The Onion: Difference between revisions

* [[Aborted Arc]]: The [http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-announces-dark-horse-candid,2141/ mysterious congressman's presidential campaign] initially seemed like just another funny article, but it was then followed up by [http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidat,2245/ him challenging the other candidates to a debate at dawn]. Since then, nothing.

* [[Absent-Minded Professor]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']".

* [[Adventurer Archaeologist]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680 Archaeologist Tired of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils]".

* [[After the End]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood.

* [[Alpha Bitch]]: ''Fact Zone'' host Brooke Alvarez.

* [[Alternate History]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alternateuniverse-scifi-channel-show-asks-what-wou,2846/ Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]"

** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay]".

** [http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/ In the Onion Sports Network's main page], if you look at the list of sports categories, "[[Soccer]]" is lumped in the same category as "Women's Sports".

* [[Artifact Title]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/steeler_defense_renamed_mid Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh]".

* [[Artistic License Animal Care]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/as-much-as-i-hated-putting-my-dog-to-sleep-i-know,11522/ As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up]".

* [[Asshole Victim]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teen-with-cancer-vows-it-wont-keep-her-from-being,18176 Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit]".

* [[Awesomeness By Analysis]]: Inverted with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-doesnt-look-that-cold-out-reports-man-who-doesn,19082/ It Doesn't Look That Cold Out, Reports Man Who Doesn't Have Thermo-Sensing Eyes]".

* [[Ax Crazy]]/[[Cute and Psycho]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/a-vote-for-my-husband-is-a-vote-for-me-not-breakin,11427/ A Vote For My Husband Is A Vote For Me Not Breaking Your Fucking Neck]".

* [[Blatant Lies]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/ Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters]".

* [[Boom! Headshot!]]: ''Close Range'', "[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists The Game That Consists Of Nothing But Shooting People In The Face]".

* [[Bottled Cool]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27642 Area Man Buying Not So Much A Soft Drink As An Image]".

* [[Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick]]:

* [[Circles of Hell]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898 Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly-Growing Hell]".

* [[Clap Your Hands If You Believe]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_warns_he_may_cease_to Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/ Report: Massive Wildfires, Geopolitical Crises, AIDS, Human Rights Violations, Deadly Shootings, Africa, Trapped Travelers, Ethical And Moral Issues, Child Labor, Drug Wars]"

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-to-bet-the-farm-on-one-last-big-bill,21192/ Congress To Bet The Farm On One Last Big Bill]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-upholds-freedom-of-speech-in-obsceni,17372/ Supreme Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who,17966/ Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?]"

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/where-the-fuck-is-diane-with-my-fairtrade-coffee,11085/ Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?]"

** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John McCain during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.

** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.

* [[Cousin Oliver]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency]".

* [[Cowboy Cop]]:

* [[Creator Breakdown]]: "Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create ]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]", a perfect example of crossing the line '''way''' more than twice.

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/look-are-we-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-this-board,17871/ Look, Are We Going To Spend The Rest Of This Board Meeting Talking About Why I'm Covered In Blood And Feces Or Are We Going To Talk Business?]"

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]".

* [[The Danza]]: Tracy Toth, aka ''Today Now'''s Tracy Gill.

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ho-ho-ho-i-saw-you-masturbating,2107/ Ho Ho Ho, I Saw you Masturbating!]" Also an example of [[Squick]] and [[You Suck]].

** "[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/13year-old-nearing-record-for-most-masturbations-i,18828/ 13-Year-Old Nearing Record For Most Masturbations In One Day]".

** Type 2: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7c_OMWp21g Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?]"

* [[Early-Bird Cameo]]: In "[http://www.theonion.com/video/biden-criticized-for-appearing-in-hennessy-ads,14392/ Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads]", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on ''Fact Zone'', which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos.

* [[Everything Is Big in Texas]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=a-section Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans]".

** [[Brain Food]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38541 Zombie Nutritionist Recommends All-Brain Diet]".

** [[Zombie Apocalypse]]:

*** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676 Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack]".

*** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/low-voter-turnout-blamed-on-electionday-zombie-att,1102/ Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks]".

* [[Evil-Detecting Dog]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31229 Family Dog Barking At Evil]".

* [[Evil Power Vacuum]] / [[Jerk Jock]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]".

* [[Exponential Plot Delay]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0& Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]".

