The Talk: Difference between revisions

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[[File:~~Cutebold_The_Talk_7300~~.png|link=Dwarf Fortress|frame|It's a wonder there are so many [[Fan Nickname|cutebolds]].]]

[[File:Cutebold The Talk 7300.png|link=Dwarf Fortress|frame|It's a wonder there are so many [[Fan Nickname|cutebolds]].]]

{{quote|''"When a man and a woman are in love, or very drunk, they..."''|'''Stan Smith''', ''[[American Dad]]''}}

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* In the anime ''[[Azumanga Daioh]]'', Tomo asks a drunken Kurosawa-sensei to explain it, which she does. We don't hear any dialogue, but are treated to the girls' reactions as their faces steadily become redder (with the exception of little Chiyo, who is clueless) and some odd arm movements (Nothing explicit, just... odd).

** What makes it ''hilarious'' is the [[Relax-O-Vision]] (and music) accompanying the scene, and then, when Nyamo is sober again the next morning, [[Hilarity Ensues|Chiyo asks some questions.]] Watch the whole scene [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY8L_apFieE#t=1m20s here].

* In ''[[Full Metal Panic!]]: Fumoffu'', Kaname gives a sort of similar talk to Sousuke (though it was more explaining what "flirting" and "picking up women" was). No dialogue is heard, and his reaction is to turn deathly pale and break out into cold sweat, stammering that he "can't do that." Lord knows what his reaction would be should anyone ever give him [[The Talk]] about explicit sex.

* In ''[[Full Metal Panic!]]: Fumoffu'', Kaname gives a sort of similar talk to Sousuke (though it was more explaining what "flirting" and "picking up women" was). No dialogue is heard, and his reaction is to turn deathly pale and break out into cold sweat, stammering that he "can't do that." Lord knows what his reaction would be should anyone ever give him The Talk about explicit sex.

** "Listen up! Flirting is... (fast forward mode)When a guy talks to a girl he doesn't know in the city or a store to invite them to hang around with them. The trick is to smile often, and show that you are a cheerful guy. If the girl agrees to come along, you can take her to a cafe or anywhere else you want. Entertain her plenty, smile constantly, and bring up conversations that modern girls would enjoy talking about. And be sure to include some moderate amount of compliments in between. And you have to pay the bill. In short, just act like Kurz-kun." At which point Sousuke realizes he's in waaay over his head... (The dialogue has been Transcribed by intensive use of freeze-frame on a subtitled version of that episode. I can only say that the beginning and the part about Kurz at the end are correct, since they are perfectly audible in the original Japanese as well...)

* Surprisingly enough, a similar phenomenon comes up in, of all things, ''[[Street Fighter]] Alpha''. Shun has spent the first parts of the movie talking about how his mother sent him to find Ryu, but Ken notices something.

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=== [[Harry Potter]] [[Fanfic]] ===

* An old (and much [[Better Than It Sounds]]) ''[[Harry Potter]]'' [[Fan Fiction]] entitled ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/288735/1/ Plugs and Outlets]'' featured Arthur Weasley explaining the facts of life to Ron in terms of the titular [[Muggle]] technology. The mostly hilarious sequel ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/340495/1/ Quills and Ink Bottles]'' is the same principle applied to Molly Weasley telling Ginny about the facts of life, and the trilogy is completed with ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/358637/1/ Quidditch Anyone?]'' in which Sirius Black tells Harry that there are several kinds of ~~girls--represented~~ by the different Quidditch balls.

* An old (and much [[Better Than It Sounds]]) ''[[Harry Potter]]'' [[Fan Fiction]] entitled ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/288735/1/ Plugs and Outlets]'' featured Arthur Weasley explaining the facts of life to Ron in terms of the titular [[Muggle]] technology. The mostly hilarious sequel ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/340495/1/ Quills and Ink Bottles]'' is the same principle applied to Molly Weasley telling Ginny about the facts of life, and the trilogy is completed with ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/358637/1/ Quidditch Anyone?]'' in which Sirius Black tells Harry that there are several kinds of girls—represented by the different Quidditch balls.

** There is a [[Harry Potter]] [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2390459/19/ FanFiction] in which Ginny, caught by her parents in a somewhat suggestive position, is then given [[The Talk]] by Arthur, using the metaphor of Plugs and Sockets, while short circuits represent pregnancy and childbirth.

** There is a [[Harry Potter]] [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2390459/19/ FanFiction] in which Ginny, caught by her parents in a somewhat suggestive position, is then given The Talk by Arthur, using the metaphor of Plugs and Sockets, while short circuits represent pregnancy and childbirth.

** There are several good HP ones of Snape having to teach Sex Ed to Hogwarts students. [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1205523/1/ Example].

** There's one where Ron and Hermione are caught snogging by Ron's entire family, and all of the older Weasley men attempt to have The Talk with Ron, most hilariously the twins, who are armed with Muggle porn.

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"She spoke about ''her'' and ''my dad'' and -- you know."

"Oh God." Sirius peeks out from behind the curtain. "You win." }}

* There's [http://musings-of-apathy.fanficauthors.net/Harry_Potter_and_the_Cracked_Reservoir/index/ a fic] where each Weasley brother plays a prank on Harry as initiation into the family (he started dating Ginny). One of the pranks was convincing McGonagall to give Harry [[The Talk]] - ''with animated diagrams''. Afterwards, Harry is coming to his dorms... and meets Ginny who has the same look he does - her mother talked to her, too.

