The Colbert Report: Difference between revisions

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== U - Z ==

* [[Ugly Guy, Hot Wife]]: Stephen expresses bewilderment at how Dennis Kucinich got married to his (taller, younger, [[Heroes Want Redheads|redheaded]]) wife.

* [[Unknown Rival]]

* [[Unknown Rival]]:

{{quote|'''Colbert''': ''Ted Nugent has condemned your generation as lazing and apathetic. Your response?''

'''NYU Student''': ''Who's Ted Nugent?'' }}

'''NYU Student''': ''Who's Ted Nugent?''}}

* [[Up to Eleven]]: Stephen Colbert vs. Sen. John Kyl's [http://articles.cnn.com/2011-04-15/opinion/avlon.kyl.truth_1_abortions-stephen-colbert-facts?_s=PM:OPINION 'Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement']

* [[Up to Eleven]]: Stephen Colbert vs. Sen. John Kyl's [http://articles.cnn.com/2011-04-15/opinion/avlon.kyl.truth_1_abortions-stephen-colbert-facts?_s=PM:OPINION 'Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement'.]

* [[Vitriolic Best Buds]]: According to Stephen, [[Donald Trump]].

{{quote|'''Stephen''': Donald Trump is a friend. He's my best friend. Number 1, best, greatest friend of all time. We race yachts, we trade mistresses. I call him "[[Meal Ticket|Trump Card]]," he calls me "[[Mistaken for Servant|Col-beer]]." That said, the guy's a boob. He looks like [[Flowery Insults|a tangelo had sex with an old dishrag]]. And I can say that because I love this man.}}

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'''Steve''': Of course you are excited, Stephen. I'm not your normal guest, people have heard of me. Stephen, I am an international movie star.

'''Stephen''': Yes, Steve. I suppose Canada counts as international. And yes, most of my guests are people who contribute to society. So bantering with an old friend about mindless Tinseltown pablum is a welcome vacation from substance.

'''Steve''': Thanks, Stephen. Is a vacation for me too. I am used to having 8 million people watch me on TV. Doing the ''Report'' is like being in the Witness Relocation Program. }}

'''Steve''': Thanks, Stephen. Is a vacation for me too. I am used to having 8 million people watch me on TV. Doing the ''Report'' is like being in the Witness Relocation Program.}}

** And of course with [[Arch Enemy|Rain]] (via recorded messages):

{{quote|'''Rain''': Let's just say, don't quit your day job.

'''Stephen''': My day job happens to be president of the "I Hate Rain Fanclub"! }}

'''Stephen''': My day job happens to be president of the "I Hate Rain Fanclub"!}}

* [["Well Done, Son" Guy]]: It seems that Stephen has some very deep approval-from-a-father-figure issues.

* [[We Named the Monkey "Jack"]]: The stuffed moose seen in the Vancouver shows was named "Ebersol"; when he went over to NBC Late-Night he was renamed "Colbert", and now that he's going on exhibit at NBC he'll get another name because [[Comedy Central]] and NBC are rival companies.

* [[We Named the Monkey "Jack"]]: The stuffed moose seen in the Vancouver shows was named "Ebersol"; when he went over to NBC Late-Night, he was renamed "Colbert", and now that he's going on exhibit at NBC, he'll get another name because [[Comedy Central]] and NBC are rival companies.

* [[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?]]: During an interview with HCAN leader Richard Kirsch, Colbert asks if alligators versus chickens would be awesome.

** [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/350667/august-19-2010/the-word---what-if-you-threw-a-peace-and-nobody-came- Just] ''listen'' to what he thinks [[Barack Obama]] should do after declaring the end of the war.

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* [[Worst News Judgment Ever]]: The show did a segment covering how a man in Athens, GA saying it was "too hot to fish" became a story in that town's newspaper, and somehow became a story in ''The New York Times''.

* [[Worthy Opponent]]: Usually, the line "You sir, are a formidable opponent" is said by Colbert to Colbert in the eponymous segment. But [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/171135/june-03-2008/george-will George Will] earned the right to be called that by Stephen.

** The genuine Colbert also admitted in interviews to gaining a lot of respect for [[Arch Enemy|Rain]] after the dance-off, saying that he knew he was "in the presence of a master".

** The genuine Colbert also admitted in interviews to gaining a lot of respect for [[Arch Enemy|Rain]] after the dance-off, saying that he knew he was "in the presence of a master."