* [[Fag Hag]] / [[Pet Homosexual]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_man_unattractive_woman_form Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jon-hamm-to-overenthusiastic-fan-youre-ruining-me,19443/ Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone']".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-dont-they-make-a-second-godfather-movie,11434/ Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?]"

* [[Flock of Wolves]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27823 Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters]".

* [[Flyover Country]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/indianapolis-announces-really-embarrassing-bid-for,26149/ Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics]".

* [[Funny Background Event]]: The news ticker at the bottom of Newsroom videos.

** Also, some screenshots of websites have headlines as funny as the news ticker's.

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-on-iraq,787/ Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb on Iraq]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-funk-congress-deadlocked-on-get-upget-dow,625/ National Funk Congress Deadlocked on Get Up/Get Down Issue]".

* [[Future Badass]]/[[Evil Overlord]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital]".

* [[Game Within a Game]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft]".

* [[Girls Have Cooties]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/10yearold-denies-girlliking-allegations,3909/ 10-Year-Old Denies Girl-Liking Allegations]".

* [[Glorious Leader]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]," complete with [[Commissar Cap]] and [[Chest of Medals]]

* [[Gone Horribly Wrong]] / [[My God, What Have I Done?]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_powdered_chocolate What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon The World?]"

* [[Good Cop, Bad Cop]]:

* [[Humans Are Bastards]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/deaths-of-20000-japanese-afford-planet-solid-15-mi,19785/?utm_source=recentnews Deaths Of 20,000 Japanese Afford Planet Solid 15 Minutes In Which Everyone Acts Like A Human Being]".

* [[Hunting the Most Dangerous Game]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44462 Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected]".

* [[I Don't Want to Ruin Our Friendship]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/ But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them]".

* [[If It Bleeds, It Leads]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]".

* [[The Internet Is for Porn]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_picture_gains Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet]". ([[NSFW]])

* [[It Is Beyond Saving]]: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AEarudEdI "FDA Commissioner: I Give up On You Pigs"]

* [[I Want My Jetpack]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/ I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now]".

* [[Japandering]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-earns-money-for-us-by-appearing-in-japanese,21292/ Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial]"

* [[Literal Minded]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]".

* [[Lonely At the Top]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rich-guy-feeling-left-out-of-recession,17181/ Rich Guy Feeling Left Out Of Recession]".

* [[Love Hotels]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37469 Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway']".

* [[Mad Scientist]]:http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38877 Corpse-Reanimation Technology Still 10 Years Off, Say MIT Mad Scientists]".

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that." }}

* [[Narm]]: [[Invoked]] with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]'').

* [[Never My Fault]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/shitty-human-being-blames-decreased-daylight-this,18290/ Shitty Human Being Blames Decreased Daylight This Time]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/video/man-who-shit-pants-in-grade-school-awarded-purple,19332/ Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart]".

* [[No Celebrities Were Harmed]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-once-again-comes-under-sway-of-pinkfaced-ha,18076/ Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit]".

* [[No Indoor Voice]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-enjoy-yelling-things,10821/ I Enjoy Yelling Things]".

* [[Old Shame]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29964 Energy Secretary Just Assumed Cabinet Knew He Did Porn Films In The '80s]".

* [[Only Six Faces]]: The ''American Voices'' feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst).

* [[Overprotective Dad]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/underprotective-father-demands-daughter-arrive-hom,6257/ Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.]"

* [[Panty Thief]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30461 Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid]".

* [[Parental Obliviousness]] / [[Drugs Are Bad]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-hope-my-baby-doesnt-come-out-all-fuckedup-and-sh,10917/ I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit]".

* [[Parenting the Husband]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-boyfriend-achieve-perfect-motherso,2714/ Area Girlfriend, Boyfriend Achieve Perfect Mother-Son Relationship].

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28009 Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In 'Harry Potter' Craze]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/man_not_belonging_to_movies?utm_source=a-section Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials]".

* [[Popularity Polynomial]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28763 Lava Lamps Revert From Passé Retro Kitsch Back To Novel Retro Camp]".

* [[Precision F-Strike]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]".

{{quote| '''Kornfeld''': 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a [[Lee Van Cleef]] on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''.}}

* [[Professional Wrestling]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28666 Vince McMahon's X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage]".

** [[Heel Face Turn]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28125 Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes the Error of His Ways]".