* There's [http://musings-of-apathy.fanficauthors.net/Harry_Potter_and_the_Cracked_Reservoir/index/ a fic] where each Weasley brother plays a prank on Harry as initiation into the family (he started dating Ginny). One of the pranks was convincing McGonagall to give Harry The Talk - ''with animated diagrams''. Afterwards, Harry is coming to his dorms... and meets Ginny who has the same look he does - her mother talked to her, too.

* There's a Harry/Luna fanfic ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1437039/6/Harry_Potter_and_the_Awkward_Date Harry Potter And the Awkward Date]'' where as soon as everyone hears that Harry asked Luna to go see a movie, they each try to give Harry what he calls ''The Lecture''. Almost none of them help.

* There's a hilarious one quite simply called ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5933215/1/The_Talk The Talk]'' where because of his orphan status, various parental figures in Harry's life decide to give him [[The Talk]]. Independently. He ends up going through it ''six times.''

* There's a hilarious one quite simply called ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5933215/1/The_Talk The Talk]'' where because of his orphan status, various parental figures in Harry's life decide to give him The Talk. Independently. He ends up going through it ''six times.''

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"I still do not understand, man of bats. Please, tell me once more about these 'birds' and 'bees,' and why they are of such vital importance to Robin and myself." Starfire somehow managed to procure a pen and pad of paper. "Perhaps I should take notes, this time." }}

** The end of the fic is Mento calling Beast Boy, seeing him and Raven kissing, and saying "You see, when a, um… half-demon… uh, tolerates a, uh… changeling… very much…"

* In ''[[The Legend of Spyro: A New Dawn|The Legend Of Spyro: A New Dawn]]'', Sparx reveals his dad had [[The Talk]] with him before he left home. He promptly changes the subject because he doesn't want to talk about it. Volteer and Cyril give a rather tame one to Cynder as well. Volteer was about to give a much more...detailed version by Cyril cut him off.

* In ''[[The Legend of Spyro: A New Dawn|The Legend Of Spyro: A New Dawn]]'', Sparx reveals his dad had The Talk with him before he left home. He promptly changes the subject because he doesn't want to talk about it. Volteer and Cyril give a rather tame one to Cynder as well. Volteer was about to give a much more...detailed version by Cyril cut him off.

* In ''[[Kitsune On Campus]]'', {{spoiler|Naruto}} is forced to give one to class 3-A as a punishment for {{spoiler|painting entire campus orange}}. He is less than pleased.

* The ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic|My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic]]'' fanfic [http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1983/The-Birds-and-the-Bees The Birds and the Bees] has the Cutie Mark Crusaders getting into hilarious shenanigans as they try to figure out where foals come from, and repeatedly get the wrong idea from asking the Mane Six.

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* ''[[Now and Then]]'' Chrissy gets the talk from her mother (Bonnie Hunt), who is portrayed as either a sexophobe or just overly concerned about her daughter growing up. She starts by explaining that "every woman has a [[Unusual Euphemism|garden, and it needs a hose to water it]]." The narrator, Sam (Demi Moore) explains that as a result of this conversation, Chrissy will develop a lifetime obesession with gardening.

* ''[[Bicentennial Man]]'': Andrew is given one by his master, and expresses sorrow over the millions of deaths of unfertilized sperm.

* A Sundance short-film, ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3gNQ2KYCb4 Late Bloomer]'', has one of the most twisted and Lovecraftian takes on [[The Talk]]. Yes. [[H.P. Lovecraft]].

* A Sundance short-film, ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3gNQ2KYCb4 Late Bloomer]'', has one of the most twisted and Lovecraftian takes on The Talk. Yes. [[H.P. Lovecraft]].

=== [[Literature]] ===

* [[Terry Pratchett]]'s ''[[Discworld]]'' novels have played with this.

** There were two attempts by the older witches in the Lancre Coven to explain it to Magrat (who's almost a [[Chaste Hero~~|Chaste Heroine~~]]). In ''[[Discworld/Wyrd Sisters|Wyrd Sisters]]'', Granny Weatherwax quickly decides (as she did with Esk in ''[[Discworld/Equal Rites|Equal Rites]]'') that she's not up to the task, being a [[Celibate Hero~~|Celibate Heroine~~]] herself. In ''[[Discworld/Lords and Ladies|Lords and Ladies]]'', the decidedly non-celibate Nanny Ogg makes a more spirited attempt which is completely misunderstood ("After the wedding, is what I'm hinting about." "Oh, ''that''. No, most of that's being done by a caterer."), although it later transpires that Magrat was deliberately winding her up (and instead has sent away for a book on the subject, which turns out to be on ''martial arts,'' not marital arts). Verrence instead gets his information from [[Casanova|Casanunda]] and [[Bawdy Song|an interesting song sung by Nanny Ogg]]. They eventually also manage to get a proper book on marital arts; Nanny finds it one day while snooping around in the Royal bedroom. She spends a few productive minutes drawing mustaches on the pictures, which leads to Verence asking where he could buy some false mustaches. They apparently figure it out eventually, as ''[[Discworld/Carpe Jugulum|Carpe Jugulum]]'' starts with the birth of their daughter.

