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616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
1695. Can't [[Truth in Television|load the shotgun just with rock salt]] because I'm feeling mean.
1815. Can't have [[Catapult to Glory|a gun capable of]] [[Fastball Special|using other PC's as ammo]].
2016. While extremely cool, my superhero needs something more than just a gun that fires badgers at people.
2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery gun, they don't mean a gun that fires howitzers.
}}
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1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's GDP does not go to hair care products.
1720. Contrary to popular opinion, the girdle of masculinity/femininity does have a noticeable effect on elves.
1850. [[Language Equals Thought|There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]]
1932. I will stop telling people the elf is openly fey.
1953. A lifetime subscription to Cosmo is not an elven racial bonus.
2274. I am not transelven.
}}
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388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
563. I can't [[Groin Attack|make anyone Jewish]] with a called shot.
682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
731. No matter how many called shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause [[Highlander|a cool pyrotechnics display]]. }}
* [[Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny]]:
{{quote|1091. In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not [[Mission Impossible|disavow knowledge of him]] until after the mission is over.}}
* [[Awesome McCoolname]]:
{{quote|1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is [[Testosterone Poisoning|a bit much]].
1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen McAsskicker. }}
* [[Ax Crazy]]: On a number of occasions.
{{quote|
11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in [[Chainsaw Good|chainsaw]] is vetoed.
416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
417. The solution to all my problems is not [[Werewolf: The Apocalypse|Crinos]].
652. My fighter cannot take the flaw: Addiction - stabbing things.
680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
1912. No more surprise parties for the berserker. }}
* [[Ayn Rand]]:
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* [[Battle Cry]]:
{{quote|
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".
74. My thief's battle cry is not "[[Dirty Coward|Run And Live]]".
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps".
317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
355. My monk's battlecry is not "[[Mortal Kombat|Round 1: Fight!]]"
420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "[[Tora! Tora! Tora!|Torah, Torah, Torah]]".
490. Quoting Bob Dobbs while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting [[The Bob Newhart Show|Bob Newhart]] is right out. Quoting [[Bob Dylan|Bob Dillan]] is just silly.
909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[Lost in Space|"DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]] }}
* [[Beard of Evil]]:
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589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
1144. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being in at least an adjacent county.
1587. There is no way the [[Mage: The Ascension|Iteration X mage]] is going to make it through airport security.
1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun. }}
* [[Big Bad Friend]] / [[Vitriolic Best Buds]]:
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* [[Brick Joke]]
{{quote|
502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock]]".
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
1379. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for Elves Mk II. }}
* [[Bullet Catch]]:
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{{quote|781. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "Calvinball with axes."}}
* [[Cameo]]:
{{quote|952. [[Dark City|Kiefer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.]]
1199. [[Stan Lee]] does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure. }}
* [[Camp Straight]]:
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* [[The Casanova]] / [[Really Gets Around]]:
{{quote|362. It is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.
1849. [[Language Equals Thought|There is too an elven word for "monogamy".]]
1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out. }}
* [[Cast Full of Gay]]:
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* [[Chainsaw Good]]:
{{quote|240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[Gears of War|a substitute for a bayonet]].
1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
}}
* [[Character Alignment]]: .
{{quote|
122. The paladin's alignment is not [[Lawful Stupid|Lawful Anal]].
218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
413. The [[Chaotic Neutral]] alignment [[Chaotic Stupid|is forever closed to me]].
460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if I'm lawful good.
476. The alignment of [[Kids Are Cruel|2 years olds]] is not automatically [[Neutral Evil]].
863. Even if there is no alignment in Traveller, giving feuding [[Technology Levels|TL]]1 tribes [[Technology Levels|TL]]12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong.
1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
1929. [[Ayn Rand]] has no affect on my alignment. }}
* [[Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys]]:
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* [[Combat Medic]]: Plan A — don't get hurt.
{{quote|
233. If I am the medtech [[Not That Kind of Doctor|it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine]].
271. [[Instant Drama Just Add Tracheotomy|Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed [[Not What It Looks Like|a groin-mounted rectal thermometer]].
1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks. }}
* [[Combat Pragmatist]]:
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194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.
692. The [[Raiders of the Lost Ark|Dr. Jones]] [[Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?|School of Swordfighting]] is not an appropriate Swordsman's School.
