The Green Mile/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

  • In the movie, Paul gives John Coffey some cornbread for helping him out with his urinary infection. He said his wife made it to thank him for that.

John: Oh. Was your missus pleased?
Paul: Several times.

  • The whole "mouse hunt" sequence.
  • Wild Bill being dragged, kicking and screaming, into solitary confinement...twice.
    • The first time is especially funny because Wild Bill thinks there's only two of them and he can easily take them out, but then Paul and Brutal step aside, revealing Harry holding a fire hose.

Harry: Piss on me? (proceeds to spray Wild Bill with it on full blast)

  • The part with the Moon Pie. Wild Bill may be a Complete Monster, but you have to admit, that was a pretty funny prank. (And even Brutal, who was the recipient of the Moon Pie spit, admitted it.)
  • Speaking of the urinary tract infection, the part where Paul is laying on the floor in pain creates a laughing fest when Paul responds to Coffey saying:

Paul: This is not a good time, John Coffey. Not a good time at all.

    • The way Hanks delivers that line is utterly hysterical.
  • Old Toot-Toot taking the role of Arlen "Chief" Bitterbuck during the execution rehearsal.

Brutal: Arlen Bitterbuck, you have been condemned to die by a jury of your peers, sentence imposed by a judge of good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before your sentence is carried out?
Old Toot-Toot: Yeah. I want a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the 'taters, and I wanna shit in your hat, and I've got to have Mae West sit on my face because I'm one horny motherfucker.

      • All of the guards immediately burst into hysterics. Even Percy, the self-proclaimed professional, is laughing!
    • Not to mention just beforehand when he is pretending to pray for forgiveness.

Old Toot-Toot: The lord is my shepherd and so on and so forth. I'm sorry for all the bad shit I've done, and the people I've tramped on, and I hope they forgive me, and I'll never do it again - that's for sure. Still prayin', still prayin', gettin' right with Jesus!
Harry: Do it quietly, you old gink!

    • And then when they rehearse 'rolling on two' with Toot in the chair:

Old Toot-Toot: Now I'm fryin'! I'm fryyyyyyin'! Yeeeaaaagh! I'm a done tom turkey! This is a shocking experience!

  • When Wild Bill asks for some of whatever the guards are drinking as part of their ploy to drug him.

Paul: What makes you think you deserve some?
Bill: Because I got a big pecker.