** There were two attempts by the older witches in the Lancre Coven to explain it to Magrat (who's almost a [[Chaste Hero]]ine). In ''[[Discworld/Wyrd Sisters|Wyrd Sisters]]'', Granny Weatherwax quickly decides (as she did with Esk in ''[[Discworld/Equal Rites|Equal Rites]]'') that she's not up to the task, being a [[Celibate Hero]]ine herself. In ''[[Discworld/Lords and Ladies|Lords and Ladies]]'', the decidedly non-celibate Nanny Ogg makes a more spirited attempt which is completely misunderstood ("After the wedding, is what I'm hinting about." "Oh, ''that''. No, most of that's being done by a caterer."), although it later transpires that Magrat was deliberately winding her up (and instead has sent away for a book on the subject, which turns out to be on ''martial arts,'' not marital arts). Verrence instead gets his information from [[Casanova|Casanunda]] and [[Bawdy Song|an interesting song sung by Nanny Ogg]]. They eventually also manage to get a proper book on marital arts; Nanny finds it one day while snooping around in the Royal bedroom. She spends a few productive minutes drawing mustaches on the pictures, which leads to Verence asking where he could buy some false mustaches. They apparently figure it out eventually, as ''[[Discworld/Carpe Jugulum|Carpe Jugulum]]'' starts with the birth of their daughter.

** In ''[[Discworld/The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]'', a group of wizards have to try to explain to the God of Evolution what sex is. It leads to a very, very amusing conversation, and gets even more awkward for the wizards when the normally straitlaced housekeeper, Mrs. Whitlow, volunteers to explain "the facts of life" to the God (and prompts the wizards to wonder, out of morbid curiouity, what Mr. Whitlow's life was like).

** At another point in the book, when the wizards are facing down the notion that they are the only men and Mrs. Whitlow the only woman who are likely to come along for some time (like thousands of years), they speculate that there must have been a Mr. Whitlow at some point, because she's, well, ''Mrs.'' Whitlow. A different book references a "Hepzibah Whitlow" in passing, who may be related, and, if the actual wizard rules on marriage (frowned upon, but never actually forbidden, as such) are anything to go by, may even be the man we're looking for.

** Subverted in ''[[Discworld/Mort|Mort]]'' when the ancient Arch-Wizard Albert tells the titular character that ".. there's some things a lad ought to be tole before he's sixteen." Mort is about to explain that he ''already'' knows about [[The Talk]], but then Albert clarifies he wasn't talking about that.

** Subverted in ''[[Discworld/Mort|Mort]]'' when the ancient Arch-Wizard Albert tells the titular character that ".. there's some things a lad ought to be tole before he's sixteen." Mort is about to explain that he ''already'' knows about The Talk, but then Albert clarifies he wasn't talking about that.

*** [[Call Back]] in ''[[Discworld/Soul Music|Soul Music]]'', when Albert has a very similar conversation with Mort's daughter, Susan.

** Whenever the subject comes up, Tiffany Aching comments that she knows about this already because of her numerous older sisters. She also witnessed her brother's birth, since nobody bothered to send her away.

*** Don't forget she was born on a sheep farm. She knows about the... red bags of chalk tied to the rams.

** In ''[[Discworld/I Shall Wear Midnight|I Shall Wear Midnight]]'', Tiffany finds herself having to ''give'' the talk to Letitia, who doesn't believe her.

** Averted in the case of Carrot Ironfounderson, whose adoptive dwarf parents had intended to give him [[The Talk]] at ''dwarf'' adolescence, i.e. age 50. Carrot's girlfriend Angua opts for demonstration over explanation.

** Averted in the case of Carrot Ironfounderson, whose adoptive dwarf parents had intended to give him The Talk at ''dwarf'' adolescence, i.e. age 50. Carrot's girlfriend Angua opts for demonstration over explanation.

* The parody "To The Batpole!" in the anthology ''Batman Unauthorized'' imagines how this conversation might have gone between a teenaged [[Batman|Bruce Wayne]] and Alfred.

* In the novel ''[[The Duke And I]]'', Violet Bridgerton has had 8 children, and yet still can't get up the nerve to give the talk to her oldest daughter Daphne the night before her wedding. This leads to a reverse [[Miss Conception]] situation, where Daphne (who wants kids) has no idea that what her husband's doing with her will actively prevent them. The other Bridgerton sisters make sure to get The Talk from a maid instead after that.

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* Sandy and Seth Cohen's exchange in episode 1.19 of ''[[The OC]]''.

* An odd example of this is in the live-action version of ''[[The Tick (animation)]]'', where Janet and Batmanuel try to explain sex to The Tick.

* Done on ''[[The Wonder Years]].'' Doug Porter goes into a catatonic state after receiving [[The Talk]].

* Done on ''[[The Wonder Years]].'' Doug Porter goes into a catatonic state after receiving The Talk.

* On ''[[Law and Order Special Victims Unit|Law And Order: Special Victims Unit]]'' in the episode "Hysteria," Elliot tries to give daughter Kathleen [[The Talk]] by speaking entirely in soccer metaphors, after which Kathleen reassures her father she's a virgin.

