Legolas By Laura: Difference between revisions

Officially,"Man it'sWithout titledA Body"legolas." But this legendary badfic has become inextricably linked with its author in the minds of the [[Lord of the Rings]] fandom, with good reason, and it is now generally known as "legolas by laura", complete with lack of capitalisation.

The"Man storyWithout begins with Legolas riding through the woods and finding a babyA Body"whaped" in "colth". Thanks to [[Mary Sue|Suvian]] influence, he picks her up, names her "laura", and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.

Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse. He agrees. Soon after, Aragorn and Gandalf visit Mirkwood. Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her for no reason at all.

Legolas and laura "horseride" through the forest and meet Aragorn and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. Later, they go back to Legolas's "castle". Legolas asks Aragorn and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.

After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor". There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. The orcs "stripe" her and rape her, but laura fends them off by saying, "go away you bastard". Because of that, they "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion", which he "injets" into her.

A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Aragorn get to the front gates of "Mondor". After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell, while Aragorn and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor". There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron despite the huge power disparity between them.

Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Aragorn appears. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.

A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to "Milkwood". She gets sick (due to the "posion"), and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from "Milkwood".

There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her, and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes even though he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and laura is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences, and Aragorn enters the room. The story ends there, never to be resumed.

The"Man storyWithout canA beBody""Man foundWithout [http://www.freewebs.com/me_gaya/legolas.htmlA here],Body""Man courtesyWithout ofA theBody""Man [[ProtectorsWithout ofA theBody""Man PlotWithout Continuum]].A All The Tropes will take no responsibility for brain damage suffered should you choose to read it.<ref> [[Driven to Suicide|*Cttttlik!* *BANG!*]] </ref> The [http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=legolas+by+laura&search_type=&aq=f dramatic readings] may help to soften the blow. There is also a review done by [[The Fan Fiction Critic]] for it, which might help more. And now a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IECKGp-tLb0 live-action trailer], complete with ''[[My Chemical Romance]]'' and a baffling shoutout to ''[[Megatokyo]]Body"''. God help us all. There's also a riffing found [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5948484/9/Mystery_Science_Theater_1000 here] and a PPC mission [https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1PZ2DmYKQ2Z0-sW425KcdTXyUBkTURKfn8RiUxUKum44 here].

**"Man ThatWithout [[FridgeA Logic|mayBody""Man actuallyWithout notA be a problem.]] See [[Bilingual Bonus]]Body" below (though it might not have been intentional).

*"Man [[AllWithout LowercaseA Letters]]Body": The title.

*"Man [[Anticlimax]]Without A Body": It never got finished.

*"Man [[BeigeWithout Prose]]A Body": Alice: Elmer Fudd is giving English classes, I see.

*"Man [[BilingualWithout Bonus]]:A Body"Laure"Man actuallyWithout is a Noldorin word, meaningA Body"golden". However, it's unlikely the author knew this unless it really is a [[Stealth Parody]], and Legolas is a Sindarin elf and wouldn't use the Noldorin language.

*"Man [[BlackWithout ComedyA Rape]]Body": Unintentionally.

*"Man [[BlindWithout IdiotA Translation]]Body": It isn't one, but it really does read as if it was. "Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord"?

*"Man [[CallWithout onA Me]]Body": Possibly an example (it's hard to say), when Gandalf manages to make the hobbits appear by just wishing for them.

*"Man [[Cold-BloodedWithout Torture]]A Body": In order, every time, both Laura ''and'' Legolas were 'bet' up, raped, and then were given poison.

*"Man [[CommonWithout MaryA Sue Traits]]Body": Laura "got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

*"Man [[CurbWithout StompA Battle]]Body": Gandalf and ''Sauron''. If you're familiar with the backstory, this isn't necessarily as one-sided a match as you might think if you just saw the movie. Gandalf and Sauron are both beings of the same order (the Maiar... basically, angels, though Sauron is very definitely of the "fallen" brand). It still wouldn't be a "fun time" for Gandalf, though.

*"Man [[DepartmentWithout ofA Redundancy Department]]Body": Legolas explains to Laura exactly how the orcs tortured her, twice, even though Laura was obviously there at the time.

*"Man [[DidWithout NotA Do the Research]]Body": So much. For starters, Legolas doesn't have a castle. He and his father King Thranduil live in a ''fortified cave'', in the Mountains of Mirkwood.

** The most popular one is by [[Tropers/Man Without A Body|"Man Without A Body]]" with a video to go with it [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg here].

*"Man [[EmotionlessWithout Girl]]A Body": Laura seems remarkably calm about being abducted and tortured by orcs.

*"Man [[TheWithout GuardsA Must Be Crazy|The Gards Must be Crazy]]Body": They completely fail to stop laura from being kidnapped, and barely even react to it

*"Man [[GratuitousWithout Rape]]A Body": After capturing Laura, the orcs decide to rape her...for some reason.

*"Man [[IndecisiveWithout Parody]]:A AccordingBody""Man toWithout theA God Awful [[Fan Fiction]]Body" board, "Laura" confessed on one occasion to being a troll, but on another occasion tried to pass her poor writing off as being the result of learning difficulties.

*"Man [[InformedWithout Ability]]A Body": Laura's "power" with which "she can distoy us all the bad guys" is never actually used or defined more clearly.

*"Man [[LittleWithout No]]A Body": "And then they said: 'Let Laura go!' And then the Dark Lord said 'no'."

*"Man [[Neologism]]Without A Body": "... and then Legolas was happy for somerising."

*"Man [[NoWithout Ending]]A Body": The story literally ''ends in mid-sentence''.

*"Man [[NoWithout PunctuationA Period]]Body": The first sentence is ''87 words long''.

*"Man [[NotWithout BloodA Siblings]]Body": Legolas kisses Laura and agrees to be her boyfriend even though he's supposed to be her adoptive father/brother/something.

*"Man [[OutWithout ofA Character]]Body": EVERYONE.

*"Man [[PoliceWithout AreA Useless]]Body": The "gards" assigned to protect laura do absolutely nothing to prevent the Orcs kidnapping her.

*"Man [[RapeWithout asA Backstory]]Body": Legolas tells Laura that he was also raped and tortured by orcs when he was a youth.

*"Man [[RapeWithout asA Drama]]Body": It attempted this and it failed.

*"Man [[SaidWithout Bookism]]A Body": Completely averted.

*"Man [[ThatWithout MakesA Me Feel Angry]]Body": "Legolas said'i am soo happy'".

*"Man [[YouWithout FailA Geography Forever]]Body": Mirkwood is ''not'' five minutes' walk away from Mordor, and Rivendell is on the ''opposite'' side of Mirkwood behind a mountain range. Then again, as far as we know, "Mondor" might be quite close to "Milkwood".

**"Man InWithout fact,A the Middle-Earth geography fails were so bad that when [[Mary Sue Hunter|the PPC]]Body" killed it, they didn't send the Department of Mary Sues, they sent the Department of Geographical Aberrations.