** [[Pro Wrestling Is Real]]: Deconstructed. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x83M3_RdbJY It's the fan's that are fake], not necessarily the wrestlers.

* [[Public Medium Ignorance]] / [[Snark Bait]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2OcW_Hwkg NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast]".

* [[The Rashomon]]: Point/Counterpoint, particularly "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/european-men-are-so-much-more-romantic-than-americ,11552/ European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy]".

* [[Real Dreams Are Weirder]]:

* [[Scenery Porn]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-parks-closed-for-annual-remajestification,17484 National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification]".

* [[Schmuck Bait]]: During ''Fact Zone'''s intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a TinyURL address. It leads to a [[Rickroll]].

* [[Screw the Rules, I Have Money]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wealthy_teen_nearly_experiences Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]".

* [[Screw the Rules, I'm Beautiful]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-okay-im-attractive,11436/ It's Okay, I'm Attractive]".

* [[Screw This, I'm Outta Here]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_troops_draw_up_own_exit U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy]".

* [[Second Person Narration]]: The paper's preferred method to point out [[This Loser Is You]], such as "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]".

* [[Serious Business]]:

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/modern_day_martin_luther_nails_95 Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door]".

* [[Seven Deadly Sins]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28001 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale]".

* [[Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-forgives-molested-children,101/ One article] commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation.

* [[Shaped Like Itself]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]".

* [[Shaving Is Science]]:

* [[Silly Rabbit, Idealism Is for Kids]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/ Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy]".

* [[Single Tear]]: The editorial cartoonist is fond of depicting the Statue of Liberty shedding this.

* [[Sophisticated As Hell]]: [http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B.]

{{quote| '''Smoove B''': Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.''}}

** Also present in [http://www.theonion.com/personalities/jean-teasdale,1021/ Jean Teasdale's column] (with lines like "Osama bin Laden should take a chocolate pill!") and some of the cartoons (when they're not full of [[Patriotic Fervor]] and [[You Can Panic Now]]).

* [[So What Do We Do Now?]]: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']".

* [[Stalking Is Love]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29546 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]".

* [[Start of Darkness]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzyI6cIbek Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide to Create Role]".

** In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted ''[[The Onion]]'' as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a [http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-now-exact-my-final-revenge-upon-that-jacka,20832/ Zweibel editorial] stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A [http://afajp.tumblr.com/ lobby group] was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in [[YouTube]] videos promoting the campaign.

* [[Strawman Political]]: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.

* [[Stupid Sexy Flanders]]: "[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/running-backs-buttocks-undulate-hypnotically-in-se,3711/ Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay]".

* [[Strictly Formula]]: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles.

** The closing months of 2008 saw weekly stories about outgoing President [[George W. Bush]] getting increasingly-bizarre and horrendous injuries.

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-honors-911-first-capitalizers,18856 Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers, Recognizes Those Who Rushed To Cash In On Tragedy]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-cheney-memoir-reveals-hes-going-to-live-full-s,21262/ New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]".

* [[Testosterone Poisoning]] / [[Real Men Wear Pink]] "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]"

* [[There Is No Kill Like Overkill]]: “[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nypd-apologizes-for-accidental-shootingclubbingsta,739/ NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing(-Choking-Impaling-Electrocution-Lethal-injection) Death]” - with officers accidentally shooting a man about 275 times at point-blank range, blowing him up with grenades, lighting him up with shotguns, then stabbing him, blowing up his severed head, skewering the remaining part of the body and administering a lethal injection.

** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7mekhFTrXM NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line]".

** Inverted with "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sun-chips-abandons-biodegradable-bag,18237/ Sun Chips Abandons Biodegradable Bag]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_experimenting_with Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years]".

* [[Trope Name]]: Used in perhaps the most spot-on parody of 24-hour cable news ever, "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo& Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere]".

* [[Underdogs Never Lose]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032 Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]".

* [[Understatement]]: "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8nrdiQqFAs Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia]".

* [[Villain Has a Point]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]"

{{quote| Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.}}

* [[Visual Pun]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]".

* [[Wacky Fratboy Hijinx]]: "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30685 Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity]".

** "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU2SWgP9qao Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yard-sign-with-candidates-name-on-it-electrifies-c,18321/ Yard Sign With Candidate's Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25742 I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You]".

** "[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39205 Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About 'Silas Marner']".