* [[Writing Around Trademarks]]: "[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/264535/february-22-2010/vancouverage-2010---ed-colbert Exclusive Vancouverage of the 2010 Quadrennial Cold-Weather Athletic Competition]".

* [[Writing Around Trademarks]]: "[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/264535/february-22-2010/vancouverage-2010---ed-colbert Exclusive Vancouverage of the 2010 Quadrennial Cold-Weather Athletic Competition.]"

* [[Yes but What Does Zataproximetacine DO]]: Parodied in the "Cheating Death" segments (which open with a [[Chess with Death]] sequence where Stephen distracts Death and moves the pieces), where Colbert advertises sponsor Prescott Pharmaceutical's cure-all drug whose name is usually a variant on "Vaxadrine." Side effects include "minor heart explosions", "speaking in tongues", "braintooth", "tracheal meerkat colonies", "carcassing", "ADHDEAD", "[[Shout-Out|Mind of Mencia]]", and "involuntary [[Narnia]] adventures". Also growth of teeth. <ref>Often in your mouth!</ref>

* [[Yes but What Does Zataproximetacine DO]]: Parodied in the "Cheating Death" segments (which open with a [[Chess with Death]] sequence where Stephen distracts Death and moves the pieces), where Colbert advertises sponsor Prescott Pharmaceutical's cure-all drug whose name is usually a variant on "Vaxadrine". Side effects include "minor heart explosions", "speaking in tongues", "braintooth", "tracheal meerkat colonies", "carcassing", "ADHDEAD", ''[[Shout-Out|Mind of Mencia]]'', and "involuntary [[Narnia]] adventures". Also growth of teeth. <ref>Often in your mouth!</ref>

** When going through a (mock) vetting by Clinton vetter Cliff Sloan in an attempt to get a position on [[Barack Obama]]'s cabinet, [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/210799/november-19-2008/stephen-s-vetting-process---cliff-sloan-pt--2 Stephen is taken to task for these endorsements].

** When going through a (mock) vetting by Clinton vetter Cliff Sloan in an attempt to get a position on [[Barack Obama]]'s cabinet, [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/210799/november-19-2008/stephen-s-vetting-process---cliff-sloan-pt--2 Stephen is taken to task for these endorsements.]

* [[You Can Panic Now]]: If there's fear to be mongered, Stephen's the one to do it. It's pretty much the point of Threat Down. Kinda [[Deconstructed]] at one point, where a failed terrorist attempt caused most of the media to call the bomb pathetic. Colbert then reminds everyone that they ARE scared out of their gourds "so the terrorist has succeeded and therefore doesn't have to prove his point by trying another attack".

* [[You Can Panic Now]]: If there's fear to be mongered, Stephen's the one to do it. It's pretty much the point of Threat Down. Kinda [[Deconstructed]] at one point, where a failed terrorist attempt caused most of the media to call the bomb pathetic. Colbert then reminds everyone that they ARE scared out of their gourds "so the terrorist has succeeded and therefore doesn't have to prove his point by trying another attack."

* [[You Can't Make an Omelette]]: You can't make a safety ~~omelette~~ without breaking a few brown eggs [http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/video-playlists/g5u22r/colbert-report-09139].

* [[You Can't Make an Omelette]]: You can't make a safety omelet without breaking a few brown eggs [http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/video-playlists/g5u22r/colbert-report-09139].

* [[You Fail Logic Forever]]: Colbert's own special brand of tortured logic permeates just about every explanation or piece of reasoning on the show. The lead-up to the epic [[Melee a Trois]] ran on a deeply bizarre use of "the transitive property of Huckabee". Not to mention his method of deducing everything from the truth about the Illuminati to the results of the 2008 presidential election, which consists of him free-associating words at random.

* [[You Fail Logic Forever]]: Colbert's own special brand of tortured logic permeates just about every explanation or piece of reasoning on the show. The lead-up to the epic [[Melee a Trois]] ran on a deeply bizarre use of "the transitive property of Huckabee." Not to mention his method of deducing everything from the truth about the Illuminati to the results of the 2008 presidential election, which consists of him free-associating words at random.

* [[Your Makeup Is Running]]: [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/216580/january-20-2009/stephen-s-inauguration-breakdown The inauguration of Barack Obama caused Stephen to cry with massive amounts of mascara running and snot hanging from his nose.]