* On ''[[Law and Order Special Victims Unit|Law And Order: Special Victims Unit]]'' in the episode "Hysteria," Elliot tries to give daughter Kathleen The Talk by speaking entirely in soccer metaphors, after which Kathleen reassures her father she's a virgin.

** There's a similar scene in [[Life Goes On]]. After accidentally spending the night at her boyfriend's house (they fell asleep watching TV), Drew tries to give Becca the talk as she prepares for her driving test. "''You don't want to merge unless you're absolutely sure''". An irritated Becca snaps that cars have nothing to do with sex.

* Nicely subverted in ''[[Malcolm in the Middle]]'' "Cheerleader." Hal sits Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey down for "the talk" (because he doesn't want to have to have a separate talk for each one), complete with an action figure and something that resembles a Barbie. Beginning with "I wanna tell you about what happens when a boy really likes a girl," shortly into the talk he follows with "...and if they love each other, and take the proper precautions, they have sex. But I've told you about that already." ''This'' talk turns out to be about how the men in the family do everything possible to screw up relationships.

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* In ''[[Blackadder]]'', Edmund attempts to explain to Baldrick how chickens are made ("A mummy bird, and a daddy bird, who love each other very much, get certain urges...") before Baldrick interrupts with a cunning plan.

** In another episode, when Baldrick asks for permission to ask a question, Blackadder replies "Granted, as long as it's not the one about where babies come from."

* In ''[[Mortified]]'', Taylor spends an entire episode fleeing from her parents who she thinks are trying to give her [[The Talk]]. Finally cornered, she discovers that they actually want to talk to her about doing her share of the household chores now that she is older. Relieved, she immediately agrees and starts doing the dishes with her mother. However, her mother then takes advantage of having a captive audience to actually give her [[The Talk]].

* In ''[[Mortified]]'', Taylor spends an entire episode fleeing from her parents who she thinks are trying to give her The Talk. Finally cornered, she discovers that they actually want to talk to her about doing her share of the household chores now that she is older. Relieved, she immediately agrees and starts doing the dishes with her mother. However, her mother then takes advantage of having a captive audience to actually give her The Talk.

* An episode of ''[[Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman]]'' played the trope semi-straight for a different kind of comedy. After her son was spotted when he tried to spy on some skinny-dipping girls, his mother decides he's old enough for [[The Talk]]... and, being a medical doctor, proceeds to read from a textbook on the subject. For hours, apparently. He's bored stiff [[That Came Out Wrong|(NOT THAT WAY)]] and more confused than ever by the end.

* An episode of ''[[Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman]]'' played the trope semi-straight for a different kind of comedy. After her son was spotted when he tried to spy on some skinny-dipping girls, his mother decides he's old enough for The Talk... and, being a medical doctor, proceeds to read from a textbook on the subject. For hours, apparently. He's bored stiff [[That Came Out Wrong|(NOT THAT WAY)]] and more confused than ever by the end.

** Ironically, Dr. Quinn ends up needing a version of [[The Talk]] herself, with her only knowledge of sex coming from her medical books. Despite being a 30-something woman, she's still a virgin and nervous about her impending wedding night. Luckily, her friend Dorothy is there to offer her advice.

** Ironically, Dr. Quinn ends up needing a version of The Talk herself, with her only knowledge of sex coming from her medical books. Despite being a 30-something woman, she's still a virgin and nervous about her impending wedding night. Luckily, her friend Dorothy is there to offer her advice.

* A sketch from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's show ''[[Not Only but Also]]'' has an upper-class British gent trying to explain the facts of life with his naive 18 year old son, who doesn't want to believe the "filthy things they say at school". After much stalling ("In order for you to be brought about... it was necessary for your mother and I... to do something.") he makes wild claims that his son's conception was through his mother sitting in the same chair that he had been in and "was still warm... from my body". The conversation eventually escalates into them discussing Uncle Bertie ("Dirty Uncle Bertie they call him at school." "And they're right, Roger! Uncle Bertie is a dirty, ''dirty'' man"). [http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=d0Z1QGpTZSo The sketch can be viewed here].

* Subverted by a ''[[A Bit of Fry and Laurie]]'' sketch in which Fry asks Laurie (playing his son) if he knows where babies come from. Laurie replies "I always sort of assumed that you put your penis into mummy's vagina and then intercourse occured". Fry responds that this is indeed what they told him but that it is a bit more complicated than that, going on to say that somehow carpets are involved in the process. (The whole sketch turns into a spoof plug for the show's supposed sponsor's "Tideyman's Carpets').

** Even better in another Fry and Laurie sketch when a father (Laurie) brings his son to the headmaster (Fry) complaining about the "vulgar lies" his son had been taught in his biology class. "Sexual intercourse sometimes leads to pregnancy in the adult female." Apparently the man believed that children came out of nowhere after a man and woman had gotten married and bought a house.

* Played with on ''[[Heroes (TV series)|Heroes]]''. Bennet brings up the subject of boyfriends, and Claire fears that they are going to have [[The Talk]] ''again''. Fortunately, he merely wants to discuss how a boyfriend [[It's Not You, It's My Enemies|might be dangerous, as their family is in hiding]].

