8-Bit Theater/Characters: Difference between revisions

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== Warriors of Light ==

'''Garland:''' ''"I see..."''

'''Fighter''': ''"But we're heroes so it's okay when '''we''' do that."'' }}

* [[Amusing Injuries]]

* {{spoiler|[[And the Adventure Continues...]]: For Black Mage and Fighter at least}}.

 

{{quote|''"If there '''was''' a way to get magic for free, do you really think I'd have spent so much time sacrificing children to my dark gods? For spells, I mean. Obviously there'd still be sacrifices. A hobby's a hobby."''}}

* [[Ambidextrous Sprite]]: The crescent moon on his Blue Mage outfit.

* [[Attractive Bent Gender]]: Well, [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/01/18/episode-238-a-light-warrior-by-any-other-name/ the Archer Captain thinks so]. [[Squick]].

 

{{quote|''"I like... what was it again?"''}}

* [[Achievements in Ignorance]]: Glorious Chainsaw Method actually depended on Fighter being too dumb to realize it's impossible. [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2008/06/24/episode-1008-charmed-im-sure/ And it worked.]

** Surviving a fall from over a mile in the air. By blocking the ground.

'''Black Mage:''' ''"That's so stupid I can't even see straight any more."''

'''Red Mage''': ''"Now imagine what'll happen when physics tries to figure it out!"'' }}

* {{spoiler|[[A God Am I]]: Learned almost "every move in the game" from the Datasphere and planned to dethrone the gods.}}

* [[Ambidextrous Sprite]]: The feather on his hat(s).

{{quote|'''Black Mage''' (seeing Thief with an enormous bag of loot): ''"Didn't the pirates take everything already?"''

'''Thief:''' ''"They left everything that was nailed down. I did not."'' }}

* [[Bad Boss]] / [[Mean Boss]]: Let his law-ninja die of starvation because [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2007/05/15/episode-846-ninja-chow/ he was too much of a miser to buy food for them]. He's also this for the rest of the Light Warriors, as he constantly steals from them, tricks them into signing manipulative contracts, makes them do countless humiliating and/or life-threatening things for him, and physically abuses them.

* [[Badass Normal]]: Does the physically impossible without any magic or the power of stupidity and manages to do so much with [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2002/10/08/episode-201-does-he-work-for-best-buyin-memory-of-jesse-james-schosek-and-nathan-larkins-we-will-miss-you/ fine] [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/08/02/episode-314-outclassed/ print] or [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2004/03/13/episode-394-give-a-hoot/ just] [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2004/07/31/episode-447-henry-rollins-wrote-a-song-about-thief/ with] [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/01/06/episode-1079-verbal-flanking/ words].

'''Bikke''': ''"Yar. Ye slam o' poetry be as significant as a pee in the ocean."''

'''Drizz'l''': ''"It's what we're all thinking."'' }}

* [[Dark Is Not Evil]]

* {{spoiler|[[Fake Ultimate Hero]]: In the penultimate strip White Mage makes everyone believe that the Dark Warriors were the ones who defeated Chaos and saved the world.}}

'''Princess Sara''': ''"What're you gonna have him do? [[Poke the Poodle|Poke me in the ribs?]]"'' <br />

'''Garland:''' ''"[[Harmless Villain|Oh heavens no. I'm nefarious, not cruel.]]"'' }}

* [[Affably Evil]]

* [[Card-Carrying Villain]]: Even though he's probably the least evil character of them all.

 

{{quote|''"I have got to find new, non-sucky, friends."''}}

* [[The Beast Master]]: Tends to rely on monsters (the giant spiders, camel spider, platypus, random encounters in the Temple, and the Fiends). Likely a Ranger/Fighter, being a Drizzt ripoff.

* [[Canon Foreigner]]

 

{{quote|''"Be this 600 or pineapple?"''}}

* [[Ambidextrous Sprite]]: Though it's entirely probable that he has two perfectly healthy eyes and intentionally moves his eyepatch when he turns.

* [[Bad Boss]]: Killed his crew by feeding them Cheetos when they were suffering scurvy rather than oranges. Not out of stupidity, but so he wouldn't have to share the booty.

 

{{quote|''"My dark soul '''burns''' with fiery agreement. Or possibly tacos."''}}

* [[Basement Dweller]]: [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/12/30/episode-366-evil-has-a-name/ Moved out of his parents' house - and into their basement]. But after joining the Dark Warriors [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/03/24/episode-1108-deathless-of-a-salesman/ he moved into a completely different basement].

* [[The Chick]]: The dramatic flair of the group.

{{quote|'''Red Mage''': ''"But the Other Warriors were on the same quest."''

'''Thief''': ''"It's because they aren't smart! You were able to fool them. '''You'''."'' }}

* [[Canon Foreigner]]s: There's nothing resembling them or their roles in ''[[Final Fantasy I]]''.

* {{spoiler|[[Dropped a Bridge on Him|Dropped A Bridge On Them]]}}

 

=== Ranger ===

* [[The Archer]]

* [[Department of Redundancy Department]]: His full name is Generic Dual-Class Half-Elven Ranger. His other class is also Ranger.

 

{{quote|''"Just because I fly into a blind, homocidal rage at the tip of a helm doesn't mean I'm incapable of appreciating the finer things in life."''}}

* [[The Berserker]]

* [[Berserk Button]]: Taking off his monocle, but since it works when he takes it off himself, his berserk button can be whatever he wants it to be.

