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Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG: Difference between revisions
Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG (view source)
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 2375]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/390307.html 2026-2050]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/396406.html 2051-2075]
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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/441379.html 2326-2350]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/443081.html 2351-2375]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/450906.html 2376-2400]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/454230.html 2401-2425]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/455260.html 2426-2450]
* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/456477.html 2451-2475]
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* [[Cool and Unusual Punishment]]:
{{quote|604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.}}
* [[Covers Always Spoil]]:
{{quote|2419. I am required to tell the DM if the secret villain of the adventure is revealed on the back synopsis of the module screen. }}
* [[CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable]]: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course.
{{quote|1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.}}
Line 638 ⟶ 645:
1369. Elves do to have nipples.
1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade.
2030.
2120.
2121.
2122.
2196. When listing the advantages of elves to the new player, I will leave off "shatter proof".
2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "[[Dug Too Deep|Dig until we hit evil]]."
2388. No matter how high my damage resistance is, I can't name my dwarf Tanky McTankitytank.
2390. The plan is not just let the villain beat on the dwarf until his arm gets tired.
2393. The natural enemy of the elf is not the common cold.
2438. Not starting the adventure until we have exactly one elf in the party is not Tolkienism.}}
* [[Hit Points]]:
{{quote|31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
Line 710 ⟶ 722:
205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach".
783
1277. No I can’t have an H. R. Giger Counter.
1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon.
Line 716 ⟶ 728:
1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean [[All Your Base Are Belong to Us|all their base belongs to us]].
1855. Using a barber's razor as a weapon does not make me a barbarian.
2449. Even if my musketeer just tore Richelieu from the French throne, I didn't just break the Cardinal rule.
}}
* [[Inescapable Ambush]]: Even if he casts Glassee on the door.
Line 727 ⟶ 740:
{{quote|1333. I will tell the noob [[Twilight 2000|the game]] is about post nuclear Europe and not [[Twilight (novel)|love struck vampires]] before we start.}}
* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example:
{{quote|346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a [[Terminator|Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range]].}}
** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game. And theoretically compatible "d20 Future".
Line 753 ⟶ 766:
2187. No matter how many examples I can give, a flamethrower cannot boost morale.
2332. When asked why the Feywild isn't in the campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer.
2467. If we have to hide our weapons, no dumping the napalm into the fire sprinkler reserve tanks.
2470. If ordered to see if anybody is in a building, no setting it on fire and seeing if anybody runs out.
}}
* [[Kill It with Water]]:
Line 823 ⟶ 838:
1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists.
1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking [[Mad Scientist]].
2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor.
2409. My wish cannot include the words "and, additional, furthermore" or any synonyms thereof.
2423. If the party is black tie only, that doesn't mean just painted on the power armor.}}
{{quote|423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting. }}
Line 1,036 ⟶ 1,053:
693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring.
748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods.
2386. There is no such thing as gnomeophobia.
2387. I will not give anybody an unreasonable fear of gnomes.
}}
* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these.
{{quote|
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1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[Turbo Teen|douse him]] [[Ranma ½|with hot water]].
2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from the elf [[Predator|by smearing myself with mud]].
2400. Just because [[The Six Million Dollar Man|I have the technology]], doesn't mean I need to make him better.
2462. My paladin does not [[RoboCop|have fourth, classified, oath known only to Omnicorp]].
}}
* [[Similarly Named Works]]
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* [[Spare Body Parts]]: Denied.
{{quote|68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.}}
* [[Spoony Bard]]:
{{quote|
88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
1643. Despite [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|precedent]], if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.
2023. Using my runic powers to provide a light show for my skald's musical performances is abusing Grumfather's gift.
2385. Doesn't matter where you hit him, you can't set a bard to shuffle.
2454. My bard is now required to take a long rest between performances of Tarzan Boy.
2455. Can't name my aasimar bard Petra Stryper.
2456. Aasimar bards know more songs than just Disney tunes.
2457. My aasimar bard is not allowed to resemble any member of the Wiggles.
2460. A bard that plays like Bob Dillon is awesome. A bard that talks like Bob Dillon not so much.
2461. There is no such thing as the Dwarvish Poetry Guild.
}}
* [[STD Immunity]]:
{{quote|588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?}}
Line 1,302 ⟶ 1,337:
1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.
2025.
2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.
2429. Can't apply the holy avenger traits to siege weapons.
2472. The rest of the party would like to know why I'm putting all my skill points into nuclear warhead.
2473. Even if the rules allow it, I don't get a sustained fire bonus for nuclear weapons.
}}
* [[Third Person Person]]:
{{quote|268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person.
1893. Can't take Speaks in Third person quirk just so I can use the lyrics to Battery as an attack plan.
}}
* [[Thrown Out the Airlock]]:
{{quote|159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
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* [[With Catlike Tread]]:
{{quote|1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
2475. When told to distract the enemy, they didn't mean with a called shot to their flamethrower.}}
* [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds]]:
{{quote|1751. [[Dragonlance|Lord Soth]] just does not need a hug.}}
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