* Played with on ''[[Heroes (TV series)|Heroes]]''. Bennet brings up the subject of boyfriends, and Claire fears that they are going to have The Talk ''again''. Fortunately, he merely wants to discuss how a boyfriend [[It's Not You, It's My Enemies|might be dangerous, as their family is in hiding]].

* [[Buffy]] and her mom have a different kind of talk after Angelus tells Joyce that he and Buffy had sex. It is played not for laughs, but for angst, as it brings up the emotional agony Buffy is suffering as a result of Angel losing his soul.

* ''[[MASH]]'': Colonel Blake gives a lecture on the dangers of getting STD from the local prostitutes which creates much amusement in those listening, as he acts like an embarrassed father giving [[The Talk]].

* ''[[MASH]]'': Colonel Blake gives a lecture on the dangers of getting STD from the local prostitutes which creates much amusement in those listening, as he acts like an embarrassed father giving The Talk.

* [[The Colbert Report|Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/229656/june-04-2009/the-word---just-don-t-do-it once] did a "[[Scare'Em Straight|different]]" Talk.

* Was a [[Running Gag]] on ''[[Clarissa Explains It All]]''.

* Allison from ''[[Living With Fran]]'' receives two talks. One takes place before the series and is the "How and What", the later one is the "Who and When".

* Defied on ''[[iCarly]]''. Carly, visibly [[Squick~~|Squicked~~]], tells Spencer she's not having that conversation with him. Spencer is understandably grateful.

* Defied on ''[[iCarly]]''. Carly, visibly [[Squick]]ed, tells Spencer she's not having that conversation with him. Spencer is understandably grateful.

* Mentioned in ''[[The Adventures of Pete and Pete]]''. Dad wants to have a talk (not The Talk) with younger Pete but younger Pete thinks they're gonna have The Talk Cue [[Crowning Moment of Funny]]:

{{quote|'''Dad (to Little Pete):''' Pete, we need to have a talk, as father to son.

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{{quote|'''Coach''': Well... your, uh, man and your... your male and female... they have these certain parts that are, uh... how do you call, uh... complementary to each other. ''[awkward pause]'' These parts come into play. ''[awkward pause]'' And that's how we all were born.

'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, but can we get someone who's actually ''had'' sex to teach this class? }}

* Lampshaded in ''[[Lois and Clark]]'', where Superman comes to a scientist after he married Lois and stated that he needs to talk since he has a girl now. The scientist thinks at first Superman needs [[The Talk]], but turns out it was about genetic compatibility.

* Lampshaded in ''[[Lois and Clark]]'', where Superman comes to a scientist after he married Lois and stated that he needs to talk since he has a girl now. The scientist thinks at first Superman needs The Talk, but turns out it was about genetic compatibility.

* ''[[Glee]]'' managed a surprisingly touching and noteworthy scene between a father, Burt, and his gay son, Kurt. It was awkward, but not as much as it could have been - rather than getting into the mechanics of it, Burt (who's pretty clueless about gay sex anyway) gives Kurt pamphlets to read, and proceeds to talk to him about the ''emotional'' impact that sex can have on a man.

{{quote|Believe me, I want to do this even less than you do. This is gonna suck for both of us. But we will get through it together, and we will both be better men because of it.}}

** Made even better by the fact that Kurt's first reaction is to [[Crowning Moment of Funny|stick his fingers in his ears and start singing.]]

** Made even worse by the fact that Kurt had actually asked his dad to do some research so that they could ''have'' this kind of talk. In the episode right before this. [[Negative Continuity|Continuity? What continuity?]]

* One episode of ''[[Kate And Allie]]'' had Allie giving [[The Talk]] to her son. It ended with him in a state of acute embarrassment, wailing "My ''mom'' said 'condom'!"

* One episode of ''[[Kate And Allie]]'' had Allie giving The Talk to her son. It ended with him in a state of acute embarrassment, wailing "My ''mom'' said 'condom'!"

* Subverted in the ''[[Married... with Children]]'' episode "Raingirl", where Peggy gives this speech to Kelly:

{{quote|Kelly, maybe it's time we had a little talk. You're getting to be a big girl now, and there's something I've been putting off telling you for a while. But time is slipping by quickly, and I don't want you to learn about it on the street. Honey, there is a thing out there that men will want you to do. In fact, they'll expect it. Now, no woman really enjoys it, but we do it, get them to marry us, and then never have to do it again. That horrible thing is called "work".}}

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'''Father:''' Ah yes... Milton, I think it's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees... As you've probably noticed, they've almost completely surrounded the house now!

[Sound of curtain being drawn back, angry squawking and buzzing is heard] }}

* Subverted by the Belgian humorist Philippe Geluck. [[The Talk]] starts with rather naive language, to quickly switch into barely understandable anatomy class.[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F21xlV494Yg\]

* Subverted by the Belgian humorist Philippe Geluck. The Talk starts with rather naive language, to quickly switch into barely understandable anatomy class.[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F21xlV494Yg\]

{{quote|When a man is very in love with a woman, and the woman is also very in love [[Department of Redundancy Department|with the man who is in love with her]], they want to stay close to each other [...]the erection come from arterial blood kept under pressure within erectils organs while blocked by veins contraction.}}

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=== [[Stand-Up Comedy]] ===

* [[Bill Cosby]] did a routine about the time he had to have The Talk with his daughters. They walk in on him while he's urinating, saying, "Ohhhhhh, daddy! Yooo, daddy! You've got a wallie wallie!! Are we gonna get a wallie wallie too??" He shouts back, "No, you're not gettin' nothin'! Now get outta here!" They leave, but he knows he's going to have to have The Talk with them now, "because little five-and-four-year-olds--and they go to school--love to make up songs about things. 'We saw daddy's wallie wallie...'" And before long the teacher would arrive at his doorstep with the police. "Mr. Cosby, would you come along with us, please?" "What for?" "For showing your kids your wallie wallie." So he finds his daughters in their own bathroom trying to make their own wallie wallies come out, urinating all over the floor. His wife comes in and asks what the hell he's teaching the kids.