 

{{quote|''"Well look at that, another '''beautiful''' miracle. If it weren't for my atheism, I'd be impressed by it."''}}

* [[Agent Scully]]: {{spoiler|This leads to his undoing.}}

* [[The Chick]]: More sensible than Ranger and Berserker, and kinder than Rogue.

 

{{quote|''"I know a guy."''}}

* [[Friend in the Black Market]]: {{spoiler|It's Thief.}}

* [[Honest John's Dealership]]

 

== The Fiends ==

* {{spoiler|[[Back from the Dead]]}}

* [[Big Bad Duumvirate|Big Bad Quadrumvirate]]

 

{{quote|''"Death is the natural state of all being. Life is the aberration. It is fleeting, and full of pain. Come, embrace the eternity in nothing!"''}}

* [[Badass Boast]]: Loves to do this even more than the other villains.

* [[Charm Person]]: Uses "creepy undead mind control" to prevent his wives from cheating on him. Try not to focus too much on the creepy...

 

{{quote|''"Look, I haven't killed anything in about three minutes, so my patience is '''nil''' at this point."''}}

* [[Ax Crazy]]

* [[Hero-Killer]]: {{spoiler|Kills Black Belt.}}

 

{{quote|''"Anyway, you guys ordered an apocalypse if I'm right."''}}

* [[Affably Evil]]: Handles ending worlds in a friendly, business-like manner.

* [[Eldritch Abomination]]

 

{{quote|'''Dragoon''': ''"Muffin '''is''' a dragon. It all makes sense now. Like, when I'd say 'Polly want a cracker?" '''she'd''' say "No, Muffin want to rip a knight in half and suck out the pulp.'"''}}

* [[Achilles' Heel]]: {{spoiler|A spear through her brain.}}

* [[Batman Gambit]]: How she deals with each of the Light Warriors.

 

=== White Mage ===

* [[Already Done for You]]: {{spoiler|Kills Chaos while the Light Warriors were stalling for time to think of a way out of it.}}

* [[Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?]]

 

{{quote|''"I, gentlemen, am Sarda, and that makes me '''[[A Wizard Did It|the wizard who did it!]]'''"''}}

* [[A God Am I]]

* [[Arch Enemy]]: To Black Mage.

 

{{quote|''"'''You''' try walking a straight line without bumping into wave functions of neighboring realities."''}}

* [[Achievements in Ignorance]]

* [[Bare-Fisted Monk]]

 

{{quote|''"All those poor, '''poor''' fools not living in towers or being able to leap into the stratosphere. It's like they wanted to drown."''}}

* [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking]]: While [[Only Sane Man|White Mage]] and [[Butt Monkey|Onion Kid]] list off the Light Warriors' atrocities, Dragoon complains about their unwittingly taking his spear with them to Sarda.

* [[Big Damn Heroes]]: {{spoiler|Pops up out of nowhere to save Thief from Muffin by jamming his spear through her head.}}

'''Princess Sara''': ''"It's 400 years old, dad."''

'''King Steve''': ''"Yes, yes. I designed it that way, you know."'' }}

* [[0% Approval Rating]]: To the point where half of his subjects, when given a choice, [http://www.nuklearpower.com/2003/10/23/episode-345-political-nuances/ preferred to get a sword through their heads than to be ruled by King Steve forever.]

* [[Brick Joke]]: See [[The Cuckoolander Was Right]] below.

 

=== Princess Sara ===

* [[Deadpan Snarker]]

* [[Demoted to Extra]]: A big part of the Dark Warrior and King Steve sub-plots earlier on, but Drizz'l and Left-Hand Man Gary essentially take her place.

 

{{quote|''"{{spoiler|I am the yawning chasm from before the before; the darkness after the end of all things. I am nothing and no thing is eternal.}}"''}}

* [[Affably Evil]]: Rather sporting to the Light Warriors and, well, anyone who wants to destroy the world in a "cakeological singularity" can't be all bad.

* [[Bigger Bad]]: This ''IS'' based on ''[[Final Fantasy I]]'' after all. "Darko, the Dark God of the Dark" says that all the monsters in the world are "fragments" of Chaos.

 

=== Matoya ===

* [[Baleful Polymorph]]: Turns people who annoy her into frogs.

* [[Crystal Ball]]

'''Cultist''': ''"Any more!"''

'''Mrr'grt''': ''"As much!"'' }}

* [[Big Bad Wannabe]]s: Actually got close to ending reality in both of their appearances, but they still pale in comparison to the Fiends, Sarda, and the Light Warriors.

* [[Cult]]

 

=== Astos ===

* [[Evil Chancellor]]

* [[Evil Plan]]: {{spoiler|If the Light Warriors were killed by Drizz'l or the assassins, he would have simply plunged Elf Land into a dark age under his kingship. When the Light Warriors attacked him, he was going to use that to create a civil war.}}

 

{{quote|''"BEHOLD MY HUMAN LASER!"''}}

* [[Cloudcuckoolander]]

* [[Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep"]]

 

{{quote|''"Suckers!"''}}

* [[Evil Redhead]]

* [[Honest John's Dealership]]

 

=== The Sulk ===

* [[Captain Ersatz]]

* [[The Eeyore]]

 

=== The Real Light Warriors ===

* [[Butt Monkey]]s: Whenever we see these guys, they're usually getting screwed over.

* [[The Chew Toy]]s: When you consider how they were supposed to be the heroes, their suffering is very disenheartening.

* [[Think Nothing of It]]: When they ''do'' pull off some heroics, they are very humble about it.