767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in. }}
* [[Combining Mecha]]:
{{quote|130. I am not authorized to [[Voltron|form the head]].
1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf. }}
* [[Complaining About Rescues They Don't Like]]:
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{{quote|90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay.}}
* [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]: For his GMs, at least.
{{quote|336. Cannot start a Cthuhlu character with a pre-existing hatred of [[Tome of Eldritch Lore|books]], altars and cutlery.
840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain. }}
* [[Dead Guy Puppet]]:
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* [[Dungeon Bypass]]: A good number of the entries on the list. These include but are certainly not limited to...
{{quote|
38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultists]] not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
1661. Cleaning out the dungeon means more than just backing up a cement truck to the window.
1687. No following a minute behind Gold Leader and just shooting down Vader.
1701. Can't clear out a dungeon by sneaking in and running a generator while they sleep.
1715. Can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks after he's starved to death.
1744. Can't one shot major villains just because the writers forgot to give them a basic defense.
}}
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* [[Everythings Nuttier With Squirrels]]:
{{quote|56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
442. When told to be subtle, playing [[Troubled but Cute|a foul mouthed chain smoking squirrel]] [[Conker's Bad Fur Day|is not a good choice]].
719. A fluffy tail does not add to my comliness if I'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.
999. I can't [[Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory|train squirrel mobs]] to [[Grappling with Grappling Rules|abuse the grapple rules]]. }}
* [[Everythings Smellier With Skunks]]:
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676. My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.
1132. There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth.
1177. I will stop asking [[NPC|NPCs]] how much XP they are worth.
1215. If I'm just a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something. }}
* [[Expy]]: The #1 entry prevents him from basing characters on [[The Who|Keith Moon]].
{{quote|303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing [[Burt Reynolds]].
452. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters.
493. I will not base any Media character off [[Bloom County|Milo Bloom]].
1721. The minute the GM figures out my Inquisitor is [[Law and Order|Lennie Briscoe]], he dies. }}
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{{quote|366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
1278. An elf wardancer chick in nothing but body paint is totally hot. A Vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.
1283. For the last time, the elf wears the [[Meido|maid]] disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.
1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
1378. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action." }}
* [[Fanon Discontinuity]]:
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* [[Gatling Good]]:
{{quote|160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not [[More Dakka|to make a gatling gun]] [[Stuff Blowing Up|out of bazookas.]]
1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun. }}
* [[Gender Bender]]: [[Hermaphrodite|Restricted to male or female.]]
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967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem. }}
* [[GMPC]]:
{{quote|13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]] in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super [[NPC]] to foot the bill. }}
* [[Gratuitous Disco Sequence]]:
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824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT. }}
* [[Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act]]:
{{quote|228. I cannot use my time machine to [[You Need to Get Laid|hire Hitler a hooker]] in 1920, thus avoiding [[WW 2]].
1317. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I'm chasing him with a wheat thresher. }}
* [[Hive Mind]]: Ninjas do not have them.
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{{quote|9. My monk's lips must be in sync.}}
* [[Hulk Speak]]: Banned
{{quote|502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }}
* [[Human Shield]]:
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156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
1433. [[Macross|Zentradi]] are not good eating.
1649. I can't free the cannibals' prisoners by starting a food fight with them.
1671. Before entering the dungeon I will take off the "I'm with tasty -->" tabard. }}
** Although there are some limits:
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{{quote|568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'}}
* [[Karma Meter]]:
{{quote|174. There is no use of [[William Shatner|Shatner]]'s spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation. }}
* [[Kids Are Cruel]]:
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* [[The Loonie]]: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition.
{{quote|
1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[Vampire: The Masquerade|Malkavians]], [[Dungeons and Dragons|kobolds]] or [[Dragonlance|kender]]. [[In and Out of Character|Or their players.]]
1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.
1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing." }}
* [[Loophole Abuse]]: '''CONSTANTLY.''' The DMs, however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. <ref>Although it's covered under "Rule 0," the rule common to most RPGs that the GM's word supersedes any printed rules.</ref>
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713. Even if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler.
715. Even if the rules allow it, I can't invent the strip joint.
754. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't [[Steal the Surroundings|pick up the bank and walk away with it]].
930. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn.
948. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch dropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.