* 19 year old comedian Daniel Sloss had a routine where he describes his father giving him [[The Talk]]. Subverted in that it was actually a talk about shaving...but poor Daniel ''thought'' it was about sex, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxyGrHsKTmo&feature=related which brings it into very close to Squick.]

* 19 year old comedian Daniel Sloss had a routine where he describes his father giving him The Talk. Subverted in that it was actually a talk about shaving...but poor Daniel ''thought'' it was about sex, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxyGrHsKTmo&feature=related which brings it into very close to Squick.]

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* In ''[[Fallout]] 3'', when the game time-jumps from your 10th to your 16th birthday, you can hear your father telling you in a voiceover: "Boys and Girls have different... parts."

* Mentioned briefly in ''[[Grand Theft Auto]]: Vice City'' in the advertisment for Blox. "Now Timmy is clean, safe from things like dyslexia and won't ask any difficult questions about reproduction."

* In ''[[Dragon Age]] Origins,'' [[Cool Old Lady|Wynne]] playfully delivers [[The Talk]] to Alistair in a bit of party dialogue if the female [[Player Character]] begins a [[Romance Sidequest|romance]] with him. Alistair is not amused. Zevran does it too, although his is about technique. Alistair is even less amused. If Zevran is being romanced, Shale tries to give him the talk, which leads to a [[Crowning Moment of Funny]] if the PC is also male.

* In ''[[Dragon Age]] Origins,'' [[Cool Old Lady|Wynne]] playfully delivers The Talk to Alistair in a bit of party dialogue if the female [[Player Character]] begins a [[Romance Sidequest|romance]] with him. Alistair is not amused. Zevran does it too, although his is about technique. Alistair is even less amused. If Zevran is being romanced, Shale tries to give him the talk, which leads to a [[Crowning Moment of Funny]] if the PC is also male.

* In ''[[Mass Effect]] 2'', [[The Smart Guy|Mordin]] gives Shepard a talk, which varies depending on who he/she is romancing. They're all mostly about how to do it safely with [[Power Perversion Potential|biotics]] or [[Interspecies Romance|other species]], which mixed with Mordin's [[Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness]] and [[Motor Mouth]] tendencies are all pretty funny to listen to.

** He actually gives useful info as well, not just comic relief. For example, romancing Garrus causes a warning that ingesting turian tissue will probably result in a fatal allergic reaction due to it being made of dextro-amino acids.

* Steve's dad gives a [[Crowning Moment of Funny|hilarious]]/[[Squickprofoundly|disturbing]] view on the subject in ''[[Harvester]]''. It involves at least three bolts, a chair, several scalpels, and some barbed wire...

* In ''[[Knights of the Old Republic]] 2'', Mira will deliver a very silly bounty hunter's version of [[The Talk]] to the Handmaiden (if the player character is male) or the player (if the player character is female) if asked how to get a guy's attention.

* In ''[[Knights of the Old Republic]] 2'', Mira will deliver a very silly bounty hunter's version of The Talk to the Handmaiden (if the player character is male) or the player (if the player character is female) if asked how to get a guy's attention.

{{quote|It's simple. When you want a man, you jab him with a Bothan stunner. Then while he's screaming in pain, slap some stun cuffs on him. Then starve him for two or three days until he becomes open to suggestion. Then double-check his bounty and see if he's worth anything.}}

* In ''[[Disgaea Infinite]],'' Jennifer offers to give this to Laharl, since he's "at such a complicated age." He freaks out and refuses, but the prinny can make mind-control him into accepting.

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=== [[Web Comics]] ===

* In [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2005-10-12 this] ''[[El Goonish Shive]]'' strip Susan, a teenage girl who's [[Gender Bender|currently a boy]] to make things even more awkward, has to give [[The Talk]] to [[Innocent Fanservice Girl]] Grace who already knew about sex but didn't understand [[No Social Skills|why everyone else was so hung up about nudity]].

* In [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2005-10-12 this] ''[[El Goonish Shive]]'' strip Susan, a teenage girl who's [[Gender Bender|currently a boy]] to make things even more awkward, has to give The Talk to [[Innocent Fanservice Girl]] Grace who already knew about sex but didn't understand [[No Social Skills|why everyone else was so hung up about nudity]].

* Spoofed in a ''[[Cyanide and Happiness]]'' comic, where, just after the father tells the son about the birds and the bees, the son replies "Let me get this straight... First there's a momma bird and poppa bird, and now you're telling me they actually have ''sex'' with bees? What type of disconnected, interspecies bullsh* t is this?"

