Conference Season

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"After the Silly Season comes the conference season. Opposition did rather well this year. Abandoned their usual tactic of squabbling in public and shooting themselves in the foot and had a go at us, particularly the Prime Minister. Very unsporting." —Francis Urquhart, House of Cards (British series)

Every year in September, the big political parties in Britain go to the seaside for a conference (others have them as well). Precisely where varies from year to year, but Brighton, Bournemouth and Blackpool are common.

Unlike the stage-managed US National Conventions, these are far more interesting. You get the debates on the conference floor and the big speeches by celebrities (Bono did Labour in 2005). There are also the fringe meetings, where people discuss other topics. Plus there's the usual round of publicity stunts associated with British politics, which may involve a collection of people wearing Gordon Brown masks or naked pensioners.

The big event is the Leader's Speech, which is always carried on the news networks and BBC 2. It will be analysed heavily by the press, with their usual bias. A Standing Ovation will always occur.

Notable conferences:

• 1980 Conservative Conference:

"To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catchphrase, the U-turn, I have only one thing to say: You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning!"

• 1984 Conservative Conference. A bomb is set off by the IRA in the hotel where the Cabinet are staying, killing five people. Thatcher survives, having just left the worst hit area.
• 1985 Labour Conference. In which Neil Kinnock took on the hard-left in his party with this brilliant quote, referring to Militant-dominated Liverpool City Council:

I'll tell you what happens with impossible promises. You start with far fetched resolutions. They are then pickled into a rigid dogma, a code, and you go through the years sticking to that, out-dated, misplaced, irrelevant to the real needs, and you end in the grotesque chaos of a Labour council - a Labour council! - hiring taxis to scuttle round a city handing out redundancy notices to its own workers.

• • There were walkouts from people who didn't like this speech. Militant were kicked out of the Labour Party a few years later, and Kinnock's strategy of taking the party to the centre eventually worked... although almost failed in 1992 due to a very famous headline.
• 2003 Conservative Conference. "The Quiet Man is turning up the volume"- Iain Duncan Smith was thrown out by his own parliamentary party at the end of October, just over a month later.

References in fiction:

• In the ill-fated ITV sitcom Barbara, Neil and his girlfriend Lucy visited Blackpool during the Tory Party Conference and is asked about the trip by his sister, Linda.

Linda: So tell me, where did you and Lucy do it this time? Under the pier? On top of a tram? Or on the Countwood Harry Ramsden's with a pickled egg in each hand? Neil: Oh no, we went a bit more up-market this time. Linda: Oh yeah? Where? Neil: Tory Party Conference. (Sees news coverage on the TV). Well, you see Ann Widdecombe? Linda: Yeah. Neil: See the way the lecturn's wobbling? Linda: Yeah. Neil: We're at it under the stage. Linda: Ann Widdecombe? You were doing it under Ann Widdecombe? Well, I suppose it's the nearest she'll ever come to it.