Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG: Difference between revisions
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 2375] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 2375] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/390307.html 2026-2050] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/390307.html 2026-2050] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/396406.html 2051-2075] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/396406.html 2051-2075] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/441379.html 2326-2350] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/441379.html 2326-2350] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/443081.html 2351-2375] |
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/443081.html 2351-2375] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/450906.html 2376-2400] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/454230.html 2401-2425] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/455260.html 2426-2450] |
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/456477.html 2451-2475] |
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{{Sidemenu}} |
{{Sidemenu}} |
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* [[Cool and Unusual Punishment]]: |
* [[Cool and Unusual Punishment]]: |
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{{quote|604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.}} |
{{quote|604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.}} |
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* [[Covers Always Spoil]]: |
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{{quote|2419. I am required to tell the DM if the secret villain of the adventure is revealed on the back synopsis of the module screen. }} |
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* [[CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable]]: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course. |
* [[CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable]]: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course. |
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{{quote|1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.}} |
{{quote|1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.}} |
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1369. Elves do to have nipples. |
1369. Elves do to have nipples. |
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1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade. |
1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade. |
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2030. |
2030. Elves do not get a racial bonus to the skill Trade: Interior Design |
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2120. |
2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism. |
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2121. |
2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened. |
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2122. |
2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up. |
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2196. When listing the advantages of elves to the new player, I will leave off "shatter proof". |
2196. When listing the advantages of elves to the new player, I will leave off "shatter proof". |
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2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "[[Dug Too Deep|Dig until we hit evil]]." |
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2388. No matter how high my damage resistance is, I can't name my dwarf Tanky McTankitytank. |
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2390. The plan is not just let the villain beat on the dwarf until his arm gets tired. |
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2393. The natural enemy of the elf is not the common cold. |
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2438. Not starting the adventure until we have exactly one elf in the party is not Tolkienism.}} |
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* [[Hit Points]]: |
* [[Hit Points]]: |
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{{quote|31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time. |
{{quote|31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time. |
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205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co. |
205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co. |
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751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach". |
751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach". |
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783 |
783. The following are not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai llama, Boom Orangutan. |
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1277. No I can’t have an H. R. Giger Counter. |
1277. No I can’t have an H. R. Giger Counter. |
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1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon. |
1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon. |
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1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean [[All Your Base Are Belong to Us|all their base belongs to us]]. |
1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean [[All Your Base Are Belong to Us|all their base belongs to us]]. |
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1855. Using a barber's razor as a weapon does not make me a barbarian. |
1855. Using a barber's razor as a weapon does not make me a barbarian. |
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2449. Even if my musketeer just tore Richelieu from the French throne, I didn't just break the Cardinal rule. |
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}} |
}} |
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* [[Inescapable Ambush]]: Even if he casts Glassee on the door. |
* [[Inescapable Ambush]]: Even if he casts Glassee on the door. |
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{{quote|1333. I will tell the noob [[Twilight 2000|the game]] is about post nuclear Europe and not [[Twilight (novel)|love struck vampires]] before we start.}} |
{{quote|1333. I will tell the noob [[Twilight 2000|the game]] is about post nuclear Europe and not [[Twilight (novel)|love struck vampires]] before we start.}} |
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* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example: |
* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example: |
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{{quote|346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.}} |
{{quote|346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a [[Terminator|Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range]].}} |
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** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game. And theoretically compatible "d20 Future". |
** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game. And theoretically compatible "d20 Future". |
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2187. No matter how many examples I can give, a flamethrower cannot boost morale. |
2187. No matter how many examples I can give, a flamethrower cannot boost morale. |
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2332. When asked why the Feywild isn't in the campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer. |
2332. When asked why the Feywild isn't in the campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer. |
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2467. If we have to hide our weapons, no dumping the napalm into the fire sprinkler reserve tanks. |
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2470. If ordered to see if anybody is in a building, no setting it on fire and seeing if anybody runs out. |
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}} |
}} |
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* [[Kill It with Water]]: |
* [[Kill It with Water]]: |
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1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists. |
1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists. |