985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
1197. Even if the rules allow it, I can't put a spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle.
1289. Even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy. Yes, even if I have one on each barrel.
1408. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot fence [[Katanas Are Just Better|with a katana]].
1583. Even if the rules allow it, can't take a prestige class at level 4.
1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode.
1807. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a saber toothed walrus.
1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability.
1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
1862. Even if the rules allow it, I can't hip shoot a cannon.
1883. Even if the rules allow it, my fighter can't carry a clan of halfings<!-- sic --> in his pack without penalty.
1911. Even if the rules allow it, I can't one shot guys with a feather duster.
1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head [[Villainous Demotivator|does not improve morale]].
1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists.
1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking [[Mad Scientist]].
2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor.}}
{{quote|423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
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568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'.
569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
653. [[Only Sane Man|Cannot wish]] [[Sanity Ball|for the party]] [[Liz Lemon Job|to have common sense.]] Even the wish spell has its limits.
745. Can't wish I was the GM.
924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?"
981. My last wish cannot be for [[Apocalypse Wow|Ragnarok]].
1130. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game.
1153. I can't wish to change my vote on what module we're playing.
1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
1193. I will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop.
1242. I can't wish that somebody competent wrote this module.
1502. My first wish can't be to invalidate the previous character's last wish.
1516. I will not wish we were still playing Torg.
1553. I can't wish my girlfriend was hot like you.
1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes. }}
* [[Make Wrong What Once Went Right]]:
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299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
999. I can't [[Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory|train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules]].
1512. My canine officer can't spend his animal requisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas.
1884. If a PC gets taken out by a deer, can't recruit the deer to replace him.
2158. Using my animal influence ability to send countless animals on a suicide attack is fine, but not to form a chorus line.
2193. Inspire Courage is a great super power, unless you use it to get hordes of innocent bystanders to bum rush the super villain.
2199. No animal companions come in their prehistoric version.
2207. We are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.}}
* [[Mook Horror Show]]
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* [[Noodle Incident]] / [[Noodle Implements]]: ''All the time.''
{{quote|
63. No, I cannot buy [[Animal House|10,000 marbles even if I say please]].
93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
101. I am not allowed to pave ''anything''.
114. The demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[Total Party Kill|TPK'd]] by a jerboa. }}
* [[No Pronunciation Guide]]:
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* [[Off the Rails]]: He's tried. The DMs don't like it.
{{quote|
38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultists]] not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.
360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
621. No offering [[Star Wars|the old man and the farm kid]] a better rate to [[Earthshattering Kaboom|Alderaan]].
840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
922. No matter how much we look, we're not finding the secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout.
1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat. }}
* [[One-Hit Polykill]]:
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* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these.
{{quote|
13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]] in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7.
}}
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* [[Paper-Thin Disguise]]:
{{quote|
1848. Slapping a fake mustache on the [[Our Orcs Are Different|freeboota]] doesn't count as a disguise check.
1928. Nobody is going to buy the disguised wookie as a jawa with a pituitary problems.
}}
Line 935:
{{quote|
138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
829. Despite the song's claim, [[Rocky Horror Picture Show|a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss]].
879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.
998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.
1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN. }}
* [[Scenery Censor]]:
Line 948:
{{quote|
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
89. The elf's name is not [[Bored of the Rings|Legolam]].
156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
379. I am to stop asking the elf to put in a good word for me with Santa.
472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf," I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
942. We do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawl for the same reason miners need canaries.
997. [[Roots|I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.]]
1054. I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just [[Magic: The Gathering|Llanowar]] Leafblower.
1055. I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
1250. I will address the other PC as Lord Tyrion, Eldritch Knight of the Winter Court. And not just as the Sidhe Male. <ref>(Sidhe is correctly pronounced "Shee".)</ref
1410. Bleaching the drow won't help.
1418. The Elvish language is not just English with a hell of a lot of lisping.
1500. I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown.
1619. If the elf is rolling badly doesn't mean we need to water him.
1874. Even if elves are a dying race, can't start a forced breeding program.
1877. I will stop asking the high elf for a hit.
1878. Elves are not all backstabbing, untrustworthy weasels, but you never hear about a dark gnome do you?
1880. Elves are not piercing weapons by default.
1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves. }}
* [[Sdrawkcab Name]]:
{{quote|170. I cannot name my character [[Gary Gygax|Xagyg]] or any anagram thereof.