* Cut short in ''[[Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures|DMFA]]'' after Dan makes the mistake of asking Fa'Lina, who has appeared uninvited in his house, "So where did you come from?"

** In fact, there is a [[Running Gag]] of someone starting a phrase by "Sometimes a male and female X love each other", to elicit a [[Too Much Information]] response.

* The webcomic ''[http://www.itswalky.com/ It's Walky!]'' plays this straught with the series of strips starting [http://www.itswalky.com/d/20001109.html here.] The storyline is even called "The Talk", and has Sal and Jason (the figurative "parents") reluctant and Joyce disgusted. On the other hand, this is probably the first time "The Talk" has been given to a mind-wipe victim with a repression complex who was about the same age as said figurative parents. This is one is sort of hard to categorise.

** From [[Walkyverse|the same 'Verse]], the ''Shortpacked!'' storyline "Daddy Issues" has Ethan and Leslie trying to give [[The Talk]] to their ''boss'', who doesn't even ''[http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/01-daddy-issues/hairstyle/ recognise genders]''. (Yes, he has a daughter. Presumably, that will be explained in due course.)

** From [[Walkyverse|the same 'Verse]], the ''Shortpacked!'' storyline "Daddy Issues" has Ethan and Leslie trying to give The Talk to their ''boss'', who doesn't even ''[http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/01-daddy-issues/hairstyle/ recognise genders]''. (Yes, he has a daughter. Presumably, that will be explained in due course.)

{{quote|'''Leslie''': C'mon, us ''gay kids'' should go teach a ''daddy'' how to procreate!

'''Ethan''': Well, when you put it ''that'' way, this sounds ridiculous. }}

* As ''[[Tales of the Questor]]'' demonstrated in one strip, do ''not'' attempt this with a magic mirror. The results may be [http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00529.html traumatizing] for a child.

* Tycho of ''[[Penny Arcade]]'' got a [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/1/17/ particularly painful subversion] of [[The Talk]].

* Tycho of ''[[Penny Arcade]]'' got a [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/1/17/ particularly painful subversion] of The Talk.

** Gabe's talk [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/1/18/ was slightly less scarring].

* ''[[Backward Compatible]]'' has a [http://www.crispygamer.com/comics/backward/backward-2009-04-29.aspx different kind of talk].

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** The rerun issue sounds like they used a "music and effects" soundtrack. A lot of shows have these, they're used to create foreign language versions, otherwise you'd have to rebuild the entire soundtrack. I'd guess it was a cockup rather than some kind of censorship.

* Subverted in ''[[South Park]]'', "The Return of the Fellowship of the Rings to the Two Towers", where the parents think the children have watched a wild porn film, and seemingly out of the blue explain groupsex, urine fetishism, etc. to the increasingly aghast children. This is because of an earlier scene where they tried to deliver a more traditional version of "the talk" to Token (who ''did'' see the film). When they're done talking about the things a man and a woman do when they're in love, he says, "And when the woman has four penises in her at once, then stands up and pees all over the men... is that love? Five midgets, spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing... is that love?"

* Occurred for full comedic effect between Bart and Homer later seasons of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. [[The Talk]] ends with Bart running around the neighborhood screaming and going door-to-door to pass the knowledge onto his peers, all of which are equally freaked out. At that point and taking certain of his past comments and actions, one would think Bart was already well aware. Recent episodes illustrate that he somehow doesn't know what it is again... [[Ping-Pong Naivete|then other times he does]].

* Occurred for full comedic effect between Bart and Homer later seasons of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. The Talk ends with Bart running around the neighborhood screaming and going door-to-door to pass the knowledge onto his peers, all of which are equally freaked out. At that point and taking certain of his past comments and actions, one would think Bart was already well aware. Recent episodes illustrate that he somehow doesn't know what it is again... [[Ping-Pong Naivete|then other times he does]].

{{quote|'''Bart:''' What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...}}

** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPNxZno3YaM&feature=related It's not like Bart didn't know already however.]

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* ''[[Carl Squared]]'': Carl's parents decide to give him the talk at the end of "Carl's Techno-Jinx", complete with helpful educational video.

* ''[[The Venture Brothers]]'': Dr. Venture decides to give Dean "the talk" since he has a girlfriend (kinda). All we get is a muted section with some interesting gestures, a GI Joe humping a lamp, and various other things. Next thing we know the topic has somehow moved to White Snake. Dean ends up staging a small version of "Lady Windermere's Fan" for Triana (his female friend).

* On ''[[King of the Hill]]'', Bobby's biology class was going to do a sex-ed unit, which Hank and Peggy opposed. Hank said that if their son needed to know anything about sex he would learn it at home. Of course, it turned out that they were both intensely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with their son, so they caved and signed the permission slip. Then Peggy, a substitute teacher, was asked to sub for the biology class, so she had to work to overcome her aversion to [[The Talk]]. (The fact that her own mother's version of [[The Talk]] amounted to giving her a book filled with pictures of flowers didn't help.)

* On ''[[King of the Hill]]'', Bobby's biology class was going to do a sex-ed unit, which Hank and Peggy opposed. Hank said that if their son needed to know anything about sex he would learn it at home. Of course, it turned out that they were both intensely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with their son, so they caved and signed the permission slip. Then Peggy, a substitute teacher, was asked to sub for the biology class, so she had to work to overcome her aversion to The Talk. (The fact that her own mother's version of The Talk amounted to giving her a book filled with pictures of flowers didn't help.)