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1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking [[Mad Scientist]]. |
1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking [[Mad Scientist]]. |
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2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor. |
2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor. |
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2409. My wish cannot include the words "and, additional, furthermore" or any synonyms thereof. |
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2423. If the party is black tie only, that doesn't mean just painted on the power armor.}} |
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{{quote|423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck. |
{{quote|423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck. |
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1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting. }} |
1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting. }} |
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693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring. |
693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring. |
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748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection. |
748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection. |
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1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. |
1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. |
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2386. There is no such thing as gnomeophobia. |
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2387. I will not give anybody an unreasonable fear of gnomes. |
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}} |
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* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these. |
* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote| |
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1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[Turbo Teen|douse him]] [[Ranma ½|with hot water]]. |
1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[Turbo Teen|douse him]] [[Ranma ½|with hot water]]. |
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2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from the elf [[Predator|by smearing myself with mud]]. |
2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from the elf [[Predator|by smearing myself with mud]]. |
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2400. Just because [[The Six Million Dollar Man|I have the technology]], doesn't mean I need to make him better. |
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2462. My paladin does not [[RoboCop|have fourth, classified, oath known only to Omnicorp]]. |
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}} |
}} |
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* [[Similarly Named Works]] |
* [[Similarly Named Works]] |
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* [[Spare Body Parts]]: Denied. |
* [[Spare Body Parts]]: Denied. |
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{{quote|68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.}} |
{{quote|68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.}} |
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* [[Spoony Bard]]: |
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{{quote| |
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88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard. |
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1643. Despite [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|precedent]], if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard. |
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2023. Using my runic powers to provide a light show for my skald's musical performances is abusing Grumfather's gift. |
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2385. Doesn't matter where you hit him, you can't set a bard to shuffle. |
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2454. My bard is now required to take a long rest between performances of Tarzan Boy. |
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2455. Can't name my aasimar bard Petra Stryper. |
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2456. Aasimar bards know more songs than just Disney tunes. |
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2457. My aasimar bard is not allowed to resemble any member of the Wiggles. |
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2460. A bard that plays like Bob Dillon is awesome. A bard that talks like Bob Dillon not so much. |
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2461. There is no such thing as the Dwarvish Poetry Guild. |
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}} |
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* [[STD Immunity]]: |
* [[STD Immunity]]: |
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{{quote|588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?}} |
{{quote|588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?}} |
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1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit. |
1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit. |
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1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder. |
1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder. |
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2025. |
2025. There is no such thing as a shotgun exterminatus. |
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2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke. |
2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke. |
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2429. Can't apply the holy avenger traits to siege weapons. |
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2472. The rest of the party would like to know why I'm putting all my skill points into nuclear warhead. |
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2473. Even if the rules allow it, I don't get a sustained fire bonus for nuclear weapons. |
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}} |
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* [[Third Person Person]]: |
* [[Third Person Person]]: |
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{{quote|268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person. |
{{quote|268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person. |
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1893. Can't take Speaks in Third person quirk just so I can use the lyrics to Battery as an attack plan. |
1893. Can't take Speaks in Third person quirk just so I can use the lyrics to Battery as an attack plan. |
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}} |
}} |
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* [[Thrown Out the Airlock]]: |
* [[Thrown Out the Airlock]]: |
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{{quote|159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals. |
{{quote|159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals. |
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* [[With Catlike Tread]]: |
* [[With Catlike Tread]]: |
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{{quote|1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw. |
{{quote|1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw. |
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1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops. |
1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops. |
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2475. When told to distract the enemy, they didn't mean with a called shot to their flamethrower.}} |
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* [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds]]: |
* [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds]]: |
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{{quote|1751. [[Dragonlance|Lord Soth]] just does not need a hug.}} |
{{quote|1751. [[Dragonlance|Lord Soth]] just does not need a hug.}} |