1230. It's okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can't name my Garou Namflow. }}
* [[Selectively-Lethal Weapon]]:
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* [[Shout-Out]]: TONS of these.
{{quote|
25. The green elf [[Gauntlet (1985 video game)|does not need food badly]].
36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to [[Knights of the Dinner Table|sit on the same side of the table]].
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".
83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
124. I cannot insert the words [[Shaun of the Dead|"Kill Phil, Sorry Phil"]] into any list of instructions.
130. I am not authorized to [[Voltron|form the head]].
132. There is no such feat called "[[The Last Starfighter|Death Blossom]]".
143. [[The Mummy Trilogy|Not allowed to buy a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.]]
168. I was also not recruited by [[The Hobbit|12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon]].
180. [[Transformers: The Movie|I have neither the touch nor the power.]]
252. I can not order the Druid to [[Transformers|transform and roll out]].
398. No matter what popular media says, [[Mortal Kombat|harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.]]
409. I will not [[In Soviet Russia, Trope Mocks You|cast darkness at the magic missile]].
469. If I wake up to find [[The Lord of the Rings|black cloaked figures]] in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings' room.
529. My character is not from [[Dune|Duncan, Idaho]].
909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[Lost in Space|"DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]]
931. [[The Order of the Stick|No one's afraid of plants.]]
936. [[The Exorcist|'The power of Christ compels me']] does not justify my Blessed's actions.
996. [[The Order of the Stick|Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies]].
997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits [[Roots|his name is Toby.]]
1012. Note to self: [[Star Wars|Lightsaber]][[8-Bit Theater|chucks]]...BAD IDEA
1014. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on [[Transformers|Decepticons]].
1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every [[Doctor Who|police box]] we pass.
1187. It's okay to feed the Ewok [[Gremlins|after midnight]].
1222. It's a strangehold. Not an Ogryn [[Star Trek|neck pinch]].
1287. Let's not taunt the minotaur with "[[Monkey Island|How appropriate]], [[You Fight Like a Cow]]".
1454. The paladin does not appreciate us painting [[He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|his dire tiger green and orange]].
1484. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should [[The Wizard of Oz|drop a house on the witch.]]
1509. No part of the Constitution is written in [[National Treasure|invisible ink]].
1541. While highly effective, [[Repo! The Genetic Opera|grabbing a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on]].
1618. Any character even remotely resembling [[Mr. B Natural]] is dead before the first dice are rolled.
1643. Despite [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|precedent]], if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.
1710. "Mooning [[Street Fighter|M. Bison]]" is not an appropriate stunt action.
1716. [[The Order of the Stick|Summon Para-Legal Elemental]] is not a real spell.
1736. Can't name my rabbit familiar [[Watership Down|Watership]].
1854. TSR is not hiding [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory|Golden Tickets]] in Mystara Gazetteers.
1868. Playing [[the Who]] doesn't give me a bonus to [[CSI: Miami|forensics checks]].
1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[Turbo Teen|douse him]] [[Ranma ½|with hot water]]. }}
* [[Similarly Named Works]]
Line 1,085:
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
1016. Even if spells are [[Vancian Magic|use them or lose them]], I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
1167. I can stop rolling at 7x dead.
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1595. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet.
1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.
2025. There is no such thing as a shotgun exterminatus.
2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.}}
* [[Thrown Out the Airlock]]:
Line 1,123:
* [[The Unpronouncable]]
{{quote|
459. The [[Vampire: The Masquerade|vampire clan]] with vicissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'.
561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. }}
* [[Useless Useful Spell]]
Line 1,153:
{{quote|
478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word "Ariba!"
502. If my character is not named "[[Transformers|Grimlock]]," I cannot start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock!]]"
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }}
* [[Virgin Sacrifice]]:
Line 1,190:
* [[Whatevermancy]]:
{{quote|
334. Pinball is not a specialization [[The Who|for wizards]].
578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats. }}
* [[What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?]]:
Line 1,223:
351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast.
739. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
814. Sending the villain a [[Inhumanly Beautiful Race|Nymph]] stripper only [[Brown Note|works]] once.
1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true. }}
* [[You Can't Thwart Stage One]]:
Line 1,234:
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Pages needing more categories]]
[[Category:Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG]]
[[Category:Gaming Humor]]
[[Category:Funny]]
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