Zoofights/Characters: Difference between revisions

{{quote| '''Major Failure''': Please God let it die. For all of our sakes. We're sorry.}}

* [[Took a Level Inin Badass]] - The pigs lose their first match when they commit suicide. But one survives, the soft bacon tank collapsing and preventing him from shooting himself. After enduring "the living hell of being entombed" with his dead brothers in a tank made from pig corpses, a "seriously angry pig" emerges from the wreckage and gets some significant upgrades, becoming Porky Punisher, a pig wearing Master Chief-style armor and armed with a Desert Eagle handgun. His ensuing wave of support made him a serious Ensemble Darkhorse. He even survived the tournament!

{{quote| '''Major Failure''': He can leap tall buildings in a single bound, but his bones break upon landing. He can shoot webs, but they're usually speckled with his own blood. Poor bastard.}}

Retired police chief John Burnell, from ''America’s Scariest Police Chases''! He appears near the end of Zoofights 1 to battle Sega Gorillesis in an exhibition match, but soon winds up joining Mechos, Hulkaphant, and Porky Punisher in the final battle against Swanmass.

{{quote| '''Major Failure''': What we found, after four days of fruitless searching and our men being dragged screaming into tiny passages beneath the earth, was pure zoofights gold: 20 survivors of the Owl Patrol Project, still dressed in khaki rags, clutching rusted, jagged fragments of rifle parts and caked in three decades of blood, filth and horror. We had finally created the most insane organisms on the planet.}}

Not a single entity, but a group entrant composed of a giant ten foot tall badger led into combat by a mob of unruly drunks, tramps and various other dregs of society.

A monstrous bipedal Rhinocerous with its fists replaced with living, biting tiger heads. It was previously designated for riot control in British India, only to be retired from duty due to being too brutal.

* [[Achilles' Heel]]: The fresh scar tissue around the wings is vulnerable to attack.

{{quote| 'The fury of forgotten water devils, the sorrow of a dying race, the sheer capacity to be a total dick of a macaw.'}}

* {{spoiler|[[Heroic Sacrifice]]: As Bisondreadnought, he rams himself into From Hell during the final match of Zoofights III, destroying the two of them in the process.}}

{{quote| '''Major Failure''': Oh Riot Yeti you stupid motherfucker. }}

* [[Big Bad]]: One of the two [[Big Bad|Big Bads]]s in Season 4, the other being Seanet.

* [[Eldritch Abomination]]: After returning from deep space, Inquisipede slowly evolves into one-- Elohimone—Elohim.

{{quote| '''Major Failure''': {{spoiler|We warned the Americans, but did they [[Precision F-Strike|fucking]] listen?}}}}

* [[Shout-Out]]: Kriegbehemot's armor looks very [[Warhammer 4000040,000]]-ish.

* [[Big Bad]]: One of the two [[Big Bad|Big Bads]]s in Season 4, the other being Elohim.

=== As a whole: ===

* [[Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever]]: Well, roughly 10ft-- but10 ft—but no matter, they're still much bigger than normal.

* [[Shout-Out]]: To the [[Care Bears]], [[Teddy Ruxpin]], and maybe [[Toy Story (franchise)|Lotso Huggin' Bear]].

* {{spoiler|[[Time Travel]]: He can travel through time if he can get up to 88 mph, but it's not clear how effective this is.}}

* [[Transformation Sequence]] / [[Transformation Trauma]]: ''[http://zoofights.squarespace.com/storage/zoofights6/round1_fight2/6larger.jpg Ouch.]''{{Dead link}}

A female terror-bird given Big Muscly Arms<small>^TM</small> and a powerful microwave for a heart.

* [[AIA.I. Is a Crapshoot]]: Well, technically.

{{quote| {{spoiler|When Krilldozer's construction team took him out for testing during the Manhattan riots (aftermath pictured [http://zoofights.squarespace.com/storage/zoofights6/r2f2/krilldozer.jpg here]), he managed to impale two entirely non-cybernetic hoodlums, and make them scuttle around making pincer motions with their hands while they begged for it all to stop. As such, it would seem his hacking abilities may no longer be limited to machines.}}}}

{{quote| {{spoiler|Ironichide via The Major: "He had killed the rest of the Kray team out of 'what looked like spiteful thrills' and begun a cult of other animals who guarded his new home at the head of the river on the starboard face of the volcano. His only focus was now reading ''Heart of Darkness'' by Joseph Conrad. Still laughing."}}}}

* {{spoiler|[[Back Fromfrom the Dead]] / [[Came Back Wrong]] / [[Came Back Strong]](?):}}

