'' The episode "A Smith in the Hand" had Stan try to give it to Steve (who doesn't know as much as he pretends to). Stan, being an ultra-conservative, and this being the first season before he's lightened up, doesn't give good advice (he said if you have sex before you're married [[Scare'Em Straight|angels will kill you]], then shows Steve a 1950s short film about the evils of masturbation). At the end of the episode, he finally decides to play it straight and apparently gets quite explicit...but forgetting to turn the camera off while ''on a children's television show''. (And by that I mean a [[Show Within a Show]] the characters were on, and I'm in no way suggesting that ''[[American Dad]]'' is a children's show).

** But then it turns out that {{spoiler|none of the other childrens' parents signed the permission slip, so they all leave the classroom and go to the library when it's time to start the lesson. By that time, the only two in the room are Peggy and Bobby.}}

* In one ''[[Pinky and The Brain]]'' episode, Pinky falls in love with a sea lion and the Brain (who doesn't seem to think much of [[Interspecies Romance|interspecies relationships]]) attempts to explain to him that "mice and sea lions don't mix":

'''Pinky:''' Mmm-hmm! They come from a magic factory on the moon! }}

* An episode of ''[[Rugrats]]'' had Angelica asking where babies come from. Drew and Charlette agree to tell her the truth...but chicken out and tell her she hatched from an egg.

* ''[[Life With Louie]]'' had Louie's Dad try to give Louie 'The Talk' and ended up comparing it to the Invasion of Normandy. As a result, Louie thought that all babies come from France.

* The adult [[Cloudcuckoolander]] King Julien had to be given The Talk in ''[[The Penguins of Madagascar]]'' when he was convinced an egg Marlene had found was going to hatch into a lemur.

*[[Spit Take]]* "Do not gross me out with nonsense, Maurice!" }}

* In ''[[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron]]'', Jimmy is having trouble with a bully, but his parents think he's talking about a girl, so mom tries to get Hugh to give Jimmy the talk. Hugh struggles with the words, but by the time he gets the nerve to do it the conflict is resolved and Hugh ends up giving the talk to Jimmy's robot dog Goddard.

* A [[Running Gag]] in the earliest ''[[Runaways]]'' comics had [[Cute Bruiser]] Molly asking about "gross stuff" and "bleeding" happening to her and being constantly brushed off by everyone she asks ('''''Molly''': Can I ask you a question about girl stuff? '''Gertrude''': Under no circumstances.'') It turns out she was bleeding [[Psychic Nosebleed|from her nose]], a sign of her emerging [[Puberty Superpower]].

* In the second volume of ''[[Ultimate Spider-Man]]'', after Mary Jane and Peter have been having a private talk in Peter's room, Aunt May checks to see if Peter needs one of these. He's suitably mortified.

Peter: "Oh god, stop talking!" }}

** Of course, Aunt May knows full well that Peter and Uncle Ben had [[The Talk]]. She just wanted Peter to know not to try anything in the house because it would be just as awkward, if not more so.

* In the original ''[[The Parent Trap]]'', the father decides to have the Talk with Sharon (disguised as Susan) on a golf course, assuming that's why she's wanting to know about her mother all of a sudden. After a few minutes of awkward explanation, Sharon tells him she's known about ''that'' for ages.

* The live-action ''[[Casper (film)|Casper]]'' movie included this brief exchange:

'''Kat''': Oh! Don't worry, not that late. }}

* ''[[Orphan]]'': Esthar, the titular orphan and [[Creepy Child]] walks in on her adoptive parents having sex in the kitchen. The mother confronts her later and attempts to explain that "When two people love each other very much-" The girl interrupts with "I know. They fuck." {{spoiler|Of course, it turns out the "child" has a bad attack of [[Older Than They Look]] ...}}

* Excellently spoofed in ''[[Dream On]]''. Martin steels himself to tell Jeremy The Facts Of Life and is hugely relieved when Jeremy says, "Dad, I know all this. We learned it at school." Martin smiles and relaxes, calmly asking if Jeremy has any questions. "Yeah, what's cunnilingus?" Cut to man falling from a building with a horrified scream.** Followed immediately by a series of equally direct questions, with similar clips as "responses".

*** Played straight(er) later by Martin talking to Jeremy about a completely different and wrapping up by saying it was "as awkward as bad sex".

* On ''[[Home Improvement]]'' Tim has already long given Brad [[The Talk]], being that he is supposed to be about 15, but things are a bit complicated when there is suspicion that Brad is active with his girlfriend. This leads to Tim having to specify concepts of safe-sex and things get even more awkward when Brad asks him about his first time. They have an honest discussion, which finishes with..

Tim: "Your Mom and I will tell you!" }}

* In the ''[[Freaks and Geeks]]'' episode "Tests and Breasts", Sam receives one of these from Coach Fredricks, after {{spoiler|he watches a porno with Neil and Bill and submits some alarming anonymous questions on his telltale Star Trek notebook paper}}.

* Episode "The Birds...and...um..Bees" of ''[[The Mary Tyler Moore Show]]'' is devoted to this subject. Mary is goaded into giving her friend's daughter The Talk. When it finally comes down to it, however:

* In one ''[[Wizards of Waverly Place]]'' episode, Alex is going on a date, and her father, Jerry, awkwardly begins the talk, but when Alex states that her friends, and their friends, will all be there, Jerry stops, relieved, and Alex remains oblivious to what he was talking about in the first place.

* Song: "Daddy, Where Did I Come From?" by The Nice (2 versions with distinctly different answers to the question).

* From Homer and Jethro's version of "Nuttin' for Christmas":

(I'm a-gonna tan his hide)'' }}

* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2nwPv4IX_8 The Bees and the Birds]" sung by Yogi Yorgesson.

== [[Newspaper Comics]] ==

* ''[[FoxTrot]]'' did this as a story arc, with Andy deciding to give Paige the talk for a second time, while the male members of the family were out on a [[Horrible Camping Trip]].

'''Andy:''' ...Good point. We'd better skip to Lesson #40. }}

* Subverted in ''[[Bloom County]]'', when Lola Granola's mother tries to give her The Talk...on her wedding day, when she's already an adult. Lola responds that she's known all this stuff for years, making her mother go catatonic.

* Subverted in ''[[Life in Hell]]'', in an early strip where Binky is trying to answer his son Bongo's questions before tucking him in (dialog paraphrased from memory):

'''Bongo:''' How interesting. }}

* ''[[Zits]]'' Being that the strip is about teenage life, it has this topic come up occasionally. In one story arc, Walt takes Jeremy fishing, and decides to have the talk with him while waiting for a catch. After some initial resistance, Jeremy replies, "Fine. What do you want to know?"

== [[Stand Up Comedy]] ==

* Bill Engvall talks to his son...