Warriors the Abridged Series/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Lightflame Version

  • Spottedleaf and Bluestar's conversation.

Bluestar: There have been fewer kits recently. Why?
Spottedleaf: Because Willowpelt has gone through all the toms?
Bluestar: Even Ravenpaw?
Spottedleaf: Ravenpaw twice.

  • Rusty and Lionheart's meeting.

Rusty: Are you all warriors?
Lionheart: Actually, Graypaw is a patient at our mental hospital.
Graypaw: (Reads script) Wait, ThunderClan has a metal hopscotch?
Lionheart: The script says mental hospital.

  • The very beginning.

Redtail: Hey Tigerclaw, look!
Tigerclaw: No.
Redtail: Please?
Tigerclaw: Still no.
Redtail: Pretty please with a vole on top?
Tigerclaw: No. No. No.
Redtail: It's not Sunningrocks.
Tigerclaw: Do you swear it?
Redtail: Yep.
Tigerclaw: Okay, I'll look. (Looks)
Redtail: It's Sunningro-
Tigerclaw: (Slaps Redtail)

  • The new battle for Sunningrocks.

In Territory Thunder Clan
Battle was Beginning
Tigerclaw: What happen?
Mousefur: Somebody set up us the River Clan.
Redtail: We get invasion.
Tigerclaw: What!
Redtail: Main screen turn on.
Tigerclaw: It's you!!
Oakheart: How are you gentlecats!!
Oakheart: All your Sunningrocks are belong to us.
Oakheart: You are on the way to destruction.
Tigerclaw: What you say!!
Oakheart:...
Oakheart: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Oakheart: Ha ha ha ha...
Redtail: Tigerclaw!!
Tigerclaw: Take off every Thunder Clan!!
Tigerclaw: You know what you are doing.
Tigerclaw: For great justice.
Tigerclaw: Move Thunder Clan!

  • The names of the magical rainbow sunshine fairies. Everyone who has commented up to that poit.
  • This conversation in I Definately Didn't Kill Redtail.

Firepaw: So, is Darkstripe straight?
Frostfur: We don't know.
Darkstripe drives by in car flying Gay Pride Flag and making out with Mistyfoot.
Firepaw: What was that?
Frostfur: That was him messing with us.

Flametail Von Karma Version

  • Smudge's eyes lit up like those of a child molester who had just stumbled upon a whole park full of unattended kids.
  • "Cut the crap Aslan, no one gives a shit."
  • "C'mon; let's get out of here before I have to spend one more second with Oedipus over there."
  • That was about the time survival instincts, which had been lazing somewhere in the back of his mind thinking they had plenty of time, finally bothered to glance at a metaphorical clock and realized they were late for a metaphorical appointment with Rusty's body. Snarling and swearing, they charged half-prepared out the metaphorical door, forgetting their metaphorical hat and coat along the way.
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