{{quote| {{spoiler|Why, why, why did nobody stop to think before hauling the corpse of the most intact Hippo left after Round One into the quantum resurrection chamber and hitting the On Switch? The damnable machine fulfilled its purpose of disassembling the hippo at an atomic level and rebuilding it in a living state in the next room - but it also worked its grisly magic on the brute's entire stomach content. Tragically, this meant that the hippo, when reborn, was fused with the remains of eight crowd members and Sawz, the hapless pangolin who was devoured by it at the very start of their duel.}}}}

{{quote| The Zoofights Foundation took him in when he was but a chimplet, held in a stainless steel boxcar and scheduled to be destroyed after being ejected from the most violent zoo in America for murdering all the elephants.}}

"Hare Metal is an eldritch blend of British steel and forbidden rural energies that, frankly, we do not understand."

* [[Hermetic Magic]] / [[Instant Runes]]: Hare Metal was created by music exec mages and his blueprints are written in runes.

An Indian elephant with ''two'' sets of Big Muscly Arms<small>^TM</small> from the makers[[Alternate Universe|(?)]] of Croctopus.

* [[Ambition Is Evil]]: [http://www.booksie.com/historical_fiction/short_story/dudemanguy/kali-babar/chapter/1 From fighter to stock broker]{{Dead link}} by Dudemanguy.

* [[Psychic Powers]]

* [[Punctuated! forFor! Emphasis!]]: "This is blasphemy. This is madness. This. Is. '''ACHILLES' EEL.'''"

* [[For Science!]] / [[Mad Scientist]]: [http://zoofights.squarespace.com/storage/zoofights6/round-1-fight-8/Teslacorn%20blueprint%20larger.jpg This]{{Dead link}} is Teslacorn's blue print. That's it.

{{quote| [[The Sociopath|Friendship Is A Redundant Concept Only Held By The Weak.]]}}

* ARMS 'N DANGEROUS -- ADANGEROUS—A ball of Big Muscley Arms controlled by an ameoba, this is the reason for the recent shortage of BMA in the tournament. {{spoiler|Killed by Final Mantisy who infected the amoeba, causing it to tear itself apart}}

* OCTOPUS CRIME -- AnCRIME—An octopus that cannot stop commiting felonies. {{spoiler|Double-KO'd with Carp. A. Diem by Mental Ben and Nightmare}}

* CARP. A. DIEM -- TheDIEM—The murderous Roman fish with muscley hands and a toga. {{spoiler|See above.}}

* THE LESSER OF TWO EAGLES -- CouldnEAGLES—Couldn't get the good eagle, had to get the shit one. Carries picture of brother {{spoiler|the Neccesary Eagle}}. {{spoiler|Killed by Carp. A. Diem.}}

* MIKE BISON -- MikeBISON—Mike Bison's gonna Punch Out. {{spoiler|Double-KO'd with Dolphin Lundgren by Mahammut Kali}}

* DOLPHIN LUNDGREN -- ALUNDGREN—A dolphin trained to kill by soviet hairdressers. {{spoiler|See above}}

* BIGUANA -- ABIGUANA—A really BIG iguana. Seriously. He’s quite big. {{spoiler|Ate Angsteater, then kicked to death by Mahammut Kali}}

* JOHN KRAKENROE -- AKRAKENROE—A furious tennis-playing squid. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! {{spoiler|Ripped apart by Diet Croak}}

* COMMODORE DISASTER with GEKKO -- AGEKKO—A dollar-store Major Failure and his creepy lizard pet. {{spoiler|Final KO: Crushed to death when Muhammut Kali sat on them}}

* A TOTALLY RADICAL CAT WITH ONE LEG -- ONLEG—ON A SKATEBOARD {{spoiler|First KO: Killed itself by drinking the Frog Piss.}}

* [[Blatant Lies]]: Every tournament Major Failure assures the audience that nothing will go wrong this year. And every year he's wrong. He was especially insistant about it in Zoofights IV, a year when ''three'' competitors became [[Eldritch AbominationsAbomination]]s.

* {{spoiler|[[Nightmare Face]]: At one part in the finale, her face distorts into a beaked shape. [[BigNon LippedSequitur Alligator MomentScene|It's never mentioned again]].}}

* {{spoiler|[[Back Fromfrom the Dead]] /UnexplainedRecovery: Gezora died and then got better in ZFV.}}

* [[Cool Shades]]: Gezora has been sporting shutter-shades since supporting The Snapture ([[Added Alliterative AppealAlliteration|super!]]).

{{quote| "I am Agent Johnson, a representative of, let us say, a covert branch of the United States Fish and Wildlife service, here with the full cooperation of the British government."}}