The Drew Carey Show/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Season 1

  • From Episode #2 Miss Right:
    • This comment from Drew to Mimi when he finds out she is Mr. Bell's new assistant.

Drew: (to Mimi) Ohh, and this must be your dog. Oh, he's a big fellow, huh? I guess it's true what they say about dogs and their owners. (Beat) They look nothing alike.

    • Drew borrows his neighbor's truck for carpooling to work with his fellow co-workers. The traffic causes him to slam on the brakes.

Drew: Learn how to signal, you jerk! (He honks the horn and it plays the first line of "Dixie".)

  • From Episode #4 Nature Abhors a Vacuum:
    • Drew doesn't realized he just fired Mr. Bell's girlfriend.

Drew: I fired Mr. Bell's pencil sharpener. OH MY GOD!

    • This exchange between Drew and Kate in Drew's kitchen after their conversation with Mr. Bell at the Warsaw Tavern.

Kate: You put me in this position. If he still had his girlfriend, he wouldn't be going after me.
Drew: Oh yeah? Well, if frogs could fly (Beat) well we'd still have this problem, but wouldn't it be cool?

  • From Episode #5 No Two Things in Nature are Exactly Alike:
    • Mimi tricking Drew into entering Mr. Bell's office when he wasn't required to do so by Mr. Bell.
  • From Episode #6 Drew Meets Lawyers:
    • Guest stars Penn & Teller as fictional lawyers "Fenn & Geller" meet with Drew at work.

Drew: I'm sorry. You must get a lot of these nuisance lawsuits, huh?
Fenn: Brother, you wouldn't believe what we have to deal with. We used to be personal injury lawyers. (Geller then accidentally cuts himself and starts bleeding.)

    • Drew's neighbor Peaches brings him a misprinted "I'M WITH STUPID" t-shirt that has an arrow pointed up.
    • Drew not remembering some of the lyrics to "God Bless America".

Drew: (singing) ...from the thing, to the thing, from the thing.

  • From Episode #7 Drew in Court:
    • The stuff Drew does around the ex-smokers in the carpool at the beginning.
    • In court, Drew tells the female stenographer to not type the word "modeling" (which he said in his previous statement) into the court record.

Drew: It was the "modeling" part right? (turns to the stenographer) Uh, just don't type that down. (she continues to type away) Hey uh, stop typing. (she continues doing that) Knock it off. (she keeps typing) I said "Knock it off!" (she keeps going) The person who types this is an idiot. (the stenographer stops and gives Drew a look)

    • Lewis' answers to the standard question everyone is asked when taking the stand in a U.S. courtroom.

Lewis: Yes......no......I mean yes.

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