Discworld/Night Watch/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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  • Detritus has just misfired his Piecemaker, blowing through a wall in Vimes' house and destroying a good portion of Vimes' yard (including the trees), and setting off several fires.

Detritus: Er, sorry about that, Mister Vimes.
Vimes: What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?
Detritus: When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.

  • More fun with the Piecemaker:

Vimes: Detritus, you can't fire that off in here! This is an enclosed building!
Detritus: Only until I pull this trigger, sir.

  • A hilarious sequence involving a barricade, a stupid soldier, and a somewhat more intelligent commander.

"If you listen, you will realize that it is merely the national anthem sung rather badly."
"Can't have rebels singing that, sir!"

  • Colon and the boys' numbered list of reasons for expanding the barricades to include a quarter of the city while "Keel" is away. Fred's "Are you okay, Sarge?" and subsequent apology after the implied Face Palm being included as the final items on the list always raises a chuckle.
  • The destruction of Big Mary (a large siege weapon) with a couple of wooden wedges and some lumps of raw ginger.
    • And young!Vimes' subsequent reaction, staring at "Keel" with wide eyed hero worship.
  • Detritus' song for the new recruits:

Now we sing dis stupid song
Sing it as we run along
Why we sing dis we don't know
We can't make the words rhyme prop'ly

  • The part when Vimes' epic One-Liner backfires.

"Yeah? On whose authority?"
Vimes swung his crossbow up. "Mr Burleigh and Mr Stronginthearm," he said, and grinned.
The two guards exchanged glances. "Who the hell are they?" said one.
There was a moment of silence followed by Vimes saying, out of the corner of his mouth: "Lance-Constable Vimes?"
"What make are these crossbows?"
"Er... Hines Brothers, sir. They're Mark Threes."
"Not Burleigh and Stronginthearm?"
"Never heard of them, sir."
Damn. Five years too early, thought Vimes. And it was such a good line, too.

  • Vimes ordering the barricade taken down because it's badly made. Also a C Mo A.

"I repeat, I order you to dismantle this barricade." He took a deep breath and went on. "And rebuild it on the other side of the corner with Cable Street! And put up another one at the top of Sheer Street! Properly built! Good grief, you don't just pile stuff up, for god's sake! A barricade is something you construct!"