Love Actually/Funny

David, with regards to Natalie's jerk of an ex-boyfriend:

David: You know, as Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.

- David: Ruthless, trained killers are just a phonecall away.
Like a lot that happens in Daniel and Sam's plot, this one is bittersweet almost to the point of Mood Whiplash. Daniel and Karen are discussing Sam and how he always hides in his room, obviously crying because his mother has passed away, and Daniel not knowing just how he should talk to him. Then at one point we get,

Daniel: He could be injecting heroin into his eyeballs.
Karen: At the age of eleven?
Daniel: All right, maybe not his eyeballs. Maybe just his veins.

- "My horrid son Bernard stays in his room all the time. Thank goodness!"
The discussion of Nativity play roles:

Kid: It's the Nativity play - and I'm the lobster. First lobster.
Mother: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?

- And when we actually see the play, it turns out to include three lobsters, an octopus, a whale, and Spider-Man.
Practically anything Billy says or does. Just one of many is:

Billy: Kids, here's a message from your Uncle Bill: don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free.

- Another great one, from his radio interview:

Host: Best shag you ever had?
Billy: Britney Spears.
Host: Wow.
Billy: Just kidding. She was rubbish.

David dancing to "Jump (For My Love)" by the Pointer Sisters.