** But then it turns out that {{spoiler|none of the other childrens' parents signed the permission slip, so they all leave the classroom and go to the library when it's time to start the lesson. By that time, the only two in the room are Peggy and Bobby.}}

* In one ''[[Pinky and The Brain]]'' episode, Pinky falls in love with a sea lion and the Brain (who doesn't seem to think much of [[Interspecies Romance|interspecies relationships]]) attempts to explain to him that "mice and sea lions don't mix":

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=== [[Real Life]] ===

* Once mentioned in a biography on [[Roald Dahl]]: the closest thing Dahl ever had to a "birds and bees" talk was given to him in his boarding school by a teacher, who compared male genitalia to a "torch"<ref> or "flashlight" in [[American English]]</ref>, stating "when your torch lights up, your batteries run flat." The explanation [[Nightmare Fuel|disturbed Dahl so much]] that he developed a lifelong fear of touching his genitals.

* Once mentioned in a biography on [[Roald Dahl]]: the closest thing Dahl ever had to a "birds and bees" talk was given to him in his boarding school by a teacher, who compared male genitalia to a "torch",<ref>or "flashlight" in [[American English]]</ref> stating "when your torch lights up, your batteries run flat." The explanation [[Nightmare Fuel|disturbed Dahl so much]] that he developed a lifelong fear of touching his genitals.

== Examples of Type 2: ==

== Examples of Type 2 ==

=== [[Comic Books]] ===

* A [[Running Gag]] in the earliest ''[[Runaways]]'' comics had [[Cute Bruiser]] Molly asking about "gross stuff" and "bleeding" happening to her and being constantly brushed off by everyone she asks ('''''Molly''': Can I ask you a question about girl stuff? '''Gertrude''': Under no circumstances.'') It turns out she was bleeding [[Psychic Nosebleed|from her nose]], a sign of her emerging [[Puberty Superpower]].

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Close-up of Aunt May's face: "That."

Peter: "Oh god, stop talking!" }}

** Of course, Aunt May knows full well that Peter and Uncle Ben had [[The Talk]]. She just wanted Peter to know not to try anything in the house because it would be just as awkward, if not more so.

** Of course, Aunt May knows full well that Peter and Uncle Ben had The Talk. She just wanted Peter to know not to try anything in the house because it would be just as awkward, if not more so.

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*** Played straight(er) later by Martin talking to Jeremy about a completely different and wrapping up by saying it was "as awkward as bad sex".

* On ''[[Home Improvement]]'' Tim has already long given Brad [[The Talk]], being that he is supposed to be about 15, but things are a bit complicated when there is suspicion that Brad is active with his girlfriend. This leads to Tim having to specify concepts of safe-sex and things get even more awkward when Brad asks him about his first time. They have an honest discussion, which finishes with..

* On ''[[Home Improvement]]'' Tim has already long given Brad The Talk, being that he is supposed to be about 15, but things are a bit complicated when there is suspicion that Brad is active with his girlfriend. This leads to Tim having to specify concepts of safe-sex and things get even more awkward when Brad asks him about his first time. They have an honest discussion, which finishes with..

{{quote|Brad: "So, when will I know I'm a man?"

Tim: "Your Mom and I will tell you!" }}

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=== [[Western Animation]] ===

* ''[[Doug]]'', In the last episode, Doug's father Phil, after spending the entire season trying to give Doug [[The Talk]], finally works up the courage to tell him, only for Doug to cut him off and say he already knows about sex, and proceeds to explain it to his Dad. It cuts immediately to after the conversation with his dad walking away saying "Thanks son, I think I learned something" in a completely dazed voice. Either his dad did not understand something (despite having three kids), or Doug is into some creepy stuff.

* ''[[Doug]]'', In the last episode, Doug's father Phil, after spending the entire season trying to give Doug The Talk, finally works up the courage to tell him, only for Doug to cut him off and say he already knows about sex, and proceeds to explain it to his Dad. It cuts immediately to after the conversation with his dad walking away saying "Thanks son, I think I learned something" in a completely dazed voice. Either his dad did not understand something (despite having three kids), or Doug is into some creepy stuff.

** Even after Doug was given [[The Talk]], his parents are completely clueless about Doug's crush on Patti, referring to her as a friend - even inviting her for a sleepover.

** Even after Doug was given The Talk, his parents are completely clueless about Doug's crush on Patti, referring to her as a friend - even inviting her for a sleepover.

* Weird variant: Sari from ''[[Transformers Animated]]'' [http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Image:Sariprime.jpg explains it to Optimus Prime] (no, we don't hear it, but it became so iconic that traumatizing Optimus is considered [[Transformers Animated/Funny|one of the funniest things she's done]]).

* Send up in the ''[[Looney Tunes]]'' short "Walky Talky Hawky" (the first Foghorn Leghorn cartoon). Henery Hawk's father is ready to give him the talk, only it's not about sex but about [[Carnivore Confusion|wanting to eat chickens]]. Before dad begins, Henery asks him, "Okay, Pop. Whatcha wanna know?"